Monday, January 25, 2016

The Feds As Scammers?

Why not?  The clown pictured to the right is one of the biggest scammers in history.  And has stockpiled loads more throughout his regime.

But me thinks that this drivel I got from "Home Land Security" -- a long winded epistle of Third World nonsense allegedly out of Benin -- is simply the Third World trying to take advantage of the idjits obola has put in positions of authoritah.

So it surprised me and my characters not when three of us received the following email from themselves, the Dept of Home Land Security, which I'll give you only a piece of:


OFFICE OF HOME LAND SECURITY
Immigration and Customs Enforcement U.S.
Department of Homeland Security,
Street S.W. Suite 322.Atlanta Georgia 30303
2160 Park-lake Drive Northeast, Atlanta - 1694 Phoenix Parkway,
Atlanta UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Atlanta Area. Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority ( MARTA)
The MOTTO of ICE is "INTEGRITY, COURAGE, and EXCELLENCE"
Email: (
jehcharlesjohnson958@gmail.com
)

UNITED STATES DEPT. OF HOMELAND SECURITY SEEKING TO WIRE-TAP THE INTERNET.

GOOD DAY,

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER FOR FINAL FUND RELEASE.


We received your email and you must take note that this is for real because we
are ready to take you to any length if you failed to proof the legitimate of
the fund you are about to receive. As a Federal Commission we are here to
protect your interest and the interest of all the United State citizens as well
as this great Nation. You have been investigated as the beneficiary of the said
funds that is why you are in touch with the FBI for a solid proof before the
funds will be release to you. The said funds is now in U.S Bank in your name
which has been placed on hold under the custody of the FBI for further
verification and proof before releasing the fund to you, we further held a
meeting with the United nation in person of the President Muhammadu Buhari,
where they finally concluded that they every of our American citizen should
stop every upfront payment because your so called partner will keep asking more
money after money, and fund will not be released to you.

They finally concluded that every American citizen must posses a Vital
Classified Document called Immunity Seal of Transfer that overrule every
upfront payment fee and certificates,You do not have this document in your
files, if you did the fund would not have been put on-hold. We did not believe
this at first, but when we saw the transfer we had no option than to contact
you. We have gone through your Identification record and also the information
received from you, we have verified a lot of things about you. It has come to
the attention of our Money trafficking investigation department, that you have
some funds valued at U.S in USA dollars to your name, The said payment is
awaiting adjudication and crediting to you, this funds are from Inheritance
'willed ' from C.B.N Bank BENIN REPUBLIC precisely. With full concern of The F.
B.I and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) wish to remind you of the
consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without com plying fully with
the pro visions of the Financial.  



Eventually -- this one went two full pages of drivel -- my character was directed to send $350 to some dead demoncrap voter in Benin to obtain a document they say my character is "required to have".

Uh huh.

Wahl...the response back to the scammer(s) was an edit of their email...shortened for their comfort in reading whatever of it they and 50+ of their peers can fathom.  Same for the DNC and hellary crimepaign, who received copies of it too, for reasons you'll soon grasp:


OFFICE OF HORNED FRAWG SUCKURITY
Imitation and Cuss at 'em Enfraudment U.S.
Dilapidation of Horned Frawg Suckurity,
Street S.W. Suite 322.Atlanta Georgia 30303
2160 Park-lake Drive Northeast, Atlanta - 1694 Phoenix Parkway,
Atlanta UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Atlanta Area. Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority ( MARTA)
The MOTTO of ICES is "I CAN'T ENFORCE SH*T"
Email:
jehcharlesjohnson958@gmail.com

 HORNED FRAWG SUCKURITY SEEKING TO WIRE-TAP THE INTERNET.

GOOD DAY,

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF ANCHOVY CONSUMPTION

We received your email and you must take note that this is for real because we are ready to take you to any FEMA camp to turn you into das gudt leftard if you failed to proof the legitimate of the vodka you are about to receive. As a Federal Clownmission we are here to make up a pithy story of a man named Jeb, a poor governor barely kept his rino haid, and then one day he was shootin' for the nod, but the voters seed through him and knowd he was a clod...an idjit...hellary lite. 

They finally concluded that those lousy lyrics to a 1960s sitcom would not work with today's dumbed down welfare frauds in Dearborn, so instead they decided to try to sell that every American citizen must posses a Vital Classified Document called The Constipated Mathematician Worked It Out With A Pencil.  We find that you do not have this document in your files.  We know that because hellary showed us your files to prove that you made fun of her in that five X sized thong she wears.
We did not believe this at first, but when we saw the size of hellary's thong we had no option than to believe that her ass is truly that big and capable of concealing a private email server.  Since you pissed her off we have gone through your Identification record and also the information received about you, we have verified a lot of things about you. It has come to the attention of our Monkey trafficking investigation department, that you have a song in your ipod called 'Spank the Monkey'  

Note that with the information's we have here, we have enough to put an OSHA mandated back up alarm on hellary's ass.  Even from Federal Republic Of BENIN REPUBLIC. Even those Third World twatwaffles know an immense fat ass when they see one.
Since you blew the whistle on the size of hellary's 5X thong, you are under an observational/Investigation in connection with monkey laundering. You are to cease washing monkeys at once.

FEDERAL BUREAU OF 5X SIZED THONGS INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT IS HERE to wipe out tofu, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the preservation of Bela Pelosi's botox treatments that make it certain you can't tell her face from her ass.  Thus you have 92 hours to produce legal proof of the below frozen piranha genital number code: AZQV9007 reportedly sold to you by members of Piranha Genital Lives Matter.  Note that you do not have any rights to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, because that was then and this is now and now is not then and then is no longer now and we think you see where we're going with this.  For your own good and benefit, you are advice not to send your monkey to anybody except the below person that wants to have sodomous relations with it.

The very heart of these kinds of operations lies in our fly infested internet cafe tent located deep in the bowel-smelling jungles of Benin which serve as our Pez dispenser.  So do follow our instructions properly to avoid any action before you do something leftard. We currently have jurisdiction over 20,000 cases of used tampons. So you can see that we can track you down through our psychic weasel programs. We have your address and the evidence and status of your pet rock, so we can arrest your development at any time.

You don't have the required document on your possession, these document are only to be issue to you from the paying country BENIN REPUBLIC, an obola subsidized country of dubious welfarecedents where no one gets as big as Michael Moore unless they eat him.  So get a hold of us through this contact personage:

Contact Person: Mrs Ibrahim Magu.
Email: (
mrsibrahim@hotmail.com)
 
 You are advised to sending to the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC the sum of $350 Dollars for the purpose of letting us buy twatwaffle irons so as to let us make twatwaffles.  Also know that we will CC all the following departments to make sure that you comply as directumed herein forthwith in so far as therein you is thereby directumed:


CC: Canadian Police Association
CC: GENERAL INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT (GID)
CC: Asia Pacific Group on Money Laundering (APG)
CC: Egmont Group
CC: FEDERAL BURUEA OF INVESTIGATION (FBI USA)
CC: European Bank for Reconstruction and Development (EBRD)
CC: Financial Action Task Force (FATF)
CC: International Monetary Fund (IMF)
CC: International Organization of Securities Commissions (IOSCO)
CC: International Banking Security Association (IBSA)
CC: International Air Transport Association (IATA)
CC: Institute de Formation Interbancaire (INSIG)
CC: World Customs Organization (WCO)
CC: Inter-American Development Bank (IADB)
CC: Offshore Group of Banking Supervisors (OGBS)
CC: WORLD CENTRAL BANK (SW)
CC: BENIN REPUBLIC POLICE FORCE (NPF)
CC: NORTH YORKSHIRE POLICE (UK)
CC: ECONOMIC FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION (EFCC)

FORWARD THE DOCUMENT TO US VIA EMAIL ATTACHMENT AS SOON AS YOU
OBTAIN IT AFTER WHICH YOU MUST HAVE EFFECTED THE PAYMENT SUM OF $350 TO THE BELOW INFORMATION WHILE YOU PROVIDE PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH TO MR IBRAHIM MAGU. .

Receiver's Name: ANDREW UBA
Sender's Name and Address.
Text Question? Doe Hellary's Thong Really Go 5X in size?
Text Answer:  Big Ass Right It Does
Amount:$350 USD.
Destination:  BENIN REPUBLIC by way of Burntimore
 
Then you contact this person and tell them who it was that hit Annie in the fanny with a flounder, because PETA wants to talk to them about the psychological trauma inflicted on a flounder: 

Dr. Ms.Phyllis Schneck
Email: 
jehcharlesjohnson958@gmail.com
Dupeuty Suckecretary. (Horned Frawg Suckurity)
Repugnant of Benin
FARTS HIELD-JACKSON ATLANTA CBP 
Tel#:(706) 941-9083 (call after midnight EST)  
 
 
I rather doubt I'll hear back from THIS horned frawg suckurity department.  But I'm sure I pissed off hellary's stupor volunsteers with that mondo thong reference...




 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

They probably had to send your rewrite to someone to translate. I'm just saying.

Have a fabulous day Mike. My best to my buddy Seymour. ☺

25 January, 2016 09:32  

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