Sometimes They Come Back

Actually, when it comes to scammers, they always come back.

Not unlike the pouty-faced cnn reporter who can't get no respect with fake news.

Here we have a little ditty from...well, read it yourself:


DEPARTMENT OF INT'L AFFAIRS
(Office of the Under Secretary)1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington D.C. 20220.

Attention: Beneficiary,

I am Mr.Steven Terner Mnuchin, the formal partner of Goldman Sachs and hedge fund manager. I'm the newly appointed United States Secretary of the Treasury  Department and was sworn in as the 77th Secretary of the United States Department of the Treasury of the administration of President Donald Trump, and Vice President Mike Pence.

Following series of complains from Citizens of the United States as well as Citizens of Other Countries In Europe over the Discrepancies and fraudulent ways in which fund transfers are handled by Africans which has made it impossible for a lot of People to claim their Winning prize or Inheritance funds from most African Countries due to frauds and illegal activities, A decision was reached recently by the United States Treasury Department under the authority of the White House to compel African Financial bodies (Banks) to urgently release all funds of Asian, American and European citizens and other geographic continents  that are trapped in most Banks and Courier Companies in Africa. It was discovered that some bureaucratic bottlenecks was put by these Banks and Couriers to make it impossible for beneficiaries to claim their funds so that they will fraudulently divert those funds to their private accounts.

Consequent upon the aforementioned, I was personally mandated to handle this matter to ensure that all funds of our Citizens and others countries which are fraudulently being trapped in African Banks are urgently retrieved and paid to the actual Beneficiaries under a legal manner. Our team of experts were delegated to Benin Republic, Nigeria, Ivory Coast and Ghana for this task and we discovered your File NO: BR227/9005666/00 as unclaimed fund.It was discovered that officials of the
Bank has only put up illegal requirements in order to make it difficult for you to claim your fund.

The United States Department of Treasury has retrieved all Files of illegal transactions and all has been arrested for this act . however, we will be working under a legitimate arrangement to ensure that you follow the normal process to receive your fund.You are requested to Re-confirm the following information to Dr Scott Wilson.


1. YOUR NAME:
2. AGE :
3. PHONE NUMBER AND FAX:
4. ADDRESS:
5. AMOUNT TO BE CLAIMED: $5.500,000.00usd
6. DRIVER LICENSE:
7. SEX :

Be informed that the above information will only enable us to make due confirmation.  We shall ensure that normal process is followed to ensure that your fund gets to you without delay or any unwarranted fees .

Contact Dr Scott Wilson  who is in charges of paying you your trapped fund and he is right now in Benin Republic as the Legal Practitioner to United States Department of Treasury e-Mail below:

Contact Person: Dr Scott Wilson
Email:( 3537483473@qq.com )
His phone number +234-7018712911

Yours in Service
Mr.Steven T Mnuchin
(Under Secretary)  


All I had to see was "under secretary" and "international affairs" and there was no doubt where this one was headed:

From: DEPARTMENT OF BILL'S INT'L AFFAIRS <DIA.@triton.ocn.ne.jp>
Sent: Monday, August 6, 2018 6:26 PM
Subject: Genital Humidors Needed

 

DEPARTMENT OF BILL'S INT'L AFFAIRS
(Office of Bill Atop His Under Secretary)
430 DNC Dumpster Divers SE
Washington D.C. 20220.

Genital Humidors Needed

I am Mr. Anonymous, the former law partner of Hellary Rodehard Putawaywet Clinton at the unprestigious lawless firm of Rose 'n Putz Law Pardners from the capital of Toothlessness, Little Rock Arkansas.  After having survived two dozen suicide attempts that looked more like some mad woman trying to run me down with a broom and have flying monkeys try to drop houses on me, I'm the newly appointed Misdirector of the William Jackanapes Clinton DEPARTMENT OF BILL'S INT'L AFFAIRS and was sworn at by hundreds of dozen of former female intern genital humidors as a result thereof.

 Following series of complaints from Citizens Against Female Intern Humidors as well as like-minded organizations in Eurasia, Africa, South America and Canada -- but not Hollywad, incuriously enough --  we investigated thousands and thousands of examples of genitally humidored cigars and found them to be...well...peculiar.  A decision was reached recently by the Cubans to market a Bill Clinton Intern Genital Humidor branded cigar called the Viagra Horndog 42, under the authority of the Cubans Without A Choice Act of 1959, to compel the Democrapic National Crimeittee to persondate these peculiar cigars as the only cigars permitted at the 2020 Democrap Crimevention. 

 Consequent upon the aforementioned, I was personally targeted for another one of those, quote, attempted suicides, unquote, when my inflatable Nancy Pelosi sex toy imploded, covering me with the same stuff Maxine Waters has been spewing for most of her lifetime.   Fortunately I was in a tsunami-like rainstorm at the time.  What's left of our team of experts were not so lucky, as they had the inflatable Kathy Griffin anti-sex toys, which are 100% guaran-dang-teed to chill any Horndog drive, or you get a second one free, complete with audio.

We showed one to a three-peckered goat and it jumped off a cliff.  How's that for abstinence?

The United States Department of Treasury has nothing to do with any of this, but we keep hoping that frequent mentions of them will result in us getting an advertising contract.

Now we come to that point in these silly emails that causes the originating scammers to foul themselves in ecstasy if one of these actually gets filled out and returned:

1. YOUR NAME:
2. AGE :
3. PHONE NUMBER AND FAX:
4. ADDRESS:
5. TO BE CLAIMED:
6. DRIVER LICENSE:
7. SEX :

8. WITH WHAT DID YOU LAST SEX WITH:

Be informed that the above information will only enable us to use your given informations to order porn videos in your name.  We shall ensure that normal process is followed to ensure that you don't get the porn videos, just the blame of having ordered them.

Contact Dr Scott Wilson  who has no idea what any of this is about and won't have a clue what to do with your response if you send one.  He's actually at a fly-infested internet cafe in Benin Republic trying to find out who ordered burrito cheeseburgers.  You can check his progress by emailing him at:

Contact Person: Dr Scott Wilson
Email:( 3537483473@qq.com )
His phone number +234-7018712911

 

 

So yes...sometimes, reference to Bill and his cigar humidors of choice do come back.  What comes as no surprise, the scammer had nothing further to add.  No did anyone else after they heard Griffin was referenced and frightfully pictured herein...

ATM Cards Can DO That?

There will be a moment...an oh, so brief moment...when this picture will fit in perfectly with the email scam edit.

Yes, 'twill.

I do love how the UN is forever having their name taken in vain by scammers.  Then again, the UN has, especially in the 21st Century, become quite the scam itself.

Be that as it is, here's the latest scam effort using the UN and ATM cards:

UNITED NATIONS ORGANIZATION 1775 K ST NW # 400

WASHINGTON D.C., DC 20006-1500, UNITED STATES

TEL/FAX: +1-206-202-1160 

 

 

Attn: Beneficiary, 

 

PAYMENT ORDER VIA ATM VISA CARD 

 

We have actually been authorized by United Nations New Secretary-General Antуnio Guterres, and the governing body of the UNITED NATIONS Monetary Unit to ensure you receive your approved USD 800,000.00 (EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS) your accrued interest Payment from United Nations Organization through Benin Republic government in West Africa. We have discovered with dismay that your payment has been unnecessarily Delayed by corrupt officials of the Bank in West Africa Benin Republic who are Trying to divert your funds into their private accounts. To forestall this, security for your funds was organized in the form of your personal Identification number (PIN) ATM VISA CARD and this will enable only you to have direct Control over your funds in the ATM CARD. We are happy to inform you that based on our recommendation/Instructions; your complete Inheritance funds have been credited in your favor through ATM VISA CARD. You are therefore advi ce to contact our Agent i 

 

Agent Name:  Mr. James Copeland

Mobile Number:  +229-98-53-5365

E-mail: mcopeland183@yahoo.com 

 

Contact him for the issuance and the delivery of your ATM Card and make sure your ATM CARD is activated before delivery to your postal address as instructed. As soon as you establish a contact with him, an ATM card will be issued to you immediately. Send the following information’s as stated below to avoid wrong delivery: 

 

1. Your Full Name:

2. Your postal address:

3. Your Age: 

4. Occupation:

5. Mobile Numbers: 

 

We expect your urgent response to this matter to enable us monitor this payment to avoid further delay. 

 

Congratulations in Advance as you follow instructions. 

 

Yours in Service. 

 

Mrs Susan Graham

United Nations  

 

 

After a wee bit of editing, the email went back to the originator, along with about 100 of the originators pals and colleagues, along with one douche nozzle and a party of twat waffles:

 

 

UNITED NATIONS DISORGASMANATION

1775 K ST NW # 400

WASHINGTON D.C., DC 20006-1500

TEL/FAX: +1-206-202-1160

PLS LEAVE ALL MSGS IN AZERBAIJANI OR WE CANNOT RESPOND 

 

Attn: YOUR ATM CARD HAVE GENITAL WARTS  

 

This is incredible...we have actually been authorized by United Nations New Suckretary-Genital Antуnio Guterres, and the governing body of the UNITED NATIONS Monkeytary Eunuchs to assure you that the ATM card we fabricated in our Third World factory for doing this on your behalf have been fabricated with authentic genital warts.  You may thank the Benin Republic government in West Africa.

We have discovered with dismay that your previous ATM card fabricated there was necessarily delayed because it did not have the authenticated genital warts that corrupt officials of the Bank in West Africa Benin Republic were assuring us it was supposed to have.  To forestall this, the UN Left of Center for Disease Propagation was organized in the form of your personal Identification number (PIN) and this will enable only you to have the genital warts embedded on your card. We are happy to inform you that based on our recommendation/Instructions, your complete infection of authenticated genital warts is assured thought this very specific ATM VISA CARD. You are therefore advice to contact our Agent:

Agent Name:  Mr. James Copeland

Mobile Number:  +229-98-53-5365

E-mail: mcopeland183@yahoo.com 

 

Contact him so we know that you are going to get your just infection of genital warts as dictated by the UN and other Left of Center arganizations which suck worse and harder than Bill Clinton on a vaginal dipped cigar. As soon as you establish a contact with him, a specially infected ATM card will be issued to you immediately. Send the following information’s as stated below to avoid wrong delivery: 

 

1. Your Full Name:

2. Your postal address:

3. Your Age: 

4. Occupation:

5. Mobile Numbers: 

 

We expect your urgent response to this matter to enable us to assure the UN that you have the genital warts they consider you deserving of without further delay. 

 

Congratulations in Advance as you follow instructions and watch your genitals fall off.

 

 

While this drew no response from the scammers or Democraps, I find myself wondering if any of the pals or colleagues of the scammers did their usual reading comprehension *FAIL* and wound up getting themselves an ATM card.  With genital warts... 

 

A Long Time Ago In An Email Edit Yesterday...

Things are getting weird in 2016.  Proof is no harder to find than the presidential election and what we're seemingly left with:  a corrupt criminal who'll have to pardon herself at her inaugural if she's not indicted first, or....Donald Trump, who simply defies description.

So why shouldn't the weird impact the online email scammers?

Take this one for example:  Miss Patience Kone of the Ivory Coast, and her effort to give my character the business:

My Dear,

l am happy to request for your assistance and also to go into business partnership with you, i believe that you will not betrayed my trust which i am going to lay on you.

I am Miss Patience Kone ,23years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Jason Kone. My father was a highly reputable business magnet-(a cocoa merchant)who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad year 12th.February 2007.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travailed with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 7 years old, and since then my father took me so special. Before his death on February 12th 2007 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of Two Million United State Dollars.(USD$2, 000 000) he used my name as his beloved daughter as the next of kin in depositing the fund in one of the bank in West Africa. And he said I should seek for a foreign partner in a  country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for an investment purpose.

I am just 23years old and an Student really don't know what to do. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards.Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can I completely trust you?

2. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you?

Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Thank you so much.  My sincere regards,

Miss. Patience   

 

 

I managed to work a lot of old and new into this edit...even my pet rock, Seymour, was stupefied:

 

 

Vacuum pack,

l am happy to request for a twelve pack of Keystone Lite because what you're about to read will require at least a twelve pack to understand.
 

I am Miss Patience Kone ,23years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Ukulele Ungabunga Ice Cream Kone. My father was a scurrilously disreputable and dubious business maggot (a cocaine and sex drug merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days.   On his nights he sang at various dive bars as Lolita Snatchpussy, a reputed transvestite gangsta rapperette that was advertised in bathrooms around Dearborn and the DNC.  It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his strangest performances with a llama, yak and a fortune-telling shrieking marmot on  12th February 2016.  Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masturbated by a pygmy tri-peckered goat who traveled with him at that time as his masseuse and bookkeeper, nothing has been proved other than emails found on Hellary's primate server that Bill tried to cleverly conceal as a female intern genital humidor at the Clinton Foundation, under a desk.

 

But God knows the truth!  And considers it stranger than any act ever witnessed on The Gong Show.

   

My mother died when I was just 22 years old, and since then my father took me whenever his male alter igor took over. Before his death he called the secretary who accompanied him for most of his night acts in e flat and told him that the secretary was to fire the tri-peckered pygmy goat for having eaten the sum of Two Million United State Dollars after a wild night in a ewe convent that still hasn't figured out what hit it.  

I am just 23 years old and a thrice born again virgin that really doesn't know what that means. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant comparisons to a father who behaved worse than Anthony Weiner on Twitter or Bill Clinton at a Nyphomaniac's Anonymous convention.  

 

Also, the death of my faithful witch doctor turned Serengeti hamster (one of his spells that went awry) who was then eaten by a boa constrictor has caused me many script rewrites for the next Star Wars movie, Episode VIII The Phantom Tri-Uddered Cow Tipper (George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are thought to want nothing to do with this one, though Harrison Ford might reprise his role if Carrie Fisher loses 30 pounds and that sticky bun on her head), due out in theatres in the summer of 2017.  

 

 

I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance to find some peculiar way that any of this can be made to make sense.  Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can I completely trust that you are NOT Anthony Weiner?

 

2. Do you know someone who can reprise the roles of Chewbacca and Jar Jar Stinks in the new Star Wars movie?

 

3. Did you hear about the pygmy tri-peckered goat attack at the ewe convent in Liechtenstein on CNN?

Oops...not THAT convent...

 

 

4. Do YOU know who hit Annie in the fanny with a flounder?

 

5. Do YOU know why PETA and Greenpeace aren't going stark raving nuts about that use of a flounder on Annie's fanny?

6. Are cars made out of avocados called guacaroles?
 

Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.  Thank you so much.

WTF to put it lightly,

Miss. Patience    

 

This one clearly overloaded the scammers who had absolutely no reply to this.  Chuck Barris could probably manage one...

 

Edit Of The Screaming Marmot

The infamous 'shrieking' marmot from YouTube.

At least it does ON YouTube.  I suspect in real life that it doesn't usually get as excitably upset.

Perhaps I could re-upset the marmot, if he knowd what I done to insert him into an email scammer's edited email.

Witness if you will the following:


Hello My Dear, I need your urgent help and assistance.
Please, I beg of you not to be annoyed with me and  my  message  to you, it’s because I don’t have any other means of reaching to you except via this medium as it is the only thing I can lay hand on as means of contacting you. My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )

I am Miss Aaren IB. Coulibaly, and I am 23 years old female from the Republic of Ivory Coast, I am the daughter of Late Chief Ibrahim Coulibaly (also known as General I.B). My late Father was a well known Ivory Coast military leader. He died on Thursday 28 April 2011(a date I will never forget in my life) and this was as a result of a fight with the Republican Forces of Ivory Coast (FRCI). You can read more about my father in the link,http://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/apr/28/ivory-coast-renegade-warlord-ibrahim-coulibaly

I have to seriously contact you for your help, because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away my entire wealth and property of late father from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father, because my mother died during child bearing and I was left alone with my step mother to take care of me. Meanwhile I wanted to travel to Europe, but she took away my traveling documents. Fortunately she did not discover where I kept my father's File which contained important documents of his will and deposit certificate of a fund (money) which bears my name as the next of kin to inherit a bank account South Africa. Due to her aggressions on me, I decided to travel out to Republic of South Africa as a Diplomatic refugee and now I am in the South African Diplomatic Refugee Camp. I am seeking for your friendship and investment assistance. My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$20.5 Million in his foreign bank account with the First National bank of South Africa (FNB) with my name as the next of kin of the fund.

I have contacted the Bank here in South Africa to clear the deposit but the head of the bank’s international wire-transfer Manager told me that my late father placed an instruction on the deposited fund that I must present a foreign trustee who will help me for investment and management of the fund, this was due to my young age as at the time of deposit.

My reason of contacting you is because I need your help in transferring the money into your bank account while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you or your family. As you indicate your interest to help me, I will give you the contact details of Bank manager where my late beloved father deposited the money with my name as the next of kin. It is my intention to compensate you with 25% out of the total money after the transfer of the money to your account. And extra 5% for any expenses that may arise, and the balance shall be for investment in any profitable venture which you will recommend to me as I have no idea about foreign investment. Please all my communications with you should be through my email address for now, for confidential purposes; and I will provide you with my numbers once I managed to get any phone. Pease my dear you will be compensated with 25% of the total money. Kindly indicate your willingness to help me by replying back to me as soon as you receive my message. God bless you

Thank you as I wait for your quick and positive reply.

Yours sincerely,
Miss Aaren I. Coulibaly.  My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )  


A nice jackwagon load of crap that would make about any creature, capable of shrieking, do so.

So let's see if I can make Aaren I. Coulibaly 'shriek' with the edit:


On Friday, May 6, 2016 3:42 AM, "firedballsplowedintogoatsass@arcor.de" wrote:

Hello I need your urgent help and assistance finding virgin marmots that can shriek at high decibels.

I saw one on YouTube and now I want one for my very own.  Please, I beg of you not to be annoyed with me and  my  message  to you, it’s because I don’t have any other means of reaching to you except via this medium so that you can help me get a shrieking marmot that has been my life dream since puberty and my battery operated furry dildo broke and it was the only thing I can lay hand on. My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )

I am Miss Aaren IB. Coulibaly, and I am 23 years old female from the Republic of Ivory Coast, I am the daughter of Late Chief Ibrahim Coulibaly (also known as General I.B). My late Father was a well known Ivory Coast military leader and marmot inseminator. He died on Thursday 28 April 2016 (a date I will never forget in my life) when he thought he'd finally taught a marmot to shriek...and too late discovered it was a gaggle of rabid baboons that made him shriek instead at the unspeakable things they did to him, his genitals and his Samsonite hard side luggage.  It doesn't help to do sh*t like this with the lights out and wind up with parts of it on a luggage commercial.

I have to seriously contact you for your help, because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother. She planned to deny me my own shrieking marmot because she thinks that shrieking marmots are a subbaphomet of Ukulele Ungabungaboo, the dark gawd of the Nigerian illuminincompoops, that often licks the seats of what passes for their toilets and gives them all painful rectal itch when displeased.  Meanwhile I wanted to travel to Liechtenstein but she said I don't have any success finding shrieking marmots at the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute (ICOTI) located in Vaduz.  Fortunately she did not discover where I have a black magic tattoo of a marmot having sex with Debbie Wasserman Schultz at a Motel 6 near the DNC in Washington, DC.  I got it from Bill Clinton when I had an audition to be one of his female intern genital humidors while he toured Africa last. 

I have contacted a Bank in South Africa hoping to secure a loan to buy a shrieking marmot, but so far the only bank that seems to be interested in helping me is an online scam bank belonging to Dangote Alico, and that doesn't help me for sh*t.  

My reason of contacting you is because I need your help in finding and acquiring that shrieking marmot from the YouTube video which I will relocate to my country and settle down with it where I can have unnatural sex and lavish upon it all those things that genuine perverts who vote for Hellary do with furry things that shriek. Please all my communications with you should be through my email address for now, for confidential purposes; and I will provide you with my numbers once I managed to get any phone. Please my dear you will be constipated by a local witch doctor I know here if you fail me. Kindly don't do that because he is a rather unpleasant jerk and freak who smells funny.  

Thank you as I wait for your quick and positive reply. 
Miss Aaren I. Coulibaly.  My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )  

I eagerly anticipate a 'shriek' of sorts from the scammer, the DNC, the Clinton crimepaign, or the noted ex-friend referenced.

Or just another outburst from the marmot.

Seymour Wasn't In Hillary's Server

Even as he "vacations" in West Virginia, my pet rock Seymour is keeping up on the news.

And saw this interview by Bill Clinton, regarding his lying, email-erasing wife, her imperial aspirations, and why her pants suits will have to get bigger and orange.

At least, that's how Seymour took it...and edited it:

Bill Clinton says in interview he'll be 'backside adviser'

By Seymour PetRock

WASHINGTON (ARG) — Former President and intern aficionado Bill Clinton says in an interview he plans to be a "backside adviser" in Hillary Rodehard Clinton's expected email cover up campaign and intends to spend the year working on his lengthy expertise with intern genital humidor tryouts.

As his marxist lying supersized pants suitess considers another presidential campaign if she can fit it in between lies, cover ups and fraud, the ex-president says in an interview with Clown and Cover Up ragazine released Tuesday that he would play a behind role examining potential interns for any number of uses, while remaining focused on his work at the Clinton Intern Genital Humidor Training Institute, which he founded in office and then took on the road in 2001 after he left the White House.

"I think it's important, and Hillary does too, that she go out there as if she's never heard of anything she's accused of having done wrong, and not recall sh*t," Clinton said. "And that my role should primarily be as a backside evaluator for the interns that I....er....we're going to need."

The former president impeached by the House defended his commitment to intern genital humidor accountability, calling it the "most transparent" of all the intern genital humidor training programs and "more transparent" than anything in the Obola regime. He noted that it has been criticized for accepting money from foreign governments for the interns he's trained in genital humidoritry.

Asked about his role if Hillary Clinton is convicted and thrown in jail, Bill Clinton said he would "have to assess what she wants me to do" but "it'll be a heckuva lot easier for me to recruit interns with her in the can."

When Hillary Clinton became Obola's suckcretary of state in 2009, the foundation agreed to stop raising money from foreign governments for intern genital humidor training and export, but the WashPoo swept all of it under the rug while she was in the Obola regime. In one case, the foundation said it should have sought approval from Mothers Against Bill Clinton Interning Their Daughters As Genital Humidors, but bought them off with a $500,000 contribution from the Algerian government to assist with intern restocking in Bill's Bar, Cat House 'n Grill in Little Rock.

Bill Clinton said they haven't discussed any changes to how the foundation would function "because we're running out of lamps for Hillary to smash, so I don't think we should. We can't afford any new lamps and still leave me money to recruit 20 something interns. It's hard for me to party and hang onto all these babe interns for 12 years. A thousand things could happen. I'm hoping it's at least a thousand, because I'll have most of them related in my memoirs."  


Seymour probably just put himself in the bullseye of Hillary's Super Volunteers....y'know, the ones with the seven phrases you can never say about Hillary in public....