Sunday, May 29, 2016

More FauxBI

Yup.  The only FBI I ever hear from are definitely Homer FBI types.

Like this latest one (of which I'll just share a portion):

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC



Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $10,500.000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not tohave receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?  

Like the 'real' FBI director, James Comey, hasn't got a crapload of better things to do, including indicting hellary Clinton for real crimes.

My pet rock, Seymour, was bored, so I let him have the edit.  And did he ever:

Faux Bureau of Incestigation (FBI)
Counter-Shelving Division and Cyber Flatulence Division
J. Hoogar. Edgoovey Unisex Outhouse Washington DC


Dear Surveilled,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the suckretary general of the United Nations Organization. If you knew the suckretary genral like we do, you'd know how fucking painful and useless a process that's been.  This ended 3 days ago and it is obvious that you have not one clue that the results from the meeting are hundreds of millions of wasted tax payer dollars and some obscure grant being approved for democrap operatives from the Democrap National Committee to scour jungles in Burundi for any so-called 'life form' which can be registered to vote for hellary Clinton's 6 XXXL butt thong ass in November.  This is due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who the current president Barack Insane Obola has surrounded hisself with for their selfish reason and some individuals who have sought to have the UN allow them to take advantage of your daughters, goats, sock puppets...whatever you might have there that they can sexually self gratify with.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by large meth shipments and frightful videos of Debbil Wassermutt Schlitz making perverse sex videos with Sandra Fluke and a tree stump, have successfully passed a persondate to the current president of Nigeria his Sucksness President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all palace computers of pictures of democrap politicians with crossed eyes.
 
Instead, you have been selected to receive, at a very nominal cost, a certifiable picture of hellary in a butt thong in time for her to either be elected via fraud to the White House or incited as the scum sucking lying corrupt wench that she is.  Because we have two method of you paying for that picture.

Note: Nothing has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so you will have to pay us $150.

Once you see the picture, we can assure you that the eye and mind scrub will cost you a sh*tload more than that.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your 8x10 picture of hellary in a butt thong is $550 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $550 to $150...yada, yada, yada.

To initiate the impact of this picture on yourself, your kin, pets, sex toys and other breakables, you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Agent Mike Olawale with the information below,

Name: Agent Mike Olawale
Email: mikeolawale2001@gmail.com

You are advised to contact him with the information's as stated below:

Your full Name..
Your Address:..............
Home/Cell Phone:..............

Upon our receipt of your payment, we will hold an impromptu mugu dance in the basement of the DNC where the chairpoison is presently having her Medusa face touched up with fecal stained granite. Because we are so sure that this whole process is about as visually frightful as Sandra Fluke in a "Gender Neutrals Gone Wild" video involving hamsters, goats and a rucksack big enough for her, Bela Pelosi and Barney Fwank,  we are giving you an insincere 100% money back guarantee if you do not like the sh*t that you're getting in this email.

Painful Rectal Itch,

James B ComeyTELEPHONE: (206) 629-2824

Note: Do not disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your traveling inflatable sex toy collection; it was kidnapped by an islamofascist named Achmed and is being held by simpering college campus crybabies in a 'safe zone' at an unnamed leftard college campus where when anyone says "conservative", everyone in the drum circle fouls themselves repeatedly and need two more years of free stuff to begin to cope.

This latest scam version of the FauxBI hasn't yet figured out the edit.  They probably want to know how a gif got loose in the opening video...

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments

Thursday, May 26, 2016

A Kongnundrum

Mon-key and a liz-ard, fighting in a tree...  

My pet rock, Seymour, thought he was on to some new, as yet unwrit lyrics when I told him he was parodying a kid thing I heard in the '60s.

"Am NOT!!!"

I'll spare you the rest of his lyrics, as Seymour's having an off writing day.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Got an email from an "Edward Kong"...and is he disappointed.

In me and one or more of my characters.

All because he says that we didn't believe he wasn't a scam and would prove it for only $86.

Here's a piece of his snivelfest:


Edward Kong <edwardkong39@yahoo.com.hk> MR.CHRIS EDWARD DIRECTOR GENERA TELEPHONE NUMBER +229-66506345 CONTACT EMAIL, euro.info@list.ru) COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC: NO:171 AKIL ROAD Dear: YOUR ATM CARD $1.5 USD Honestly I am just disappointed a

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 03:00 0 comments

Monday, May 23, 2016

Even The IRS Couldn't Read This

Were it that simple...

Another email from the IRS.  Another scam.  Another edit.

Here's just a piece of the opening gambit from The IRS branch office in Benin:


Internal Revenue Service United States Department of the TreasuryAccessibility Skip to Top Navigation 2283 3rd Ave New York, NY 10035,
United States.

Greeting from IRS USA

We the Internal Revenue Service, believed that you received the
previous message we sent to you, prior to your dealings with the U.S
Custom Authority at (JFK) John F. Kennedy International Airport New
York as regards to your over-due contract payment consignment trunk
box worth $10,500.000.00 (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars only), which was endorsed in your favor and like we
stated earlier, we have dully screened through this project as
stipulated on our protocols of operation and have finally confirmed
that your contract payment is 100% genuine and hitch free from all
face and of which you have the lawful right to claim your fund
without any further delay.  


It goes on to say that the cost to me is $375, but that they will waive the bulk of the fee and only charge me $69, which I am to wire to some clod in Benin.

Uh huh.

Edit time:


Internal Ranganoo Seoivice Few Knighted Slates Dephartment of the Twinkystink
Assholes Skip to Top Navigation Soonest
PO Box 1366  Merrifield VA 22116
(646) 854-1432
Few Knighted Slates

Greeting

We the Internal Ranganoo Soivice, believed that you received the
previous message we sent to you, but received it in a version of
Azerbaijani that even Pashtuns and Kumquats were unable to
fathom, since neither is navical in what are ways, let alone kurds.
We'll assume you didn't see what we just dun there.
We now insort a disclammer using beagle-ese that only atturkeys
can comprehende:  this over-due contractual consignment trump
box worse it is for wear was endorsed in your favor and like we
probably didn't stated earlier, we have dully paid scant attentions to
this project as nipplestated in our protocols of operation and hasn't
been working because our Operation game battery died in 1973.
Your results may defurr if your cat is having fits over something.

This is to bring to your notice that we have just been informed
through secret source that Moochelle Obola is using men's rooms
on visits to Shotcago because his winkee is bigger than Barack's.
All he had to pay was the required $375.00 for Custom Clearance
Certificate C.C.C. charges as imposed some executive odor Barack
signed while lighting farts in the Blue Room.

I want to personally assure you once again that you will have every
course to smile and be happy until conclusion of this project, at which
point you'll do neither because we will be giving painful rectal itch
to your household via the picture of hellary clinton in a 6 XXXL butt
thong that we has attached.  The Reason why we are doing all this
sh*t is because we don't like you.


 We understand but could care less that the imposed fee might be too
much for you to pay so using commie core math that genuinely sucks
wombat dorks, we have discussed with some Obola State Dephartment
twatwaffle that looks like Marie Barf to give you the grace of sending
$69 a moth for the next 10 and a half moths, which is a really good
deal as it helps us lower your cost from $375 to $69 when you pay us
$69 per moth for 10.5 moths.  Yes, we were edjumakated in a
leftard school where everyone gets a parcipitation mettle and can
pee in any classroom they want because it hurts their feelings to
not let them.

A diplomat personally groped by john fathead Kerry will make the delivery
to your home address tomorrow morning.  Kerry swore he was looking for 
the light switch in the ladies room when he done that.

 Contact us right away and let me know when you will start make payments
to the person designated below as the below designate to receive your
$69 payment every moth for the next 10.5 moths, a savings of some kind
over paying the lump sum of $375 because commie core math is so
fucking awesome.  Just ask Marie Barf; she asked constipated mathematician
that worked it out with a pencil, and she's still chewing on that same
pencil.
Advise you to take advantage of it, before it will become too late for
Consideration.

Receiver's Data/information to send the fee through Western Union or 

Money=Gram.

Receiver's Name::::::::::::  AMAECHI OKAFOR
COUNTRY:::::::::::::::::::BENIN  Republic
City::::::::::Cotonou
Text Question:::::::::::::: WTF This
Text Answer:::::::::::::::: leftard crap salad
Amount::::::::::::::::::::: $69.00
Sender's Name::::::::::::::
Sender's Address:::::::::::
MTCN#::::::::::::::::::::::

Also be informed that we came to an agreement with the ASPCA
that you must set free all your domestic animals, so our Syrian
refugees can rape them.  We want the isis terrorists posing as
refugees to feel at home.
issacjames@workmail.com  


The Benin IRS office isn't having any luck with the edit, or the commie core math...




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posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments

Friday, May 20, 2016

More Walmarters

The world of Walmart.

I could be convinced that these people are from Uranus.

Some of you see what I just dun there.

At any rate, another scam email from a Walmarter:

Dearest Friend,

I HOPE THIS EMAIL REACH YOU IN GOOD CONDITION.  I am Mrs. Christy Walton a great citizen of United States of America born in Jackson, Wyoming, United States, I bring to you a proposal which I want you to assist me with. I am worth $ 22.5 billion Dollars which rated me as the 2nd Richest Woman in the World. But as the saying goes, money is not
everything. It is painful now to let you know that I have been suffering from a Heart disease for the past 22 years and just few weeks ago my Doctor told me that I won't survive the illness. And my Will being with my Lawyer of which my family is aware about, but nobody is aware of my 40% Bank Worth which is $9,000,000,000 (Nine Billion United State Dollars).Please reply if interested.

Please reply me back with your below details to enable us proceed further and please do keep this confidential.

Email: waltonchristy1@lycos.com

Sincerely
Mrs Christy Walton  


Instead of doing an edit -- which would have been rather like shooting fish sticks in a bucket -- I simply responded to the email thus, using how the scammer started it as the keynote:


I regret to inform you that it did NOT reach me in good condition.  *Smiley Face Icon FAIL*  It arrived on life support, apparently hit by a cyber platypus stampede in transit.  Despite all efforts to save it, it died in the throes of monumental syntax error.  And water spots.

You could choose to resend it, but not by way of the last routing.  I hear those cyber platypus are wreaking havoc all along that cyber router.  

My scammer wasn't quite sure what to do with that response:

what is this you talk?  

I talk of great herds of run amok cyber platypus, stampeding and trampling cyber binaries into chopped and scattered syntax errors, making 404 error codes a thing of the now.  Such is the fate as befell your message.  Such may be the fate of countless other messages unless the scourge of stampeding cyber platypus are expunged.  Are you in?  


Apparently not.  The great Walmart empire would seem to have limits...
 

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Senegal Western Union Meets Star Wars

Western Union in Senegal sent me an offer they reckoned I couldn't refuse.

They failed to reckon on how I could turn it into something akin to landfill refuse.

Here's their opening ploy:

My name is Madam.Abigail Fola,am a Special Agent at Western Union Dakar Senegal,i sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail,instead of a certified mail, post-mail, phone or face to face conversation,it's due to the urgent and the important of the security information, Sequel to the Conference we hold yesterday with the Anti-Corruption, Financial Crimes Dakar Senegal investigators, regarding over 11,000 financial frauds we have, of which Your name and Email address is among the victims listed.
I send you this message because the Federal Ministry of Finance Senegal Cooperate with the (IMF)international monetary Fund approved a Funds to compensate the victims listed, If you are interested kindly contact the Western Union Head office Dakar Senegal immediately with your Full Name to enable them affect you the compensation Fund US$2.5 Million, or you come over here in person, contact the head office both on Phone and Email Address to enable them communicate with you financially on how to received your own payment US$2.5 Million,however provide the below details and send to them.
Your Full Name:.....................
Your Country:.......................
Your Direct Phone Number:..........................
Your ID copy:..................................
The Head Office contact:
Email:frederiek.baetsle@telenet.be
Email: xboxkid101@yahoo.com
Telephone: +221-765 911 065
Fax No:+221-338 246 539
Respectfully write them to notify you more information on how to claim your own payment,let them know that you received an urgent letter from me, Madam.Abigail Fola western union money transfer agent Department Senegal because you are among of the victims.
Regard
Madam.Abigail Fola
western union money transfer agent Senegal.
Office Address: Canal 5, Avenue George Pompidou, Dakar, Senegal  
 
 
Alrighty then.  My editing pet rock, Seymour, is taking the day off ("was NOT!!!"), so he left it to me.  For reasons I cannot figger, Star Wars themes kept cherry blossoming in my haid:
 
 

My name is Madam.Abigail Fola, I am a Special Agent at Western Union Dakar Senegal, where it absolutely positively has to get there overnight or it will be eaten by all sorts of sh*t that runs around in the jungles and such hereabouts. 




I would sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail, instead of a certified mail, post-mail, phone or face to face conversation; it's due to the urgent and not insignificant fact that I'm in Senegal, and you're not.  Lucky bastard.  We are planning to bootleg a sequel to the Star Warts movies that are currently being made, using inflatable droid mock ups of Luke Skyknocker, Pan Solo, Princess Leiyaw, Spitbacca, RU12 and CPoo3Doh. 
 
We dug up Alec Guiness as Oboy Wan Kanoobits, but his state of deterioration was even worse than that of Yoder, so we're seeking a Senegalese prosti..er..substitute.  Dark Vader we has no shortage of; anyone can breathe like Bill the Cat with a bed pan on their head.

Meantime we're conferencing on sh*t like the Anti-Uncle Corruption and Financial Life And Crimes of Hellary Clinton -- soon to be a series on Senegal Reality TV, once we get something like a TV -- as we have over 11,000 financial frauds we have committed or attempted to commit, of which Your name and Email address is being added to the perpetrators listed.  We think we can darkmail you with some of this unseemly sh*t.
 
I send you this message because the Federal Ministry of Finance Senegal Cooperate with the (IMF)international monetary Fund -- co-crooked conspirators in this slimey business -- approved a fauxfund to constipate the local villages hereabouts. If you are interested and not terribly good at comprehending email contents kindly contact the Western Union Head office Dakar Senegal immediately with your Full Name to enable them to infect your pets and special invitation to our pirated Star Warts video showing the aftereffects of painful rectal itch on your oral instremidies, whatever the f**k those are.  

 
Your Full Name:.....................

Your Country:.......................

Your Direct Phone Number:..........................

Your Gender Choice Of The Moment Depending On Who's Bathroom You Want To Violate:.......................

Your Trigger Words That Make You Wet Yourself, Curl Into A Ball And Require You To Have A Safe Space:.......................................

Your ID copy:..................................
 
Your Picture of You Wearing A Bed Pan Talking Like Dark Vader

The Head Office contact:

Email:frederiek.baetsle@telenet.be

Email: xboxkid101@yahoo.com

Telephone: +221-765 911 065

Fax No:+221-338 246 539
Respectfully write them to notify them that you think that they should also make pirated versions of Indiana Smith 'n Jones, Girls Gone Mild videos, and the complete 30 seconds of Hellary Clinton one time f**king up and telling the truth about something.  
 
Regard

Madam.Abigail Fola
western union money transfer agent Senegal.
Office Address: Canal 5, Avenue George Pompidou, Dakar, Senegal
The Western Union Senegal orifice was not apparently interested in further repartee.  But my pet rock begged me to repost this picture:
He knows how it annoys hellary's stupor volunteers.
 

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Sheepishly Getting Their Goat

Danged things even got coffee named after them.

So why not make ewes of one in an email scam?

You'll see what I just dun there shortly...

Here's the scam that got this off-the-wall edit started:


GOOD DAY

MY NAME IS MRS.MARIANA HUMPHRY KYNASTON,.WIFE OF LATE AMBASSADOR OF JAMAICA TO IVORY COAST,PLEASE I WANT YOU TO REPLY ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE BECAUSE I WANT TO DISCUSS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT WITH YOU,I AM A CANCER PATIENT WITH A VERY SHORT TIME TO LIVE AND I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO ENTRUST THE SUM OF (USD$12.7MILLION)TO YOUR HAND AS A DONATION FOR CHARITY WORK., TO HELP THE ORPHANAGES, WIDOWS, AND MOTHERLESS CHILDREN AROUND YOU, THIS MONEY WAS DEPOSITED BY MY LATE HUSBAND IN ONE OF THE SECURTIY COMPANIY HERE IN ABIDJAN AND OUR PLAN WAS TO USE IT FOR INTERNATIONAL INVESTMENT BEFORE DEATH TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME ,,I AM WAITING YOUR URGENT REPLY FOR MORE INSTRUCTION AND INFORMATION ABOUT THIS FUND,

REGARDS
MRS.MARIANA HUMPHRY KYNASTON  


Awwwwww...the old "I'm dying, help me give my money to charity" scam.

Uh huh.

Well, that ain't the way it went back to ol' Mariana and a host of her peers and colleagues:


GOOD DAY

MY NAME IS MRS.MARIANA HUMPHRY KYNASTON, A WOMAN AT BIRTH BUT MISLED BY A WORLD OF HORNY MEN SO NOW I AM LIBERATED BECAUSE I NOW IDENTIFY AS A EWE AND HAVE TAKEN A VOW OF CHASTITY AND LIVE IN A CONVENT FOR EWES ON THE LAMB.

PLEASE I WANT YOU TO REPLY ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE BECAUSE I WANT TO DISCUSS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT WITH YOU....A THREE PECKERED GOAT GOT LOOSE IN OUR CONVENT AND UNFORTUNATELY I WAS ONE THAT THE CROSS EYED BASTARD RAM-A-LAMB-A-DINGDONGED. 

I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO ENTRUST MY ORDER FOR ACME CORPORATION'S "BORN AGAIN VIRGIN EWE KIT" WHICH I REALLY NEED TO RECLAIM MY PLACE IN THE CONVENT, SINCE THE BITC...ER...MUTHA SUPERIOR BAAAH BLEATS THAT I AM NOT ONE WITH THEM AFTER GETTING RAM-A-LAMB-A-DINGDONGED BY A THREE  PECKERED GOAT IN FULL BLOWD HORN GOAT MODE.  I HAVE IT ON RELIABULL INFORMATIONS THAT THE QUALITY AND EFFECTIVENESS OF ACME CORPORATION PRODUCTS IS ENDORSED BY WILEY COYOTE, A FAMOUS ACTOR FROM MY CHILDHOOD, SO I KNOW THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO BE ABLE TO BLEAT THE GREGOATIAN CHANTS WITH PURE CONSTITUTED VIRGINITY.  

I AM WAITING YOUR URGENT REPLY FOR TO TELL YOU HOW TO PLACE THE ORDER FOR THE KIT FOR ME AND GET IT TO ME SO I DO NOT LIVE ON HAVING BEEN RAM-A-LAMB-A-DINGDONGED.

BAAAAH,
MRS.MARIANA HUMPHRY KYNASTON
aka SISTER BAAAH HUMBUG OF THE ST. METH 'N HALLUCINAGENS CONVENT FOR ANY OF EWE THAT THINKS YOU IS ONE
VADUZ, LIECHTENSTEIN  
 
The scammer didn't seem to know what to do with this; my character got back a 'no  text' reply.  One of the scammer's peers and colleagues did beg my character to desist sending them edited emails thus:
 
 
STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 
 
My character's answer back was just what the scammer wanted to hear...not:
 
 
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 
 
Ram a lamb a ding dong  ;-)

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

What Does ECOWAS and ACOWSASS Have In Common?

Not much, as it turns out.

Got another one of those improbable letters from a "federal high court" in Benin, telling me about how ECOWAS was going to compensate me for having been scammed.

For only $85.

Not the cheapest scam I've ever been offered, but pretty close.

I should be insulted.

So I edited with that in mind:

On Thursday, March 17, 2016 4:33 AM, Federal Twelve O'Clock High Court <inadera1f.@road.ocn.ne.jp> wrote:

 
Federal Twelve O'clock High Court Of Injustice, Benin.
Address:358 Regis Road, Kentish Town
Benin, NW5 3RR
Tel: +229 99306614
Email (federalhighcourt1@foxmail.com)

Attn.

May it please the Twelve O'clock High Court Of Acowsass Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that there was a case that was been handling in this ACOWSASS since July 10th 2015 concerning your funds because we got some reports that you did not received your funds since after every story you heard regarding the funds and all type of payments you have be paid to receive the funds but none is received by you.

And we are hereby to know the truth because the person that is in charge of the transaction said in this court here that you have received your funds and confirmed to him that you received your funds.  Funds is funds, but really.

Please we are here to hear the truth from you, because according to the president of this country Dr. Yayi Boni, he told us that you did not receive your funds since last year , he stated that his office did not have your name in file of those who received their funds from Benin Republic. Please bellow is what we want you to answer to enable us to handle this case normal as the reporter said that it has been done to you.

(1)Do you receive any money from Africa............ Oh f**k yes
(2)If you received money from him, how much.............oh f**k, at least $550,000
(3)Through which way, bank or courier do you received the money from......... oh f**k, I guess it was a dozen different couriers stranded around the country
(4) Is it true that you received money through western union ....... oh f**k, no...Money Gram
(5) In which date or year....................... oh f**k, I can't remember...several dates over several years
(6)Which authority approve the file ............. oh f**k if I know...whatever authoritah was signing off on this sh*t from whenst ever and wherest ever the f**k they were

Morenever, the only amount found as your funds $5.8000,000.00 -- in West African francs, making for about $9.95 in USA money last we calculated it on our abacus before a moneky stole it and turned it into a sling shot -- through your names, address and contact mobile details in which we have with us here that proved to us you are the really owner of the said unclaimed funds.

So you are advice to update this court the way you wish whether you will come down in person to collect your fund yourself. And you should Re-confirm your full information to this HIGH COURT as to proof to us That really you are the case client for us to close check with the Information we have with us here in monitoring searchlight system.

A...Your full Name..............
B...Your home address....... 
C......Telephone number......  
D....Your occupation...........     
E....Country..................             
 F...your international passport/or drivers license /or state I.D.      

Also forward the major e-mail they used to scam you because we needs it for more investigation in order to see if any of it wind up on Hellary Clinton's email server.  We could ask the Russians and Chinese about it, but we'd rather hear from you.

I mean their names, their emails, their phone numbers and office Addresses. According to our programs and constitutions, you are advise to come down to this county Benin Republic to appear before this court And sign your proper paper and collect your funds from us hand to Hand.  Don't believe all the stories you hear about planes full of foreigners crashing here.  I assert to you that no plane has crash here in the past five minutes.  Not at least that's landed in earshot.

Remember, the reason why we advice you to come down in person to collect your fund yourself is because many Peoples were complaining about Fraudsters every day from Benin Republic and we aren't trying to stop this fraudulent from Benin; we just want to hear about it because it give us a Chris Matthews tingle in our leggings like he get from obola.

And we want you to you keep this (FHC-2090) because this will ensure that when the Demoncrap National Committee, chairpoisoned by Debbil Washedup Schitz who moonlights as Medusa, finds you, they can use it to send you to the FEMA camp that hellary wants you in for telling everyone she wears 5 XXL butt thongs. And as soon as you comply with your full contact information requested, we will forward everything to the Benin presidency office to laugh our f**king asses off.

Get back to us soonest...our operators are standing by.  Well okay, one is sitting by being eaten by army ants and it would help if someone would respond.

With the sum of $85, you get in addition to scammed, a free autographed picture of Hellary Clinton in that 5 XXL butt thong; authentication that your email that passed through her primate server has been shared with Russian and Chinese intelligence; a sexting picture of Barney Fwank; and an invitation to Hellary's inaugural speech from the Federal Correctional facility she'll be in after being indicted for all the sh*t she's done.  And it only costs you $85.

Without wasting time, if you choose to send $85 for the Minister Imprinter, meaning you should get back to us the payment information.

We are hereby assuring you that nothing useful will come of this unless you send us $85; nothing useful will come of this whether you send $85 or not.

Thanks.
Best Regard.

Chief Ass Inspector: Mr. John Ali
Tourist Cannibal Taco Supreme
Kangaroo Court of Appeals of Laughter, Benin
Phone; +229 99306614

 
Most times, an edit like that ends the communication.  But there are some scammers out there that consider a reply -- ANY REPLY (and obviously one they ain't read) -- to be a signal to proceed.  And that's what I gots h'yar:
 
 
Federal High Court Of Justice, Benin.
Address:358 Regis Road, Kentish Town
Benin, NW5 3RR
Tel: +229 99306614

Attention:  

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to let you know that we receive the information you email us, We the federal High Court Of Ecowas Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that everything concerning this issue has being handling normal, The suspect will go through Alot of pain for scaming you so all you need to do now is to send the sum of $85 so that the Minister Imprinter will sign out your fund certificate as the rightful beneficiary of this funds worth the sum of US$2,500,000.

From today hence forth any email your receive should be forwarded to us for verification so to avoid you from any other scammers/Impostor, I Mr, John Ali will make sure you receive your funds if you comply with me fully by following my instruction so kindly send the $85 through Western Union or Money Gram with the below information.

Receiver's Name: Dubem Nwaozuzu
Country: Benin Republic
City: Cotonou
Amount: $85 Only
Question: When
Answer: Now

I will be waiting for you to get back to me with the $85 payment information for the immediate release of your funds so get back to me as soon as possible.

Thanks.
Best Regard.
Chief Judge: Mr. John Ali
Supreme Court of Appeal, Benin
Phone; +229 99306614  
 
 
Fancy that...my character was originally entitled to $5.8 million.  Now it's just $2.5 million.  Hokayyyyyyyyy:
 
Now just a gall durn minute h'yar...yore aboriginal email said ah wuz entitled to $5.8 million.  NOW it's only $2.5 million???  What are you goat poking egg suckers at ACOWSASS trying to put over on me???  Where the goat f**k is my other $3.3 million???  
 
*Jeopardy Theme whilst we await their understanding soonest of my reply*

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to let you know that we receive the information you email us, We the federal High Court Of Ecowas Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that everything concerning this issue has being handling normal, The suspect will go through Alot of pain for scaming you so all you need to do now is to send the sum of $85 so that the Minister Imprinter will sign out your fund certificate as the rightful beneficiary of this funds worth the sum of US$5,800,000.


From today hence forth any email your receive should be forwarded to us for verification so to avoid you from any other scammers/Impostor, I Mr, John Ali will make sure you receive your funds if you comply with me fully by following my instruction so kindly send the $85 through Western Union or Money Gram with the below information.


Receiver's Name: Dubem Nwaozuzu
Country: Benin Republic
City: Cotonou
Amount: $85 Only
Question: When
Answer: Now


I will be waiting for you to get back to me with the $85 payment information for the immediate release of your funds so get back to me as soon as possible.  
 
These lads crack me up.
 
Now, in the world of customer service, when a legitimate business screws up, sometimes they'll waive fees as a sign of good faith.  Do ya think that mebbe...:
 
 
It's nice of you to give me back the $3.3 million USD that you took away in the previous email.  Now, if you were REALLY interested in good customer service -- after such a gaffe -- you would offer me NO FEE for my money.  Do you believe in customer service? 

*More Jeopardy Theme*

Sadly, when my character introduced the notion of "customer service" to Scamland, the scammers apparently saw that as a 'trigger word', tucked their tails and ran to cower and wet themselves in their safe zones, pretty much like political correctness lefties at a college campus.

*needle dragging across Jeopardy Theme recording...*
 

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 01:23 1 comments

Sunday, May 8, 2016

It's So Easy

..to piss one off.  Easier than even Linda Rhonstadt knowd.

Scammers come in all types.  Including those with absolutely no head for rejection.

Here's how easy it can be as we receive the scammer's initial ploy (and I've been getting a lot of this type lately):

Hello dear" how are you doing? Please excuse me for invading your privacy through this medium, Actually i felt compelled to contact you to get acquainted with each other. As for me, my name is [ Blessing Williams], I'm a young lady looking for a real friendship and I hope that you will grant me the opportunity for us to know ourselves very well, Anyway i shall be waiting for your prompt reply so that i can tell you more about me couple with my pictures ok, Take care of your self and have a pleasant day, Blessing
Email...[blessing3real@hotmail.com]  


Here's my character's reply:

Your invasion of my privacy failed.  Your invaders were repelled on the beach and wound up drowned or prisoners.  You picked the wrong beach.  Oh whoops.  This has been a privacy invasion FAIL alert.  Check your intended privacy invasion point and please try your invading of privacy again.  

That drew this in response:


F*** YOU!!!    


My...one of the touchier ones I've heard from of late.  Must be having a lousy week at the fly infested internet café.  Let's see if I can't make her day...worse:


Thanks for the offer, but this beach has F*** You mines on it and you stepped on one.  Your ass is where your head used to be.  May your next invasion of privacy prove more a blessing in a lesser size than medium than this one did.  See what I just did there?  

Mebbe she/they seed what ah dun thar, and mebbe she/they did dunt.  I just reckon I didn't do much to make her day any gooder...

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments

Thursday, May 5, 2016

FacePlant Scam



Today was a day of dread.  I got an email from Facebook.

Not a pleasant one.

Read it yourself:


Hello,

We are sorry,Your account will be close permanent on Facebook after 48 hours,due to the beach of the Privacy Policy at facebook,and also because we got a lot of black report on your account.  To prevent Facebook from close your account click on the following link and commitment to the steps as it should,

                                                                Click Here

(c) Facebook Team  All right reserved.
FaceBook ID:  4355674109589327

In the icons of Facebook, I reckon that rates a

Now, other than an ex-friend who recently went mentally unstable and 100% hate mode on me, the only people who could have filed "black report" on me would be some politically correct, trigger- warning-enabled, in-need-of-safe-zone college wusses.  Or lefties (either of them when I post something on a political site).  Or trolls (no shortage of them online, period).  Or hellary crimepaign supporters.

Oh hell...so mebbe I AM in trouble  ;-)

Anyway, to Failbook  
it was obvious I needed to reply somehow, and before that "48 hour" deadline.  So I put on the ol' edit hat, tweaked their message, and sent it back to the originator thus:


Oh Hellno ,
 
We are sorry...you can only imagine HOW f**king sorry we really are...but Your account has been marked for a speciological gender change which will require you to use restrooms in safe zone designated areas of college campuses where you will find hoards of college students curled up in balls, fouling themselves repeatedly, because someone said "Rush Limbaugh" within their sensitive hearing, and failed to respect their space, causing a meltdown not unlike hellary clinton in lamp smashing mode.  Failure of you to abide by this dicktate will somehow result (damned if we know how, because after "on-off", we don't know sh*t about Faceplant) in us threatening to close your account permanently on Facebook after 48 hours; actually, we didn't know that 48 Hours was still on the air.  But if it is, after it's over, you won't no mores has a working Failbook account.  Haha.  We do this due to the beach of the Privacy Policy at Faceplant by you, the party of the son of a beach, and also because we hope we are threatening someone much dumber than us.

 To prevent our inept Failbook threat from happening, you can ignore this email.  *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*  Dammit, we did NOT just type that!!!  No...to prevent close of your account you must say a prayer to a toilet containing a reasonable facsimile of a democrap candidate for president, do some meth 'n Starbucks and click on the following link that will allow us to f**k up your computer:
 
Click here...uh...try it again...er...WTF...those hacker IT jackoffs said this would work.....DAMMIT...F**KING JACKWAGONS!
 
 
© 2016 Failbook Twatwaffles. All rights are trigger words that send leftists screaming for their drum circle and cocaine safe zones.
FacePlant ID or ID Not...that is the question.


Needless to say, I don't reckon that this reply went over well:

..but it didn't elicit a response from Failbook.  And no one from 48 Hours is demanding I answer questions...

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments