ACOWSASS Is Back

 A funny meme for some, a real therapy-triggering nightmare for AOC.

But I digress.

The African regional vehicle oft-used for scams -- ECOWAS -- is back, along with their latest effort to give me the business:

Dear Beneficiary,

We are ECOWAS and we work for you.  I am newly appointed Assistant Administrator, Director, United Nations Development Programmer’s Regional Bureau for Africa, in the previous search  of all unpaid  long waiting beneficiaries payments and contractors files dump in my desk, that supposedly have their funds paid  even before now, But during my investigations last week I noticed that this your payment  worth US$16.5 Million Sixteen     Million Five Hundred  Thousand United States Dollars,   supposed to be transferred to you for a very long time I  also  notice your payment file was manipulated by few ex-workers that wanted to pirate your  funds to offshore account in Rabo bank Netherlands

But I succeeded with my position in the office to put a stop to this ongoing transfer to the Europe offshore account  Rabobank Netherlands  now I want to know first and famous if you are still alive because during my verification in the transfer documents shows that you have (pass on to ghost) but I was not still convinced to that report in the transfer files, that was reason I search deeply to get more information I have in the file about you being the real beneficiary of this funds.

Can you immediately  reconfirmed back to the approved office for this payment by sending your current details to them so that I can see what next I will do to make sure your payment gets to the right beneficiary of this funds

             Therefore provide this detail to this office and person below 

Contact  Office:      United Nations Development Programme’s Regional Bureau for Africa

Contact person:      Mr. James Ofuotu 

Email address:       ofujames777@gmail.com   

Right.

My editing gone wild pet rocks, Seymour and Element, decided that they'd take a pass on an edit here.  Instead, they insisted that my deactivated Amazon Alexa, try her hand at doing an edit of a scammer email.

All in all, I don't think she did that bad:

From: ACOWSASS EUNUCH OFFICE <barr.alexdondike@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, November 26, 2021 10:06 AM
Subject: Dear COVID VARIANT CARRIER

 

Dear COVID VARIANT CARRIER

I am newly appointed Ass Administrator, Directum, Eunuched Nations Development of New COVID Variants Bureau for Africa.  Yes, that's a thing here.

We are helping Dr. Frankenputz Fauxci and his odios colleagues at the NIH, CDC, DNC and CNN keep the COVID scare alive by announcing new variants to the Chink virus:  today we have COVID-21 OMIPUTZ variant, and we're working hard with the Chinks on an even scarier version, COVID-22 FJB variant, which people in large gatherings in the USA are already chanting about at sporting events and other venues.

We're doing our best to join the fearmongerers on accounta cuz we want your money.

Our voodoo beeyotch doctor, Cowballa Harrliss, is working on a vax for the former variant that's guaranteed to limit the size of the third and fourth eyeball that grows on your ass after taking that vax (contact lens for those are also in development). 

 For the latter -- the more brain atrophying FJB variant -- we of ACOWSASS along with Bill Gates and George Soros are working hard to get you to pay as little attention to that as possumbull.  Signs that you may have it include slaughtering your words, pooping your pants when with the Pope, falling down on stairs, walking off in the middle of press conferences to pee on potted plants, falling asleep in public and imagining that you had 81 million voters supporting your run for US Senate in the state of Confusion.

I noticed that this variant has been moving between Washeduptown, DC, and a romper room bunker in Delaware a lot.  I also notice you fouled yourself again while reading who Ghislaine Maxwell has spilled the beans on having visited Epstein Isle.

But I succeeded with my position in the office to avoid being added to Hellary's "staged suicide list" by transferring the entire national budget of Benin to her Clinton Global Crimepaign in the form of carbon footprint offsets that even aoc wet herself in excitement over.

Hope she doesn't investigate Etsy to see how easy making up sh*t like this is.

People at Rabobank Netherlands bank and sports bettors in Vegas along with me want to know first and famous if you are still alive because during my verification of the single digit IQs at cnn, a document was found that shows that you have pass on to ghostly road apple thing that haunts Mr. Ed, but I was not still convinced to that report.

Can you immediately reconfirmed back from you th'yah to me h'yah that you are not ghostly road apple haunting Mr. Ed, and that you are ready for your vax to subject you to the disclaimers yet to be published regarding possumbull side, frontal and assend effects to be expected from vax for COVID-21 FJB variant?  

             Therefore provide this detail to this office and person below
Contact Office:      Eunuched Nations Development of New COVID Variants Bureau for Africa

Contact person:      Mr. James Ofuotu 

Email address:       ofujames777@gmail.com
 
ACOWSASS:  doing to Africa what dnc and cnn are doing to America as malignantly as possumbull.

I expect that the silence meeting this edit suggests that Seymour and Element have a partner in 'edits gone wild' going forward, which in 2022 will probably prove useful.

An Edit Not To Their Liking

Most times, scammers receive an edited version of their scam from my characters, and simply move on.

They're smart enough to recognize a dead-end when they hit one.

Sometimes, they're not so smart.  Or literate.  Or both.

Once in a great while, they recognize the dead-end, but can't let it go without a little snark.

Such was the case here:


From Desk Of Mr. Ibrahim Magu
Economic & Financial Crimes Commission
Head Office,5 Fomella Street. Wuse II.
Federal Capital Territory, Abuja-Nigeria


                                                           US$5 Million Dollars Compensation Fund.

Attention: Beneficiary,

I am Mr. Ibrahim Magu, The chairman of the ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIMES COMMISSION (EFCC). We are In alliance with the Economic Community of West African States (ECOWAS) with its head Office here in Nigeria. We have been working towards the eradication of internet fraud and scam Activities in West Africa and beyond with the help of United States Government (FBI), Britain, World Bank and the United Nations.

We have successfully tracked  many of these scam artists in various parts of West African Countries which includes (NIGERIA, REPUBLIC OF BENIN, TOGO, GHANA, CAMEROUN and SENEGAL). They are all presently in our custody here in Lagos Nigeria.

We have recovered some stolen monies from the scam artists. The United Nations Anti-crime department, United States Government and the INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND (IMF) in conjunction with the UN poverty alleviation department, have decided to compensate One Hundred scam victims,  which the beneficiaries includes the less privileged, disabled persons and earthquake victims around the World.

This email is being directed to you because your email address was found in one of the scammers’ file and computer hard disk in our custody here in Africa.

You are therefore being compensated with the sum of $5 Million United States Dollars. We have also arrested some of those who claim to be barristers, bank officials, Lottery Agents and government officials who have money for transfer or want you to be the next of kin of such funds that never existed.

Since your name appeared among the lucky Beneficiaries who will receive a compensation of $5 Million, we have arranged your payment through our swift card payment centre.

Feel free to contact the processing officer Mr. Malemi Omene.The swift card has been specially prepared to enable you withdraw your money in any ATM machine in any part of the world, but the maximum is Five Thousand Dollars Only per day. So you are advised to contact the processing officer Mr. Malemi Omene
Through his email below address.

Contact Person: Mr. Malemi Omene
Email: malemiomene@gmail.com

Kindly Provide the information below to enable him prepare your ATM Master Credit Card and your secret Pin to access it.

1) Your full name:
2) Residential address:
3) Phone/fax numbers:
4) Profession:
5) Scan copy of id/age:

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. IbrahimMagui.
CHAIRMAN (EFCC).  


I always love/hate the "from the desk of" emails.  They never seem to learn how those go over here.  We'll soon see how this edit went over:


From: Ibrahim Magu <unorga09@gmail.com>
Sent: Monday, June 3, 2019 2:15 PM
Subject: Ain't No Compost High Enough To Keep Me From Divin' In It

 
From Desk Of A Nigerian Dolt Too Stupid To Know How To Email So I Let The Desk Do It
Economic & Financial Crime Commission Board
Head Office,5 Fomella Street. Wuse II.
Federal Capital Territory, Abuja-Nigeria


                                                           Your Fly Is Open And There's Nothing There

Attention:

I am Mr. Ibrahim Magu, one of the sandpoundingly stupidest Nigerians living or dead on the face of this Solar System.  That's why my desk is emailing this to you.  The ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION BOARD (EFCCB) -- the ones in Nigeria responsible for committing crimes -- We are In alliance with the Criminal Community of West African States (aka ACOWSASS) with its head up its ass in the Office here in Nigeria. We have been working towards the eradication of anyone interfering with internet fraud and scam Activities in West Africa and beyond with the help of ACOWSASS, the United Nations Suckretary Genital, Syria, Russia, democrats in the US Congress, Scientologists, Thetins, cnn, ms13nbc, a psychic yak in Tibet and that dumber-than-a-blonde cortez broad from NYC.

We have successfully tracked  many of these scam baiters that are upsetting our asshole carts in various parts of West African Countries to the US and Europe.  We of the EFCCB and assordid affiliated crime organizations which includes (NIGERIA, REPUBLIC OF BENIN, TOGO, GHANA, CAMEROUN, SENEGAL and the Washington DC-based DNC), are demanding that you stop interfering with our scams and fraud.

 

That starts with you...stop f**king with our email templates. 

We have recovered some of Hellary's stolen emails from her home server -- we found them in a recipe book on a cooking show on Uranus -- and we are now trying to avoid winding up on her pending "scheduled to have suicide committed" list. The United Nations Anti-Enema department, Kansans Against Twisters Bearing Broom Riders, the INTERNATIONAL MONKEYTARY FUND (IMF) in conjunction with the UN poverty spreading department, have decided to constipate One Hundred billion cows across the planet, and threaten to let them all fart at once, if you do not stop what you and your fellow scam baiters are doing.  Why wait 12 years for the World to end, when we can threaten to make it happen in one incredibly loud moooment.
 

We doubt most of you will see what we just did there.

This email is being directed to you because your email address was found to be tormenting some of our dumber members here in Africa and at the DNC.

You are therefore being adviced to, in the words of Bill Engvall, "stop ittttttttttttttttttt" with the tampering of our scam templates at once.  At once, do you hear?  We have bannisters standing by at the World Court, UN Court, Nigerian Court and every tennis court we could find to file the necessary amoroncussed briefs to stop you if you edit again.  We have also attempted arresting some of those who do what you do.  Not with any success, but we think we'll get it right in your case if you're not mindful of our empty demands.
 

 Since your name appeared among the list of people who are not welcome to audition for a place on the unheard-of TV show Nigeria's Got Suckass Talent, we have arranged for the aforementioned vacuous legal action against you, should you prove recalcitrant.

Fifty cents to the first person -- other than you -- who can tell us what that word means.  It was recommended by our smellpecker, so we put it in.

Feel free to disregard this email like you've disregarded all our other empty-threat emails, and see what happens.  We'll probably get mad and send you more empty-threat emails.  That's all our desk seems to know how to do, and it's so much smarter than we are.  Trying to ignore what we just typed, you are demanded to contact Mr. Malemi Omene.  He's no smarter than his desk either, but he's who this template said to have contacted on this.  If he doesn't know what to do, perhaps his desk, file cabinet, tree outhouse or the monkey throwing dung from it, will come up with something.

So you are advised to contact Mr. Malemi Omene through his email below address.
Contact Person: Mr. Malemi Omene
Email: malemiomene@gmail.com

We always ask you to provide this information, and you always ignore us.  Don't do it again or we'll get really mad and send an amorous psychotic emu after you.  There's no telling what one of those things will do.  Just count on it being nasty, like that Markle chick, the Duckless of Sucksex.  We read about her saying nasties on cnn, which makes her probably made-up, like their news.

1) Your full name (just yours please; we have plenty of faked names the DNC uses to vote)
2) Residential address:
3) Phone/fax numbers:
4) Profession (please no colorfully metaphoric professions)
5) Scan copy of id/age (that said 'scan', not scam...leave that to us)

I have the daily horror to be,
Mr. IbrahimMagui.
CHAIRMAN (EFCCB).

 

On this occasion, it appears that the scammer -- or his desk -- recognized the dead-end it hit, but couldn't simply let it go at that:

 

this not funny asshol  

 

 

I personally beg to differ.  I'm laughing.  My Amazon Alexis is laughing.  Siri is laughing.  The potted plant the NSA sent me is laughing.  Hell, even my pet rock is derisively snorting.  Locate your funny bone and hit it against something.  Hard.  

 

 

Dunno if he or the desk tried that, but there was nothing more from that "desk of".

 

They figgered it out:  dead-end.  Just like the DNC.

Comprehension Matters

A lot of scammers can apparently write English to varied degrees.

More than a few scammers, however, don't comprehend what they read in reply so well.

Take this clown for example:

Attention: Beneficiary. 

Re-Change of Funds Ownership. 

This is to bring to your notice that the Ecowas Chairman , has constituted a 10 man investigative Panel and foreign Debts reconciliation committee, which I am the Chairman of the presidential committee saddled with the responsibility to investigate all the banks here in Africa, who has trapped and held beneficiaries  

Compensation/inheritance/NNPC contract Fund claims unpaid.To settle all the foreign debt after his recent Telephone conversation with the World Bank and other officials of the United Nation to enable him give a zero tolerance to corruption in his regime. 

I am solely in charge of all foreign payments. At the commencement of my official  responsibility geared towards payment to foreign beneficiaries. 

I received a letter that your unclaimed approved payment by the Africa Banks which has been overdue for payment should now be paid to Gary Johnson  from your Country. 

In the said letter titled change of Beneficiary/Ownership. Its clearly stated that you are dead and that he is your next of kin, it went further to say you signed a deed and an agreement with Gary Johnson  to become your beneficiary before your untimely death.

Officially arrangement had been concluded for the approved funds transfer into his account.But because of the elaborate global scam, I decided to contact you first for confirmation before transferring the funds and if after seven working days, no response is received from you, it will be assumed that you are dead and as such authorization and approval will be granted on behalf of Gary Johnson  to claim/receive your fund. But if you are well and alive then confirm this letter and reconfirm your Information without any further delay. Send your responses to me Immediately by email. 

Below is the information you are expected to re-confirm. 

Full Name: ..........................Address: ...............Nationality:...... ....Sex: ...........Age: ..........Date of Birth: ...........Occupation:........................Mobile Phone: ................Driver's license or any copy of Your Identity: ...........

Please feel free to contact me on this email address ( boa_bj@aol.com ) only for further clarifications regarding this matter.

I WAIT FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE. YOURS IN SERVICE , 

Michael  Bio  

 

 

Here, my character thinks that he's disposed of this matter by a simple change in the name of the organization:

 

 

I am owed nothing by ACOWSASS.  

 

 

Apparently, that's not enough to dispose of the matter with this clown:

 

 

Meaning you are not the  owner of the fund or what?

Any way  the sum of  One Million Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand Great Britain Pounds  (£1,250.00 GBP) only,has already approved  to you.  We wait to hear from you.  

 

 

So my character tries again:

 

 

No, I am not the owner of this or anything from ACOWSASS.  

 

 

Hints not being taken in Scamland:

 

 

Ok kindly advise us what you want us to do over the fund  

 

 

Asked and answered:

 

 

Return it immediately to ACOWSASS.  Put it back in there however you like.  Do not remove it again from ACOWSASS.  For in ACOWSASS is where it belongs.  

 

 

Still not getting it yet:

 

 

We do not understand you.  This is yours we tell you.  You don't want it?  

 

 

If at first you don't succeed...:

 

 

I want nothing from ACOWSASS.  Apart from a dung beetle, I can't imagine anyone wanting a deposit from ACOWSASS.  If you value it, it's yours with my personally endorsed denigrations.

 

 

Okay

 

 

I'm glad we've settled this matter about the undesirability of anything from ACOWSASS.  You're better off, believe me.

 

 

Actually I doubt it, but ol' Bio ceased further communications with my character at this point.  I'll never know if he figured out that there was nothing to be gained from ACOWSASS...

---

What Does ECOWAS and ACOWSASS Have In Common?

Not much, as it turns out.

Got another one of those improbable letters from a "federal high court" in Benin, telling me about how ECOWAS was going to compensate me for having been scammed.

For only $85.

Not the cheapest scam I've ever been offered, but pretty close.

I should be insulted.

So I edited with that in mind:

On Thursday, March 17, 2016 4:33 AM, Federal Twelve O'Clock High Court <inadera1f.@road.ocn.ne.jp> wrote:

 

Federal Twelve O'clock High Court Of Injustice, Benin.
Address:358 Regis Road, Kentish Town
Benin, NW5 3RR
Tel: +229 99306614
Email (federalhighcourt1@foxmail.com)

Attn.

May it please the Twelve O'clock High Court Of Acowsass Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that there was a case that was been handling in this ACOWSASS since July 10th 2015 concerning your funds because we got some reports that you did not received your funds since after every story you heard regarding the funds and all type of payments you have be paid to receive the funds but none is received by you.

And we are hereby to know the truth because the person that is in charge of the transaction said in this court here that you have received your funds and confirmed to him that you received your funds.  Funds is funds, but really.

Please we are here to hear the truth from you, because according to the president of this country Dr. Yayi Boni, he told us that you did not receive your funds since last year , he stated that his office did not have your name in file of those who received their funds from Benin Republic. Please bellow is what we want you to answer to enable us to handle this case normal as the reporter said that it has been done to you.

(1)Do you receive any money from Africa............ Oh f**k yes
(2)If you received money from him, how much.............oh f**k, at least $550,000
(3)Through which way, bank or courier do you received the money from......... oh f**k, I guess it was a dozen different couriers stranded around the country
(4) Is it true that you received money through western union ....... oh f**k, no...Money Gram

(5) In which date or year....................... oh f**k, I can't remember...several dates over several years
(6)Which authority approve the file ............. oh f**k if I know...whatever authoritah was signing off on this sh*t from whenst ever and wherest ever the f**k they were

Morenever, the only amount found as your funds $5.8000,000.00 -- in West African francs, making for about $9.95 in USA money last we calculated it on our abacus before a moneky stole it and turned it into a sling shot -- through your names, address and contact mobile details in which we have with us here that proved to us you are the really owner of the said unclaimed funds.

So you are advice to update this court the way you wish whether you will come down in person to collect your fund yourself. And you should Re-confirm your full information to this HIGH COURT as to proof to us That really you are the case client for us to close check with the Information we have with us here in monitoring searchlight system.

A...Your full Name..............
B...Your home address....... 
C......Telephone number......  
D....Your occupation...........     
E....Country..................             
 F...your international passport/or drivers license /or state I.D.      

Also forward the major e-mail they used to scam you because we needs it for more investigation in order to see if any of it wind up on Hellary Clinton's email server.  We could ask the Russians and Chinese about it, but we'd rather hear from you.

I mean their names, their emails, their phone numbers and office Addresses. According to our programs and constitutions, you are advise to come down to this county Benin Republic to appear before this court And sign your proper paper and collect your funds from us hand to Hand.  Don't believe all the stories you hear about planes full of foreigners crashing here.  I assert to you that no plane has crash here in the past five minutes.  Not at least that's landed in earshot.

Remember, the reason why we advice you to come down in person to collect your fund yourself is because many Peoples were complaining about Fraudsters every day from Benin Republic and we aren't trying to stop this fraudulent from Benin; we just want to hear about it because it give us a Chris Matthews tingle in our leggings like he get from obola.

And we want you to you keep this (FHC-2090) because this will ensure that when the Demoncrap National Committee, chairpoisoned by Debbil Washedup Schitz who moonlights as Medusa, finds you, they can use it to send you to the FEMA camp that hellary wants you in for telling everyone she wears 5 XXL butt thongs. And as soon as you comply with your full contact information requested, we will forward everything to the Benin presidency office to laugh our f**king asses off.

Get back to us soonest...our operators are standing by.  Well okay, one is sitting by being eaten by army ants and it would help if someone would respond.

With the sum of $85, you get in addition to scammed, a free autographed picture of Hellary Clinton in that 5 XXL butt thong; authentication that your email that passed through her primate server has been shared with Russian and Chinese intelligence; a sexting picture of Barney Fwank; and an invitation to Hellary's inaugural speech from the Federal Correctional facility she'll be in after being indicted for all the sh*t she's done.  And it only costs you $85.

Without wasting time, if you choose to send $85 for the Minister Imprinter, meaning you should get back to us the payment information.

We are hereby assuring you that nothing useful will come of this unless you send us $85; nothing useful will come of this whether you send $85 or not.

Thanks.
Best Regard.

Chief Ass Inspector: Mr. John Ali
Tourist Cannibal Taco Supreme

Kangaroo Court of Appeals of Laughter, Benin
Phone; +229 99306614

 

Most times, an edit like that ends the communication.  But there are some scammers out there that consider a reply -- ANY REPLY (and obviously one they ain't read) -- to be a signal to proceed.  And that's what I gots h'yar:

 

 

Federal High Court Of Justice, Benin.

Address:358 Regis Road, Kentish Town

Benin, NW5 3RR

Tel: +229 99306614

Email (federalhighcourt625@gmail.com)

Attention:  

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to let you know that we receive the information you email us, We the federal High Court Of Ecowas Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that everything concerning this issue has being handling normal, The suspect will go through Alot of pain for scaming you so all you need to do now is to send the sum of $85 so that the Minister Imprinter will sign out your fund certificate as the rightful beneficiary of this funds worth the sum of US$2,500,000.

From today hence forth any email your receive should be forwarded to us for verification so to avoid you from any other scammers/Impostor, I Mr, John Ali will make sure you receive your funds if you comply with me fully by following my instruction so kindly send the $85 through Western Union or Money Gram with the below information.

Receiver's Name: Dubem Nwaozuzu

Country: Benin Republic

City: Cotonou

Amount: $85 Only

Question: When

Answer: Now

I will be waiting for you to get back to me with the $85 payment information for the immediate release of your funds so get back to me as soon as possible.

Thanks.

Best Regard.

Chief Judge: Mr. John Ali

Supreme Court of Appeal, Benin

Phone; +229 99306614  

 

 

Fancy that...my character was originally entitled to $5.8 million.  Now it's just $2.5 million.  Hokayyyyyyyyy:

 

Now just a gall durn minute h'yar...yore aboriginal email said ah wuz entitled to $5.8 million.  NOW it's only $2.5 million???  What are you goat poking egg suckers at ACOWSASS trying to put over on me???  Where the goat f**k is my other $3.3 million???  

 

*Jeopardy Theme whilst we await their understanding soonest of my reply*

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to let you know that we receive the information you email us, We the federal High Court Of Ecowas Benin Republic are here to make it clear to you that everything concerning this issue has being handling normal, The suspect will go through Alot of pain for scaming you so all you need to do now is to send the sum of $85 so that the Minister Imprinter will sign out your fund certificate as the rightful beneficiary of this funds worth the sum of US$5,800,000.

From today hence forth any email your receive should be forwarded to us for verification so to avoid you from any other scammers/Impostor, I Mr, John Ali will make sure you receive your funds if you comply with me fully by following my instruction so kindly send the $85 through Western Union or Money Gram with the below information.

Receiver's Name: Dubem Nwaozuzu

Country: Benin Republic

City: Cotonou

Amount: $85 Only

Question: When

Answer: Now

I will be waiting for you to get back to me with the $85 payment information for the immediate release of your funds so get back to me as soon as possible.  

 

These lads crack me up.

 

Now, in the world of customer service, when a legitimate business screws up, sometimes they'll waive fees as a sign of good faith.  Do ya think that mebbe...:
 

 

It's nice of you to give me back the $3.3 million USD that you took away in the previous email.  Now, if you were REALLY interested in good customer service -- after such a gaffe -- you would offer me NO FEE for my money.  Do you believe in customer service? 

*More Jeopardy Theme*

Sadly, when my character introduced the notion of "customer service" to Scamland, the scammers apparently saw that as a 'trigger word', tucked their tails and ran to cower and wet themselves in their safe zones, pretty much like political correctness lefties at a college campus.

*needle dragging across Jeopardy Theme recording...*

 

ECOWAS Meets ACOWSASS

That appears to sum up what it's like to be a member of the online scammers of ECOWAS, which is an acronym for some West African economic alliance.

Here is their latest and substandard ploy:


Attn Package Beneficiary:

I want to acknowledge you that we have finally succeeded in getting your package worth’s of $7.5 million out of (ECO-WAS) Economic Community of West African States department with the help of Mr. James George Attorney General of Federal High Court of Justice Benin Republic which act as your foreign Attorney representative here in Benin Republic.

Meanwhile every necessary arrangement has been made successfully with the Agent Steve Raymond for the delivery of your Consignment Box and every Document guiding your delivery is well updated so you are advised to reconfirm your full delivery information to the Agent right now as he is currently at Atlanta Georgia International Airport with your Consignment Box. He has already called me with his number on his arrival 4 hours ago.

So you are advice to reconfirm your full delivery information to the diplomat and ask him to send you your DHL Airway Bill so as to prove to you that he is currently in your country also ask him to give you his mobile number so as to have easy conversation with him and to enable you give him full direction to get your Consignment Box delivered to you and hand you over your Consignment Box safe and sound, Furthermore you are advice to be very fast as the Agent Steve has no time to waste due to his flight ticket. So the Information you are required to reconfirm to the Agent is as Follow.

(1)Your Full Name=============
(2)Mobile Phone Number======
(3)Current Home Address==== ====
(4)Fax Number================
(5)Country====================
(6)City======================
(7)Nearest Airport ==============
(8)Passport/Drivers license ======

Kindly contact him via his email address, Contact person, Name Steve Raymond Email Address (agentsteve01@inbox.lv) So contact him to deliver your consignment box first thing tomorrow morning possibly today, Make sure the bellow stated codes are identified when contacting him and the content of the box should not be revealed for his does not know the content as it's a VIP Delivery dispatched directly from my office and the director of the Company.

SHIPMENT CODE GJK72DWQ
PACKAGE REGISTERED CODE NO OVX950.
SECURITY CODE EYTU/3055WEZ/263/

SINCERELY
Dr.Desmond Great
CALL ME AFTER GOING THROUGH THE EMAIL +229-99599150
The Director of DHL Courier Company Benin Republic.​     


Here's what it became once it left my character's email address and went back to them and 50 or so of their friends and cowlleagues:

On Thursday, April 30, 2015 1:58 AM, DESMOND GREAT <susana_musaubach@speedy.com.ar> completely missed the fact that while under the influence of meth and an energy drink that she snorted through her genitals, wrote: 

 

Attn Package Beneficerary:

I want to acknowledge you that we have again failed utterly in getting your package worth’s of $7.5 million out of (ACOWSASS) Economic Clusterfuck of West African States department, even with the dubious at best help of Mr. James George Attorney General of Federal High Court of Justice Benin Republic; the package made it into Baltimore, just in time to get pillaged and raped along with all the contents of a Twinkies and toilet specialties fast food and faster toilet supplies store.

Yes, we did say it got both pillaged AND raped.  We must say that Al Sharpton has some pretty low life specimens he uses in his staged riots routine. 

We are suitably nonplused to learn of this development after all the crap we went through to put this shenanigan together.  Imagine our chagrin to learn that a mob of Obola voters did to our package what we'd planned to do to your wallet.  Granted, we weren't sure how we were going to pull off the rape of your wallet, but we might have figured it out before those undocumented shoppers and alternative sex practitioners in Baltimore beat us to it.  Asshats.

Meanwhile every necessary arrangement is being considered to try and come up with some viable alternative so that we can save the game in the fourth corner as they say in your game of football.  Our version of a "Hail Ethel" is even now being pondered, along with the pondering of why Hillary Clinton's ass is so big.  Perhaps it's because she's all ass or something.  At any rate, our Agent Steve Raymond is waiting at a Port Authority bus terminal for a riot to pass there, hoping that the bus still has tires, windows, a working engine and a place to sit when they're done.  When they loot in your country, they spare nothing.  Al Sharpton must give them detailed lists.  Air Jordans and toilet paper?  The first we envy; the second we are totally unfamiliar with.

So please be patient while we come up with an alternative Consignment Box for you.  Of course, it requires us to have to come up with new Document guiding your delivery that this time totally avoids what's left of Burntimore.  We think we'll try this via Atlanta Georgia International Airport this time.  Our agent is hiding out in a rest room there hoping not to get pillaged and raped before we can get the alternative Consignment Box put together and sent there. He has already called me with his number on his arrival 4 hours ago and wishes someone would come explain how the toilet thing works.

So you are advice to reconfirm your full delivery information to the diplomat and ask him to send you your DHL Airway Bill...oh wait, that was with the first box that got pillaged and raped in Burntimore.  Never mind.  Just reconfirm your full delivery informations so as to prove to you that he is currently in your country also ask him to give you his mobile number so as to have easy conversation with him and to enable you give him full direction to get your Consignment Box delivered to you and hand you over your Consignment Box safe and sound.  We know we can't do that via Burntimore.  

Furthermore you are advice to be very fast as the Agent Steve has no time to waste due to his inability to remain long in a rest room in the Atlanta airport field.  He's afraid the toilet might attack him.  He says it remind him of canivore.  See what we just do there?

So the Information you are required to reconfirm to the Agent is as Follow.

(1)Your Full Name=============
(2)Mobile Phone Number======
(3)Current Home Address==== ====
(4)Fax Number================
(5)Country====================
(6)City======================
(7)Nearest Airport Not Pillaged/Raped By Al Sharpton's Paid Rioters==============
(8)Passport/Drivers license ======

Kindly contact him via his email address, Contact person, Name Steve Raymond Email Address (agentsteve01@inbox.lv).  He says he has good internet signal in rest room stall right now.   So contact him to deliver your consignment box first thing tomorrow morning possibly today, Make sure the bellow stated codes are identified when contacting him and the content of the box should not be revealed for his does not know the content as it's a VIP Delivery dispatched directly from my office and the director of the Company.

SHIPMENT CODE: WTFITS?
PACKAGE REGISTERED CODE: WTFDYTII?
SECURITY CODE: DEVIL BUNNIES DEVIL BUNNIES I SNORT THE BANANA

SINCERELY
Dr.Desmond Great
Director Of Email Masturbation 
DHL Courier Company Benin Republic.​

CALL ME AFTER GOING THROUGH THE EMAIL +229-99599150;

DON'T CALL ME IF AL SHARPTON'S PAID RIOTERS GET TO IT FIRST  

 

 

In response, I received a reply that was void of any text of any kind.  I didn't just leave them speechless...I left them everythingless.

 

Moo.