Saturday, March 11, 2017

*GONG* Slow

If this were The Gong Show, John Moore would be on his way out.

Yet another scammer that doesn't read initial replies so good.

Here's what he sprung on me:


Bank of America Corporate Office
10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097
Email: boa733@outlook.com
 
OUR REF: BOA/GA/0861
 
Dear Beneficiary,
 
After a brief meeting held today by the Management of the Bank of America Corporate Office, We deem it appropriate to inform you that your fund is about to be transfer to United States Treasury Account as directed due to your inability to complete the transaction and your failure to meet up with a minor payment obligation. Your funds totally $950,000.00 will be transfer into the government account next week.
 
This follows the directives of the state Treasurer, Mr. Steve McCoy that all unclaimed fund be transfer to the States Treasury Account in compliance to section 3, subsection 1(B) of the United States Financial Law enacted in 2001 after an attack on our dear country on September 11, 2001.
 
However, you have one last opportunity to receive your funds if you are ready to follow our instruction. Get back to us immediately so that we will remove your funds from the list of those funds to be seize by the Government that next week. Be inform that for your fund to be transfer to you, you only need to validate your fund file with the government of Benin Republic (fund originated country). You need only a file validation fee of $98 to the Benin ministry of finance to validate your fund file.
 
Once your fund file is validate, we will take over the transaction and I Mr. John B. Moore personal promise to oversee and ensure that your fund is appropriately transfer to you immediately. Mind you it is ONLY $98 that you are required to pay and no other fee is involve. mark my word. I will write to the Benin Republic  authority to know where you will send them the required file validation fee of $98 as soon as I had the go ahead order from you.
 
For your information, you have only five (5) working days to comply with the above order or your fund will be transfer to Treasury Account. We are waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.
 
Thanks for giving us the opportunity to serve your banking need.
 
Yours faithfully,
Mr. John B. Moore
Regional Director B.O.A Georgia
10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097  
 
Yea, Bank of America is going to be urging me to send $98 to some yutz in Benin.
 
At any rate, the email had been titled "Your Last Notification".  My response keyed on that:
 
 
I hope it's the last.  But I doubt it.  
 
That was enough for John Boy...to misinterpret:
 
We received your mail and we are glad to inform you that your fund valued $950,000.00 has just be removed from the list of those fund to be seize by the Government that next week. Also be inform that all is now ready for the release of your fund to you once we confirm $98 file validation payment from you. 
From information in my desk, You are to send the file validation fee of $98 to the Benin republic ministry of finance through Money-Gram or Western Union to below information.
Name.................................Alex Okey
Address/city.....................Porto-Novo
Country.............................Benin
Text question ...................When
Text Answer ....................Now
amount...........................$98.00
MTCN.................................
Send us the payment information once you make the payment for onward forward to the Benin republic authorities. As I stated in my previous mail to you, Once your fund file is validated, I Mr. John B. Moore personal promise to oversee and ensure that your fund is release to you immediately. mark my word. 
 
Thanks for giving us the opportunity to serve your banking need.
 
Sincerely, 
Mr. John B. Moore
Regional Director B.O.A Georgia
10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097  
 
 
Only $98?  Cheap bastage.  At any rate, it was time to channel my pet rock, Seymour, and go "minerals gone wild" in reply:
 
 
 To:  the alleged
Mr. John B. Moore
Regional Director B.O.A Georgia
10950 Medlock Bridge Rd, Duluth, GA 30097
 
I am so happy to see that your inability at comprehension has not changed over the years.
You're quite an online showperson:  you've contacted me many times over the years.  You've been a Somali refugee in a Senegal refugee camp.  You've been a foreign remittance and exchange manager for the Bank of Africa and Central Bank of Nigeria.  You've been a 21 year old Benin woman looking for succor and someone to perform it on.  You've been a South African bannister seeking clients.  You've been a Nigerian Illuminipplehead.  You've been a deposed Libyan dictator's illegitimate daughter's emu. 
 
 
You've been Mrs Mariam Abacha. 
 
You've even been Marowa Ayelolo, spell caster and promised that I would be dead before the end of 2015 because I made fun of you and your "magical powers".

 
Still here, Bunky.
Bottom line...you've been many things, and an abysmal *FAIL* at every one of them.
For your next role, I would suggest that you be the Billy Dale of West Africa, and do TV infomercials about bringing back The Gong Show and digging up all the deceased show originals to be on it; what's left of Chuck Barris can wear the silly hat and shuffle foot around the stage all coked up.
 

All the while ,you'll be running a Robert Tipton "Pastor Gas" telefon scam in the background.
 
You would have lots of peers and colleagues who would gleefully be contestants on the show, wearing fish on their heads and holding up signs proclaiming their abject stupidity.

 
You might even get Don Rickles to roast you.  Of course, he'd do it more figuratively than your neighbors.

 
Be sure to invite HON mark smith, aka Frank Godwin at frankgodwin@textnow.me; he's particularly stupid and gongable, and will even make Chuck Barris throw up.
Get back to me with more details of your scam, since you probably won't read this worth a sh*t.
 
Retired late actor & entremanure  
 
A short period of *Jeopardy Theme Music*, followed by:
 
 
I am no those people jerk.  Never write again.  
 
Thank you.  I most certainly will...and often.  
 
 
Don Rickles would maybe approve.  And give me a cookie before calling me a hockey puck and sending me away...
 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

They can dish it out, but they can't take it. I love your rewrites.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My very best to Seymour and Element. ☺

11 March, 2017 10:32  

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