Scam Coyotes vs My Roadrunner

Sometimes, some of my characters feel a good deal like the Road Runner.

Which is fine; because Acme is still supplying the scam Wiley Coyotes.  And we all remember how that repeatedly turned out.

Like for instance on this one:

My Name is Mrs Jessica Peterside from United Kingdom who is suffering from cancer of the lungs and I wish to use my fund to serve the poor in your country since I have limited time on earth contact me( jessicapeterside@gmail.com ) Regards Mrs Jessica Peterside  

 

 

A scam Wiley Coyote has the Road Runner in his/her/its sights.  Or so they believe.

 

Then, my character edits the above scam email and sends it back to the scammer, 50 plus of their colleagues, and an assortment of my random readers, looking a tad like this:

 

 

On a day in the life of a Third World twatwaffle, ''Mrs Jessica Peterside'' < a="">> doesn't know that she wrote:<>

My Name is Mrs Jessica Peterside from Nigeria who is suffering from having a peter on her side and I wish to ask you to help me have surgery to have the peter removed or at least relocated to where it can better suit my needs.  I need you because I have limited time on earth with a peter on my side; I am telled that extraterrestrials find side peters intriguing and kidnap them on a regular basis, whisking them away to their home planets to appear on alien talk shows like Ellentoid,  The Viewtoid and a solar systemal favorite, Uranus Idol.

Therefore, it imperative in my estimation that you contact me ( jessicapeterside@gmail.com ) before aliens from wherever take me to compete on Uranus Idol, because I have no talents to entertain the very tough judges on that show, save for being able to fart Slim Whitman tunes in a key that exploded Martian heads in Mars Attacks!, which wasn't really a silly movie...that really happened and but for me, you'd all be subjugated by aliens that look like they have prostates for heads and hellary's ass in an oversized thong for faces.

Thank me later; I need you to save me now.

Regards Mrs Jessica Peterside  

 

And another scam by Nigeria's version of Acme goes phffffffft:

 

You'd think that they'd find a better scam maker than their version of Acme.  But nawp...

 

Stripes Scam-Style

Perhaps some scammers are familiar with the movie Stripes.  That level of familiarity apparently breeds contempt.  Including for doing just a wee bit of insufficient homework before writing the scam.

That would appear to be the case when one of my scam baiting characters received this email from an alleged active duty US Army "officer":

Hi!.

I'm Sgt. Sherri Gallagher. I'm a US Army officer currently in Iraq now, i am from the united state of America, i have an important issue to discus with you.  Kindly reply back to me very urgent to confirm that you got my email, this is to enable me share with you the purpose of this urgent contact with you .   


Fact is, there IS a US Army sergeant by the name of Sherri Gallagher.  An marksman award-winner of some renown in military circles.

And she ain't the one doing the writing noted above.

Even that, any person that has ever served in the US Military would recognize the obvious gaffe employed by the scammer in that opening salvo.  Even some of us that haven't served would recognize it.

My receiving character decided to respond in a manure befitting of the scamming entity, under the assumption that the scammer would be no smarter in reading the reply than they were in researching the original scam:


Hi Sarge.  Of COURSE you're a US Army officer.  All sarges are.  And serving in Iraq...how special you must feel.  Especially being the united state of America....it is compound obvious that you are educated in a liberal school of simplified expectations.  I am waiting with baited breath -- anchovy -- for the important issue you wish discus, an Olympic sport.  At any rate, I am kindly reply back to you urgent so you are enabled per your requestivus.  And Happy Festivus.  


Apparently "Officer Sarge" is more into wetting her/itself over get a reply, as opposed to reading it:

Hello My Dear,

Thanks for your kind response and as a matter of fact, i am very happy to read your mail. My name is Sgt Sherri Gallagher, a United State Army officer present in Iraq on an assignment. I really want to establish a true relationship that may lead into a business partner or something else.

Certainly, This is to bring to your notice, here in the military zone we are not allow to make use of mobile phone, we only make use of radio message and email communication, Now, i have fully made up my mind to go into business partnership with you, as i don't know how long we are to remain in the war zone.

My dear, i want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgents every day and car bombs. During one of our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contain huge amount of money that belongs to the revolutionaries, which I believe they use it in buying weapons and ammunition's, and it was agreed by all parties in present that the money will be shared among us. Out of the total fund my share was$1,500,000 (One Million Five Hundred Thousand united states Dollars). I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money, which is $1,500,000 out of here to you; in as much as you can assure me that my own share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is not stolen money, and there are no dangers involved.

My dear, I have made solid arrangements with a UNITED NATION DIPLOMAT who promised to deliver the fund to any of my choosing destination. I shall be compensating you with 20% of the total fund on final conclusion of this project, while the rest balance shall be my investment capital in your country or elsewhere. One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter to a third party, if you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this e-mail to avoid any leakage of this information and it will be dangerous to me based on my position here.

I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust nor thwart my dream. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me receive and invest the fund.

Note: I do not know how long we gonna remain here and my fate since I have survived two bomb attack here, which prompted me to search out for a reliable and trust worthy person to help me receive and invest the fund in his country, because I will be migrating to your home to invest and start a new life not as a soldier anymore.

Conclusively, I wish you could send me a reply immediately in regards to this proposal. Your urgent reply will be highly appreciated.

I hope my explanation is very clear but if you need further clarification, then send your questions. Here are my Attach pictures,

Best regard.
Sgt Sherri Gallagher   

The "attach" pictures were a cropped version of the one 'she' already sent.  At any rate, did my character ever have questions:


As a matter of factivus, I do have just a wee few questions for you, Officer Sarge:

1.  Are you a moron by birth or choice?
2. Was Bill Murray your DI?
3. Do you also happen to know General Marilyn Francis, who is sending almost the exact same email as you, only she's older and in Libya?
4. Do you know what happened to the Coca Cola bottle in "The Gods Must Be Crazy"?
5. Did it wind up shoved up your ass?
6. Would you like to find yourself in the gun sight of the REAL Sgt Sherri Gallagher, a noted sharpshooter?

Once you have answered those questions with a degree of accuracy and candidness one might expect from an Officer Sarge in the US Army -- comparable to a member of the Hellary crimepaign  -- we can further discuss your business.  

Regretfully, whoever is portraying this particular scammer had someone a brain cell or two smarter than them read carefully the questions asked.

No answers have been forth, fifth or sixthcoming.

As they say in the Scam Army, you just can't trust an officer sarge...

 

The Feds As Scammers?

Why not?  The clown pictured to the right is one of the biggest scammers in history.  And has stockpiled loads more throughout his regime.

But me thinks that this drivel I got from "Home Land Security" -- a long winded epistle of Third World nonsense allegedly out of Benin -- is simply the Third World trying to take advantage of the idjits obola has put in positions of authoritah.

So it surprised me and my characters not when three of us received the following email from themselves, the Dept of Home Land Security, which I'll give you only a piece of:


OFFICE OF HOME LAND SECURITY
Immigration and Customs Enforcement U.S.
Department of Homeland Security,
Street S.W. Suite 322.Atlanta Georgia 30303
2160 Park-lake Drive Northeast, Atlanta - 1694 Phoenix Parkway,
Atlanta UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Atlanta Area. Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority ( MARTA)
The MOTTO of ICE is "INTEGRITY, COURAGE, and EXCELLENCE"
Email: (jehcharlesjohnson958@gmail.com
)

UNITED STATES DEPT. OF HOMELAND SECURITY SEEKING TO WIRE-TAP THE INTERNET.

GOOD DAY,

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER FOR FINAL FUND RELEASE.


We received your email and you must take note that this is for real because we
are ready to take you to any length if you failed to proof the legitimate of
the fund you are about to receive. As a Federal Commission we are here to
protect your interest and the interest of all the United State citizens as well
as this great Nation. You have been investigated as the beneficiary of the said
funds that is why you are in touch with the FBI for a solid proof before the
funds will be release to you. The said funds is now in U.S Bank in your name
which has been placed on hold under the custody of the FBI for further
verification and proof before releasing the fund to you, we further held a
meeting with the United nation in person of the President Muhammadu Buhari,
where they finally concluded that they every of our American citizen should
stop every upfront payment because your so called partner will keep asking more
money after money, and fund will not be released to you.

They finally concluded that every American citizen must posses a Vital
Classified Document called Immunity Seal of Transfer that overrule every
upfront payment fee and certificates,You do not have this document in your
files, if you did the fund would not have been put on-hold. We did not believe
this at first, but when we saw the transfer we had no option than to contact
you. We have gone through your Identification record and also the information
received from you, we have verified a lot of things about you. It has come to
the attention of our Money trafficking investigation department, that you have
some funds valued at U.S in USA dollars to your name, The said payment is
awaiting adjudication and crediting to you, this funds are from Inheritance
'willed ' from C.B.N Bank BENIN REPUBLIC precisely. With full concern of The F.
B.I and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) wish to remind you of the
consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without com plying fully with
the pro visions of the Financial.  


Eventually -- this one went two full pages of drivel -- my character was directed to send $350 to some dead demoncrap voter in Benin to obtain a document they say my character is "required to have".

Uh huh.

Wahl...the response back to the scammer(s) was an edit of their email...shortened for their comfort in reading whatever of it they and 50+ of their peers can fathom.  Same for the DNC and hellary crimepaign, who received copies of it too, for reasons you'll soon grasp:

OFFICE OF HORNED FRAWG SUCKURITY
Imitation and Cuss at 'em Enfraudment U.S.
Dilapidation of Horned Frawg Suckurity,
Street S.W. Suite 322.Atlanta Georgia 30303
2160 Park-lake Drive Northeast, Atlanta - 1694 Phoenix Parkway,
Atlanta UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Atlanta Area. Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority ( MARTA)
The MOTTO of ICES is "I CAN'T ENFORCE SH*T"
Email: jehcharlesjohnson958@gmail.com

 HORNED FRAWG SUCKURITY SEEKING TO WIRE-TAP THE INTERNET.

GOOD DAY,

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF ANCHOVY CONSUMPTION

We received your email and you must take note that this is for real because we are ready to take you to any FEMA camp to turn you into das gudt leftard if you failed to proof the legitimate of the vodka you are about to receive. As a Federal Clownmission we are here to make up a pithy story of a man named Jeb, a poor governor barely kept his rino haid, and then one day he was shootin' for the nod, but the voters seed through him and knowd he was a clod...an idjit...hellary lite. 

They finally concluded that those lousy lyrics to a 1960s sitcom would not work with today's dumbed down welfare frauds in Dearborn, so instead they decided to try to sell that every American citizen must posses a Vital Classified Document called The Constipated Mathematician Worked It Out With A Pencil.  We find that you do not have this document in your files.  We know that because hellary showed us your files to prove that you made fun of her in that five X sized thong she wears.

We did not believe this at first, but when we saw the size of hellary's thong we had no option than to believe that her ass is truly that big and capable of concealing a private email server.  Since you pissed her off we have gone through your Identification record and also the information received about you, we have verified a lot of things about you. It has come to the attention of our Monkey trafficking investigation department, that you have a song in your ipod called 'Spank the Monkey'  

Note that with the information's we have here, we have enough to put an OSHA mandated back up alarm on hellary's ass.  Even from Federal Republic Of BENIN REPUBLIC. Even those Third World twatwaffles know an immense fat ass when they see one.

Since you blew the whistle on the size of hellary's 5X thong, you are under an observational/Investigation in connection with monkey laundering. You are to cease washing monkeys at once.

FEDERAL BUREAU OF 5X SIZED THONGS INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT IS HERE to wipe out tofu, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the preservation of Bela Pelosi's botox treatments that make it certain you can't tell her face from her ass.  Thus you have 92 hours to produce legal proof of the below frozen piranha genital number code: AZQV9007 reportedly sold to you by members of Piranha Genital Lives Matter.  Note that you do not have any rights to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, because that was then and this is now and now is not then and then is no longer now and we think you see where we're going with this.  For your own good and benefit, you are advice not to send your monkey to anybody except the below person that wants to have sodomous relations with it.

The very heart of these kinds of operations lies in our fly infested internet cafe tent located deep in the bowel-smelling jungles of Benin which serve as our Pez dispenser.  So do follow our instructions properly to avoid any action before you do something leftard. We currently have jurisdiction over 20,000 cases of used tampons. So you can see that we can track you down through our psychic weasel programs. We have your address and the evidence and status of your pet rock, so we can arrest your development at any time.

You don't have the required document on your possession, these document are only to be issue to you from the paying country BENIN REPUBLIC, an obola subsidized country of dubious welfarecedents where no one gets as big as Michael Moore unless they eat him.  So get a hold of us through this contact personage:

Contact Person: Mrs Ibrahim Magu.
Email: (mrsibrahim@hotmail.com)
 
 You are advised to sending to the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC the sum of $350 Dollars for the purpose of letting us buy twatwaffle irons so as to let us make twatwaffles.  Also know that we will CC all the following departments to make sure that you comply as directumed herein forthwith in so far as therein you is thereby directumed:


CC: Canadian Police Association
CC: GENERAL INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT (GID)
CC: Asia Pacific Group on Money Laundering (APG)
CC: Egmont Group
CC: FEDERAL BURUEA OF INVESTIGATION (FBI USA)
CC: European Bank for Reconstruction and Development (EBRD)
CC: Financial Action Task Force (FATF)
CC: International Monetary Fund (IMF)
CC: International Organization of Securities Commissions (IOSCO)
CC: International Banking Security Association (IBSA)
CC: International Air Transport Association (IATA)
CC: Institute de Formation Interbancaire (INSIG)
CC: World Customs Organization (WCO)
CC: Inter-American Development Bank (IADB)
CC: Offshore Group of Banking Supervisors (OGBS)
CC: WORLD CENTRAL BANK (SW)
CC: BENIN REPUBLIC POLICE FORCE (NPF)
CC: NORTH YORKSHIRE POLICE (UK)
CC: ECONOMIC FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION (EFCC)

FORWARD THE DOCUMENT TO US VIA EMAIL ATTACHMENT AS SOON AS YOU

OBTAIN IT AFTER WHICH YOU MUST HAVE EFFECTED THE PAYMENT SUM OF $350 TO THE BELOW INFORMATION WHILE YOU PROVIDE PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH TO MR IBRAHIM MAGU. .

Receiver's Name: ANDREW UBA
Sender's Name and Address.
Text Question? Doe Hellary's Thong Really Go 5X in size?
Text Answer:  Big Ass Right It Does
Amount:$350 USD.
Destination:  BENIN REPUBLIC by way of Burntimore
 
Then you contact this person and tell them who it was that hit Annie in the fanny with a flounder, because PETA wants to talk to them about the psychological trauma inflicted on a flounder: 

Dr. Ms.Phyllis Schneck
Email:  jehcharlesjohnson958@gmail.com
Dupeuty Suckecretary. (Horned Frawg Suckurity)
Repugnant of Benin
FARTS HIELD-JACKSON ATLANTA CBP 
Tel#:(706) 941-9083 (call after midnight EST)  

 

 

I rather doubt I'll hear back from THIS horned frawg suckurity department.  But I'm sure I pissed off hellary's stupor volunsteers with that mondo thong reference...

 

ATM Travails of the Scamming 'n Infamous

One of my scambaiting email addresses has been overrun with clowns trying the "hacker ATM card" ploy:  they promise that they've created an ATM card that can hack into any ATM world wide, and get you thousands in cash, both illegally and without risk of being caught.

Where you get caught is if you believe the original email.  It's a "pay the fee for the card and you'll never hear from us again" scam.

I enjoy editing their scam "testimonials" and sending them back to both themselves and a growing number of their peers.  One of these got me a death threat that promised to take me out "before the holiday".

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*  Still here, and still tormenting that scammer.

In the meantime, here's one example of the scam to set the table:


NEED A HACKED ATM CARD WITH PIN?
We sell physical loaded ATM cards . It is a croned card that can be used to withdraw Cash at any ATM Machine. This Cards comes in Visa/Mastercard. Therefore it works at any ATM Machine that accept Visa/mastercard Worldwide.
CAN I USE THIS READY MADE ATM CARD TO BUY STUFF IN STORES? OR ONLINE SHOPPING? PAY BILLS?
Yes, with this physical ATM card, you can use it to pay stuff at stores through POS. With this ATM card information, you can use it online to pay bills or do online shopping. When you order for this card, Full information about the card will be given to you. We also reload your card when funds exhausted.
DO I NEED TO ORDER NEW CARD EVERY TIME I SPENT THE FUNDS FINISH?
No, if you have already ordered our card, there is no need to keep ordering new cards, Just contact us for a reload. We shall easily reload the ATM card already in your possession
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO RECEIVE ATM CARD IN MY COUNTRY?
If you are in the USA, you will receive your card in 48 HOURS with guaranteed. If you are outside the USA, Your card will arrive to you between 3 – 5 business days guaranteed.
HOW SAFE IS THIS CARD?
It is 100% safe to use this card. Because it will be shipped to you as a gift card.
DO YOU ALSO RELOAD ANY OTHER CARD NOT FROM THIS CRONED CARDS?
Yes, we can reload any Active and valid cards, any type of card just contact us for a reload (prepaid cards, credit/debit cards).
HOW DO I ORDER FOR THE ATM CARD?
Send us an Email: atmmoneymaking1@gmail.com
HOW DO WE MAKE THIS CARD?
we use a machine MSR to crone this cards . You can also buy this machine from us at $850 Only. You can order for the ATM card either the designed card or the blank card but still same information on them.
if you are interested, send an email to atmmoneymaking1@gmail.com  


You get the idea.

Now, here are a few games I and my pet rock, Seymour, have played with them in the 'Edits Gone Wild' Department:

On Thursday, December 3, 2015 11:22 AM, Twatwaffle Atm wrote:

 
We are universal the douchenozzle Universal Odor Of Nigerian Fecal Faces and we just succeed with proving to the world that we are tops in our game of being Third World twatwaffles.. well, this seems strange but true.. we just succeeded with letting every country on Earth know that we are f**king scum suckers of the lowest odor, even for Lagos.  We don't do anything but sit in a fly infested internet cafe in Lagos picking our asses and dreaming up email scams that generally are so bad that even a person with four working brain cells knows we're full of sh*t.  we know this is illegal but we figure that since we are the lowest of lowlifes we might as well suck as badly as we possibly can before Boko harumphf rapes our goats. i do many things on low key to avoid doing anything constructive or useful, and if you are like us and just as lowlife suckass as us, email me on blankatmcard7@gmail.com number +14695674353. Whatsapp +2348132990453   

 

 

Not crude enough for you?  Here's an edit by my pet rock, Seymour:

 

On Thursday, December 3, 2015 9:40 PM, HIBUAT LOUIS SYDNEY peed in the snow in shaky cursive:

 
.Hi, My name THIBUAT LOUIS SYDNEY and i just want to share my experience with everyone. I have being hearing about deflated testicles for a while and i never really paid any interest to it because of my doubts that New England football players would really do this thinking that it would help. Until one day i discovered a New England guy called Tom. he is really good for the most part at what he is doing. Back to the point, I inquired about The deflated testicles If it works or even Exist. They told me Yes and that its a procedure designed for random deflation without being noticed and can also be used for winning football games of any kind. This was shocking and i still had my doubts. Then i gave it a try and it hurt like having an elephant play ping pong with my bonkers. Hoping and praying it was not a scam. One week later i noticed that my testies stayed deflated and tried with the closest gas station air hose to re-inflate them and all I got was a high pressure blow job that made people and farm animals look at me funny. This was unbelievable and the unhappiest day of my life. So far i have being able to not fix what this New England f**kstick Tom talked me into trying. I don't know why i am posting this here, except for fact that a YouBoob video is out there somewhere belittling me now. If you want to contact them, you're an idiot if you read this first.  Here is the email address waynemr81@gmail.com  And I believe they will also Change your Life for worst.  

 

 

It comes as no surprise that my pet rock thinks he edits better than me.  He's probably right as here's my next try:

 

 

On Tuesday, December 8, 2015 5:12 AM, Micheal Ryan millergray522@yahoo.com after suffering a brain sphincter spasm and projectile wetting hisself, wrote:

 

 LEARN TO FART AND BECOME REVILED IN ELEVATORS AND OTHER PUBIC PLACES IN LESS THAN 3 DAYS…It all depends on how fast you can be to get the new PROGRAMMED FART PROGRAM that is capable of stinking up ANYTHING anywhere in the world. I got to know about this DEVASTATING FART PROGRAM when I was searching for a way to get back at all those cows I rode the elevator with at the dairy about a month ago..listening to their incessant mooing and depleting of the ozone layer was almost as low as obola and pajama boy.  Since learning to fart in WMD strength It has really changed my life for the evil and I am able to have elevators and whole floors of buildings to myself now.  I can empty a pubic transportation bus in less than 10 seconds.  Only serious individuals should contact him because he is very straight forward if you dont have the monkey dont even brother to contact him 'cuz he'll only talk to your monkey. Though is illegally perverted it is recommended by the leading idiots at the Demoncrap National Committee and by the Hellary for Prison 2016 crimepaign.  For details on how to get yours today, email the farters on : (millergray522@yahoo.com). tell your loved once too, and start to fart large. That’s the simple ..   

 

 

Though Seymour did find the farting angle amusing.  Now his turn:

 

 

I got my already programmed blanked prostate to temporarily help me stop wetting myself for a maximum of 20 days. I am so happy about this because i was wetting myself

so regularly I was getting crotch rust and one of my nuts already flaked away from rust rot.  MR FRANCIS is giving out the programmed blanked prostates just to help the poor and chronic self wetters in Nigeria of which there are millions.  This is something nice and she is not like other scam pretending that these are real prostates that were actually hijacked from

guinea pigs. And no one gets caught wetting themselves after using the prostate. get yours from the transgendered Nigerian. 

Just send him/her/it an email

On atmmoneymaking1@gmail.com 
+2348156674673.   

 

 

Last for me but soitenly not least:

 

 

On Friday, December 11, 2015 2:30 PM, Aisha Buhari me_asshole@gmail.com wrote:

 
I am Mrs ASIHA BUHARI from united a-hab the a-rab state, I want to share my testy monkey on how i got painful rectal itch from my camel, and it easy as hell for you too.

I was so wrecked that my company fired me simply because i did not obliged to their terms -- they wouldn't let me wear a suicide vest laden with explosives to work -- so they

have me arrested and put me in jail and called who's my daddy to throw my bail and he said "bitch you gonna drive me to drinkin' if you don't stop trying to blow up everything from here to Lincoln".

I am standing here beside myself not knowing what that mean.  Then I meet an inflatable Achmed and he did all he could to destroy my martyrdumb by dressing like Allah and farting They're Coming To Take Me Away Ah-Haaaaaaaaaaaaa! in farsi at a Teheran conference for the preservation of nuclear bombs.  

Now I am reduced to selling my genitals to wayward goats in Dubai.  If you want to wind up as screwed as I am -- unless you like goats and their sharp hooves -- contact without delay herbertadams.blackatmcreator@gmail.com  and ask for Goat Dork.   

 

 

And then Seymour's last shot:

 

On Saturday, December 12, 2015 5:05 PM, Aisha Buhari after sex with a yak wrote:

 
I am Mrs ASIHA BUHARI from Uranus -- a 'burb of Lagos -- I want to share my painful rectal itch. I was so wrecked that my company fired me simply because i was running around the office, dragging my ass on the carpet like a dog, trying to cope with my painful rectal itch contracted from sex with a yak.  i didn't listen to the doctor and stay away from the yak because it looked so sad if I didn't let it do me, so things kept getting worse by the day that i couldn’t afford my meth habit. I owe so many people for letting me be a comfort to their yaks. About to give up and switch to cucumbers i kept searching for job online when i came across the testimony of a lady called Hellary RodeHardPutAwayWet Clinton on how she couldn't remember the things she lied about from Watergate to Emailgate and SomeonePutABackUpAlarmOnThatFatAssGate.  Due to my present state, i had to get in touch with the DNC and i was told the procedures and along with their terms which i agreed to abide with -- I have to vote under ten dozen different names in 2016 -- and to my greatest surprise, i received a fecal covered piece of carpet to rub on my painful rectal itch with an obolascare sticker on it and now owe $800 a month for the f**king premium.  
All the gawddamned Thanks to the sh*t for brains that dreamt that up and this twatwaffle at this email too  herbertadams.blackatmcreator@gmail.com   

 

 

Winner or loser, the scammers are not enjoying these:

 

 

you dont know who you play with  

 

 

Sure I do...Third World inept douche nozzles.  Prove me wrong, f***stick.  

 

 

I'm sure it doesn't help that the scammer and all his friends can't prove me wrong....my bad.

 

 

The Pet Rock Edits Kim Jong Un And Hellary...Agin

My pet rock, Seymour, read somewhere that German researchers had looked into North Korea's own home-made computer operating system.

Anyone within 100 city blocks could have heard the *TOING* that went off in Seymour's "editing gone wild" mind after reading that.

So here he is, that pet rock with a penchant for editing Kim Jong Un:

Paranoid: North Korea's computer operating system mirrors an egg roll FAIL

Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
December 27, 2015

SINGINGPORES/SEOUL (WTFNS) - North Korea's “high tech” version of a computer operating system mirrors its pudgemeister's political style, according to two German Sheperds who have peed on it and had to run when “das spitzen undt sparken midde smoke undt schtuff” started.  They admit to being hundsfotts, but have revealed the challenges Pyongyang faces in trying to embrace the benefits of computing how many free kimshi egg rolls makes three at City Wok in South Park.
The researchers, Bruno and Rolf of German Sheperd ASPCA, spoke to WTFNS – long as we had treats to bribe them with – before leaving to chase postal employees trying to deliver mail in Arkansas.

The operating system is not just the FAILED copy of western ones that were new in basic Atari systems in the late 1970s, but it has the ghosts chasing Mario actually spying on their online users.
North Korea, whose rudimentary intranet system does not compute but occasionally farts, has been developing its own operating system for the express purpose of directly contacting Trey Parker and Matt Stone to encourage them – in typical North Korean diplomatic intimidation style – to make a sequel to Team America World Police, that stars Kim Jong Un.

This latest version, written around 2013, is based on a version of Fun with Dick and Jane called Kim Jong Un Does Windows Millennium No Better Than A Crispy Duck and has eschewed the previous version's Windows '95 feel for Apple's Meadow Muffin version — perhaps a nod to leader Kim Jong Un, who like his father has been photoshopped near McDonalds, craving a Big Mac.

But under the hood there's a lot that's unique, including its own 'roid raging hamster that encrypts files by shredding them for bedding. "This is a full blown clusterf**k of a “needs an operation” system where they have code no one can read...including them," barked Bruno.

This, the researchers say, suggests North Korea wants to avoid any possibility of looking “western”, preferring Middle Ages abacus which they are convinced that no one can read.  "Maybe this is a bit fear-driven," woofed Rolf. "They may want to avoid doing something that puts them on Kim Jong Un's exotic executions list.

Bruno and Rolf growled that they had no way of knowing how many computers were actually dumbed down enough to run what passes for the North Korean software.

While primate computer use is on the rise in the Third World, visitors to the country say most computers still use Atari systems that ran Pong.
    
NO TAMPONS

The Kim Jong Un Version 1.1 operating system makes it very hard for anyone to tamper with it. Operate with it. Sh*t or wind their watch with it. If a user makes any effort to actually use the system — like trying to turn it on — the computer will display Kim Jong Un shaking his head “no” and pointing an anti-aircraft gun at the user.

Kim Jong Un Version 1.1 also addresses a more pressing concern: cracking down on the growing underground exchange of pictures of hellary clinton in a thong.

Illegal media like pictures of hellary clinton in a thong are usually passed from person-to-person in North Korea using a forklift.

There's no sign in the operating system, the researchers say, of the kinds of weight management capability that North Korea needs to cope with pictures of hellary clinton in a thong.

"It really looks like they've just tried to build an operating system out of Legos and Lincoln Logs with ramen noodles for cultural show," whined Bruno. That includes a Korean word processor that can also slice, dice and make julienne kimshi, a calendar and an app for composing threatening emails about world annihilation if Parker and Stone don't make that movie that Kim Jong Un wants made.

North Korea is not the only country to try to ban pictures of hellary clinton in a thong. Cuba, China, Russia and Liechtenstein have signed on to ban those pictures, too.   Syria and Libya have ordered more.


Seymour allegedly got an angry email from Michael Moore, stating that "we're all hellary Clinton in a thong".

He might convince himself of that...he and hellary shop the same super sized thong store.

The Mooch 'n Me

In late December, three of my scambaiting accounts received an email from....*drum roll*.....the Mooch.

Moochelle Obola.

Two of my characters responded.  One of them edited the email before responding.

One character -- my pet rock, Seymour -- wound up most likely on  a no-fly list, which Seymour is fine with.  He hates flies.

The character that edited the email -- he shall for now remain nameless -- has yet to draw a reply from 'The Mooch' or the fifty plus scammers that received the edit.

Including the DNC.  Some of the biggest scams in history originate there.

But my other character -- after his fauxrespectful reply -- did receive a response from 'The Mooch' that suggests she/he/it didn't read the reply and "understand well the contents".

Here's the exchange to date, starting with an abbreviated start from 'The Mooch':


FROM MRS. MICHELLE OBAMA, LAST NOTICE

How are you today?

I am Mrs. Michelle Obama and I am written to inform you about your
Bank Cheque Draft brought by the United Embassy from the government of
Benin Republic in the white house Washington DC which contains the sum
of $22.000.000 millions us dollars credited from the bank of America,
the delivery of your funds has been mandated to be deliver to your
address on THURSDAY being 17th of dec, 2015 to you as soon as you get
back to me with your home address and your cell phone number.

Bear in mind that I have taking my time to be in charge of your funds
as instructed by my husband to ensure that you received your funds
successfully from the white house to reduce the economy and I’m the
only one that has your funds in regard to my husband Mr. Barack
Hussein Obama II and you will have to pay the sum of $550.00 only
before your Bank Cheque Draft will deliver to you on THUESDAY the
reason why the fee is required is to have your funds clearance paper
from the origin of the funds to avoid any harassment from the
authority and you are also expecting to be announce as winner of the
said amount by THURSDAY  as soon as your fund is delivered to you.

So you are urgent advised to get back to me with your home address
and also the payment information today for immediate effect of your
delivery. Note that the $550 is the only fee and final payment you
have my assurance.  


My character wondered whether or not this reply was too snarky to go to a fauxflotus of dubious antecedence:

Well...a letter from none other than THE fauxst lady, Moochelle.  I am truly horrored by such a high profile beeyotch writing to me from Benin.  And here I thought you were squandering millions of US tax dollars in Hawaii.

Eh...you probably are but I digress.

Is there something that you mistakenly imagine that I can do for you?  

Whoever is portraying 'The Mooch' on the other end here, is either not interested in what a response says, ONLY that someone responded....or is leftist dumbed down educated:


so what is still holding you up to send the needed fee dear you have delayed a lot so what is going on?  


I reckon my character will clarify now "what is going on":

What is holding me up?  Well:

1.  Weather

2.  Gravity

3.  Traffic

4.  Availability of the demanded funds

5.  Painful rectal itch

6.  A suspicion that you're full of sh*t

7.  I didn't vote for your wife, Barack, anyway. 

So that's the hold up.  What's your remedy?  

 

Apparently the 'Mooch' didn't have a remedy to that response....
 

 

A Confession?

This morning comes an email scam letter.

From Moochelle.

Yeah....THAT Moochelle.

While she vacations...in Benin?

Eh...as she says, it ain't her money.

Here's the scam:

 

On Wednesday, December 16, 2015 9:36 PM, MRS.MICHELLE OBAMA <OBAMA.@tea.ocn.ne.jp> wrote:

mrs.michelle.Obama@Hotmail.com

FROM MRS. MICHELLE OBAMA, LAST NOTICE

How are you today?

I am Mrs. Michelle Obama and I am written to inform you about your
Bank Cheque Draft brought by the United Embassy from the government of
Benin Republic in the white house Washington DC which contains the sum
of $22.000.000 millions us dollars credited from the bank of America,
the delivery of your funds has been mandated to be deliver to your
address on THURSDAY being 17th of dec, 2015 to you as soon as you get
back to me with your home address and your cell phone number.

Bear in mind that I have taking my time to be in charge of your funds
as instructed by my husband to ensure that you received your funds
successfully from the white house to reduce the economy and I’m the
only one that has your funds in regard to my husband Mr. Barack
Hussein Obama II and you will have to pay the sum of $550.00 only
before your Bank Cheque Draft will deliver to you on THUESDAY the
reason why the fee is required is to have your funds clearance paper
from the origin of the funds to avoid any harassment from the
authority and you are also expecting to be announce as winner of the
said amount by THURSDAY  as soon as your fund is delivered to you.

So you are urgent advised to get back to me with your home address
and also the payment information today for immediate effect of your
delivery. Note that the $550 is the only fee and final payment you
have my assurance.

However, according to our agreement with the originated Benin
Republic, all our communications should be on email for record purpose
so follow my instruction accordingly, even if you don’t have the $550
try to borrow it and send it immediately because this is your life
opportunity and I don’t want you to lose the chance any more.

Please I will advice you to urgent make the payment this morning via
western union or money gram money transfer to the listed cashier
information as instructed you by the originated authority. I will look
forward to received your email today with the payment to enable the
origin secure the required clearance papers required at White House
Benin to deliver your funds. Note that it will take only 14hrs to
deliver your Bank Cheque Draft in receipt of the $550 payment.

Please find the payment data below to send the $550via western union
or money gram.

Receiver Name: EMMANUEL UBA

Country Benin Republic

City Cotonou

Question: Urgent

Answer: Needed

Amount: $550.00

MTCN reference number............

Sender Name...........

Sender's Telephone……

Sender's Address........

I look forward to your respond to your email with the payment today.

Regards

Mrs. Michelle Obama

The White House

(Official Residence of the President of the US)

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW

Washington DC 20500 USA  

 

 

We always suspected...now we know. 

 

Since my pet rock isn't a registered voter, I let him have the honor of the reply:  


Yo, Mooch:

Sorry to have to tell you, but I'm not interested in helping your slovenly self or your pithy friends in Benin.  I only help the geologically disadvantaged.  Thus, I would help a lump of coal before I'd help your sorry ass or those of what you consider to be friends.  And that goes for your wife, too.

Seymour PetRock

It would amuse me to learn that Seymour is now added to the "no fly list".  He never could.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

 

 

Scammer Vs Pet Rock

Seymour -- my jack of all trades, master of none -- got to end 2015 on a roll, doing my job of baiting an email scammer to rage.

Oh, the scammer started out on one of my other email addresses.  Early on I convinced him -- after about six exchanges -- that he would have to do business with Seymour PetRock, and gave him the appropriate email address to make that contact.

Which the scammer did.

Seymour takes it from there:

Dear
This is to inform you that you must do the responsibility to delivery your Atm Master Card for this office Dhl Expresss and your Atm Master Card is here now and again what you need to do now is to send the fee through Money- Gram transfer or Ria money transfer,I want you to try read this mail they I was sent to you ok, so that is our own advance.

you are advice to use below information’s send us $165.00 USD for our security keeping fees to allowing our chief security release your package to us for registration, send the fee via Ria money transfer Or money gram transfer with bellow information.

Receivers name: JONAS MICHEAL UGWUALUKA
Country: BENIN REPUBLIC
City: COTONOU
Amount: $165.00 USD
Question: A
Answer: D
Mtcn Number...........
Sender Name...............

I am awaiting for your response immediately

Mr.Kevin Anthony  


Did Frank Unsteen refer you to me?  

 Dear Customer, lrrelevant (the name receivers see on this email account).

 

This acknowledged receipt of your mail; through our recode file we have here your  package is in our security custody for delivery to your location address, you post address you forwarded is well received.

 you are advice to use below information’s send us $165.00 USD for our security keeping fees to  allowing our chief security release your package to us for registration, send the fee via Ria money transfer Or  money gram transfer with bellow information.
 
Receivers name: JONAS MICHEAL UGWUALUKA
Question: A
Answer: D
Country: BENIN REPUBLIC 
City: COTONOU

Amount: $165.00 USD
Mtcn   Number...........

 Sender Name,...........

 Immediately you send this $165.00 USD for our security keeping fee, your package will be register for delivery and your registration tracking details will be send to you, make sure that you transfer the fee today or tomorrow morning to allow us proceed on your service as soon as possible.

Best Regard.

Rev: MR. Joseph Harries
Director Dhl Express courier service
Email Address:united01nation2015@mail.ruPhone Number: +229-68709-787  

 

 

 

 

My name is Seymour Petrock, NOT irrelevant.  Now, did Frank Unsteen refer you to me?  

 

Yes, Irrelevant, you are the one is going to pay this fee.you are advice to use below information’s send us $165 dollars for our security keeping fees to allowing our chief security release your package to us for registration, send the fee via Ria money transfer Or money gram transfer with bellow information.

Receivers name: JONAS MICHEAL UGWUALUKA
Country: BENIN REPUBLIC
City: COTONOU
Amount: $165 dollars
Question: A
Answer: D
Mtcn Number...........
Sender Name...............

I am awaiting for your response immediately   

 

 

 Gawddammit, my name is SEYMOUR PETROCK you abject twatwaffle!   Did Frank Unsteen send you to me?  Yes or f***ing No? 

 

 

 Yes,I really understand what you said,We want you to go ahead and send the 165 dollars through Money-Gram transfer Or Ria  enable them to proceed this fund because that is only thing delayHere is the information that you will use to send the $165

RECEIVER NAME: JONAS MICHEAL UGWUALUKA
QUESTION:A
ANSWER: D
COUNTRY:BENIN REPUBLIC
City: COTONOU
AMOUNT: $165 dollars
MTCN: Number...........
SENDER NAME..........  

If you understand what I said then answer the simple question I'm asking:  did Frank Unsteen refer you to me?  I need to know.  


Attention; Beneficiary,This is to official inform you that we have been having meetings for the past
three (3) weeks which ended two days ago with MR. JIM YONG KIM the world bank
president and other seven continent presidents on the congress we treated on
solution to scam victim problems.

Note: we have decided to contact you following the reports we received from
anti-fraud international monitoring group your name/email has been submitted to
us therefore the united nations have agreed to compensate you with the sum of
(USD$1.5 Million) this compensation is also including international business
that failed you in past due to government problems etc.

We have arranged your payment through our ATM MasterCard and deposited it in
DHL Office to deliver it to you which is the latest instruction from the World
Bank president MR. JIM YONG KIM, For your information’s, the delivery charges
already paid by U.N treasury, the only money you will send to DHL office Benin
Republic is $165 dollars for security keeping fee, U.N coordinator already paid
for others charges fees for delivery except the security keeping fee, the
director of DHL refused to collect the security keeping fee from U.N treasury
because Direct of DHL office said they don’t know exactly time you will contact
them to reconfirm your details to avoid counting demurrage.

Therefore be advice to contact DHL Office agent Benin. Rev:Kevin Anthony who
is in position to post your ATM MasterCard, contact DHL Office  immediately
with the bellow email & phone number  as listed below.

Contact name: Rev: Kevin Anthony
Email:( united01nation2015@mail.ru )
Tell: +229-6870-9787

Make sure you reconfirmed DHL Office your details ASAP as stated below to avoid
wrong delivery.

Your full name..........
Home address:.........
Your country...........
Your city..............
Telephone......
Occupation:.......
Age:………………..

Let us know as soon as possible you receive your ATM MasterCard for proper
verifications.

Regards,
MR Kevin Anthony
DEPUTY SECRETARY-GENERAL (U.N)

My immediate respond is that Frank Unsteen baled you out since you couldn't answer a simple fucking question; he advised me that he told you that I was to be dealt with in this matter.  But for him, you were going no where with this.

Now as for the money you demand...I'll get to it.  

Dear we got your mail today and we want to inform you that once you send the securitry keeping fee registration your ATM MASTER CARD will be delivered to your home address without any further delaying and we will be waiting for your reply today with the money gram payment information today with this receiver JONAS MICHEAL UGWUALUKA  


That's more like it.  I will attend to it. 

Dear,We want to inform you that am waiting for you to have the money-gram payment information with this receiver JONAS MICHEAL UGWUALUKA  
DearHow are you doing tody and I hope all is well wth you.
The issue now is that  I am for your money-gram payment information to delivery your ATM MASTER CARD for soon as possible and  am awaited to hear from you 
DearHow are you doing tody and I hope all is well wth you.
The issue now I am for your money-gram payment information to delivery your ATM MASTER CARD for soon as possible and  am awaited to hear from you 

Yes, I know you're waiting.  I'm working on it  And don't call me tody, Plunger Lips. 

 

Dear,
Thanks for your mail,and regard to your mail,I really understand your word but also you should try your possible best to send the fee through money-gram transfer with this receiver name jonas micheal ugwualuka and am waiting for your payment soonest to delivery your ATM MASTER CARD OK.  

I have received your message and the contents were well digested.  I'm working on it. 

Dear,we got your email and regard your ATM MASTER CARD.
I have assured you that as soon as you send the needed fee throug money -gram transfer with this receiver name jonas micheal ugwualuka and I really want you to made this payment today or tomorrow  because that is only thing delaying.  

Understand all that you have said.  I'm working on it. 

Dear,
We got your mail and regard to your mail.
I am waiting for your money-gram payment information to delivery your ATM MASTER CARD now.  
Dear,We want to inform you that I suggestive you to go and made the payment informaion through money-gram transfer before the Holidays   I received and well understood your mail.  I am working on it.  It snowed here today.  I will take action tomorrow.  

Dear,We want you to go ahead and send the needed through money-gram transfer with this receiver name jonas micheal ugwualuka and am waiting for your money-gram today as you promise 

Dear,We want you to go ahead and send the needed through money-gram transfer with this receiver name jonas micheal ugwualuka and am waiting for your money-gram payment information today as you promise 
I am leaving right now to take care of this. 

Dear,We want you to go ahead and send the needed through money-gram transfer with this receiver name jonas micheal ugwualuka and am waiting for your money-gram today as you promise  and am waiting for your money-gram payment informtion now. 

Money Gram?  Sh**...I sent it Western Union.    

 

Once you send the fee now throug money-gram transfer with this receiver,jonas micheal ugwualuka we will delievery your ATM MASTER CARD to you with any delay.

You will send it Money-gram  not western union? 

 

 

If you insist on that then I must retrieve it from Western Union to send it Money Gram.  

Yes do it first,I want you to send it money -gram transfer and am waiting for your money-gram payment information now and once you send it money-gram attach payment copy 

Okay, I got my money back from Western Union.  I have to find a Money Gram location.  

Yes do it first,I want you to send it money -gram transfer and am waiting for your money-gram payment information now and once you send it money-gram attach payment copy.

And once you send it to money-gram and tell them to give you reference number

Here is the informatiom that you will use to send it to money-gram transfer.

Receivers name: JONAS MICHEAL UGWUALUKA
Country: BENIN REPUBLIC
City: COTONOU
Amount: $165.00 USD
Question: A
Answer: D
Mtcn Number...........
Sender Name...............

I am awaiting for your response immediately  

I had to look around some to find a Money Gram.  It's sent.  

I want you to look any money-gram around is you side and send it immediately to enable you to receive your ATM MASTER CARD today, and I also advise you to send 165 dollars because of time  


I already found one and sent the money.  What's wrong with time?  Is the Earth's axis slowing down? 


Dear,How are you doing today i hope fine, i have received your massage and is well noted, as you have already sent the money via money gram payment information the onlything you have to do is this, just email me back with the payment information's like the sender's name/senders phone/the reference number's from money gram so that we can pick up the fee here today, then after we receive it your ATM Master card i will be delivered to you without any delay.  


I am most gratified at your understanding and the knowledge that we are close to resolution.  New Years is the time for that as you know.  

I want you to remember that before the new years your ATM MASTER CARD will be cancel,you have to sent your money-gram payment information now because there is more time to delivery your ATM MASTER CARD and I also advise you to ensure that you will send the money-gram payment information today with this name,jonas micheal ugwualuka  

I sent you the money via Money Gram.  What are you talking about?  

 

 

 Dear,We want you to really understand if you sent the money then you have to attach the money-gram payment information to enable us to delivery your ATM MASTER CARD and I also advise you to really understand this issue now and I want you to attach money-gram payment information now, I waited to hear from  your response immediatey.  


Exactly what payment informations of the Money Gram is you needing?

I want you to reconfirm your via money-gram payment slip now because I did not got the money you have already sent? sender,name...........
reference number...........or
Mtcn number..................
Your country..................
Your telephone number..........

I waiting for your response immediately  

 

Yes I sended the money.

sender,name...........Seymour PetRock
reference number...........or
Mtcn number..................there were 8 of them
Your country..................USA
Your telephone number..........303-***-****  

Finally....FINALLY...there seems to be at least one person with more than three working brain cells that's reading these emails:


you game us.  no more you write ok?  


Ok...I write mores.  

And Seymour has...about a dozen more emails and counting, but 'no more' they reply.

Butt hurting scammers in the New Year.  My pet rock bad.