Skunkfeathers: Senegal Western Union Meets Star Wars

Western Union in Senegal sent me an offer they reckoned I couldn't refuse.

They failed to reckon on how I could turn it into something akin to landfill refuse.

Here's their opening ploy:

My name is Madam.Abigail Fola,am a Special Agent at Western Union Dakar Senegal,i sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail,instead of a certified mail, post-mail, phone or face to face conversation,it's due to the urgent and the important of the security information, Sequel to the Conference we hold yesterday with the Anti-Corruption, Financial Crimes Dakar Senegal investigators, regarding over 11,000 financial frauds we have, of which Your name and Email address is among the victims listed.

I send you this message because the Federal Ministry of Finance Senegal Cooperate with the (IMF)international monetary Fund approved a Funds to compensate the victims listed, If you are interested kindly contact the Western Union Head office Dakar Senegal immediately with your Full Name to enable them affect you the compensation Fund US$2.5 Million, or you come over here in person, contact the head office both on Phone and Email Address to enable them communicate with you financially on how to received your own payment US$2.5 Million,however provide the below details and send to them.

Your Full Name:.....................

Your Country:.......................

Your Direct Phone Number:..........................

Your ID copy:..................................

The Head Office contact:

Email:frederiek.baetsle@telenet.be

Email: xboxkid101@yahoo.com

Telephone: +221-765 911 065

Fax No:+221-338 246 539

Respectfully write them to notify you more information on how to claim your own payment,let them know that you received an urgent letter from me, Madam.Abigail Fola western union money transfer agent Department Senegal because you are among of the victims.

Regard

Madam.Abigail Fola

western union money transfer agent Senegal.

Office Address: Canal 5, Avenue George Pompidou, Dakar, Senegal

Alrighty then. My editing pet rock, Seymour, is taking the day off ("was NOT!!!"), so he left it to me. For reasons I cannot figger, Star Wars themes kept cherry blossoming in my haid:

My name is Madam.Abigail Fola, I am a Special Agent at Western Union Dakar Senegal, where it absolutely positively has to get there overnight or it will be eaten by all sorts of sh*t that runs around in the jungles and such hereabouts.

I would sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail, instead of a certified mail, post-mail, phone or face to face conversation; it's due to the urgent and not insignificant fact that I'm in Senegal, and you're not. Lucky bastard. We are planning to bootleg a sequel to the Star Warts movies that are currently being made, using inflatable droid mock ups of Luke Skyknocker, Pan Solo, Princess Leiyaw, Spitbacca, RU12 and CPoo3Doh.

We dug up Alec Guiness as Oboy Wan Kanoobits, but his state of deterioration was even worse than that of Yoder, so we're seeking a Senegalese prosti..er..substitute. Dark Vader we has no shortage of; anyone can breathe like Bill the Cat with a bed pan on their head.

Meantime we're conferencing on sh*t like the Anti-Uncle Corruption and Financial Life And Crimes of Hellary Clinton -- soon to be a series on Senegal Reality TV, once we get something like a TV -- as we have over 11,000 financial frauds we have committed or attempted to commit, of which Your name and Email address is being added to the perpetrators listed. We think we can darkmail you with some of this unseemly sh*t.

I send you this message because the Federal Ministry of Finance Senegal Cooperate with the (IMF)international monetary Fund -- co-crooked conspirators in this slimey business -- approved a fauxfund to constipate the local villages hereabouts. If you are interested and not terribly good at comprehending email contents kindly contact the Western Union Head office Dakar Senegal immediately with your Full Name to enable them to infect your pets and special invitation to our pirated Star Warts video showing the aftereffects of painful rectal itch on your oral instremidies, whatever the f**k those are.

Your Full Name:.....................

Your Country:.......................

Your Direct Phone Number:..........................

Your Gender Choice Of The Moment Depending On Who's Bathroom You Want To Violate:.......................

Your Trigger Words That Make You Wet Yourself, Curl Into A Ball And Require You To Have A Safe Space:.......................................

Your ID copy:..................................

Your Picture of You Wearing A Bed Pan Talking Like Dark Vader

The Head Office contact:

Email:frederiek.baetsle@telenet.be

Email: xboxkid101@yahoo.com

Telephone: +221-765 911 065

Fax No:+221-338 246 539

Respectfully write them to notify them that you think that they should also make pirated versions of Indiana Smith 'n Jones, Girls Gone Mild videos, and the complete 30 seconds of Hellary Clinton one time f**king up and telling the truth about something.