Sunday, May 29, 2016

More FauxBI

Yup.  The only FBI I ever hear from are definitely Homer FBI types.

Like this latest one (of which I'll just share a portion):

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $10,500.000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not tohave receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?  

Like the 'real' FBI director, James Comey, hasn't got a crapload of better things to do, including indicting hellary Clinton for real crimes.

My pet rock, Seymour, was bored, so I let him have the edit.  And did he ever:

Faux Bureau of Incestigation (FBI)
Counter-Shelving Division and Cyber Flatulence Division
J. Hoogar. Edgoovey Unisex Outhouse Washington DC

Dear Surveilled,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the suckretary general of the United Nations Organization. If you knew the suckretary genral like we do, you'd know how fucking painful and useless a process that's been.  This ended 3 days ago and it is obvious that you have not one clue that the results from the meeting are hundreds of millions of wasted tax payer dollars and some obscure grant being approved for democrap operatives from the Democrap National Committee to scour jungles in Burundi for any so-called 'life form' which can be registered to vote for hellary Clinton's 6 XXXL butt thong ass in November.  This is due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who the current president Barack Insane Obola has surrounded hisself with for their selfish reason and some individuals who have sought to have the UN allow them to take advantage of your daughters, goats, sock puppets...whatever you might have there that they can sexually self gratify with.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by large meth shipments and frightful videos of Debbil Wassermutt Schlitz making perverse sex videos with Sandra Fluke and a tree stump, have successfully passed a persondate to the current president of Nigeria his Sucksness President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all palace computers of pictures of democrap politicians with crossed eyes.

Instead, you have been selected to receive, at a very nominal cost, a certifiable picture of hellary in a butt thong in time for her to either be elected via fraud to the White House or incited as the scum sucking lying corrupt wench that she is.  Because we have two method of you paying for that picture.

Note: Nothing has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so you will have to pay us $150.

Once you see the picture, we can assure you that the eye and mind scrub will cost you a sh*tload more than that.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your 8x10 picture of hellary in a butt thong is $550 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $550 to $150...yada, yada, yada.

To initiate the impact of this picture on yourself, your kin, pets, sex toys and other breakables, you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Agent Mike Olawale with the information below,

Name: Agent Mike Olawale

You are advised to contact him with the information's as stated below:

Your full Name..
Your Address:..............
Home/Cell Phone:..............

Upon our receipt of your payment, we will hold an impromptu mugu dance in the basement of the DNC where the chairpoison is presently having her Medusa face touched up with fecal stained granite. Because we are so sure that this whole process is about as visually frightful as Sandra Fluke in a "Gender Neutrals Gone Wild" video involving hamsters, goats and a rucksack big enough for her, Bela Pelosi and Barney Fwank,  we are giving you an insincere 100% money back guarantee if you do not like the sh*t that you're getting in this email.

Painful Rectal Itch,

James B Comey
TELEPHONE: (206) 629-2824

Note: Do not disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your traveling inflatable sex toy collection; it was kidnapped by an islamofascist named Achmed and is being held by simpering college campus crybabies in a 'safe zone' at an unnamed leftard college campus where when anyone says "conservative", everyone in the drum circle fouls themselves repeatedly and need two more years of free stuff to begin to cope.

This latest scam version of the FauxBI hasn't yet figured out the edit.  They probably want to know how a gif got loose in the opening video...

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Blogger Sandee said...

Loved your rewrite. I can't think of a person that would willingly give up $150.00 to see hellary in a butt thong. You'd have to pay me and I still don't want to see that.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

29 May, 2016 08:11  

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