Affairs of State...Are Tacky

This pic will somehow make sense in a bit.

A show of hands:  who has heard from a sitting or standing US Secretary of State that they were owed money?

I have...more times than I can count.

I occasionally get such claims that even list the current secretary correctly.

Not that it helps the credibility any, but eh...minor detail.

Here's what my character got from "US Secretary of State Michael Pompeo":

U.S Department of State

2201 C Street NW

Washington, DC 20520 

 

Dear Beneficiary 

 

Your ATM Visa Card Will Be Shipped Through USPS To Your Address I am Mr. Michael R. Pompeo, United States Secretary of State by profession. This is to inform you officially that after our investigations with the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and other Security Agencies in the Country for the year ended 2016 and 2017, we discovered that you have not yet received your over due fund. 

 

I have made it my first point of call since taking office to settle all Outstanding Payments accrued to Individuals or Corporations with respect to local and overseas contract payment, Debt Rescheduling and Outstanding Compensation payment. 

 

This is to make sure all Outstanding payments are settled beginning of this fiscal year 2018. On Behalf of the entire staff of the U.S. Department of State and the United Nations in collaboration with World Bank, we apologize for the delay of your contract payment, Winning or Inheritance funds from most of African Countries and all the inconveniences you encountered while pursuing this payment. However, from the records of outstanding beneficiaries due for payment with the U.S Secretary of State, your name was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding payment who has not yet received their payments. 

 

Note that from the record in my file, your outstanding contract payment is $1,850,000.00 USD (One Million, Eight Hundred And Fifty Thousand United States Dollars) loaded in an ATM Visa Card that allows you to make a daily maximum withdrawal limit of $5,000 Five Thousand Dollars). 

 

I have your file here in my office and it says that you are yet to receive your funds valued at $1,850,000.00 USD (One Million, Eight Hundred And Fifty Thousand United States Dollars). This Funds will now be delivered to your designated address or your preferred payment option. We have perfected all modules on how to bring this fund to your house without any problem, but be aware that United Nations and the United States Government has only authorised my office to release the Sum of $1,850,000.00 USD to you as true beneficiary of the Fund. 

 

Note that your loaded ATM Visa Card will be mailed to you through Priority Mail Express (USPS) to your designated address immediately you admit full compliance to this email. Due to my busy schedules You are advised to kindly get in contact with our correspondent Mr. Harry White with the below details enclosed to help ensure safe mailing of your ATM Visa Card: 

 

Your Full Name:

Your Contact House Address:

Name of City of Residence:

Country of Residence:

Direct Mobile Telephone Number:

ID Card, DL or Passport Copy:

Age and Occupation: 

 

Contact Mr. Harry White immediately by emailing the address below: 

 

Name:   Mr. Harry White

Email:  wmrharry@aol.com

Telephone: (352) 478-0117 

 

He is obliged to treat your case with utmost urgency as soon as you contact him and fill out your correct details including all reachable phone numbers for him to get in touch with you via phone and email. 

 

NOTE: Every documentation proof for your fund have been packaged and sealed to be mailed together with your Visa Card to your address. Therefore, the only obligation required of you by the laws of the Government of United States and the financial Monetary Policy of the Supreme Court, states that; you as a beneficiary must officially obtain the irrevocable LEGAL STAY OF PROCEED from the Supreme Court of USA, as a means to justify the legitimacy, transparency and clean bill of funds from USA so that by the time your funds gets to you, no authority will question the funds as it has been legally certified free from all financial Malpractices and facets. The LEGAL STAY OF PROCEED is valued at a cost of ( $550) please take note of that. 

 

As soon as the above mentioned $550 is received, The LEGAL STAY OF PROCEED will be secured on your behalf immediately. I need all the compliance that I can get from you to ensure we get this project accomplished. Personally, I am very sorry for the delay you have gone through in the past years. Thanks for adhering to this instructions which are meant for your sole benefit, once again accept my congratulations in advance. 

 

Thanks for your cooperation as your quick response to this email notice with adherence to the above instructions is highly anticipated.  

 

 

Of course, anyone receiving something as convincing as THAT would be all over it, right?  Only $550?  For a mil 850k?  Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

 

 

*Yawn*

 

 

My character's response -- being the ever-respectful-of-authority-types that he isn't -- was an edit worthy of the original email:

 

 

From: Mr. Michael R. Pompeii< info@qlkt.net>
Sent: Sunday, August 12, 2018 3:14 PM
Subject: THE STATE DEPARTMENT IS AVAILABLE AT PETSMART     

 

Department of State

430 CNN Street NW

Washington, DC 20520

...just look for the pouty Jim Acosta inflatable, whining and deflating out front 

 

Dear fill in da blank 

 

Your ATM Visa Card Will Be arrested Through USPS for attempting sex with a skimmer at a gas station in lower Poughkeepsie.  I am Mr. Michael R. Pompeii, the video icon inside a slot machine that speaks Latin poorly and initiates bonus features therein by profession. This is to inform you officially that after our investigations with the Federal Burrito of Ingestigation (FBI), Central Lack-of-Intelligence Agency (CIoA) and assorted fake news outlets in the Country for the year ended 2016 and 2017, we discovered that you have not yet been defrocked by a pack of horny marmots. 

 

I have made it my first point of call since having heard of this peculiarity in trying to find out how it works. 

 

This is to make sure that anyone wanting to be defrocked by a gang of horny marmots are settled in this fiscal year 2018. On Behalf of the entire staff of cnn and the Suckretary Genital of the United Nations in collaboration with painful rectal itch, we apologize for the delay of your curiosity being satisfied. However, from the records of Motown, what becomes of the broken farted is not our concern, unless we're in an elevator with them and it's stuck. 

 

Note that from the record in my file, you're scheduled to be visiting by that roving pack of horny marmots in December, and we can probably postpone the arrest warrant for your ATM card until then.  You may or may not see why shortly. 

 

I have your file here in my office but didn't know it for quite some time because my ex-suckretary had it filed in Azerbaijani.  I asked frequently and often why it would be filed this way, and learned that only someone familiar with Azerbaijani filing systems would know.  And since I don't speak it -- my second language is non-binary manatee -- it took me until now to find you.  We haven't yet  perfected all modules on how to make this workably believable, but me and three others -- a Russian bot, and two inflatable sex toys, one of Hellary Clinton and the other a cheap Maxipad Waters knock off that's always leaking and squeaking about something to do with peaches -- are working very hard to get us a show slot on cnn, the least-watched cabal network in the history of crawdad enemas. 

 

Note that your loaded ATM Visa Card was found in a dive bar, hitting on a pay toilet swipe reader, and had to go to detox.  Due to my busy schedules You are advised to kindly get in contact with our correspondent Mr. Harry White -- a third-rate Jim Acosta who is just as much a eunuch as Acosta is -- to arrange for bail for the card once we've arrested it: 

 

Your Full Name:

Your Contact House Address:

Name of City of Residence:

Country of Residence:

Direct Mobile Telephone Number:

ID Card, DL or Passport Copy:

Age and Occupation: 

 

Contact Mr. Harry White immediately by emailing the address below: 

 

Name:   Mr. Harry White

Email:  wmrharry@aol.com

Telephone: (352) 478-0117 

 

He is obliged to treat your case with utmost lackadaisicality unless you pay the fee that's to follow.  In that case, he'll probably foul himself in abject shock that this scam actually worked once. 

 

NOTE: Every documentation proof for this poorly-writ and worsely-thought-out scam have been packaged and sealed to be mailed together with a life size inflatable Ruth Bader Ginsburg being groped by Al Franken display to your address. Therefore, you should probably move and leave no forwarding address.  Failing that you will owe us a cost of ( $550) please take note of that. 

 

As soon as the above mentioned $550 is received from you by us, nothing else will happen, because once you pay us, we could give a lusty crap about anything else stated herein, hereout, hereanywhere.  The LEGAL STAY OF PROCEED will mean as much as a popcorn fart in a hurricane.  Howsoever, until that end is achieved -- and we hope at least once in the thousands of emails we've sent out trying this crap from all sorts of illicit angles -- I need all the compliance that I can get from you to ensure we get money outta someone.

Personally, I am very sorry that the marmots coming for you aren't the kickboxing type.   

 

Thanks for your cooperation as your quick response to this email notice with adherence to the above instructions is highly hoped for...up to now, our track record with these scam templates sucks. 

 

Never Really Was Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Michael R. Pompeii

animated icon in a slot machine at a gas station in Pahrump, Nevada.  

 

 

I doubt that the scammer will actually has access to roving gangs of horny or kickboxing marmots.  But my pet rock, Seymour, suggests I best be prepared if my door gets kicked in by a gang of the latter...

 

 

Skunkfeathers And The Woild

Yes, it is.

Periodically I like to look in and see where in the world is looking in on me.

At times it's fascinating.

My one bucket list goal -- a visit from Liechtenstein -- still hasn't happened.  I'll keep kicking the bucket down the road, until it does.

I still get interesting and varied places looking in.  Including one that might be from beyond.

Over the past week, this is how my top ten visiting locations stack up:

United States	173
Russia	166
United Arab Emirates	161
Vietnam	159
Germany	18
France	17
Ukraine	14
China	12
Nigeria	10
Indonesia	9

That the US is tops again is not unusual.

The Russians aren't second overall, but this week they were...probably bots.  The dems will assume that they're trying to steal my election too.  Fortunately, I'm not running for anything.  That won't prevent cnn from misreporting it, but eh...that's all cnn's good for any more.

Good morning, Vietnam...159 times.  Bet they've seen the movie too.

Nigeria's visits are on the upswing...and not surprising, since more and more of them are finding a site where their scams are being mauled.  Lots of angst in the fly-infested internet cafes all over Lagos and points thereabouts, I imagine.

At any rate, it's nice of y'all in your respective countries to look in h'yar.

But it was in the daily visits for the middle of that week that the curiosity was piqued:

United States	38
Russia	6
Unknown Region	4
Nigeria	4
Germany	3
France	3
Italy	2
South Korea	2
Poland	2
Ukraine	2

In the 13 years that this blog has existed, that is the first time I've had visits from an "unknown region". 

Might it be....from space?

If so, I hope they're not disappointed in the lack of intelligent life my blog encounters in the scamisphere.  Then again, we don't need an interplanetary war started because some Nigerian dunce tries to convince a denizen of Uranus that they've won a Faceplant lottery without entering, and only have to send a small fee to collect it.

I can help any denizen from Uranus out in that event:  just copy and use the Zimbabwe currency that's prominent at the start of this post.  It might mean nothing to the good octosexual orthopods of Uranus, but it will certainly convey a clear message to a scammer in Nigeria.

The same message I've delighted in conveying to scammers world-wide the past 13 years of this blog, and 19 years overall.

In the meantime, I'm still looking for that one page visit from Liechtenstein.

But I won't take it amiss if I get one from Uranus, either....or any other celestial locality, just in case the 'unknown region' isn't Uranus.

Strzok Schlock

And even with that, the broom-rider couldn't cook the books enough to win.

But that's not why this post is:  it is, because this Strzok schlock alleged wrote to ME.

With yet another fake dossier in the guise of an email scam.

Take a gander:


ANTI-TERRORIST MONETARY, CYBER RESPONSE AND CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING 935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON,

D.C. 20535-0001

Our Ref: CBN /0N8/CONTRACT NO.856.
To. Beneficiary:

This is FBI Agent Peter Strzok and we are here in London as an FBI/UNITED NATION delegate that has been delegated to investigate these fraudsters who are in the business of swindling Foreigners that came for transaction in London.

Please be informed that during our investigation, we found out that there is a total sum amount of money $25.5 million that has been assigned in your name as the beneficiary and these fraudsters are busy swindling you without any hope of receiving your fund.

These are the works of the fraud stars who needed to extort money from you in the name of this transfer. We have to inform you that we have made some arrested in respect of this delayed over due fund. I have a very limited time to stay in London here so I advise you urgently respond to this message.

These criminals will be caught unaware and we don't want them to know this new development to avoid jeopardizing our the investigation, you need to conceal anything that has to do with this exercise to enable us to get all the necessary information we required.

As soon as I receive your response, further details will be furnished to you.

You should Contact:- Agent Peter Strzok FBI Head of Director,
.Email Address:-  paymentoffice16@yahoo.com

Please KINDLY Reconfirm Your Information Again.

Your Full Name_____
Your Address____
Your Age______
Your City_______
Your State_____
Your Country_____
Your Home phone_______
Your Cell phone_______
Your Occupation____
Your Passport id____
Your Next Kin______

I shall be expecting your swift response as soon as you receive this email.

Regards.
FBI Agent Office  


Scammers should do a wee bit of current affairs research before putting out stuff like this.  Not that it matters to me...I'll edit anything:

From: PAYMENT OFFICE <ubaj80@yahoo.pt>
Sent: Sunday, August 19, 2018 10:29 AM
Subject: FEDERAL BURRITO OF INGESTIGATION IN LONDON  
ANTI-UNCLE DIVISION FBI HINDQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC FEDERAL BURRITO OF INGESTIGATION IN LONDON, J.EDGAR HOOVER'S DAID

Our Ref: WTFFF/0N8/CONTRACT NO.856.

This isn't really FBI Agent Peter Strzok coming to you live from London, UK; I was fired after my not very convincing audition before the Congress what was actually supposed to have been my audition for Who Wants To Be A Douche Nozzle.

 So with time on my hands and a bunch of morons fueling my GoFundMe page, I am here in London as an FBI/UNITED NATION imposter delegated to investigate rumors of false crumpets in Buckingham Palace that give the Queen gas. 

We already know they do that to Phillip.

Of course, there are other reasons for me to come to London.  Avoiding extradition for being such a twat omelet.  But I digress.

Please be informed that during our mostly made-up investigation, we found out that there is a Russian bot running my former employer and the dolt that ruined the CIA under Obola -- the dude trying to take the job of dwarf Grumpy from the actual dwarf -- he's only grumpy because the broom rider was supposed to win and didn't, and we're all out of jobs because of it.

These are the works of 63 million deplorable bitter clingers, who were supposed to have listened to cnn and done what they were being told to do....but noooooooooooooo...you had to listen to Russian bots, Rush Limbaugh and COTR, and vote for that...that...Donald dude.  That de-swampifier...that...that..."you're fired" jerk.  Dammit, it was Hellary's turn, and we were all supposed to be employed in perpetuity, even though most of us don't know what it means.

So anyway here some of us are in London, trying to do here what we were trying to do there, and not being very successful because the Brits don't appreciate the broom rider, either.

All because Bill tried to make it with an intern in the Queen's throne room.

However, we have disgraced and cashiered MI-Sux agents working up another dossier in which we intend to prove that the current POTUS has an inflatable sex toy ranch in the basement of Maxipad Water's mental health clinic.

And those inflatables are fixing to bust out in time to steal the 2018 mid-terms.  In 2016 it was bots; this time it'll be leaking, squeaking Hellary sex toys.

 
It's important that the voters be caught unaware and we don't want them to know this new development to avoid jeopardizing our the investigation, you need to conceal anything that has to do with this exercise to enable us to get all the necessary information we required. Including English lessons and a good smellpecker.

As soon as I receive your response, further details will be furnished to you.

You should Contact:- Agent Peter Strzok former disgraced FBI twat waffle
.Email Address:-  paymentoffice16@yahoo.com

Please KINDLY Reconfirm Your Information Again even though we have it in triplicate, somewhere.

Your Full Name_____
Your Address____
Your Age______
Your City_______
Your State_____
Your Country_____
Your Home phone_______
Your Cell phone_______
Your Occupation____
Your Passport id____
Your Next Kin______

I shall be expecting your swift response as soon as you receive this email.

Regards.
Traitors 'R Us

John 'Grumpy' Brennan, honorary twerp  

This didn't get me any reply from the scammers.  It might get me on John Brennan's 'enemies' list...like I care about being on a communist traitor's 'enemies' list.

My pet rock just face palmed at that...

---

What's In YOUR Email?

I know what's in MY email.

Scams like this h'yar:

JP Morgan Chase Bank of New York
270 Park Avenue, 39th Floor,
Webside: www.jpmorgan..com / wsshttps://chaseonline.chase.com/

Attn:Beneficiary,

I write to inform you that the Federal Executive Council of the united states of America in collaboration with JP Morgan Chase Bank to wishes to Compensate you with the sum of US$10.5 Million Dollars after discovering you are a victim of scam to some impostors who claim to be what they are not And we have mount our network monitoring code to track them down with such act here in united states and other countries.

Note, this decision was made by the Federal Executive Council of united states of America in collaboration with JP Morgan Chase Bank to enable you reach out with the goal and objective of Charitable Organization Union in your communities and we don’t know how much you have been scammed years-back in trying to  receive your contract/inheritance payment but we believe the stated amount $10.5 Million (Ten Million fine hundred thousand USD) will put you in other to forget your past and continue your future without participating in such scandal again. And for us to finalize your approve payment with us you will have to re-confirm the information below to us after reading this email for a quick procession of your payment.

1) Your Full Name
2) Your Direct telephone number
3) Your Complete Address
4) A Copy Of Your Identification I.D
5) Occupation & Position

Upon the receipt of the above information from you, i will switch into action with further instruction of your payment without any further delay. So be advice that  your maximum co-operation to this office will help us released your fund to you. And as i prove to let you know me, please see the attach copy of my ID for  more clarification.

Thank you

Yours Sincerely

Mr. James Dimon.
Executive Director,
Member of Operating Committee of JP Morgan  


Yawp.  That's what's in my email.

Well...this is what's now in the scammer's email:

From: JPMorgan Chase & Co <JPMorgan@ceres.ocn.ne.jp>
Sent: Sunday, August 5, 2018 1:14 AM
Subject:  JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't

 

 JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't of New York
270 Park Avenue, 39th Floor,

NYC NY something five digits

Attn:

I write to inform you that the Federal Executive Council of the Unicorns Crapping Ice Cream in collaboration with JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't, wishes to Constipate you with left over rigatoni from the employee cafeteria after discovering you are a victim of burritos from some impostors who claim to be what they are not and we have mount our network stuffed llama to track them down with such act both here and other countries, because we cannot tolerate substandard unicorns crapping rigatoni when it's supposed to be ice cream.

 Note, this decision was made by the Federal Endangered Feces Act in collaboration with  JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't, to enable you not long be constipated with the goal and objective of Charitable unicorn ice cream crapping in your communities and we don’t know how much you have been scammed years-back by alpacas imitating ice cream crapping unicorns but we believe the stated event as stated as an event is an event as stated and not something made up by cnn, though they might once they read this.  This of course will put you in other to forget your past and continue your future without participating in tostado gender switching again. And for us to finalize your culinary peculiarities with us you will have to re-confirm the information below to us after reading this email for a quick procession of your reconstituted burrito crapped ice cream sundae via unicorn express.

1) Your Full Name
2) Your Direct telephone number
3) Your Complete Indirect Address
4) A Copy Of An Identification I.D, if not your own then that of someone you really don't like
5) Occupation & Position at time you decided you don't like them

Upon the receipt of the above information from you, i will switch into action with further instruction of our international fleet of flying ice cream crapping unicorns without any further delay. So be advice that
your maximum co-operation to this office will help us released from the 72 hour mental health hold this email initially screwed us into. And as i prove to let you know me, please don't see the copy of my ID I forgot to attach because I didn't have one of someone I hated available for more clarification.

Mr. James Demon.
Executive Dumrector,
Member of Operating Committee of  JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't

With Orifices Everywhere You Don' Wanna Be...'Cuz We Fart

 

 

My pet rock suggested that I accept no ice cream from anything dressed like a unicorn after this....

 

The FBI Has Lost Its Mind

Yup...certifiably.  Certainly by the end of this, I reckon.

I have just spent the last month in a series of email exchanges with one of their "diplomats" -- who knew that the FBI had those -- over $96.

Questionmark and the Mysterians did better with 96 tears.

Here's how it all began at the end of June:


Anti-Terrorist and Monetary Crimes Division
FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J.Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C

Attn: Fund Beneficiary!!!

This e-mail has been issued to you in order to officially inform you that
we have completed an investigation on an International Payment in which
was issued to you by an International Lottery Company. With the help of
our newly developed technology (International Monitoring Network System),
we discovered that your e- mail address was automatically selected by an
Online Balloting System, this has legally won you the sum of $2.4million
USD from a Lottery Company outside the United States of America. During
our investigation, we discovered that your e- mail won the money from an
Online Balloting System and we have authorized this winning to be paid to
you via INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT.

Normally, it will take up to five business days for an INTERNATIONAL
CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT by your local bank.We have successfully notified this
company on your behalf that funds are to be drawn from a registered bank
within the world winded, to enable you cash the check instantly without
any delay, henceforth the stated amount of $2.4million USD has been
deposited with IMF.

We have completed this investigation and you are hereby approved to
receive the winning prize as we have verified the entire transaction to be
Safe and 100% risk free, due to the fact that the funds have been
deposited with IMF you will be required to settle the following bills
directly to the Lottery Agent in- charge of this transaction whom is
located in Abomey-Calavi, Benin Republic. According to our discoveries,
you were required to pay for the following,

(1) Deposit Fee's (IMF INTERNATIONAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE)
(2) Shipping Fee's ( This is the charge for shipping the Cashier's Check
to your home address) The total amount for everything is $96.00 We have
tried our possible best to indicate that this $96.00 should be deducted
from your winning prize but we found out that the funds have already been
deposited to IMF and cannot be accessed by anyone apart from you the
winner, therefore you will be required to pay the required fee's to the
Agent in-charge of this transaction In order to proceed with this
transaction, you will be required to contact the director in-charge
(Diplomatic Austin James) via e-mail.

Kindly look below to find appropriate contact information:

CONTACT AGENT NAME:Diplomatic Austin James
E-MAIL ADDRESS:(diplomaticaustinjames220@gmail.com)
PHONE NUMBER: +229-60726228.

You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:
1. Your full Name========
2. your Address========
3. Nationality========
4. Age================
5. Occupation========
6. Phone Number========
7. Present Country====
8. Fax [optional]====
9. Email address====
10. Sex===============
******************************

You will also be required to request Western Union or Money Gram details
on how to send the required $96.00 in order to immediately ship your prize
of $2.4 million USD via INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT from IMF, also
include the following transaction code in order for him to immediately
identify this transaction: EA2948-910.
This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau of Investigation
is authorizing you to pay the required $96.00 ONLY to Diplomatic Austin
James, via information, in, which he shall send to you,

Christopher.A Wray

Federal Bureau of Investigation F B I
Yours in Service, Andrew G. McCabe
III Director Office of Public Affairs  


What follows is the actual series of emails exchanged between "Diplomatic Austin James" and my character:



You dumb sons of bitches at the FB-f**king-I can't even investigate a broom riding, fall down go phfffft cackler like Hellary Clinton...how the f**k you gonna pull THIS off?  

THIS IS THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL, ORDER FROM THE IMF OFFICE HERE, IN

RESPECT WITH THE PROVISION ACT OF DECREE FBI AUTHORITY CONSTITUTION,I

AM DIRECTED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK

DRAFT" TO THE TUNE OF $2.4 MILLION US DOLLARS ONLY HAVE VERIFICATION

AND CONFIRMATIONS ARE CORRECT. THEREFORE, WE ARE HAPPY TO

INFORM YOU THAT ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN CONCLUDED TO AFFECT YOUR

DELIVERY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND IN OUR BID TO TRANSPARENCY.YOUR

SKEPTICISM IS UNDERSTANDABLE AND NOT WITHOUT MERIT. HOWEVER, WE WILL

NOT BE PARTY TO A SITUATION LIKE YOU SUGGESTED AND QUITE FRANKLY, I

TAKE EXCEPTION TO WHAT YOU ARE IMPLYING. YOUR INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED

BANK DRAFT IS REAL AND LEGITIMATE.

THE REQUIRED FEE OF $96.00 DOLLARS FOR THE IMF INTERNATIONAL CLEARANCE

CERTIFICATE CAN BE SEND THROUGH WESTERN UNION  INTERNATIONAL MONEY

TRANSFER OR MONEY GRAM WITH THE BELOW STATED DETAILS;

PAYMENT DETAILS

1. RECEIVER NAME:========DON  AJIKA

2. COUNTRY:==============BENIN REPUBLIC.

3. CITY=================COTONOU

4. QUESTION=============WHEN

5. ANSWER: =============TODAY

6. AMOUNT:==============$96.00 DOLLARS

7. MTCN NUMBER==========?

8. SENDERS NAME=========?

FORWARD THE PAYMENT CONTROL NUMBER, SENDER

AS SOON AS YOU FINISH MAKING THE PAYMENT, DO NOT HESITATE TO EMAIL ME

WITH THE PAYMENT INFORMATION ON MY EMAIL AS STATED BELOW, SO THAT I

CAN FACILITATE THE RELEASE AND DISPATCH OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL

CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU

AS I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EMAIL WITH THE PAYMENT INFORMATION.

CONGRATULATIONS

YOURS IN SERVICE

MR Tom Daniel

INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND (IMF)

AFRICA REGIONAL OFFICE BENIN

TELEPHONE +229-60726228  

 

 

You may have received my email, but you sure as f**k didn't read it, FBf**kingIster.  

 

 

LISTEN TO ME, YOU JUST HAVE TO FOLLOW ALL MY INSTRUCTION IN ORDER TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS MONEY GETS TO YOU AND THAT ALL  

 

 

Follow the instructions from an FBf**kingI that's so corrupt it leaves a fecal trail behind when it oozes?  Just what kind of instructions do you have to offer?  

 

 

FIRSTLY, YOU HAVE TO GO TO A WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM OFFICE AND SEND THE DELIVERY FEE OF $96 DOLLARS IN ORDER TO ENABLE THE AGENTS DELIVER SAFELY   

 

 

Who is giving these instructions?  

 

 

THIS INSTRUCTIONS ARE FROM OUR HEAD OFFICE FBI I'M JUST AN AGENT SO, ONCE THIS FEE OF $96 PAID YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR DELIVERY AS SOON AS 6 HOURS  

THIS INSTRUCTIONS ARE FROM OUR HEAD OFFICE FBI I'M JUST AN AGENT SO, ONCE THIS FEE OF $96 PAID YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR DELIVERY AS SOON AS 6 HOURS

PAYMENT DETAILS

1. RECEIVER NAME:========DON  AJIKA

2. COUNTRY:==============BENIN REPUBLIC.

3. CITY=================COTONOU

4. QUESTION=============WHEN

5. ANSWER: =============TODAY

6. AMOUNT:==============$96.00 DOLLARS

7. MTCN NUMBER==========?

8. SENDERS NAME=========?

USE WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM  

 

 

You're "just an agent"?  This email says you're a diplomatic.  So what are you?  

 

 

THAT IS WHAT I'M SAYING A DIPLOMATIC AGENT  FROM
Anti-Terrorist and Monetary Crimes Division
FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J.Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C

WHAT IS HOLDING UP THE DELIVERY IS THE PAYMENT FOR THE DELIVERY FEE ONCE IS PAID TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING I WILL PROCEED AND DELIVER THIS PACKAGE TO YOU   

 

 

What is holding up delivery?  Or who is holding up delivery?  

 

 

 HAVE EXPLAINED TO YOU EVERYTHING

ONCE THE DELIVERY FEE OF $96 DOLLARS IS PAID YOU WILL GET YOUR DELIVERY   

 

 

I hope you have immense amounts of patience.

 

 

 

I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TILL NOW AND THIS IS THE RESPONSE I GET ?

WHEN ARE YOU PAYING THE DELIVERY FEE OF $96 DOLLARS  

 

 

You didn't understand me?  I will work to be more clarifying going forward.  

 

 

OKAY THEN WHEN WILL THE FEE BE PAID?  

 

 

When it is paid, that is when it will be paid.  

 

 

I CAN SEE YOU NOT SERIOUS WITH THIS   

 

 

I'm not???  I'll get back to you on that.  

 

 

OKAY THEN  

 

 

Well okay then too.  

 

 

SO, DO YOU THINK IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN A WEEK TO GET THE DELIVERY FEE?  

 

 

It might.  I'm still paying off accordion/bagpipe lessons.  

 

 

OKAY UPDATE ME ONCE YOU HAVE THE FEE OF $96 WITH YOU OKAY SO THAT WE CAN GET THIS FUND DELIVERED TO YOU  

 

 

Okay...updates. Just like CNN.  

 

 

yea  

 

 

How often you want updates?  

 

 

ONCE THE FEE IS READY   

 

 

When will that be?  

 

 

ONCE YOU SEND THE FEE THIS MONTH  

 

 

In July?  

 

 

YES JULY  

 

 

Of 2018, right?  

 

 

before this month runs out  

 

 

Runs out of what?  

 

 

JUST TRY AND GET THE FEE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE  

 

 

I'm being as trying as I can.  

 

 

OKAY  

 

 

THE FEE SHOULD BE SENT VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM

PAYMENT DETAILS

RECEIVERS NAME......MARK OBI

COUNTRY............BENIN REPUBLIC

CITY....................COTONOU

AMOUNT..............$96 ONLY

SENDERS NAME.......?

MTCN NUMBER..........?  

 

 

Yes, you already telled me this.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

okay   


Good.  We agree on something.  


YES. TRY GET THE FEE BEFORE THE MONTH ENDS  


That's how many days ?  


THAT IS 9 DAYS FROM TODAY  


Good.  I still has time.  


OKAY  


Which day would be best for you?  


THIS WEEK FRIDAY WOULD BE PERFECT    



I was just informed that our Congress passed a Federal Calendar Reconfiguration 2018 Law that adds five days to July.  Now I can meet your deadline by end of the month.  


ALRIGHT   JUST MAKE SURE THAT THE FEE IS SENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE... DON'T
FORGET TO USE THE PAYMENT INFOMATION I SENT TO YOU AND THE FEE SHOULE
BE SENT VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM  


Look for it around the 32nd of July or so.  


THAT SHOULD BE 1ST OF NEXT MONTH  


The Federal Government just amended the calendar.  July has been extended.  Isn't that great?  


THE FEE SHOULD BE SEND BY WEDNESDAY  


What day is Wednesday?  

 
THAT IS 4 DAYS  FROM TODAY  


Thanks....I forgot.  


And a couple days later...


Is it the fourth day yet?  


YOU WILL BE SENDING THE FEE TOMORROW MORNING   


I will?  What's tomorrow morning?  



HELLO I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT WHAT IS GOING ON NOW?  


I am watching South Park on Comedy Central.  What's going on there?  


ASSHOLE  


Asshole is going on there?  Is that a show, an event, a pejorative or just you?


LEAVE ME ALONE


I'm not in the business of loaning.  But I know peoples that are.  Would you like me to arrange one for you?


STOP ASSHOLE


Best way I know to stop an asshole is to cork it up.  You got a cork?  If not, use your head.  That should work.  


STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  


My brakes are out and I'm on a hill...there's no STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


And with that, Diplomatic Austin James of the FBf**king* finally figured out no fee for him.


I wonder if he's getting paid by the email or the hour?