What Does ECOWAS and ACOWSASS Have In Common?

Not much, as it turns out.

Got another one of those improbable letters from a "federal high court" in Benin, telling me about how ECOWAS was going to compensate me for having been scammed.

For only $85.

Not the cheapest scam I've ever been offered, but pretty close.

I should be insulted.

So I edited with that in mind:

On Thursday, March 17, 2016 4:33 AM, Federal Twelve O'Clock High Court <inadera1f.@road.ocn.ne.jp> wrote:

 

Federal Twelve O'clock High Court Of Injustice, Benin.
Address:358 Regis Road, Kentish Town
Benin, NW5 3RR
Tel: +229 99306614
Email (federalhighcourt1@foxmail.com)

Attn.

May it please the Twelve O'clock High Court Of Acowsass Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that there was a case that was been handling in this ACOWSASS since July 10th 2015 concerning your funds because we got some reports that you did not received your funds since after every story you heard regarding the funds and all type of payments you have be paid to receive the funds but none is received by you.

And we are hereby to know the truth because the person that is in charge of the transaction said in this court here that you have received your funds and confirmed to him that you received your funds.  Funds is funds, but really.

Please we are here to hear the truth from you, because according to the president of this country Dr. Yayi Boni, he told us that you did not receive your funds since last year , he stated that his office did not have your name in file of those who received their funds from Benin Republic. Please bellow is what we want you to answer to enable us to handle this case normal as the reporter said that it has been done to you.

(1)Do you receive any money from Africa............ Oh f**k yes
(2)If you received money from him, how much.............oh f**k, at least $550,000
(3)Through which way, bank or courier do you received the money from......... oh f**k, I guess it was a dozen different couriers stranded around the country
(4) Is it true that you received money through western union ....... oh f**k, no...Money Gram

(5) In which date or year....................... oh f**k, I can't remember...several dates over several years
(6)Which authority approve the file ............. oh f**k if I know...whatever authoritah was signing off on this sh*t from whenst ever and wherest ever the f**k they were

Morenever, the only amount found as your funds $5.8000,000.00 -- in West African francs, making for about $9.95 in USA money last we calculated it on our abacus before a moneky stole it and turned it into a sling shot -- through your names, address and contact mobile details in which we have with us here that proved to us you are the really owner of the said unclaimed funds.

So you are advice to update this court the way you wish whether you will come down in person to collect your fund yourself. And you should Re-confirm your full information to this HIGH COURT as to proof to us That really you are the case client for us to close check with the Information we have with us here in monitoring searchlight system.

A...Your full Name..............
B...Your home address....... 
C......Telephone number......  
D....Your occupation...........     
E....Country..................             
 F...your international passport/or drivers license /or state I.D.      

Also forward the major e-mail they used to scam you because we needs it for more investigation in order to see if any of it wind up on Hellary Clinton's email server.  We could ask the Russians and Chinese about it, but we'd rather hear from you.

I mean their names, their emails, their phone numbers and office Addresses. According to our programs and constitutions, you are advise to come down to this county Benin Republic to appear before this court And sign your proper paper and collect your funds from us hand to Hand.  Don't believe all the stories you hear about planes full of foreigners crashing here.  I assert to you that no plane has crash here in the past five minutes.  Not at least that's landed in earshot.

Remember, the reason why we advice you to come down in person to collect your fund yourself is because many Peoples were complaining about Fraudsters every day from Benin Republic and we aren't trying to stop this fraudulent from Benin; we just want to hear about it because it give us a Chris Matthews tingle in our leggings like he get from obola.

And we want you to you keep this (FHC-2090) because this will ensure that when the Demoncrap National Committee, chairpoisoned by Debbil Washedup Schitz who moonlights as Medusa, finds you, they can use it to send you to the FEMA camp that hellary wants you in for telling everyone she wears 5 XXL butt thongs. And as soon as you comply with your full contact information requested, we will forward everything to the Benin presidency office to laugh our f**king asses off.

Get back to us soonest...our operators are standing by.  Well okay, one is sitting by being eaten by army ants and it would help if someone would respond.

With the sum of $85, you get in addition to scammed, a free autographed picture of Hellary Clinton in that 5 XXL butt thong; authentication that your email that passed through her primate server has been shared with Russian and Chinese intelligence; a sexting picture of Barney Fwank; and an invitation to Hellary's inaugural speech from the Federal Correctional facility she'll be in after being indicted for all the sh*t she's done.  And it only costs you $85.

Without wasting time, if you choose to send $85 for the Minister Imprinter, meaning you should get back to us the payment information.

We are hereby assuring you that nothing useful will come of this unless you send us $85; nothing useful will come of this whether you send $85 or not.

Thanks.
Best Regard.

Chief Ass Inspector: Mr. John Ali
Tourist Cannibal Taco Supreme

Kangaroo Court of Appeals of Laughter, Benin
Phone; +229 99306614

 

Most times, an edit like that ends the communication.  But there are some scammers out there that consider a reply -- ANY REPLY (and obviously one they ain't read) -- to be a signal to proceed.  And that's what I gots h'yar:

 

 

Federal High Court Of Justice, Benin.

Address:358 Regis Road, Kentish Town

Benin, NW5 3RR

Tel: +229 99306614

Email (federalhighcourt625@gmail.com)

Attention:  

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to let you know that we receive the information you email us, We the federal High Court Of Ecowas Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that everything concerning this issue has being handling normal, The suspect will go through Alot of pain for scaming you so all you need to do now is to send the sum of $85 so that the Minister Imprinter will sign out your fund certificate as the rightful beneficiary of this funds worth the sum of US$2,500,000.

From today hence forth any email your receive should be forwarded to us for verification so to avoid you from any other scammers/Impostor, I Mr, John Ali will make sure you receive your funds if you comply with me fully by following my instruction so kindly send the $85 through Western Union or Money Gram with the below information.

Receiver's Name: Dubem Nwaozuzu

Country: Benin Republic

City: Cotonou

Amount: $85 Only

Question: When

Answer: Now

I will be waiting for you to get back to me with the $85 payment information for the immediate release of your funds so get back to me as soon as possible.

Thanks.

Best Regard.

Chief Judge: Mr. John Ali

Supreme Court of Appeal, Benin

Phone; +229 99306614  

 

 

Fancy that...my character was originally entitled to $5.8 million.  Now it's just $2.5 million.  Hokayyyyyyyyy:

 

Now just a gall durn minute h'yar...yore aboriginal email said ah wuz entitled to $5.8 million.  NOW it's only $2.5 million???  What are you goat poking egg suckers at ACOWSASS trying to put over on me???  Where the goat f**k is my other $3.3 million???  

 

*Jeopardy Theme whilst we await their understanding soonest of my reply*

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to let you know that we receive the information you email us, We the federal High Court Of Ecowas Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that everything concerning this issue has being handling normal, The suspect will go through Alot of pain for scaming you so all you need to do now is to send the sum of $85 so that the Minister Imprinter will sign out your fund certificate as the rightful beneficiary of this funds worth the sum of US$5,800,000.

From today hence forth any email your receive should be forwarded to us for verification so to avoid you from any other scammers/Impostor, I Mr, John Ali will make sure you receive your funds if you comply with me fully by following my instruction so kindly send the $85 through Western Union or Money Gram with the below information.

Receiver's Name: Dubem Nwaozuzu

Country: Benin Republic

City: Cotonou

Amount: $85 Only

Question: When

Answer: Now

I will be waiting for you to get back to me with the $85 payment information for the immediate release of your funds so get back to me as soon as possible.  

 

These lads crack me up.

 

Now, in the world of customer service, when a legitimate business screws up, sometimes they'll waive fees as a sign of good faith.  Do ya think that mebbe...:
 

 

It's nice of you to give me back the $3.3 million USD that you took away in the previous email.  Now, if you were REALLY interested in good customer service -- after such a gaffe -- you would offer me NO FEE for my money.  Do you believe in customer service? 

*More Jeopardy Theme*

Sadly, when my character introduced the notion of "customer service" to Scamland, the scammers apparently saw that as a 'trigger word', tucked their tails and ran to cower and wet themselves in their safe zones, pretty much like political correctness lefties at a college campus.

*needle dragging across Jeopardy Theme recording...*