When In Doubt...Unicorns

This is not what a scammer, purporting to be the General Auditor of Bank of America, at all had in mind when she sent my character this:


Bank of America Financial Center 
Metro Center Station 700 13th St NW, 
Washington, DC 20005, United States
Office of Ms. Christine P. Katziff
Corporate General Auditor (BOA)
Wire Transfer & Audit Department
Direct Tell: +12024555966


Attention:,

I am Ms. Christine P. Katziff, Corporate General Auditor, Bank of America. Be informed of the arrival and availability of your long awaiting inheritance fund Part Payment value, ($7, 000,000.00) only as received. This occurred on the march 21st 2018, through great effort by the USA Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC). But our Bank Board of Directors, refused to get you informed for reasons best known to them, which I believe, must be selfish interest. 

I made my research in our Bank database and confirmed I can wire the fund to your choice of Bank account and have the wire tracer wiped out from the system, where the fund wire transfer cannot be traced to your Bank account by any Financial Authority.  

Therefore, I urge you to trust my skill and assure me the absolute confidentiality of this information, and I will have your fund wired via the fastest method of wire transfer, (MT202 Cov), If you agree or can trust my skill on this matter, reconfirm your details as listed bellow, and I will transfer your fund as you will confirm it in your Bank account same day.

If you have any doubt or negative thought about this, please, don't bother to reply this message, I cannot persuade you, I am only here to exercise my hatred on cheating and cheaters, using my perfect professional skill. 

Be assured of a successful completion of this deal upon adhering to my directives by acting at the right time where necessary. 

No INTERFERENCE from the Government or any Financial Authorities, no one will have the right to intervene on the transaction following my perfect plans to make it happen. 

Reconfirm the following details to enable us commence on the process immediately.

Your Full Names: 
Your Current Home Address: 
Your Direct Cell:
Your Current Occupation:

Bank Names: 
Bank Address:
Bank Account No:
Bank Account Names:
Swift No:
Routing No:

Christine P. Katziff  
Corporate General Auditor  


But that's what my 'editing gone wild' pet rock, Seymour, thunk up almost immediately, especially when he saw that if he had any doubt he was not to write back.  Seymour always takes that as a challenge:


  Subject: UNICORNS!!!!!!

 

Bank of Merica Financial Center 

Metro Center Station 700 13th St NW, 
Washington, DC 20005, United States
Office of Ms. Christine P. Katziff
Corporate Genital Auditor (BOM)
Wire Transfer & Audit Department
Direct Tell: +12024555966

Attention:

I am Ms. Christine P. Katziff, Corporate Genital Auditor, Bank of Merica. Be informed of the arrival and availability of long awaiting unicorns only as received. This occurred on the march 21st 2018, through great effort by the USA Office of the Troller of the Currency (OTC). But our Board of Directors, refused to get you informed for reasons best known to them, which I believe, must be shell fish interest.  In short, they clammed up.

I made my research in our database and confirmed I can ship to you a unicorn of your choice and have the tracking tracer wiped out from the system, where the transfer cannot be traced to you by any Authority.  

Therefore, I urge you to trust my skill and assure me the absolute confidentiality of this information, and I will have your unicorn sent via the fastest method of transfer, (WTF202 Cov), If you agree or can trust my skill on this matter, reconfirm your details as listed bellow, and I will transfer your unicorn as you will confirm it in your back yard same day.

If you have any doubt or negative thought about this, please, don't bother to reply this message, I cannot persuade you, I am only here to exercise my hallucinogenic hatred on Mesopotamian Fork Sticks, using my perfect professional skill. 

Be assured of a completion of this deal upon adhering to my directives by acting at the right time where necessary. 

No INTERFERENCE from the Government or any Authorities, no one will have the right to intervene on the shipping of your unicorn following my perfect plans to make it happen. 

Reconfirm the following details to enable us commence on the process immediately.

Your Full Names: 
Your Current Home Address: 
Your Direct Cell:
Your Current Occupation:
Where Do You Want Unicorn Delivered: 

Christine P. Katziff  
Corporate Genital Auditor          

PS:  I can't guarantee what flavor of ice cream your particular unicorn will crap.  That's luck of the draw.   

 

 

I heard nothing further back from the genital auditor, but one scammer that received a copy of this was a bit distressed:

 

 

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

 

 

What...you allergic to unicorns?  

 

 

Seymour and I thought everyone liked 'em...      

It's Everywhere You Don't Want To Be

Relax...Eyegor won't get this brain switch done correctly, either.

I do give this scammer a minutiae of credit for attempting to sound marginally official:

Bank of America Financial Center 

Metro Center Station 700 13th St NW, 

Washington, DC 20005, United States

Office of Ms. Christine P. Katziff

Corporate General Auditor (BOA)

Wire Transfer & Audit Department

Direct Tell: +12024555966

Attention:,

I am Ms. Christine P. Katziff, Corporate General Auditor, Bank of America. Be informed of the arrival and availability of your long awaiting inheritance fund Part Payment value, ($7, 000,000.00) only as received. This occurred on the march 21st 2018, through great effort by the USA Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC). But our Bank Board of Directors, refused to get you informed for reasons best known to them, which I believe, must be selfish interest. 

I made my research in our Bank database and confirmed I can wire the fund to your choice of Bank account and have the wire tracer wiped out from the system, where the fund wire transfer cannot be traced to your Bank account by any Financial Authority.  

Therefore, I urge you to trust my skill and assure me the absolute confidentiality of this information, and I will have your fund wired via the fastest method of wire transfer, (MT202 Cov), If you agree or can trust my skill on this matter, reconfirm your details as listed bellow, and I will transfer your fund as you will confirm it in your Bank account same day.

If you have any doubt or negative thought about this, please, don't bother to reply this message, I cannot persuade you, I am only here to exercise my hatred on cheating and cheaters, using my perfect professional skill. 

Be assured of a successful completion of this deal upon adhering to my directives by acting at the right time where necessary. 

No INTERFERENCE from the Government or any Financial Authorities, no one will have the right to intervene on the transaction following my perfect plans to make it happen. 

Reconfirm the following details to enable us commence on the process immediately.

Your Full Names: 

Your Current Home Address: 

Your Direct Cell:

Your Current Occupation:

Bank Names: 

Bank Address:

Bank Account No:

Bank Account Names:

Swift No:

Routing No:

Christine P. Katziff  

Corporate General Auditor  

 

 

Yes, she at least sorta tried to sound marginally official.

 

That ended with the edit:

 

 

From: ChristineP.Katsniff:@Bankofamerica.com <andmmorris445@gmail.com>
Sent: Monday, May 13, 2019 11:46 AM
Subject: Your Porn Audition Confirm or Call Me: +12024555966

 

Bank of Fawg Financial Center 

Metro Center Station 700 13th St NW, 

Washington, DC 20005, United States

Office of Ms. Christine P. Katsniff

Corpulent Genital Auditioner (BOF)

Direct Tell: +12024555966

Attention:,

I am Ms. Christine P. Katsniff, Corpulent Genital Auditioner, Bank of Fawg. Be informed of the arrival and availability of your long awaited porn audition with Stormdrain Daniels on the about-to-be-cancelled cnn show Kowballa's Got Genital Warts. This occurred for a one week premiere on April 1 2019, through great effort by friends of Alyssa Milano's sex strike, Ruth Bader Ginsboig. But people and inanimate objects planning to run for president as democraps refused to get you informed for reasons best known to them, which I believe, must be selfish interest. 

I made my research in our Bank database and confirmed I can get you an audition to star with Stormdrain Daniels in From Russia With Sexual Inflatables, anticipated to be off Broadway next year and before the House Injudiciary Crimemittee next week, if Jerry Nadler can get his hallucinogens prescription adjusted to make that Cortez broad a little easier to listen to.  

 

Therefore, I urge you to trust my total lack of skill and inarticulate vaginal stuttering while assuring me the absolute confidentiality of this information not making it into the Mueller Report as an unredacted add-in.  If you agree or can trust me on this, I guarantee you'll never know what violated your sock puppet collection until it's over.

 

If you have any doubt or negative thought about this, please, explain in 500 words or less in English, French, Klingon or Uranusian, why you don't wish have sprechens with me about your audition.  If given the chance and proper drugs, I can persuade you; I am loosely related to Tania the Lotus Eater, the same one that briefly mastered Chief Inspector Clouseau in his last movie before he vaporlocked, allowing Chief Inspector Dreyfuss a release from the frog mental hospital.   

Be assured of a successful completion of your audition with Stormdrain Daniels and a host of celebrity inflatables by acting at the right time where necessary. 

No INTERFERENCE from the Film Actor's Guild or Arec Barrdwin will befall you.  I think. 

Reconfirm the following details to enable us commence on the process immediately.

Your Full Names: 

Your Current Home Address: 

Your Direct Cell:

Your Current Occupation:

Christine P. Katsniff  

Corpulent Genital Auditioner  

 

 

My pet rock, Seymour, is convinced I scared off the scammer with an edit mentioning Tania the Lotus Eater.

 

It didn't seem to bother the late Chief Inspector Clouseau...

To Kneel With A Seal

When a scammer insists on getting something with a seal, they don't always know what's coming back at them.

Take this scammer purporting to be with the Bank of America:

Bank of America Corporate Office Headquarters

100 N.Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255

Our Ref:BOA/IRU/SFE/15.5/WD/011

United States of America

Monday-Friday

8 a.m.-9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT)

Saturday and Sunday

8 a.m.-4 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT)

The Management of the Bank of America Corporate Office Headquarters here in 100 N.Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255 wishes to inform you that after a brief meeting held by the Bank executives yesterday,We deem it appropriate to intimate you that your funds will be transferred into the United States Treasury Account with the JP Morgan Chase Headquarters at 270 Park Avenue in New York according to the record we got due to your inability to complete the transaction and your failure to meet up with a minor payment obligation.The actual transfer of your funds($20,500,000.00) into the government account comes up next week.

This is in line with the instructions of the USA Treasurer,Mrs.Rosa Gumataotao Rios that all unclaimed funds be paid into the United States Government Treasury Account as unserviceable funds in compliance to section 3 subsection 1(a) of the United States Financial Law enacted in 2001 after an attack on our dear country on September 11,2001.

Find below the profile of the banking institution where your funds will be transferred into following the government directive:, And note to responds to us with below Email ( officemails@hot.ee ) Name of Bank: JP Morgan Chase Headquarters at 270 Park Avenue in New York. JP Morgan Chase Official Bankers for the United States Treasury Department

AC NO: 68302345093

Routing NO:JPM109593

Account Name: United States Treasury Department,USA

Note that if you still wish to receive your actual donation payment ( $20,500,000.00) do get back to us Immediately so that we will remove your funds transfer from the list of those transactions to be seized by the United States Government. Also be Informed that we need only a DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST DOCUMENT) to complete the wire transfer direct to your personal bank account if you agree.The fee to obtain the SEAL was reduced from $600 to $296 and no other fee is involved.

You are required to send the fee of $296 by WESTERN UNION or Walmart to walmart to the issuing officer at the bank where your transaction originated as stated below INFORMATION.

If we receive the MTCN today along with your bank details,we will transfer your funds ( $20,500,000.00 ) before we close office and the funds will reflect 3hours after the transfer.We will send you all the transfer documents to enable you start making cash withdrawals from your account same day the funds are transferred. We have waited for so long and we cannot continue to wait.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to serve your banking needs.

Yours faithfully,

Brian Moynihan

Chairman of the Board, Chief Executive Officer

Bank of America® Corporation head Office

Email ( officemails@hot.ee )

Corporate Office Headquarters,Charlotte,N.C.

Bank of America, N.A. Member FDIC.

© 2011 Bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved.  

 

 

Ain't that quaint?  Let's see if they give their seal of approval to this edit:

 

 

Blank of 'Murica Copulate Office Headquarters

100 N.Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255

Our Ref:BOA/IRU/SFE/15.5/WD/011

United States of 'Murica

Monday-Friday

8 a.m.-9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT)

Saturday and Sunday

8 a.m.-4 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT)

Any other day including holidays and hollandaise

8 a.m.-8:10 a. m.

The Mismanagement of the Blank of 'Murica Copulate Office Headquarters here in 100 N.Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255 wishes to inform you that after a brief meeting held by the Blank executives yesterday,We deemed it necessary to kneel in our briefs to protest against the United States Treasury Account with the JP Morgan Chases Orgasms Headquarters at 270 Park Avenue in New York.  According to the record we got which we can't play because no one here has a turntable that turns at 33.3 rpm and has a clue where to get a phonograph needle, your inability to accept our kneeling in our briefs and your failure to meet up with a large hipped waitress named Claude puts you square on our list of persons that cannot be properly fathomed without sonar.  This has to be cleared up next week.

This is in line with the instructions of the USA Treasurer, Mrs.Rosa Jacob Jingleheimer Schmuck, which is our name, too.  What those instructions are isn't clear, because they're written in kanji and Azerbaijani, but we are certain that they are alluded to under compliance to section 3 subsection 1(a) of the Federal Endangered Feces Act enacted in 2000 after the Millennium Bug turned out to be as big a bust as Al Capone's vault and AlGore's drowning of the world by global warming by a couple years ago.  

Find below the profile of the blanking institution where compound interest is frequently mistaken with buying the rights to a religious compound in upper Silesia, a few miles from Hoboken.  And pleased to be noted that you needs responds to us with below Email ( officemails@hot.ee )

Name of Bank: JP Morgan Chases Orgasms Headquarters at 270 Park Avenue in New York.   JP Morgan Chases Orgasms Officially on behalf for the United States Treasury Department

AC NO: 68302345093

Routing NO:JPM109593

Account Name: Jack N Ewehoff,USA

Note that if you still wish to receive a Christmas card from Idi Amin, you're sh*t out of luck.  However, if you do get back to us Immediately we will see about getting you a Happy Barf Missed Ya card from Taylor Swift, until she sues us to stop us from doing that.  Also be Informed that we need only a DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL to complete the wire transfer direct to an off shore account if you agree.  The seal can be obtained in great quantities at Fisherman's Wharf, which is also what his dog frequently says.  The fee to obtain the SEAL was reduced from $600 to $296 but you can get yours for free with a few fish and a cage.  

You are required to have this seal send the fee of $296 by WESTERN UNION or Walmart to walmart to the issuing officer at the blank where your transaction originated as stated below in something other than kanji or Azerbaijani.  Probably Polish.

If we receive the MTCN today along with your blank details,we will insist on seeing a picture of your seal with Anthony Weiner outside a Motel 6 in Georgetown at 3am last November 9th.  We will send you all the fish you need to keep the seal from talking until Hellary's next book tour about What Happened II, which she and George Lucas are turning into a six part trilogy for NutFlux through 2025.  We have waited for so long and we cannot continue to wait.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to totally cornpone you in this manure.

Yours faithfully as long as you have those blackmail pictures from last year's Christmas party,

Brian Moynihan

Chairman of the Board, Chief Executive Officer

Blank of 'Murica® Copulate head Office

Email ( officemails@hot.ee )

Copulate Office Headquarters,Charlotte,N.C.

Blank of 'Murica, N.A. Member FWTF.

© 2017 Blank of 'Murica Copulation. All rights denied if you voted for Trump, you deplorable.

Nothing back from the originating scammer, but my pet rock might have heard from Taylor Swift's publicist and PETA.

 

"Did NOT!!!"

Melania Trump 'n Me

Not really.

But an email I recently received was meant to convince me that I had, in fact, heard from Mrs. Trump.  And with good news, too.

Witness if you will:


Mrs.Melania Trump rsensolini@alice.it wrote:

Bank of America Corporate Office Headquarters
100 N.Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255 Our Ref:BOA/IRU/SFE/15.5/WD/011
United States of America
Monday-Friday
8 a.m.-9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT)
Saturday and Sunday
8 a.m.-4 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT) Email:williamsjones596@gmail.com

Dear esteemed customer,

The Management of the Bank of America Corporate Office Headquarters
here in 100 N.Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255 wishes to inform you that
after a brief meeting held by the Bank executives yesterday,the 9
Day of January,2017 at precisely 8 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT),
we deem it appropriate to intimate you that your funds will be
transferred into the United States Treasury Account with the JP Morgan
Chase Headquarters at 270 Park Avenue in New York according to the
record we got from Africa due to your inability to complete the
transaction and your failure to meet up with a minor payment
obligation.The actual transfer of your funds($15,500,000.00) into the
government account comes up next week.

This is in line with the instructions of the USA Treasurer,Mrs.Rosa
Gumataotao Rios that all unclaimed funds be paid into the United
States Government Treasury Account as unserviceable funds in
compliance to section 3 subsection 1(a) of the United States Financial
Law enacted in 2001 after an attack on our dear country on September
11,2001.

Find below the profile of the banking institution where your funds
will be transferred into following the government directive And note
to responds to us with below Email:williamsjones596@gmail.com
 
Name of Bank: JP Morgan Chase Headquarters at 270 Park Avenue in New York.
JP Morgan Chase Official Bankers for the United States Treasury Department
AC NO: 68302345093
Routing NO:021109593
Account Name:United States Treasury Department,USA

Note that if you still wish to receive your funds do get back to us
immediately so that we will remove your funds transfer from the list
of those transactions to be seized by the United States
Government.Also be informed that we need only a DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY
SEAL OF TRANSFER(DIST) to complete the wire transfer.The fee to obtain
the SEAL was reduced from$600 to $100 and no other fee is involved.  


It went on for several more paragiraffes telling me to send the $100 to some gomer with piles in Benin to receive my $15.5 million USD.

Thank you, Melania.

Sadly, Melania didn't really send me that.  'She' sent it to one of my scambaiting characters.  And he -- politically incorrect snot that he is -- felt that an edited reply was necessary.  *Note to CIA:  no wiretaps were harmed during the course of editing this scam email from parties of dubious antecedence, probably comparable to that of the DNC*.    And with no foithah adieu:

From: Mrs:Melania Trump <rsensolini@alice.it>
Sent: Tuesday, March 14, 2017 10:44 PM
Subject: steemed 'n sautéed customer

 

Bank of Amurkitah Carport Office Hindquarters
100 Nevah Stop Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255
Our Ref:BOA/OMG/WTF/15.5/LOL/011
United States That Baggages Fees Are Poobah
Monday-Friday
8 a.m.-9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT)
Saturday and Sunday
8 a.m.-4 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT) Email:williamsjones596@gmail.com

Dear esteemed customer,

The Management of the Bank of Amurkitah Carport Office Hindquarters here

in 100 Nevah Stop Tryon St Charlotte,NC 28255 wishes to inform you that
after a brief meeting held by the Bank executives yesterday,the 9
Day of January,2017 at precisely 8 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time(EDT),
we deem it appropriate to let you know that we need a new f**king

calendar.

I mean, WTF...it's March 15 -- the Ides of March Madness -- and yesterday

was January 9th???

My elementary school chronology teacher would rupture a vaginal canal

over a gaffe like dat.

Since imitation is the highest form of flattening -- and it hasn't worked for

Rosie O'Donnell -- your funds will not be transferred into the USofA Treasury

Account with the JP Morgan Chasing Cute Hindquarters through traffic at

270 Park Avenue in New York because cabbies there are bat sh*t cray-cray.

Accordion to the record we got from the African band of Ukulele Ungabunga

and the Five Cannibal Douche Canoes, your inability to complete the
telepathic link up to a cosmic kumquat on Uranus has endangered the

entire gender reassignment of a herd of yaks in Dearborn, which was

supposed to have comes up next week.

This is in line with the bowel obstructions of the USA Treasurer,Mrs.Rosa
Gumataotao Rios, that all unclaimed funds be given a free burrito when

entering into the USA illegally as Syrian door knobs from Aleppo which

are knowd to be unserviceable and tend to blow up.  This has been

knowd pretty much since compliance to section 3 subsection 1(a) of the

United States Financial Law enacted in 2001 after an attack on an

inflatable Josie 'n the Puddy Tats by Michael Moore's bloviated

shadow.

Find below the pedophile lurking in the bank file room where your funds
are in danger of being molestated in accordance with the dictates of the

evil sammich Tuna Phish 'n The Twat Waffle Street Band.  If you have

questions about this -- and we have no doubt you will -- email us with

your incredulity at   williamsjones596@gmail.com
 
Now we have some non sequitur sh*t to disclaim here:

JP Morgan Chasing Cute Hindquarters into traffic at 270 Park Avenue in New York.
JP Morgan Chasing Cute Hindquarters is official perverts of the USA Monopoly

Monkey Department
AC NO: 68302345093
Routing NO:021109593
Account Name: USA Monopoly Monkey Department,USA (because we believe

in redundancy)

Note that if you still wish to receive a disheveled hamster that felched a

camel do get back to us immediately so that we will remove you from our

database and schedule you for a mental exam, you sick bastard.

 Also note in e-flat that only a DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL that can

play horns and bark like a dawg for me when thrown anchovies
will successfully complete the sh*t this email is meant to start.  The fee to obtain
the SEAL was reduced from$600 to $100 because we couldn't find one

f**king idiot so stupid as to pay $600 for a dawg imitating seal that stinks

of bad fish and farts "I have an apple..I have a pen...I have an apple pen..UHHH"

in c-sharp.

You are required to send the fee of $100 by WESTERN UNION or MONEY
GRAM or JURASSIC AIR COURIER or by a pneumatic cannon with GPS

coordinatable targeting to the issuing officer at the bank where your

made up transaction originated as stated below:

DISINFORMATION
Receivers Name:Johnson Obata
Country :Benin Republic
City: Cotonou
AMOUNT to send: $100
Question.  Apple
Answer. Pen

Refrain:  Apple Pen

Climax:  UHHH
Sender's name:
MTCN or REFERENCE Number

The name of the city from where the money was sent

doesn't mean sh*t.  Just sayin.

If we receive the MTCN today,we will gladly pay you for a

hamburglar on Tuesday.  We will send you all the transfer documents,

close our internet café and declare a national holiday in Benin wherein

we cook and eat all the diplomats from Europe, America and Uranus.

 We have waited for so long and we cannot continue to wait.

We're hungry.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to give you the business.

More Cowbell,
Mr.Brian Moynihan(CEO)
Bank of Amurkitah®
Carport Office Hindquarters,Charlotte,N.C.
Bank of Amurkitah, N.A. Member FWTF.
© 2011 Bank of Amurkitah Carport. All rights in the hands of a

trigendered penguin named Opus
AR72768/DD6A66

 

The originating scammer had nothing further to say, and since no White House tweets were triggered by this, we know beyond all doubt that it wasn't Melania.

Rachal Madcow and the fake news sex organ cnn will no doubt seize on this.  Gesundheit when they do.

*GONG* Slow

If this were The Gong Show, John Moore would be on his way out.

Yet another scammer that doesn't read initial replies so good.

Here's what he sprung on me:

Bank of America Corporate Office

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097

Email: boa733@outlook.com

 

OUR REF: BOA/GA/0861

 

Dear Beneficiary,

 

After a brief meeting held today by the Management of the Bank of America Corporate Office, We deem it appropriate to inform you that your fund is about to be transfer to United States Treasury Account as directed due to your inability to complete the transaction and your failure to meet up with a minor payment obligation. Your funds totally $950,000.00 will be transfer into the government account next week.

 

This follows the directives of the state Treasurer, Mr. Steve McCoy that all unclaimed fund be transfer to the States Treasury Account in compliance to section 3, subsection 1(B) of the United States Financial Law enacted in 2001 after an attack on our dear country on September 11, 2001.

 

However, you have one last opportunity to receive your funds if you are ready to follow our instruction. Get back to us immediately so that we will remove your funds from the list of those funds to be seize by the Government that next week. Be inform that for your fund to be transfer to you, you only need to validate your fund file with the government of Benin Republic (fund originated country). You need only a file validation fee of $98 to the Benin ministry of finance to validate your fund file.

 

Once your fund file is validate, we will take over the transaction and I Mr. John B. Moore personal promise to oversee and ensure that your fund is appropriately transfer to you immediately. Mind you it is ONLY $98 that you are required to pay and no other fee is involve. mark my word. I will write to the Benin Republic  authority to know where you will send them the required file validation fee of $98 as soon as I had the go ahead order from you.

 

For your information, you have only five (5) working days to comply with the above order or your fund will be transfer to Treasury Account. We are waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.

 

Thanks for giving us the opportunity to serve your banking need.

 

Yours faithfully,

Mr. John B. Moore

Regional Director B.O.A Georgia

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097  

 

Yea, Bank of America is going to be urging me to send $98 to some yutz in Benin.

 

At any rate, the email had been titled "Your Last Notification".  My response keyed on that:

 

 

I hope it's the last.  But I doubt it.  

 

That was enough for John Boy...to misinterpret:

 

We received your mail and we are glad to inform you that your fund valued $950,000.00 has just be removed from the list of those fund to be seize by the Government that next week. Also be inform that all is now ready for the release of your fund to you once we confirm $98 file validation payment from you. 

From information in my desk, You are to send the file validation fee of $98 to the Benin republic ministry of finance through Money-Gram or Western Union to below information.

Name.................................Alex Okey

Address/city.....................Porto-Novo

Country.............................Benin

Text question ...................When

Text Answer ....................Now

amount...........................$98.00

MTCN.................................

Send us the payment information once you make the payment for onward forward to the Benin republic authorities. As I stated in my previous mail to you, Once your fund file is validated, I Mr. John B. Moore personal promise to oversee and ensure that your fund is release to you immediately. mark my word. 

 

Thanks for giving us the opportunity to serve your banking need.

 

Sincerely, 

Mr. John B. Moore

Regional Director B.O.A Georgia

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097  

 

 

Only $98?  Cheap bastage.  At any rate, it was time to channel my pet rock, Seymour, and go "minerals gone wild" in reply:

 

 

 To:  the alleged

Mr. John B. Moore

Regional Director B.O.A Georgia

10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097

 

I am so happy to see that your inability at comprehension has not changed over the years.

You're quite an online showperson:  you've contacted me many times over the years.  You've been a Somali refugee in a Senegal refugee camp.  You've been a foreign remittance and exchange manager for the Bank of Africa and Central Bank of Nigeria.  You've been a 21 year old Benin woman looking for succor and someone to perform it on.  You've been a South African bannister seeking clients.  You've been a Nigerian Illuminipplehead.  You've been a deposed Libyan dictator's illegitimate daughter's emu. 

 

 

You've been Mrs Mariam Abacha. 

 

You've even been Marowa Ayelolo, spell caster and promised that I would be dead before the end of 2015 because I made fun of you and your "magical powers".

 

Still here, Bunky.

Bottom line...you've been many things, and an abysmal *FAIL* at every one of them.

For your next role, I would suggest that you be the Billy Dale of West Africa, and do TV infomercials about bringing back The Gong Show and digging up all the deceased show originals to be on it; what's left of Chuck Barris can wear the silly hat and shuffle foot around the stage all coked up.

 

All the while ,you'll be running a Robert Tipton "Pastor Gas" telefon scam in the background.

 

You would have lots of peers and colleagues who would gleefully be contestants on the show, wearing fish on their heads and holding up signs proclaiming their abject stupidity.

 

You might even get Don Rickles to roast you.  Of course, he'd do it more figuratively than your neighbors.

 

Be sure to invite HON mark smith, aka Frank Godwin at frankgodwin@textnow.me; he's particularly stupid and gongable, and will even make Chuck Barris throw up.

 

Get back to me with more details of your scam, since you probably won't read this worth a sh*t.

 

Retired late actor & entremanure  

 

A short period of *Jeopardy Theme Music*, followed by:

 

 

I am no those people jerk.  Never write again.  

 

Thank you.  I most certainly will...and often.  

 

 

Don Rickles would maybe approve.  And give me a cookie before calling me a hockey puck and sending me away...