Dems, Asteroids...Seem Compatible

I'm sure you thought this just another start of a memefest on more NO to democraps.

In a way it could be, but we are diverging slightly on this one for something that sounds a bit similar, but's more cosmic: asteroids.

There's a big 'un coming: 2007 FT3. It's supposed to do a near-Earth pass in October 2024.

Sorry...not close enough to wipe out Dominion garbage election theft machines.

At any rate my "editing gone wild" pet rock Seymour -- always fascinated by his celestial cousins -- did some research of his own and came up with a timely and dubious edit of an article on the subject of 2007 FT3.

For better or worse...:

NASA Says A “LOST ASTEROID” Could Collide with Earth in 2024 And Cause Donald Trump To Be Re-elected Causing Panic in Hollywad

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California has taken a break from coming up with spurious claims of a 'flat earth' and climate change hysteria to actually indulge in something truly cosmic: an “Asteroid Watch”, the purpose of which is to detect and track asteroids (and comets) the agency thinks will come close to Earth. And they think they've found another candidate for late 2024.

Asteroid 2007 FT3 – first discovered in 2007 – is a .21 mile wide asteroid that weighs about the same as Whoopi Goldberg and has something of a meandering 'lost' orbit that will bring it close to Earth on or near October 5, 2024.

Granted, NASA admits that the chances of 2007 FT3 hitting Earth are about the same as aoc growing a brain: 1 in 11.5 million.

If it misses in 2024, it'll get another try in 2030, when the odds are better: 1 in 10 million.

Your odds of winning Powerball are much worse.

And in either case, the asteroid has a better chance of hitting Earth than Hellary has of getting her “turn”.

Granted, a direct hit by 2007 FT3 would be globally more significant than any of Greta Thunberg or AlGore's overblown and grossly dishonest predictions regarding global warming. If this or a comparable sized asteroid were to hit Earth, it could cause fires, shock waves, heat radiation, a large crater, acid rain, and giant tsunamis if it hits water. Not unlike what years of democrap control has done to Deadtroit.

Then again, there are some pluses to take into consideration: it would end The View, IRS tax filing, leftist Trump Derangement Syndrome, the World Economic Forum's Agenda 2030, igniting Teslas, failed male athletes trying to be women and Hellary whining about not getting her 'turn'.

To put us all out of the misery of suffering the DNC, scientists estimate it would take an asteroid about 7 to 8 miles (11 to 12 kilometers) wide crashing into the Earth to destroy all life on Earth. Once it made impact, it would create a tremendous dust plume that would envelope the entire planet, block out the sun, and raise temperatures where the asteroid made impact.

In short, it's about the only thing -- besides a full-blown nuclear war -- that would give Greta what she's been claiming is going to befall us because of us. Only a space rock -- or a Bidumb caused nuclear war -- can make her silly predictions come true.

No more highways blocked by morons supergluing their hands to the asphalt to protest on behalf of the Left's false narrative on climate change.

The article also mentions that NASA has tracked 90 percent of the near-Earth asteroids that are at least a half-mile (0.8 kilometers) wide and believes none of them has a significant chance of hitting Earth. However, there could be some bigger ones the size of Goldberg out there that NASA doesn’t know about.

It's important to note that NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Califorlornia has a pool on where worn out, whiny celebrities like Cher and Beak Streisand would go if 2007 FT3 hits causing the re-election of Donald Trump because all the Dominion servers and their faulty software are vaporized by the impact. Insiders say that Uranus is the odds-on favorite and Taylor Swift is rumored to already has advanced parties en route to claim prime real estate for a palatial spread.

I'd hold off on lining up to buy tickets for her 'Boys I've Dated And Dumped Tour' in 2032. Just sayin'...

Seymour doubts he'll hear anything from NASA, but an angrily-throw'd football from a certain KC tight end is not outside the realm of possible. That might be something akin to an asteroid strike...

AOC Gets Ethnic

My pet rock, Seymour, I suspect has a crush on AOC.

She's been heard to claim that he wants to date her.

What AOC didn't understand is that Seymour's very much into carbondating.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

And really sloppy raspberries.

Seymour saw that the currently dem-controlled House Ethics Committee has opened an ethics investigation of AOC.

Like dems can police themselves, ethics void as they are.

Still, my "editing gone wild" pet rock found this notion highly amusing.

And worthy of an edit:

New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez under investigation by House Ethnics Committee

A statement announcing the House ethnics investigation into AOC that didn't say which ethnics she's violating

By Seymour PetRock -- WTFNS

close

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D(umbass)-N.Y., is under a House ethnics investigation, according to a statement issued by the Democrapic Horse Committee on Ethnics That Are Victims of Climate Change on Wednesday. 

The panel will announce which ethnics were involved and how many of them were victims of systemic sudden death syndrome from unvaxxed people after its “WTF are we doing here?” meeting in 2023, the statement said. 

Details about what the investigation is looking into haven't been released as ballot harvesting to vote on what needs to be distracted from is still ongoing in Arizona and Georgia. The Office of Congressional Ethnics, a non-existent group prior to 2020, forwarded its inquiry to The View in June.

Committee Acting Chair Lazy Gender They/Them Wild, D(umbass)-Penn., and an inflatable sex toy formerly violated by Adam Kinzinger said the disclosure of the investigation "does not itself indicate that the right ethnics have or have not been violated or reflect any as-yet uncreated talking points on behalf of the committee."

HAKEEM JEFFRIES ANNOUNCES BID FOR AOC INFLATABLE SEX TOY ON CRAIG'S LIST

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., has been the subject of booty scrutiny since coming into office. 

WTFNS reached out to Rep. Ocasio-Cortez's office and so far only received a demand that we quit wanting to date her.

We could care less about that booty.

The Office of Congressional Ethnics is compelled to determine if any gender reassignment misassignments have occurred that caused Time Ragazine to declare AOC “the best thing to ever happened to get blondes off the joke list.'

Once an ethnic complains about something, the Ethnics Committee can either decide to take up the matter if it can be manipulated against election deniers, vaccine deniers, climate deniers or anyone that doesn't want to date AOC because of the size of her booty. In the last referenced case, the panel may have decided to "extend the matter."

That is quite a booty.  Small wonder Alex Stein noticed it.

The former bartender now “stupidest person in the Universe” has been the subject of scrutiny since opening her mouth. Last year, she was hit with an ethnics complaint over her attendance at the Met Gala in New York where her booty knocked over several tables, assorted attendees and badly damaged a roomba. It was alleged that she broke House rules by forcing that booty into a dress not meant for biological women with smaller booties.

Rachel Levine wasn't among the complainants on that score, having been at a prostate exam scheduled at the same time as the vote was.

Former bartender and Alex Stein booty watch candidate (Dumbass-NY) attends the 2021 Get Met by ICE Machine Manufacturers still reeling from AOC's protest of ICE machines in 2018.

"Ethnics from New York and elsewhere are routinely invited to and lobby for and get preferential treatment for overpriced Met tickets because I have a duty to parade my booty where assholes will make fun of it and I can get media attention," Ocasio-Cortez responded to critics at the time. "I was the biggest booty in attendance this evening."

She also turned heads at the event by knocking over tables and guests with that booty while wearing a “Tax The Witch” white dress that had non-white ethnics infuriated.

A second complaint was filed by the local janitorial union representing the poor bastards that had to clean up in the wake of AOC's booty havoc.

Twitter rescuer Elon Musk also chimed in, denying that he wanted to date AOC; he claimed that AOC hit on him several times so that he'd waive the $8 'blue check' fee that AOC was required to pay to remain on Twitter. House rules allow members to be on Twitter but not date Elon Musk.

Seymour's a bit out of practice with his 'editing gone wild' of late, but with AOC, it makes little difference...

 

An Editing-Gone-Wild Pet Rock Edits FEMA

There are times when even my 'editing gone wild' pet rocks, Seymour and Element, aren't able to believe (what passes for) their eyes.

Leave it to a federal agency in the abjectly stupid Bidumb regime, to provide that disbelief.

FEMA -- updating their COVID protocols on February 25, 2022 -- decided that in the event of a nuclear attack, folks simply couldn't be allowed to forget about how to protect themselves from the spread of COVID.

Unf**king believable.  Except that in the Bidumb regime, that kind of stupid is not just SOP, it's required.

This was one that Seymour simply couldn't take a pass on:

FEMA: If There’s a Nuclear Attack, Remember Your COVID Protocols In Case Someone In Your Shelter Is Left To Catch It

SUNDAY, MARCH 20, 2022 

(Seymour PetRock) The Federal Emergency Mismanagement Agency (FEMA) has issued a new guidance about what Americans should do in the event of a “media-incited” unexpected nuclear attack – *wink* – and the really critical line item therein is to social distance and wear a mask in order to avoid catching and spreading the Wuhan coronavirus (Covid-19) once you've turned into a cinder.

Related Russia Sanctions Joe Biden, Hunter Biden, Hillary Clinton, cnn and Flo from Progressive Insurance commercials in Retaliatory TV Blitz on Faux

 by  Seymour PetRock/WTFNS, March 20th, 2022

As the bright flash appears, one of the first things FEMA wants you to do is “[t]ry to maintain a distance of at least six feet between yourself and people who are not part of your household.”

“If possible,” the FEMA guidance adds, “wear a mask if you’re sheltering with people who are not a part of your household. Surely melting with others in a nuclear blast will contribute to creating a new variant of COVID” says FEMA with as straight a face as morons can manage.

Children under two years old, people with breathing problems and anyone else who get caught in a nuclear blast probably won't have time to don a Covid mask, but should show consideration to those as incinerated as they are, the federal agency maintains.

“Nuclear explosions cause significant damage and casualties from blast, heat, and radiation but you can keep your family safe by maintaining good Covid protocols and be incinerated together without contributing to the spreading of Covid if it occurs,” FEMA says.

FEMA: Hands sanitizer and disinfectant wipes will not “cure” becoming fireball fried or the post-explosion radiation poisoning, but will make liberals feel better, albeit extremely briefly.

Mind you, FEMA has no radiation-blocking masks in their infinite guidance. In fact, there does not even appear to be any recommendation at all about actual survival, though there is a footnote about cow flatulence and global warming.

FEMA actually claims that slapping a Chinese during a radioactive fallout type of situation will somehow provide a form of grim satisfaction before you're both crispy-ducked, anyway.  While FEMA doesn't address the heartwarming pleasure of hitting Bill Gates with a pie, most of the rest of us would definitely opt that way.

There is a paragraph in the FEMA guidance that even addresses not pissing off Greta Thunberg during a nuclear attack. The federal agency does admit that no amount of apologies to Greta as she's instantly melting will stop her last “how dare you”s from echoing in the sound bytes, so just roll your eyes and take it.

“At least you won't have to listen to any more of cnn's Brian Stelter, as he'll flare up like a greased pig,” FEMA maintains. “In the immediate aftermath of the fireball, you'll find it surprisingly easy to avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth. And warnings to not use disinfectant wipes on your skin will likely be superfluous.”

Silly as all this sounds, FEMA is even more dead serious than AlGore was about man-bear-pig. They were even prompted to update their nuclear preparation website on February 25, just before the media-inspired Russian invasion of Ukraine. FEMA wanted to be on the record to be as completely ridiculous as Jen Psuki, in other words.

It does not stop there, though. FEMA goes on to explain that in the event of a nuclear disaster, the first thing a person who is impacted should do upon calling 9-1-1 for help is not to expect that if anyone finally answers that “they'll really give a sh*t to know if you have, or think you might have, COVID-19.”

“If you can, throw a blanket over what's left of you before what's left of help arrives,” it further explains.

Should you need to warn your neighbors about a nuclear blast, it is best to let them figure it out in the same nanosecond you did, the guidance further suggests. That will minimize the potential spread of post-nuclear Covid 19.

“Then comes the absolute corker in this FEMA guideline that was surely drawn up by SNL writers: “Many people may already feel fear and anxiety about the coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19). The threat of a nuclear explosion can add additional stress a fraction of a second before it takes it all away.”

On more rational social media sites, many commenters had a field day mocking FEMA and the moron Fauxtus who built that, #FJB.

On Twitter, Hollywood Lefties took it seriously and urged people to pay attention to these warnings because “that great social conscience Fauxci wouldn't lie about sh*t like this”.

“Ah yes, in case your city gets nuked, worrying about Covid should be front and center in your scorched state of affairs,” responded a growing number of Hollywood skeptics.

Another person joked that the minute a nuke goes off, the first thing CNN will report is “During relatively peaceful nuclear exchange, 900 million people died of Covid today.”

Finally, one obviously Trump detractor claimed that “in times of absolute crisis, social distancing and not misgendering pronoun-sensitive incinerants are the most important things.”

It's comforting, in a perverse way, to know that FEMA is firmly out of control with their stupid during times like these...