Strzok Schlock

And even with that, the broom-rider couldn't cook the books enough to win.

But that's not why this post is:  it is, because this Strzok schlock alleged wrote to ME.

With yet another fake dossier in the guise of an email scam.

Take a gander:


ANTI-TERRORIST MONETARY, CYBER RESPONSE AND CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING 935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON,

D.C. 20535-0001

Our Ref: CBN /0N8/CONTRACT NO.856.
To. Beneficiary:

This is FBI Agent Peter Strzok and we are here in London as an FBI/UNITED NATION delegate that has been delegated to investigate these fraudsters who are in the business of swindling Foreigners that came for transaction in London.

Please be informed that during our investigation, we found out that there is a total sum amount of money $25.5 million that has been assigned in your name as the beneficiary and these fraudsters are busy swindling you without any hope of receiving your fund.

These are the works of the fraud stars who needed to extort money from you in the name of this transfer. We have to inform you that we have made some arrested in respect of this delayed over due fund. I have a very limited time to stay in London here so I advise you urgently respond to this message.

These criminals will be caught unaware and we don't want them to know this new development to avoid jeopardizing our the investigation, you need to conceal anything that has to do with this exercise to enable us to get all the necessary information we required.

As soon as I receive your response, further details will be furnished to you.

You should Contact:- Agent Peter Strzok FBI Head of Director,
.Email Address:-  paymentoffice16@yahoo.com

Please KINDLY Reconfirm Your Information Again.

Your Full Name_____
Your Address____
Your Age______
Your City_______
Your State_____
Your Country_____
Your Home phone_______
Your Cell phone_______
Your Occupation____
Your Passport id____
Your Next Kin______

I shall be expecting your swift response as soon as you receive this email.

Regards.
FBI Agent Office  


Scammers should do a wee bit of current affairs research before putting out stuff like this.  Not that it matters to me...I'll edit anything:

From: PAYMENT OFFICE <ubaj80@yahoo.pt>
Sent: Sunday, August 19, 2018 10:29 AM
Subject: FEDERAL BURRITO OF INGESTIGATION IN LONDON  
ANTI-UNCLE DIVISION FBI HINDQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC FEDERAL BURRITO OF INGESTIGATION IN LONDON, J.EDGAR HOOVER'S DAID

Our Ref: WTFFF/0N8/CONTRACT NO.856.

This isn't really FBI Agent Peter Strzok coming to you live from London, UK; I was fired after my not very convincing audition before the Congress what was actually supposed to have been my audition for Who Wants To Be A Douche Nozzle.

 So with time on my hands and a bunch of morons fueling my GoFundMe page, I am here in London as an FBI/UNITED NATION imposter delegated to investigate rumors of false crumpets in Buckingham Palace that give the Queen gas. 

We already know they do that to Phillip.

Of course, there are other reasons for me to come to London.  Avoiding extradition for being such a twat omelet.  But I digress.

Please be informed that during our mostly made-up investigation, we found out that there is a Russian bot running my former employer and the dolt that ruined the CIA under Obola -- the dude trying to take the job of dwarf Grumpy from the actual dwarf -- he's only grumpy because the broom rider was supposed to win and didn't, and we're all out of jobs because of it.

These are the works of 63 million deplorable bitter clingers, who were supposed to have listened to cnn and done what they were being told to do....but noooooooooooooo...you had to listen to Russian bots, Rush Limbaugh and COTR, and vote for that...that...Donald dude.  That de-swampifier...that...that..."you're fired" jerk.  Dammit, it was Hellary's turn, and we were all supposed to be employed in perpetuity, even though most of us don't know what it means.

So anyway here some of us are in London, trying to do here what we were trying to do there, and not being very successful because the Brits don't appreciate the broom rider, either.

All because Bill tried to make it with an intern in the Queen's throne room.

However, we have disgraced and cashiered MI-Sux agents working up another dossier in which we intend to prove that the current POTUS has an inflatable sex toy ranch in the basement of Maxipad Water's mental health clinic.

And those inflatables are fixing to bust out in time to steal the 2018 mid-terms.  In 2016 it was bots; this time it'll be leaking, squeaking Hellary sex toys.

 
It's important that the voters be caught unaware and we don't want them to know this new development to avoid jeopardizing our the investigation, you need to conceal anything that has to do with this exercise to enable us to get all the necessary information we required. Including English lessons and a good smellpecker.

As soon as I receive your response, further details will be furnished to you.

You should Contact:- Agent Peter Strzok former disgraced FBI twat waffle
.Email Address:-  paymentoffice16@yahoo.com

Please KINDLY Reconfirm Your Information Again even though we have it in triplicate, somewhere.

Your Full Name_____
Your Address____
Your Age______
Your City_______
Your State_____
Your Country_____
Your Home phone_______
Your Cell phone_______
Your Occupation____
Your Passport id____
Your Next Kin______

I shall be expecting your swift response as soon as you receive this email.

Regards.
Traitors 'R Us

John 'Grumpy' Brennan, honorary twerp  

This didn't get me any reply from the scammers.  It might get me on John Brennan's 'enemies' list...like I care about being on a communist traitor's 'enemies' list.

My pet rock just face palmed at that...

---

More FauxBI

Yup.  The only FBI I ever hear from are definitely Homer FBI types.

Like this latest one (of which I'll just share a portion):

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $10,500.000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not tohave receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?  

Like the 'real' FBI director, James Comey, hasn't got a crapload of better things to do, including indicting hellary Clinton for real crimes.

My pet rock, Seymour, was bored, so I let him have the edit.  And did he ever:

Faux Bureau of Incestigation (FBI)
Counter-Shelving Division and Cyber Flatulence Division
J. Hoogar. Edgoovey Unisex Outhouse Washington DC

Dear Surveilled,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the suckretary general of the United Nations Organization. If you knew the suckretary genral like we do, you'd know how fucking painful and useless a process that's been.  This ended 3 days ago and it is obvious that you have not one clue that the results from the meeting are hundreds of millions of wasted tax payer dollars and some obscure grant being approved for democrap operatives from the Democrap National Committee to scour jungles in Burundi for any so-called 'life form' which can be registered to vote for hellary Clinton's 6 XXXL butt thong ass in November.  This is due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who the current president Barack Insane Obola has surrounded hisself with for their selfish reason and some individuals who have sought to have the UN allow them to take advantage of your daughters, goats, sock puppets...whatever you might have there that they can sexually self gratify with.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by large meth shipments and frightful videos of Debbil Wassermutt Schlitz making perverse sex videos with Sandra Fluke and a tree stump, have successfully passed a persondate to the current president of Nigeria his Sucksness President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all palace computers of pictures of democrap politicians with crossed eyes.

 

Instead, you have been selected to receive, at a very nominal cost, a certifiable picture of hellary in a butt thong in time for her to either be elected via fraud to the White House or incited as the scum sucking lying corrupt wench that she is.  Because we have two method of you paying for that picture.

Note: Nothing has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so you will have to pay us $150.

Once you see the picture, we can assure you that the eye and mind scrub will cost you a sh*tload more than that.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your 8x10 picture of hellary in a butt thong is $550 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $550 to $150...yada, yada, yada.

To initiate the impact of this picture on yourself, your kin, pets, sex toys and other breakables, you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Agent Mike Olawale with the information below,

Name: Agent Mike Olawale
Email: mikeolawale2001@gmail.com

You are advised to contact him with the information's as stated below:

Your full Name..
Your Address:..............
Home/Cell Phone:..............

Upon our receipt of your payment, we will hold an impromptu mugu dance in the basement of the DNC where the chairpoison is presently having her Medusa face touched up with fecal stained granite. Because we are so sure that this whole process is about as visually frightful as Sandra Fluke in a "Gender Neutrals Gone Wild" video involving hamsters, goats and a rucksack big enough for her, Bela Pelosi and Barney Fwank,  we are giving you an insincere 100% money back guarantee if you do not like the sh*t that you're getting in this email.

Painful Rectal Itch,

James B ComeyTELEPHONE: (206) 629-2824

Note: Do not disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your traveling inflatable sex toy collection; it was kidnapped by an islamofascist named Achmed and is being held by simpering college campus crybabies in a 'safe zone' at an unnamed leftard college campus where when anyone says "conservative", everyone in the drum circle fouls themselves repeatedly and need two more years of free stuff to begin to cope.

This latest scam version of the FauxBI hasn't yet figured out the edit.  They probably want to know how a gif got loose in the opening video...

Erection Day Aside From The FBI..Sorta

I didn't actually receive this on Election Day...but it makes for a nice aside to it.

NOTE TO DEMOCRAP ACTIVE-IN-FRAUD-ISTS:  I used my own ballot.  N'yah n'yah.

Once again, one of those foreign FBI offices has contacted me.  And warned me.  And adviced me.  And instructed me.  And warned me again.

I -- nor my characters -- never learn.

Even my pet rock, Seymour, is oblivious.

"Am NOT!!!"

Are too.

Here's the latest letter I got from the FBI:

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON ,

D.C. FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/ . EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING  
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Date: 25/10/2014
 
On our investigation this morning we discovered that you are having Foreign transactions with COURIER EXPRESS Head Quarter Benin Republic and we went further on the investigation and found out that you don't have INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE which is Federal Offence. You have committed a federal offence by not having INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE and you want to receive such huge amount of money from UPS AND FedEx Courier Head Quarter Benin Republic which is foreign delivery. Meanwhile we have stopped the delivery right now,
 
Furthermore, be advice that according to the State Law together with the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC where the origin of the consignment from.  Also Note that you are to take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to the content of the document and how important and secured the document is, you are to take care of the document by sending the sum of $580.00 US Dollars only to the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC for issuing of the document right away and your payment will be release to you. That is the only way the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic and Original copy of the documents. You are hereby advice to Contact the sender of your funds to help you and issue the INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE from  EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC .
 
You are going to send the money to the below information;
 
Country: Benin republic
State/City: Cotonou
Text Q.: Benin republic
Answer: Yes
Receiver Name:  Emmanuel
Sender name: Obagha
MTCN:
 
Once you send the money you will forward the information right to us.

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available before Andrew Henry, Senior Diplomatic Agent will connect his flight to your home address.
EMAIL: ( express.upscourier@yahoo.com  )
WARNING: Failure to pay for this documentation is a confirmation that you wanted to smuggle the funds into the USA which is a federal offense and a gross violation of the Patriot Act and legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you and if found guilty, you will be jailed...... As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracing down and prosecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act.  

Faithfully Yours  
James B. Comey
FBI Director

FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/
Supreme Court of the United States
U. S. Courts of Appeals
U. S. District Courts
U. S. Circuit Courts
Courts of Special Jurisdiction:
Bankruptcy Courts
Court of Claims, 1855 - 1982
U. S. Court of Federal Claims, 1982 -
Customs Court, 1890 - 1980
U. S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910 - 1982
U. S. Court of International Trade, 1980 -
Commerce Court, 1910 - 1913
Territorial Courts
Courts of the District of Columbia
Temporary Emergency Court of Appeals
Judicial Panel on Multi-District Litigation
Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Courtaa
Federal Courts Outside the Judiciary.

Naturally, when these branches of the FBI speaks, we recipients really need to listen.  So I had Ben Dover do just that and reply accordingly:

Well, when ah gits me a emale from y'all -- the FBf***ingI -- naterully ah sez to mahsef, "Holy Joker Face Paint 50% Off Sale Afore Halloween, Batman!", and ah doez whach'all sez ah orta doez.  So ah runned out yesserdaze an' don this h'yar at mah locul Westrin Onion thang.  Ah follered yer dystrucshuns an' h'yars the boner fidees:

Country: Benin Repugnant

  State/City: Cotonou

Text Q.: What's this h'yar
Answer: Uh Huh
Receiver Name:  Emmanuel Obaghardeehar
Sender name: Ben Dover H'yar It Cums
MTCN:  That acronym is wha' y'all gits when y'all combines Montaner and Connectacut..which geogiraffiklly, y'all caint do iffen ya knowd whadda mean h'yar.

Ah thank ye fer bein' so considered aboot mah welfare 'n all, but ah ain't on welfare, so hep someone ese what ain't on it.  Y'all come back now, y'hahr?

Ben Dover  

 

 

So far, none of us -- Ben, myself, my other scambaiting characters, not even my pet rock -- have been arrested.

 

Of course, there's always tomorrow...