Seymour And North Korean PMS

My pet rock, Seymour, misses no chance to tweak North Korean pudgmeister Kim Jong Un with an edit.

I did warn him that he was venturing into hazardous ground with this one, though.

"Am NOT!!  PHFFFFFFFT!!!"

The article that Seymour chose to edit was one about North Korean women and how they are rallying against the USA.

OMG: North Korea's Women Are PMSing And Coming to Get Us

Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

Hundreds of cattily dressed, goose stepping women marched in central Pyongyang recently, vowing to seek revenge on the United States. With their fists held high in traditional DNC “Resist!” mode, they voiced their anger against the USA, demanding that Trey Parker and Matt Stone make that long put off Team America World Police sequel, starring Kim Jong Un.

North Korea's state newspaper Hang Dong Phuk announced the march in an article published for the first time in a while that didn't get any one on the paper's staff executed. The newspaper also revealed that officials and members of the women’s union gathered at a shrine to McDonalds to get a large shipment of quarter pounders with cheese to deliver to Kim Jong Un while vowing retribution against the U.S.

The women called for an intensification of "a growing DNC style class education" to spread the message that Nancy Pelosi needs to be replaced with an inflatable yak before the U.S. is no longer North Korea's “principal enema.”

North Korea frequently declares war on the United States because of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's refusal to make a Team America World Police sequel that stars Kim Jong Un as son of space cockroach to his space cockroach father (in the first TAWP), Kim Jong Il. Recently, cowed workers and members of the General Federation of Trade Unions met in front of the Central Lack of Class Education House to also plan retaliation against the United States for failure to make that sequel.
Both events took place unnoticed by anyone in the US, since North Korea amounts to a pimple on the sizeable butt of Hellary Clinton.

Moon Jae-in, South Korea’s new president, sent PMSing North Korean women into Hellary-like post-election fits of hysteria by saying "I believe we must now have the perception that North Korea is an irrational regime, very much like the DNC".

North Korean language doesn't have the flexibility that works well with talking points from the DNC when it's hashtagged by former hash tag hag Marie Barf; which is why certain words or phrases like "relegated" are often mispronounced.  North Korea is now "vowing revenge" on the United States; until recently, every attack or threat was preceded by the words "merciress,", which drives Kim Jong Un bonkers.

When a U.S. aircraft carrier joined the South Korean military preparedness drills in March, North Korea threatened a “merciress attack” in response. On March 3, North Korea promised another “merciress attack” as U.S and South Korean war games got underway. In 2014, the North Koreans vowed a “merciress response”to Seth Rogan’s controversial film The Interview. When Donald Trump recently got two scoops of ice cream, the North Koreans raged about having “a merciress response”.
 

When it was revealed that J. R. Ewing was not shot by Kim Il Sung on Dallas, the North Koreans vowed a “merciress response”. When The Gong Show was cancelled in 1978, the North Koreans demanded renewal or there would be “a merciress response”.  When the original formula for Coca Cola was changed, the North Koreans seethed about "a merciress response".   When McDonalds cancelled the McRib sandwich, the North Koreans vowed a "merciress response".

"We're not sure that the North Koreans know what a "merciless response" -- or however they say it -- means in English", said a Department of Defense anonymous source.   "It probably has as many definitions there as "is" does in the DNC".  

WTFNS reached out to NOW for their reaction to threats from North Korean women, but the NOW spokesgenderneutral was busy donning a vagina costume to go protest something about Trump and refused comment. 

Seymour, as always, manages to piss off about everyone on the Left and in North Korea.  Maybe the next "merciress response" threat will be directed at him.

"Will NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"

*GONG* Slow

If this were The Gong Show, John Moore would be on his way out.

Yet another scammer that doesn't read initial replies so good.

Here's what he sprung on me:

Bank of America Corporate Office

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097

Email: boa733@outlook.com

 

OUR REF: BOA/GA/0861

 

Dear Beneficiary,

 

After a brief meeting held today by the Management of the Bank of America Corporate Office, We deem it appropriate to inform you that your fund is about to be transfer to United States Treasury Account as directed due to your inability to complete the transaction and your failure to meet up with a minor payment obligation. Your funds totally $950,000.00 will be transfer into the government account next week.

 

This follows the directives of the state Treasurer, Mr. Steve McCoy that all unclaimed fund be transfer to the States Treasury Account in compliance to section 3, subsection 1(B) of the United States Financial Law enacted in 2001 after an attack on our dear country on September 11, 2001.

 

However, you have one last opportunity to receive your funds if you are ready to follow our instruction. Get back to us immediately so that we will remove your funds from the list of those funds to be seize by the Government that next week. Be inform that for your fund to be transfer to you, you only need to validate your fund file with the government of Benin Republic (fund originated country). You need only a file validation fee of $98 to the Benin ministry of finance to validate your fund file.

 

Once your fund file is validate, we will take over the transaction and I Mr. John B. Moore personal promise to oversee and ensure that your fund is appropriately transfer to you immediately. Mind you it is ONLY $98 that you are required to pay and no other fee is involve. mark my word. I will write to the Benin Republic  authority to know where you will send them the required file validation fee of $98 as soon as I had the go ahead order from you.

 

For your information, you have only five (5) working days to comply with the above order or your fund will be transfer to Treasury Account. We are waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.

 

Thanks for giving us the opportunity to serve your banking need.

 

Yours faithfully,

Mr. John B. Moore

Regional Director B.O.A Georgia

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097  

 

Yea, Bank of America is going to be urging me to send $98 to some yutz in Benin.

 

At any rate, the email had been titled "Your Last Notification".  My response keyed on that:

 

 

I hope it's the last.  But I doubt it.  

 

That was enough for John Boy...to misinterpret:

 

We received your mail and we are glad to inform you that your fund valued $950,000.00 has just be removed from the list of those fund to be seize by the Government that next week. Also be inform that all is now ready for the release of your fund to you once we confirm $98 file validation payment from you. 

From information in my desk, You are to send the file validation fee of $98 to the Benin republic ministry of finance through Money-Gram or Western Union to below information.

Name.................................Alex Okey

Address/city.....................Porto-Novo

Country.............................Benin

Text question ...................When

Text Answer ....................Now

amount...........................$98.00

MTCN.................................

Send us the payment information once you make the payment for onward forward to the Benin republic authorities. As I stated in my previous mail to you, Once your fund file is validated, I Mr. John B. Moore personal promise to oversee and ensure that your fund is release to you immediately. mark my word. 

 

Thanks for giving us the opportunity to serve your banking need.

 

Sincerely, 

Mr. John B. Moore

Regional Director B.O.A Georgia

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097  

 

 

Only $98?  Cheap bastage.  At any rate, it was time to channel my pet rock, Seymour, and go "minerals gone wild" in reply:

 

 

 To:  the alleged

Mr. John B. Moore

Regional Director B.O.A Georgia

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097

 

I am so happy to see that your inability at comprehension has not changed over the years.

You're quite an online showperson:  you've contacted me many times over the years.  You've been a Somali refugee in a Senegal refugee camp.  You've been a foreign remittance and exchange manager for the Bank of Africa and Central Bank of Nigeria.  You've been a 21 year old Benin woman looking for succor and someone to perform it on.  You've been a South African bannister seeking clients.  You've been a Nigerian Illuminipplehead.  You've been a deposed Libyan dictator's illegitimate daughter's emu. 

 

 

You've been Mrs Mariam Abacha. 

 

You've even been Marowa Ayelolo, spell caster and promised that I would be dead before the end of 2015 because I made fun of you and your "magical powers".

 

Still here, Bunky.

Bottom line...you've been many things, and an abysmal *FAIL* at every one of them.

For your next role, I would suggest that you be the Billy Dale of West Africa, and do TV infomercials about bringing back The Gong Show and digging up all the deceased show originals to be on it; what's left of Chuck Barris can wear the silly hat and shuffle foot around the stage all coked up.

 

All the while ,you'll be running a Robert Tipton "Pastor Gas" telefon scam in the background.

 

You would have lots of peers and colleagues who would gleefully be contestants on the show, wearing fish on their heads and holding up signs proclaiming their abject stupidity.

 

You might even get Don Rickles to roast you.  Of course, he'd do it more figuratively than your neighbors.

 

Be sure to invite HON mark smith, aka Frank Godwin at frankgodwin@textnow.me; he's particularly stupid and gongable, and will even make Chuck Barris throw up.

 

Get back to me with more details of your scam, since you probably won't read this worth a sh*t.

 

Retired late actor & entremanure  

 

A short period of *Jeopardy Theme Music*, followed by:

 

 

I am no those people jerk.  Never write again.  

 

Thank you.  I most certainly will...and often.  

 

 

Don Rickles would maybe approve.  And give me a cookie before calling me a hockey puck and sending me away...

 

Hoping Stupid Shows Up In Their Christmas Sock

Bear with me on this one.

*Ducking boos and throwd JCM CDs*

The UN and other arginizations want me to be rewarded for having been scammed.

It sez so right in this email:

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family? You may not understand why this email came to you. In regards to the recent meeting between the United Nations, Cyber Crimes Commission (CCc), Federal Bureau of Investigation(FBI) and the United States Government to restore the dignity and Economy ofa Nations based on the Agreement with the World Bank Assistance Project to help and make the world a better place. We have been having meetings for the past 3 months with the Secretary General of the United Nations.

 

This email come to those who are yet to receive their compensation/inheritance/winnings and who have been scammed in any part of the world, this includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or Compensation payments that failed due to Government problems etc. Recently we the Federal Bureau of Investigation(FBI) arrested internet fraudsters and Scammer with large amount of money so if you are receiving this email its means you where select to be compensated as a scam victim among 100 selected victims with part of the money recover from the internet fraudsters account, . The UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate you with the sum of $9,000.000.00 USD (NINE MILLION DOLLARS).

100 people where selected across the Globe for this MIDDLE OF THE YEAR COMPENSATION and Your name and email was in the list submitted by our Monitoring Team observers and this is why we are contacting you, this have been agreed upon and have been signed, so you are advised to contact Mr. Fedrick Leo of the United Nations Compensation Commission, as he is our representative in United State Of America. Contact him immediately for your Compensation payment of $9,000.000.00 USD (NINE MILLION DOLLARS) which will be released directly to you in accordance with legal clearance and procedures.

 

It is my pleasure to inform you that your ATM Card Number; 4000128498979908 have been approved in your favor. Your Personal Identification Number is 6062. The ATM Card Value is $9,000.000.00 USD (NINE MILLION DOLLARS) You are advised that a most withdrawal value of $15,000.00 USD is permitted on withdrawal per Day and we are duly Inter Switch and you can make withdrawal in any Inter Switch site and ATM Center of your choice.  

 

It eventually got around to telling me that it would only cost me $370 USD to be so specially picked for this award.

 

Like Jack and Dianne....two American kids getting et..in the heartland.

 

That bear is on to something.

 

But even he couldn't bear what I dun to their email, Ma:

 

 

Attention;

NOTE: If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, it is because it IS SPAM, and not the type you can cut up and fry with all sorts of sh*t to make culinary dishes of dubious ingredicedence.  That said,  we urge you to treat it genuinely, because no one else that's received it has so far, and that hurts our feewings.

 

You may not understand why this email came to you. 

Nor will your therapist.

In regards to the recent meeting between the United Nations Suckretary Genital, the Cyber Crimes Commission (CCc), Fauxderal Bureau of Investigation(FBI) and the United States Government to further dilute the dignity of nations like Nigeria, a bunch of us got together, did some meth and butt boinked some goats, and we made up an Agreement with the World Flank Ass Project to help and make the world a better place for butts of all shapes and sizes.  We have been having meetings for the past 3 months with the Suckretary Genital of the United Nations.  It took three months because he's such a useless twat waffle.

 

This email come to those who are yet to receive this email and have not as yet been scammed in any part of the world and or by any part of the world;  this includes every foreign and domestic motherf**er that may have not received their fair share of getting cyber butt boinked by low life sacks of sh*t like us.

Recently we watched an episode from the 1960s TV show The FBI and we were assured by the fact that never once on that show from the 1960s did they  arrest internet fraudsters and Scammer with large amount of money.  We realize how stupid this makes us sound, but if you don't know why, you're more stupider than we is.

So in this version of a game show where we take elements from The Gong Show, The Newly Wed Game, Let's Make a Deal, The Price Is Vincent and Jeopardy, if you are receiving this email it means you were select to be one among 100 selected victims to be scammed by something so convolutedly cornfusing that even we aren't sure what the AFLAC f**k we've created here. 

At any rate, the Suckretary Genital of the  The UNITED NATIONS have agreed to allow us to try this crap and see if it works. 

 

100 people where selected across the Globe for this MIDDLE OF THE YEAR scam -- even though it's November -- and Your name and email jumped right out at us because some incompetent scammer from a fly infested internet café in Nigeria, South Africa, or some suckass place, by the name of Coin Security and James Patrick, was embarrassingly thwarted in his efforts to give you the business, so now it's our turn.

 

However, you should send us your following:  

Full Name/

Telephone Number/

your Residential Address/

Gender:

Occupation:

New email address for this safety of this transaction

 

Contact Mr. Fedrick Leo immediately for our turn at this sh*t:

 

Mr. Fedrick Leo

Director- Genital,

ATM Scam Card

New Yawhk Field Office

Phone Number: : +1 (785) 7564736 Text Message Only (cuz we don't talk like real New Yawhkas and that'll blow our cover)

Email: mrfedrickleo@yahoo.com     

He is obliged to give you a call and treat your case with utmost contempt that we scammers have for the unscammed...you dirty bastard.

 

NOTE: Under normal circumstances the scam collection of your ATM CARD would involve such acronyms as the IMF, WFA, AMA, ADA, WTF, KMA, UNICEF, UNICORN, UNIDORK,  and a fauxFinance Ministry of a Third World dump of  a country.  And it will ONLY COST YOU just $370 USD only, which is all we need from you to add you to the "Scammed Mugu" files we have on our walls, and occasionally have to use for toilet paper, when the tree bark outside is too green or not growd back yet. 

Yes, that's only $370 USD.  Believe you me, we could have tried to scam you for far more, or what's behind Curtain Number 2.  Some of us motherless scum wanted to, but the Suckretary Genital of the UN said not this time.

Asshat.

Ask Mr. Fedrick Leo  and his desk will tell you how all of this works.  It'll be his desk talking to you, because Mr. Fedrick Leo has an IQ of 36.

 We also advise that you stop further communications with these other imposters; you're ours, Vagina Lips.

 

Making the world like Syria!  Or at least Shotcago.

REGARDS.

Mr.Milner Jacson

mrfedrickleo@yahoo.com  

 

 

Perhaps this will trigger warn them into needing a safe space with cupcakes, puppies and teddy bears.  Oh wait...they're not at Stanford.  Never mind...

Walton Meets Edit

Meet Christy Walton.

She sent my character an email.  Wherein she claims to be dying and wants to share some of her also-claimed $41.7 billion dollar assets with my character.

Uh huh.

Here's how she shakes her booty:


Calvary greetings to you in the name of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ and may the peace of the lord be with you as you read this letter. My name is Christy Walton and I am an American Citizen, I am a widow and a business woman. I have recently been diagnosed with esophageal cancer and a rare heart disease which has defiled all medical treatment. Expert diagnosis has shown that I have few days to live. I am worth $41.7 Billion US Dollars which I inherited from my late husband Mr. John T. Walton which rates me as the First richest woman in the world.

The intention of this email is to employ the expertise of a Charity minded individual, who can identify a viable and guarantee reasonable distribution of my wealth to the needy. I cannot rely on family and closest relatives anymore, as they did not show responsible behavior when I entrusted part of my wealth to them to distribute to charitable organizations but instead they used the money for their personal needs.

To prevent any more mishaps, my attorney will act as a check, monitoring every aspect of the Charity. My will is with my Lawyer which my family is fully aware about, but there is 5% of my Bank worth which is ($2,085,000000.00 USD) which nobody is aware of except my attorney.

Do get back to me as soon as you receive this email for further details. Please endeavor to keep this confidential. I await your response.

God bless you.
Mrs. Christy Walton   


My character only remembers a TV show by that name, and doesn't reckon it's the same thing.  But it'll have to be worked into the edited email that went back to Christy and Co:


Cavalry greetings to you in the name of George Armstrong Custer, who fell at Little Big Horn and couldn't get up because he didn't have a first alert bracelet transceiver.  He shouldn't a left the fort without one.  What a douche nozzle.

May you fart loud and savor as you read this letter. My name is Christy Walton and I am forever tainted by having been on the show The Waltons, where I had to listen to John Boy recounting, over and over again, his drunken escapade in town of chasing parked cars and humping dogs on his 18th birthday.  Schnapps and Five Hour Energy drinks are a bad mix, dude.

I have recently been diagnosed with painful rectal itch and a rare fart disease which has defiled everyone and anyone that runs afoul of it.  Or, for that matter, afowl of it, as I watched one of my farts cause the AFLAC duck to think he was Daffy and go chasing a pack of coyotes in western Kansas. 

 

 Expert diagnosis has shown that I have rubbed my rectal raw from the itch, and have a butt full of slivers from dragging myself around the front room on it, trying to quell that itch.  SNL did a parody of this I am told, but it is only in syndication on Uranus and my TV can't pick that up.  *About now someone is saying "see what they just did there" and I want to hit them with a carp*.

Now here is the kicker:  when I started out, I was worth $41.7 Billion US Dollars which I inherited from a pygmy tribe in Dearborn, MI.  Now I am destitute, because all my medical treatments have wiped out everything but $9.95, which leaves me barely enough to buy the next Ronco or K-Tel thingee I see on an infomercial on QVC.  

 

 

The intention of this email is to ask you to send me something extra, as I just saw they are compiling episodes of The Gong Show on DVD but each one costs $9.95 plus tax and shipping.  I don't have the plus cost and shipping.  Canya hep me out h'yar?

Don't bother me with clarity minded individuals who can identify a vegebong and guarantee totally random distribution of bottles of my farts to the needy. I cannot rely on family and closest relatives anymore, as they were all eaten by that Dearborn pygmy tribe at a Country Harvest Buffet in 2015 during a National Short Round Day for Fine Dung Candied Bulls.  

To prevent any more mishaps my attorney will act as a check; I am curious as to where you're going to put your signature on him before you cash him at a bank.  

Do get back to me as soon as you receive this email so that I can see what some yutz did to it and clear up any obscurities that may have resulted from you thinking that this was a Billy Dale advertisement for the Bonco Drone Flying Twat Waffle Iron, perfect as a gift that keeps on giving (because you'll keep regifting it to get it as far away from you as possible).

  

  Please endeavor to keep this confidential because I don't want this email to wind up on Wikileaks as a result of Hellary's leaky email server. I await your incredulous response.

 

God bless you if you just sneezed.  Did I get any on me?
Mrs. Christy Walton  


We will probably never know if the scammer "got any on her", cuz since the edit was dispatched, it's only been *crickets* from that end, and as we all know, pygmies don't like crickets.

The Mistake Was In The Askin'

Ms Celine apparently makes a lot of mistakes from the bowels of Scamland.

A big one was contacting my character.

Here's her mistake:


i want be of help to get your fund transferred into your bank account but there are  thing that I need to know before moving further.

{1} I want you to forward to me some information’s about this transaction some of your conversation with the bank,

{2}I am a trust worthy young lady I never married and I like business to sponsor myself so I want know exactly the amount the will be my shear after confirming your fund there in your country?

{3} I want to know more about your personality?
Yours ms.celine,
Thanks,   


She wants to know more about my character's personality?  Whoa, dudette...no, you really don't.

But what the heck...since she asked:

 i want be of help to get your fund transferred into your bank account but there are  thing that I need to know before moving further.
{1} I want you to forward to me some information’s about this transaction some of your conversation with the bank,

Response:  I have as yet not had a conversation with my bank about this transaction, as it is pretty still unknowd to me.
{2}I am a trust worthy young lady I never married and I like business to sponsor myself so I want know exactly the amount the will be my shear after confirming your fund there in your country?

Response:  I don't have answers to much of that just yet, though is "trustworthy" and "bustworthy" synonymous?  And just how much of a shear do you want?  There's no shortage of wind shear during mesocyclonic events hereabouts, if that's what you're into.
{3} I want to know more about your personality?

Response:  ah...you sooner or later had to get down to inquiring about MY personality.  Well okay, let's see how sorry you asked I can make you:

I am an obfuscative-concussive personality, abby normal and O positive bloodgally.  I can fart anywhere, at will or anyone else in range; my ex-fiancée used to refer to me as her biggest wind instrument.  I get it now.  I like things that like me back, unless they like me to the point of trying to eat me, then I withdraw my like with extreme prejudice and a heavy caliber weapon.  After which I hypocritically cook and eat them, though they don't call me Chef Boy-R-Dee-structive for nothing.  I have considerable reservoirs of knowledge that are two inches deep.  I am inexperienced with trigger warnings, safe zones and cupcakes that curl into a ball and foul themselves repeatedly on college campuses where knowledge is "noledge" and "societal wimp" is the norm.  I have a pet rock and indulge it with continental travel.  In a box.  If I had a dog, he/she'd get enough cheese.  I don't hire people with hooks attached to Neverland captains.  I've never had a good time by calling Candy at the number that Rikki lost.  I've learned that when pet rocks parody song lyrics, big squirrels don't fly and that Lucy's getting high on door knobs.  Frankly, I don't know how Lucy does that.  I am a curable romantic and believe cured bacon is easier to deal with.  They call me the Wonderer, 'cuz I wonder whether you're a moron by birth or choice, and won't be satisfied until my pizza is psychic enough to help me with the March Madness brackets.  For all my lost opportunities, I do know who shot JR and who killed Kenny, and at one time in my life I knew every episode of The Gong Show by heart until it was syndicated in Liechtenstein, whenst it became lost in translation. Alles gefallen undt hundsfott midde bark undt yappin undt schtuff.

There's so little more I could tell you but my syllable count just had a well done steak driven through its heart.

The reverberating *silence* that resulted from this response confirms my suspicion that Ms Celine didn't REALLY want to know about my character's personality.

Or she's desperately trying to review every episode of The Gong Show to see what my character was talking about.  Trust me:  it'll take more than The Gong Show to figger that out.

A Long Time Ago In An Email Edit Yesterday...

Things are getting weird in 2016.  Proof is no harder to find than the presidential election and what we're seemingly left with:  a corrupt criminal who'll have to pardon herself at her inaugural if she's not indicted first, or....Donald Trump, who simply defies description.

So why shouldn't the weird impact the online email scammers?

Take this one for example:  Miss Patience Kone of the Ivory Coast, and her effort to give my character the business:

My Dear,

l am happy to request for your assistance and also to go into business partnership with you, i believe that you will not betrayed my trust which i am going to lay on you.

I am Miss Patience Kone ,23years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Jason Kone. My father was a highly reputable business magnet-(a cocoa merchant)who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad year 12th.February 2007.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travailed with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 7 years old, and since then my father took me so special. Before his death on February 12th 2007 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of Two Million United State Dollars.(USD$2, 000 000) he used my name as his beloved daughter as the next of kin in depositing the fund in one of the bank in West Africa. And he said I should seek for a foreign partner in a  country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for an investment purpose.

I am just 23years old and an Student really don't know what to do. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards.Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can I completely trust you?

2. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you?

Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Thank you so much.  My sincere regards,

Miss. Patience   

 

 

I managed to work a lot of old and new into this edit...even my pet rock, Seymour, was stupefied:

 

 

Vacuum pack,

l am happy to request for a twelve pack of Keystone Lite because what you're about to read will require at least a twelve pack to understand.
 

I am Miss Patience Kone ,23years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Ukulele Ungabunga Ice Cream Kone. My father was a scurrilously disreputable and dubious business maggot (a cocaine and sex drug merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days.   On his nights he sang at various dive bars as Lolita Snatchpussy, a reputed transvestite gangsta rapperette that was advertised in bathrooms around Dearborn and the DNC.  It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his strangest performances with a llama, yak and a fortune-telling shrieking marmot on  12th February 2016.  Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masturbated by a pygmy tri-peckered goat who traveled with him at that time as his masseuse and bookkeeper, nothing has been proved other than emails found on Hellary's primate server that Bill tried to cleverly conceal as a female intern genital humidor at the Clinton Foundation, under a desk.

 

But God knows the truth!  And considers it stranger than any act ever witnessed on The Gong Show.

   

My mother died when I was just 22 years old, and since then my father took me whenever his male alter igor took over. Before his death he called the secretary who accompanied him for most of his night acts in e flat and told him that the secretary was to fire the tri-peckered pygmy goat for having eaten the sum of Two Million United State Dollars after a wild night in a ewe convent that still hasn't figured out what hit it.  

I am just 23 years old and a thrice born again virgin that really doesn't know what that means. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant comparisons to a father who behaved worse than Anthony Weiner on Twitter or Bill Clinton at a Nyphomaniac's Anonymous convention.  

 

Also, the death of my faithful witch doctor turned Serengeti hamster (one of his spells that went awry) who was then eaten by a boa constrictor has caused me many script rewrites for the next Star Wars movie, Episode VIII The Phantom Tri-Uddered Cow Tipper (George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are thought to want nothing to do with this one, though Harrison Ford might reprise his role if Carrie Fisher loses 30 pounds and that sticky bun on her head), due out in theatres in the summer of 2017.  

 

 

I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance to find some peculiar way that any of this can be made to make sense.  Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can I completely trust that you are NOT Anthony Weiner?

 

2. Do you know someone who can reprise the roles of Chewbacca and Jar Jar Stinks in the new Star Wars movie?

 

3. Did you hear about the pygmy tri-peckered goat attack at the ewe convent in Liechtenstein on CNN?

Oops...not THAT convent...

 

 

4. Do YOU know who hit Annie in the fanny with a flounder?

 

5. Do YOU know why PETA and Greenpeace aren't going stark raving nuts about that use of a flounder on Annie's fanny?

6. Are cars made out of avocados called guacaroles?
 

Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.  Thank you so much.

WTF to put it lightly,

Miss. Patience    

 

This one clearly overloaded the scammers who had absolutely no reply to this.  Chuck Barris could probably manage one...