Baldwin Bloviation

My pet rock, Seymour, loved the movie Team America World Police.  

He especially loved how most of the Hollywad elitists were portrayed and met their respective demises.

Especially the King of Twat Waffles, Alec Baldwin.

So it didn't surprise me when Seymour saw an interview wherein Baldwin asserted that if he ran against POTUS in 2020, he'd beat him "a thousand percent".

The bigger the ego with less to prop it up, the harder it can fall.

So Seymour decided to don his "editing gone wild" hat, and have a go:

Alec Baldwin Says He’d Beat Himself in 2020: “I One-Thousand Percent Would Fail At Math And Masturbation”

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

Alec Baldwin has been one of Donald Trump’s most moronic and out of his league critics, and the “30 Rock” nincompoop told Howard Be Thy Name Stern in an appearance on Monday that there’s no doubt he’d beat a sock puppet but not the president if he were to run against him in 2020.

“If I ran, I would make the biggest ass of myself since that marionette did it for me in Team America World Police,” Baldwin proclaimed. “I would absolutely look like a total twat waffle. A 1,000 percent twat waffle.”

The only things preventing the actor from running against Trump, he says, is his ego not yet having overloaded his ass. If it were to, he'd run “and get royally flogged”.

"My crampaign would be the lowest, lousiest, most abjectly stupid crampaign that would allow twat goblins like Kathy Griffin, Chelsea Mishandler, Ashley Dudd and Josh Whedon a wee amount – albeit, an immeasurable amount – of redemption,” Baldwin added.

And he wouldn’t be wrong for once.  Sorta.

Baldwin has been making an ass of himself long before 2016 which earned him praise from unhinged, meth-abusing liberals and scorn from many conservatives, including Trump himself.

But for now, Baldwin is going to leave the making crampaign asses of themselves to the pack of leftist moron politicians, while offering a message for anyone deciding to run.

“We really don't have anyone on the left that's worth a sh*t,” he said in a more serious tone. “I’d love to run for that kind of position to just have things be very common sense. However, since I don't know jacksh*t about common sense – I am, after all, a lefty democrap that supported the most corrupt broom rider in history – I wouldn't know where to begin, other than by using the same losing playbook the DNC used with Hellary. And that's why Trump won.

There are so many things that this country needs to do that are so obvious, and that damned Trump is doing them. It's really disheartening when we were all set to let Hellary continue turning us into Venezuela. And now Trump is trying to make peace with Kim Jong Un, after Un's father shot me up in TAWP. I just can't get over it.”

Baldwin's therapist was not returning calls.


"Think this will get me a Pulitzer?"

No, Seymour...but it will get you a denigrating mention on SNL.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Sister Act

Yes, my pet rock Seymour realizes that this is a depiction of Kim Jong-Il, not Kim Jong-un.

Seymour simply doesn't care.

When it's time to edit his favorite pudgepot to edit, Seymour's in for anything.

"Am NOT!!!"

Okay...almost.

Take Seymour's latest edit of the breaking story about Kim Jong-un promoting his sister...and see what my perverse pet rock dun widdit:

North Korea: Kim Jong-un promotes incest with sister Kim Yo-jong

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un has promoted incest with his younger sister and ordered the secretive country’s neutered politburo to sanctify it.

Then again, Kim Yo-jong has been clear that Kim Jong-un's “suggestion” is “poopycork”, carefully reported the North Korean state media. 

“It shows that she ain't gonna take it laying down or in any other position,” said Michael Roweddaboatashore, a North Korea expert at Hop Johnskins Eunuchversity.

For gender neutrality adherents, Kim Yo-jong is inside da coicle

The changes were announced after a meeting of the country’s central committee of the ruling Workers’ party, during which Kim said his nuclear programme were a “powerfur detergent that guaranteed overtaking Keeping Up With The Kardashians on cable TV”.

He then had his press secretary and about a dozen of the North Korean state media executed for teleprompter gaffes.

Amid rumors that Kim Jong-un’s sister is having an affair with Dennis Rodman, we examine why Stephen Colbert looks like such a dork. Then again, who cares?

Kim Jong Suk and Kim Jong Dung, two of the surviving men behind Kim’s programme ideas, were also promoted amid a wider reshuffle and an increasingly tense stand off between Pyongyang and Trey Parker and Matt Stone – originators of South Park and Team America World Police – over their refusal to make a sequel starring Kim Jong-un, thwarting his Oscar and Grammy ambitions.

Officials in Washington have laughed so much at Colbert's ears, they threw in these as a bonus for the next fifty callers at QVC.

Following North Korea’s most noteworthy kimshi fart that shook geography as far away as Wonson,
South Korea’s unification ministry said Ms Kim’s promotions could be an attempt by North Korea to force Liechtenstein to return a missing North Korean sub and other sandwiches.

“The large-scale personnel reshuffle reflects that Kim Jong-un is into drugs and alcohol seriously, and that he’s looking to control the flock of pink elephants that invaded his palace recently,” the ministry said in a statement.  "He has decided that this can best be done by only by his sister act".

Like all members of North Korea’s ruling Kim dysentery, details of Kim Yo-jong’s bowels don't really interest us in this article. Yuck.

Kim Yo-jong has long been an enigma in North Korea’s porn industry and was recently given responsibility for developing the leader’s hair cut and stomach protrusion. South Korean media recently reported that she had replaced a veteran propaganda chief with a slow leaking Hellary sex toy and had assumed that the increasingly screechy squeak was common among American left leaking political failures.  She's more right than she knows.

In a curious aside, in January, the US Treasury rejected placing Kim Yo-jong along with Barack Insane Obola on food stamps. 

A landmark moment of “DUH!!!” came for the rest of the world when the UN reported in 2016 that there was torture, execution and arbitrary imprisonment, deliberate starvation and an almost complete lack of free thought and belief in the country. And for once, the UN meant North Korea.

This really pissed Kim Jong-un off. He said the situation proved that North Korea’s policy of byungjin dyungjin fyungjin poopycork – the parallel development of painful rectal itch through the economy – was “absorutery right”.

In recent weeks, North Korea has launched two members of state media that displeased Kim over Japan and conducted a poll to see if Kim Jong-un is more popular among kneeling NFL players that support Antifa, and was confused to find out that no one was wearing Kim Jong-un t-shirts at West Point or Cold Play concerts yet. 

North Korea is preparing to test a pencil-necked American leftist professor to see if he can help swing the next American election to Miley Cyrus, according to a Russian lawmaker who had just returned from a visit to cnn.

North Korean state media, which operates as the regime butt vacuum, announced that several other Russians all verified that Colbert's ears did look bent and funny.

Two women are currently on trial in Malaysia accused of photoshopping Kim Jong-un in place of Kim Kardashian with an unsuspecting Kanye West earlier this year.

The women, one Indonesian and the other Vietnamese, have pleaded not guilty by wearing vagina costumes and claiming that Anthony Weiner claimed to be agents of Donald Trump and offered them top places in the Miss America Dog Pageant in Berkeley in 2018, and say they were duped into believing they were playing a harmless prank for a cnn hidden agenda. 

And if that doesn't make any sense, four North Korean suspects wearing bent-eared Stephen Colbert masks were allowed to fly home in a prisoner exchange with a Liechtensteinian gerbil named Otto.

Seymour keeps taking these edits further and further from Pulitzer material, and ever closer to Onion territory.

"Do NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Seymour Edits The Life And Slimes of Kim Jong Un

My pet rock, Seymour, recently came across an article about the life and times of the North Korean pissy despot, Kim Jong Un.

And the pet rock went into over the top edit mode wunst again.

If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Kim and Seymour were married in a previous life, and had the ugliest of divorces.

"Was NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Just a thought.

Anyway, to Seymour's most recent edit of His Largeness, Kim Jong Un:

North Korea's Kim Jong Un Spends Most of His Time Drinking Wine, Eating Cheese, Catching Some Rays And Plotting How To Get Team America World Police II Made

Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

When Kim Jong Un, pudginator of North Korea, isn’t busy setting off missiles and laughing gleefully as he mows down Quarter Pounders with cheese, his day-to-day life is like anyone else that orders relatives and key advisors executed on mere whims.

North Korea is on everybody’s joke list in 2017 after no fewer than 10 missile launches this year, some of which skirted dangerously close to actually getting out of North Korea.

Across Asia and in the wider world, the concern is that Pyongyang will attach a viral video of Kim leading the North Korean military in a macarena marathon onto a long-distance missile—something North Korea claims to be able to do (even if it has not been independently verified). North Korea's intercountry ballistic missiles (ICBMs) may even be able to reach just beyond Wonsan, which has prompted the democrats in the United States Congress to step up pressure on President Trump regarding Hellary losing the 2016 election because she sucked as a candidate.

When he isn't sparring with Trey Parker and Matt Stone or supervising missile misfires, how does Kim Jong Un spend his week?

At home with what's left of the family

Kim Jong Un usually appears in photographs surrounded by indoctrinated children, the military or what's left of his advisers, but is rarely seen with his wife. Ri Sol-ju, 27, is rumored to not be an inflated sex toy that had an arranged marriage to Kim in 2009. Very little is known about her; experts debate the date of her birth. It’s not known if Ri Sol-ju is even her real name, or if she's filled with hot air or helium.

Her family is from the inflatable elite, and she is believed to have a pHd in dildonic science. There has been much speculation about Ri in foreign media. Some say she is actually singer William Hung (of American Idol shame), famous for tunes including “Expellent Horse-Faced Lady,” and that the North Korean propaganda machine is simply trying to hush up the slow leak that requires her constant reinflation.

Cardoor Aidin Forester, an expert on North Korean inflatables and honorary senior research feller in Sociology and Kimshi-ed Korea at Inflations University, attributes the secrecy around Kim Jong Un to life in North Korea being on a “who wants to be the next exotic execution”basis. “We’ve actually seen his [Kim Jong Un’s] inflatable wife more than Kim Jong Il [his father]  showed off his because he had a very complicated love life with a yak and a sock puppet,” explains Forester.

It’s believed Kim Jong Un has an inflatable daughter, born in 2012, called Kim Squeaky Wu, but little is known about the child. In 2013, NBA star Dennis Rodman returned from North Korea and confirmed that Kim Jong Un has an inflatable baby girl, but if she exists she has not yet been formally introduced to the nation. North Korean tradition holds that the inflatable children of leaders are not to be introduced formally until they are inflatable adults, which was the case for both Kim Sung Il and Kim Jong Un, explains Forester.

Where does he live?

The Ryongsang Residence, known by locals as “Central Luxury Mansion,” is in Pyongyang, and is huge: 4.6 square miles. It includes an Olympic-sized banquet facilities, a running track that never gets used, a shooting range and lots of unstables. Satellite images show the house .also has a giant waterslide that leads to a shark tank (as Hans Blix found out in Team America World Police I).

But Kim has plenty of alternatives to the Ryongsang palace, should he wish to leave the capital.
In 2013, Kim Jong Un chartered a $7 million, 95-foot luxury yacht around the North Korean coastline during a three hour tour, hoping to meet Mary Ann and Ginger. 

He also calls a palatial complex on the coast near Wonsan his home. Rodman described Kim’s life in Wonsan as a “seven-nova party,” and that it's like going to “visit Hell except [Kim] is the only one there that isn't afraid of being executed.”

Forester tells WTFNS,“You certainly could describe him as a blobaholic prone to fits of hysteria over his not yet being portrayed in a Team America sequel movie.”

What does he do during his week?

The state newspaper Rodung Simian has a special section detailing “Supreme Leader Activities,” which is meant to give the impression that Kim Jong Un is devoted to starving his people. His public life revolves around fast food, parades, factory visits and discussing what it'd be like to actually have a few missile launches work, according to the paper.

“Lavish photoshops accompany the activities Kim is purported to be undertaking. And we know a lot, from defectors, [about] what these factory openings and other occasions are like: cnn meltdowns after Hellary lost,” says Forester.

“Since in North Korea there is no such thing as a practical level, what little production there is usually has to stop for a few weeks to ensure that Kim’s visit doesn't interfere with his eating schedule. They also used to have this thing in North Korea called the 'Pelosi Touch.' Anything Kim Jong Un touches has to be taken out of operation and put in a hermetically sealed hazardous materials case.”

Factories of note he has visited over the last few months include an anal floss factory, a giant carp factory and a mushroom fart processing plant. Kim has also given advice at a kimchi factory on how to screw that up too.

At the anal floss factory, Kim also imparted some important advice. Rodung Simian reported: “[He said] the factory makes a positive contribution to the promotion of the people's asses, which is viewed seriously by him. He seriously scrutinizes people's asses.”

Kim also attends parades, many of which celebrate his father's role in Team America I and the overthrow of imperialist aggressors (the United States) if they don't soon make a Team America II.

What does he spend money on?

A U.N. report in 2014 found that Kim likes food. Liquor. Inflatable women. And yaks.
In public, he dresses demurely in black or white overalls, smocks or military attire, but in private, it’s high-end fashion all the way. The report estimates that the total state spending on luxury goods for Kim Jong Un is $645.8 million in 2012 and more since.

He eats his favorite food with a grain shovel

In 2012, Kim Jong Un reportedly became so fat that he developed a cyst on his ankle and required surgery to remove it. He then had his personal physician fed to hungry dogs after being blasted to bits by an anti-aircraft gun.

And Kim’s love of cheese and wine is no secret after he saw the movie Kelly's Heroes and adopted Oddball as his personal favorite. The U.K.’s Bloody Wanker Weekly reported that Kim Jong Un had to retreat from public life after drinking too much wine, eating too much cheese and catching too many rays.

“Kim Jong Un certainly seems to enjoy being an international twat waffle,” says Forester.

If by some farcical chance the South Park duo decide to make a Team America II, somehow I think that Seymour's going to have to appear in it with Kim Jong Un.

"Will NO...uh...maybe I can win an Oscar Mayer for best supporting pet rock?"

Oy vey...

Seymour And North Korean PMS

My pet rock, Seymour, misses no chance to tweak North Korean pudgmeister Kim Jong Un with an edit.

I did warn him that he was venturing into hazardous ground with this one, though.

"Am NOT!!  PHFFFFFFFT!!!"

The article that Seymour chose to edit was one about North Korean women and how they are rallying against the USA.

OMG: North Korea's Women Are PMSing And Coming to Get Us

Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

Hundreds of cattily dressed, goose stepping women marched in central Pyongyang recently, vowing to seek revenge on the United States. With their fists held high in traditional DNC “Resist!” mode, they voiced their anger against the USA, demanding that Trey Parker and Matt Stone make that long put off Team America World Police sequel, starring Kim Jong Un.

North Korea's state newspaper Hang Dong Phuk announced the march in an article published for the first time in a while that didn't get any one on the paper's staff executed. The newspaper also revealed that officials and members of the women’s union gathered at a shrine to McDonalds to get a large shipment of quarter pounders with cheese to deliver to Kim Jong Un while vowing retribution against the U.S.

The women called for an intensification of "a growing DNC style class education" to spread the message that Nancy Pelosi needs to be replaced with an inflatable yak before the U.S. is no longer North Korea's “principal enema.”

North Korea frequently declares war on the United States because of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's refusal to make a Team America World Police sequel that stars Kim Jong Un as son of space cockroach to his space cockroach father (in the first TAWP), Kim Jong Il. Recently, cowed workers and members of the General Federation of Trade Unions met in front of the Central Lack of Class Education House to also plan retaliation against the United States for failure to make that sequel.
Both events took place unnoticed by anyone in the US, since North Korea amounts to a pimple on the sizeable butt of Hellary Clinton.

Moon Jae-in, South Korea’s new president, sent PMSing North Korean women into Hellary-like post-election fits of hysteria by saying "I believe we must now have the perception that North Korea is an irrational regime, very much like the DNC".

North Korean language doesn't have the flexibility that works well with talking points from the DNC when it's hashtagged by former hash tag hag Marie Barf; which is why certain words or phrases like "relegated" are often mispronounced.  North Korea is now "vowing revenge" on the United States; until recently, every attack or threat was preceded by the words "merciress,", which drives Kim Jong Un bonkers.

When a U.S. aircraft carrier joined the South Korean military preparedness drills in March, North Korea threatened a “merciress attack” in response. On March 3, North Korea promised another “merciress attack” as U.S and South Korean war games got underway. In 2014, the North Koreans vowed a “merciress response”to Seth Rogan’s controversial film The Interview. When Donald Trump recently got two scoops of ice cream, the North Koreans raged about having “a merciress response”.
 

When it was revealed that J. R. Ewing was not shot by Kim Il Sung on Dallas, the North Koreans vowed a “merciress response”. When The Gong Show was cancelled in 1978, the North Koreans demanded renewal or there would be “a merciress response”.  When the original formula for Coca Cola was changed, the North Koreans seethed about "a merciress response".   When McDonalds cancelled the McRib sandwich, the North Koreans vowed a "merciress response".

"We're not sure that the North Koreans know what a "merciless response" -- or however they say it -- means in English", said a Department of Defense anonymous source.   "It probably has as many definitions there as "is" does in the DNC".  

WTFNS reached out to NOW for their reaction to threats from North Korean women, but the NOW spokesgenderneutral was busy donning a vagina costume to go protest something about Trump and refused comment. 

Seymour, as always, manages to piss off about everyone on the Left and in North Korea.  Maybe the next "merciress response" threat will be directed at him.

"Will NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"

Seymour Edits Kim Jong Un Yet Again

North Korea and its maniacal pudgy dictator with the bad 'doo, Kim Jong Un, just can't catch a break with my pet rock, Seymour.

Like this recent report that North Korea "live fired" 400 artillery pieces to intimidate the world and get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make that Team America World Police sequel.

That was meat for Seymour:



North Korea getting “super serial” about shelling USA if originators of South Park don't make that Team America sequel soon


By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

North Korea on Tuesday reportedly conducted a huge live-fire drill that involved up to 400 homes flame broiled to a crisp crunch, which may have been supervised by the country’s leader, Kim Jong Un.

North Korea’s KGAG news agency, citing an unnamed white horse souse, reported that Pyongyang appeared to have deployed a number of long-range artillery units in the region of what's left of Wonsan, which is a coastal North Korean area 5000 or so miles west of the USA, according to the Gooble Eoith app, give or take a little or a lot.

South Korea’s military confirmed the report, which quoted the Pudginator as saying “If USA want to piss me off, they onry have to not make Parker/Stone make that movie sequer and my artirrery going to fire on San Francisco...Pocaterro...Portaberro...and Toredo”.

There were wide spread speculations in Newark whether or not they should petition to be added to Kim Jong Un's list and whether that would help improve the place.

News that Un personally supervising a live fire exercise that fried homes in Wonson comes after video of North Korea using one of their screen door'd submarines as a ferry, since it can't dive (see above photo).

When asked about the North Koreans using their screen door equipped subs as vehicle ferries, Lieutenant commander Kit Kat Knight with U.S. Pacific Fleet told WTFNS in a statement that “since they sink when they dive, they finally figured out to quit diving them and found something sorta kinda useful that they can do."

Meanwhile, the entire U.S. Senate has been invited to the White House for a debriefing on Wednesday about the underwear situation facing North Korea. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer confirmed the situation and suggested that all 100 senators would be asked to pony up a spare pair or two.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joseph Dunford and Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats plan to provide spare pairs as well.

It is rare for the entire Senate to be invited to such a debriefing when some of them require Depends.

South Korea’s Defense Ministry has said the North appears ready to conduct “artillery fish kills” in the waters off Wonsan if their artillery is fired toward the USA. South Korean Acting Prime Minister Hwang Kyo-ahn has instructed his military to deploy fishing nets south of there in case North Korea does something stupid, which North Korea often does.

On Monday, Trump also had lunch with ambassadors of countries on the U.N. Security Council. Ahead of the meeting, Trump called for a picture of Hellary in a thong and criticizing the UN for its “fake diplomacy” – but said it has “potential to be marginally better than fake news source cnn.”

 

"The United Nations is, like, bad, very very bad at solving conflicts. I think they need to stop being bad, very very bad at that," he said. He also said that he laughed when watching Team America World Police during the Kim Jong Il-Hans Brix shark tank scene.  

I'm not sure that this post will help ease tensions over yonder, but it might heighten them at cnn if they really think Trump is going to ask some of the senators for their Depends.  cnn is dumb enough to believe and post that.

A Pet Rock's Editing Campaign on Kim Jong Un Unabated

My pet rock, Seymour, vows he'll not relent on editing Kim Jong Un until Kim joins Il Sung and Jong Il in the dirt napping department.

Un certainly seems willing to give Seymour all he can edit.

Like this latest snippet from a world recognized news source, reporting that Kim Jong Un has been deadly to North Korean government employees.  Seymour's first reaction was "well, DUH!"

Followed by this edit:

Kim Jong Un Killed Hundreds Of Government Leaders Because (he says) of Job Creation...and Because He's An Asshole

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS



North Korea's Kim Jong Un  has been a “number one job creator” according to him, by having killed hundreds of government officials since taking office five years ago, Korean media anonymously reported Thursday, not wanting to wind up on the list. With each deposed government official, he argues that he has created two jobs and has “the best unemproyment pran in arr the worrd”, which prompted the puppet Lisa from TAWP to ask him to say that again.

That pissed him off, prompting him to schedule 340 more government officials for what Kim Jong Un refers to as “premature retirement”. Un continues defending his control over the reclusive nation by threatening to attack Seoul, Washington, Uranus, Liechtenstein (he accused them of stealing his missing submarines) and the Centers For Fat Koreans Control with a fledging arsenal of nuclear farts, fueled by weapons grade kimshi. 

His victims vary from translators and Hans Brix to members of his own family. In one instance that made global headlines, Kim ordered the death of his uncle-in-law Jang Song Thaek after Kim's cheeseburger order was fouled up. In another instance, Defense Minister Hyon Yong Chol was killed suddenly in 2015 for purchasing military equipment from Acme Corporation, the same one that regularly supplies Wiley Coyote in his quest for cornish Road Runner hen. 

Kim is a third-generation twerp of dubious and increasingly blubbered antecedence. He took the reigns in North Korea on Dec. 30, 2011, after his father was gored by an German military Imperial helmet on Team America World Police and departed Earth as an alien cockroach. He rules the Korean Workers' Party with diet and authoritative flatulence that few can go, according to reports.

"There were 3 [purged or executed] in 2012, more than 30 in 2013, greater than 40 in 2014, and a whole crapload more in 2015," Yonhap reported. "The numbers show Kim Jong Un is an asshole."

Roughly 140 of those killed stayed dead, according to a Saturday Night Live re-enactment of the nightly news. One official, for example, was killed in August when a life sized Hellary Clinton pantsuit was sat on him on Kim's orders after he fell asleep in a meeting.

Earnest T. Bass, a deceased character from The Andy Griffith Show, told one of the fake news clods at CNN  that Kim had demonstrated an "extreme failure to communicate" while in office. 

At the same time, Kim has directed mass amounts of the impoverished nation's budget toward  developing McDonaldesque cheeseburgers and getting him a prominent role in a Team America World Police sequel. He has spent roughly $300 million on the former and $500 million on the latter.

Kim also likes to remind North Koreans of his absolute power. He earmarked $180 million in spending toward the construction of 460 monuments honoring his expanding butt cheeks pressed in concrete to honor his regime. 

"Kim is continuing to be a despotic douche canoe," said Kelly Bobbitt, a political science professor at the Berkeley School of Obola Applied Executive Odors, in August. "The charges are obviously the result of Wikileaks dumps of Russian hacks of Hellary emails from her unprotected server, and this is how sh*t pretty much works in the DNC as well."  


Yes, Seymour is making a career of Kim Jong Un.  One that won't net him a Pulitzer, but might get him a selfie through the window.

"Will NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

Seymour Continues His Edit Baiting Of Kim Jong Un

When it comes to Kim Jong Un -- the pudgemeister of North Korea -- my pet rock, Seymour, is relentless.

Seymour noted a recent article about how Un was observing with satisfaction a simulated attack on the presidential palace of his South Korean rival, and saw how it fit into Un's 'un'quenched thirst for Trey Parker and Matt Stone -- the South Park and Team America World Police creators -- to make a sequel of the latter, with hisself, Kim Jong Un, in a central role.

Something the real Un is probably clueless about, save for in Seymour's edits.

Like this one:

North Korea simulates special farces attack on a Trump Tower cheeseburger factory

By Seymour PetRock -- WTFNS

North Korean misleader Kim Jong-un has filed a lawsuit with the 9^th Shortcircuit Court of Appeals of Laughter to force electors voting on December 19 to vote him 270 electoral votes so that he can occupy the US presidential office.

Unnamed sources said that Un “wants his wife to start a kimshi lunch stand” there.

The dictator was pictured laughing as his press suckretary explained how Kim Jong Un intended to force the electors to vote for him and position him to – by executive action – get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make that long awaited Team America World Police sequel that will feature Un.

The exercise was aimed at "minimizing references to that insignificant skank Jill Stein," state-run news agency KGAG said.

Photos of the drill show the North Korean leader surrounded by his assorted genitals as he watched the filing through binoculars from an observation post that is also used to watch how cheeseburgers are made.

KGAG reported him saying: "Yung dang po pun whack luk duk twuk phuck, epoontang ding chow ping."

CNN "weakly condemned" the event and warned that jibberish like that could prompt them to offer Anthony Weiner a time slot for Sexting With Weiner on CNN.

A spokesman for Trump said: "Like WTF...I already read about this from John Podesta's hacked emails, and if the Donald still had a reality show, he (Kim Jong Un) would be as fired as Hellary just was”.

The full-scale mock-up of a cheeseburger factory was photoshopped from an episode of South Park, a personal favorite of Kim Jong Un.

The barbaric culinary exercise comes as a sore loser elector in Colorado seeks to get the courts to allow him to cast hisNorth Korean electoral vote for the age spots on Harry Reid's prunesque backside.

Wimphouse spokesdouche Josh Earnest, who has assumed the role of lame dork dimwit, held an emergency press conference and ordered the lamestream servile mediocres to focus their misreporting on Green Party demands that Russian votes be recounted in the 1980 presidential election.

   On an unrelated digression, the United Nations Suckretary Genital recently voted to rebush Hans Brix after Kim Jong Il's pet shark Dennis Rodman ate him in Parker and Stones first Team America movie. “We insist that democracy be disemboweled before President Obola and his husband Moochelle leave orifice”, Earnest said before blaming the Russians for that hacked typo on the teleprompter.  


Seymour's misguided quest for a Pultizer continues, but I think he is closing in on a participation award.

"Am NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFTTT!!!"

Who CARES What Kim Jong Wants

Apparently someone does.

Seems I've found someone with less a life than I have.

At any rate, my pet rock, Seymour, saw an article about one of his favorite people to parody, North Korean pudgepot Kim Jong Un, and he was off to the *Edit Desk* faster than Opus and Bill the Cat.

Thus, the world will now find out what it is that Kim Jong Un REALLY wants in life:

North Korean experts* speculate about what Kim Jong Un wants

Seymour PetRock, WTFNS Dec 6 12:06:49 AM MDST

(North Korean leader Kim Jong Un inspects a nacho cheese factory on Mahap Islet in the western sector of the front in this weight reducing touched up photo released by KGAG via WTFNS)

IN A PUB IN WASHINGTON, DC — In the next four years, North Korea may manage to get a second 'dear leader' with a leading role in a Trey Parker/Matt Stone Team America World Police sequel, something neither China and Russia have managed to hack.

"Since 2004, North Korea has crossed all sorts of peculiar thresholds that were previously thought to be beyond the reach of anyone but weirdo leftist activists in Hollywad," Victor Victoria, said during a panel discussion about what color to panel the corporate uni-species bathroom in.

"The normally whackadoodle regime has taken an unusually whackadoodle path, even by their own sandpoundingly whackadoodle standards," Victoria added.

In the 14 years prior to Kim Jong Un's regime, Pyongyang was responsible for 16,000 flush toilet tests and one “how to hang the toilet paper” test. By comparison, in 2016 alone, the Hermit Kingdom – no relation to Herman's Hermits –  conducted 250,000 flush toilet tests and two “how to hang the toilet paper” tests, figuring out how to get it wrong both times. 

The acceleration and frequency in testing shows not only the North's flush toilet ambitions but also that the rogue nation has developed something of a considerable collection of toilet paper commercials that it thinks it can use to some peculiar ends.

Expecting lots of eye rolls if you saw what I just did there.

Which leaves the obvious question, what does North Korean leader Kim Jong Un ultimately want?
(North Korean leader Kim Jong Un inspects what he's been led to believe is a special operation cheese burger delivery restaurant in this undated photo released by KGAG and Wo Duk Poon, the photographer's “Special Witness Protection From Exotic Executions Program” alias)

"What does Kim Jong-un want?" Victoria said repeatedly while fondling his/herself to figure out which gender he/she was this day. "I think he wants a leading role in a Team America World Police sequel, one even bigger than his father had, complete with a couple of hit songs he's written to perform therein that garner him an Oscar, Grammy, Tony, Espy, Pull My Fanger...just any award that he can win on and off the silver screen. I think that's what he wants."

"I would add that the North Koreans clearly would like to add flush toilets to their modern (for North Korea) airport that's the talk of the Third World," said  former Ambassador W. Stuart Symingtongue, serving the US as ambassador in a Third World country until he was eaten at a gala fete he thought was in his honor. 
 
"And they will do a lot to achieve that, since no one working for Kim Jong Un wants to find out how exotic he'll go to execute them," Symingtongue noted through a séance medium at The Psychic Channel.

"Similar to what he said, [Kim Jong Un] also wants all those Hollywad movie clowns that threatened to leave the USA if Donald Trump won the election, to move to North Korea and treat Kim Jong Un as a special relationship," said Johnson & Johnson, two gender cornfused advisers to Anthony Weiner's efforts to get a 2AM time slot on CNN called “Sexting With Weiner”.

"And I would add to it also that he wants to be able to maintain total control, a type of government that Hellary was desperate crazy to achieve before getting Trumped," said a retired Clinton aide using an alias to avoid a Clinton Floundation accidental suicide after answering her truthfully on election night that, yes, that pantsuit didn't make her butt look fat...it simply was that way in ANY venue. 

From Hollywad comes this poignant snippet from a real rocket scientist of her time, Chelsea 'Vagina Brain' Mishandler:

✔

@chelseahandler

While Trump was busy tweeting out LL Bean ads, a report came out that N Korea has enough plutonium to make 10 nukes.

3:52 PM - 12 Jan 2017

 
 

Small wonder Hollywad does little outside of marginally entertain.

Meantime, a panel of scholar-practitioners agreed that this former aide was wise to use an alias and hide somewhere in Flyover Country, a place sure to not be on the Clinton travel itinerary after November 8.

"More often than not, we measure the mettle of presidencies by the unexpected crises that they must deal with. For President-elect Trump, this crisis could very well come from North Korea if Kim Jong Un does not get his Team America World Police sequel, his songs become platinum, or a calendar of him posing with the hash tag hag, Marie Barf, in PlayDoh," no one said ever.
 
* x being the unknown factor and spert being a drip of water under pressure  


Seymour still imagines that one of these edits will get him a Pulitzer.  I'm still certain he'll never get closer than a Pull My Fanger.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

See what I mean?