An explanation is upcoming. Really.
A couple posts back, I related to y'all how some Hong Kongian scientists determined that time travel was a physical impossibility.
Right after, that is, that I had finished my 'observe 'n don't interfere' time machine, and used as my first test time travel subject, Seymour the pet rock.
When he disappeared in a *puff* of smoke -- since the Hong Kongians said that what I saw I couldn't a seed -- I figured he'd be pissed, 'cuz now he was as charred as any meal I've ever attempted to prepare.
'Cept that he was no longer in the machine.
Whoa. Bite me, Hong Kongians.
No, my time machine is not like The Time Tunnel, where you can pick up readings and see what the time traveller is experiencing; but Seymour was given a very cheap cell phone, with which he could text about what he was observing and such.
Ask me later how he -- a pet rock -- is able to text on a cheap cell phone.
Anyway, after a couple days, I got the following text that I deduced HAD to be from Seymour:
I assumed he meant what most folks take for WTF:
I dont know...WTF are you WTFing?
Not WHAT TF...WHEN TF?
How the hell am I sposed to know?
U built the f***ing thing. When am I?
According to u, from the beginning. What do you see to help figger out when you are?
I see big animals. REALLY BIG animals.
What kind of really BIG animals?
The kind in the movie Jurassic Park.
Kewl...Seymour is back more than 65,000,000 years! This could be educational:
So...what's the terrain like where you are?
Hot...damp...swampy. Remind me to tell u how many ways ur an asshole.
How's that, Seymour?
U said i couldnt interact in Time. Well, those animals can interact with ME! I got peed on by a triciploplotz!
Well, I did tell you that this was a test run.
I got ur test run...uh...oh-oh...
Whaddaya mean, oh-oh?
1 of those big 1s with legs and teeth is coming aftr me! GET ME OUTTA HERE!
As I said, this isn't the Time Tunnel. What's more, in order to make this particular test time machine economical for my very austere budget, I had to make use of a common kitchen appliance. My oven.
Forgetting that I had put something in there to do some further testing with, I did a quick time retrieval calculation, hit the 'on' button....and heard some of the most primal banging and growling noises from therein I hadn't heard since my last attempt at actually baking something. I decided that I had missed retrieving Seymour, and caught perhaps...what was chasing him.
So, forgetting what I had first put in there to try sending, I just reversed my retrieval function, and sent back whatever I had retrieved. Along with what I was going to test-send. After a moment, I tried texting Seymour:
Seymour? What's going on?
LMRRAO*...i cant believe what u just did!
What did I just did?
I will send u a pic (Seymour's cheap cell phone did have a very basic digital camera).
Uh huh...u still suck in the kitchen. But the other animals are not afraid of it anymor.
I think I see why.
Now how about getting me outta here?
Workin on it.
After some tinkering, I managed to transport Seymour out of Jurassic Park. I'm still waiting to hear from him as to where he wound up. Or, should I say, when he wound up, since he didn't return here.
Meantime...that t-rex that was coming after Seymour, somehow got mixed up with the rubber chicken I was going to test send next...the picture above was the rather improbable result.
I'm not sure if I hope paleontologists find that fossil or not...
* laughing my round rock ass off
Labels: dinosaurs, rubber chickens, Seymour the time travelling pet rock, time machine