Celine Solution

This may or may not be Celine Ismael as she actually looks.

I'm leaning toward not.

Anyway, Celine sent my character this:

How are you today?
I am Ms.Celine Ishmael I work with the central bank of Africa.
I verify from your fund transfer file here in our bank custody that some corrupt bank staff in Africa has ganged to divert your fund into a different bank account that is not your bank account which there have already get some part of your fund transferred into a different bank , 

I also verify that there has been asking you to pay to pay money which there are using to pouches the fund back up documents in there own favor. 

Dear friend as a young lady  I like a risk free business to build my better future  therefore my interest in this mater is to help you get your fund transferred into your receiving bank account in other to have a Good reword from you once you confirms your fund there in your receiving bank account, 

Listen I think it will be good for you to get back to me with you full information’s and I promise not to fail you I must have to do all I can to get the corrupt bank officers arrested by the bank authorities and trust me to confirm your fund alert in your account but you must have to tell me worth will be my % once you get your fund transferred
Thank,   

I have plenty on my plate just now, so I had my character respond thus:

I don't have any accounts with the Central Bank of Africa.  I never have.   They don't give free toaster ovens for new accounts.  

 

 

And that nets me proof that Ms Ismael is another comprehension FAIL:

 

Thanks for your respond.

Please delay .I want you to contact the foreign remittance unit there will give you the full details of the fund and don’t hesitate to forward conversations with them as to directs you on worth next to do to avoid mistake  further

Dear friend I am just a young lady I find this transaction risk free that is the reason why I volunteer my self to help you supporting you financially to get the fund transferred into your receiving bank account without hitch but you must not betray me along  by running away with the fund after it has been confirmed transferred into your receiving bank account, my parentage must be given to me after the transfer is done,

BELOW HERE IS THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE UNIT CONTACT:

Directors name {ERIK AKIN 

Office contact E-mail bf_fundtransferdepartment@outlook.fr

Contact the office immediately with anurans massage for them to urgently attend to you and get back to me once you heir from the remittance office
Thanks   

Note that she inadvertently wrote "please delay".  That caused me a *TOING*like oh what the hell:


Okay.  How LONG should I delay per your instructions?  


Her "bank" -- Bank of Africa, Bank Fund Transfer Department -- proves no better at comprehension or spelling:

Good day,
Quirkily reconfirm to us your personal and bank account information’s which we will use to obtain your fund back up document from the ministry of finance here on your behalf,
Report back to us immediately with the required information’s
Thank for being with us  

 

Using faux bank account information from a previous scammer, how can my character respond BUT quirkily:

 

I shall do this as quirkily as possumbull:

Bank of AmeliaEarhardt

7215 W. Manchester Avenue

Los Angeles CA 90021

Account:  **********

Routing:  ********* 


Unfortunately, someone in this collection of bozoids was able to not only read English, but to figure out that my character was messing with them, as this is the last thing my character would hear from there:

jerk off  


My 'jerk' has an 'on' switch too.  Wanna test it?  


Ah reckon not...so much for that celine solution.

The Mistake Was In The Askin'

Ms Celine apparently makes a lot of mistakes from the bowels of Scamland.

A big one was contacting my character.

Here's her mistake:


i want be of help to get your fund transferred into your bank account but there are  thing that I need to know before moving further.

{1} I want you to forward to me some information’s about this transaction some of your conversation with the bank,

{2}I am a trust worthy young lady I never married and I like business to sponsor myself so I want know exactly the amount the will be my shear after confirming your fund there in your country?

{3} I want to know more about your personality?
Yours ms.celine,
Thanks,   


She wants to know more about my character's personality?  Whoa, dudette...no, you really don't.

But what the heck...since she asked:

 i want be of help to get your fund transferred into your bank account but there are  thing that I need to know before moving further.
{1} I want you to forward to me some information’s about this transaction some of your conversation with the bank,

Response:  I have as yet not had a conversation with my bank about this transaction, as it is pretty still unknowd to me.
{2}I am a trust worthy young lady I never married and I like business to sponsor myself so I want know exactly the amount the will be my shear after confirming your fund there in your country?

Response:  I don't have answers to much of that just yet, though is "trustworthy" and "bustworthy" synonymous?  And just how much of a shear do you want?  There's no shortage of wind shear during mesocyclonic events hereabouts, if that's what you're into.
{3} I want to know more about your personality?

Response:  ah...you sooner or later had to get down to inquiring about MY personality.  Well okay, let's see how sorry you asked I can make you:

I am an obfuscative-concussive personality, abby normal and O positive bloodgally.  I can fart anywhere, at will or anyone else in range; my ex-fiancée used to refer to me as her biggest wind instrument.  I get it now.  I like things that like me back, unless they like me to the point of trying to eat me, then I withdraw my like with extreme prejudice and a heavy caliber weapon.  After which I hypocritically cook and eat them, though they don't call me Chef Boy-R-Dee-structive for nothing.  I have considerable reservoirs of knowledge that are two inches deep.  I am inexperienced with trigger warnings, safe zones and cupcakes that curl into a ball and foul themselves repeatedly on college campuses where knowledge is "noledge" and "societal wimp" is the norm.  I have a pet rock and indulge it with continental travel.  In a box.  If I had a dog, he/she'd get enough cheese.  I don't hire people with hooks attached to Neverland captains.  I've never had a good time by calling Candy at the number that Rikki lost.  I've learned that when pet rocks parody song lyrics, big squirrels don't fly and that Lucy's getting high on door knobs.  Frankly, I don't know how Lucy does that.  I am a curable romantic and believe cured bacon is easier to deal with.  They call me the Wonderer, 'cuz I wonder whether you're a moron by birth or choice, and won't be satisfied until my pizza is psychic enough to help me with the March Madness brackets.  For all my lost opportunities, I do know who shot JR and who killed Kenny, and at one time in my life I knew every episode of The Gong Show by heart until it was syndicated in Liechtenstein, whenst it became lost in translation. Alles gefallen undt hundsfott midde bark undt yappin undt schtuff.

There's so little more I could tell you but my syllable count just had a well done steak driven through its heart.

The reverberating *silence* that resulted from this response confirms my suspicion that Ms Celine didn't REALLY want to know about my character's personality.

Or she's desperately trying to review every episode of The Gong Show to see what my character was talking about.  Trust me:  it'll take more than The Gong Show to figger that out.