Lack of Comprehension Doesn't Pay

Here's a lesson in how quickly a lack of comprehension by a scammer can lead to...a butt-hurt scammer:


From The Desk Of Barrister Michael Dempsey
Crake de Sousa 41 Blvd Du Mongol Cotonou Benin.
Dempsey& sons Chambers, Attorney At Law, High Court Of Justice
Cotonou, Benin Republic West Africa States.
Email:  heidijr1969@gmail.com
Phone: +229 64131475

Attention dear:

Thanks for contacting us,

This is Michael Dempsey ESQ and I have received your email in regards
to your ATM package that was deposited here under my care by the FBI
Monitoring Team, parcel Registration Number is ( ATM-00384).

However, the amount involved for the delivery of your ATM package to
your address is US$150.00 only and the money is to be send down here
through Western Union or Money Gram, RIA with our accountant details
below.
Note, your package will be at your doorstep through a courier delivery
agent with your information which has been given to us by the FBI,
Certainly this parcel will get to your house under 48 hours of
receiving the fee because the delivery will be an over night express &
blue print with either DHL or FedEx.

Kindly hurry and send down the US$150.00 via Western Union or Money
Gram nearly office using our cashier's details below:

Receiver's name: JOE KANU
Country:  Benin Republic
City: Cotonou
MTCN Number#:

Finally: Kindly provide us back the Western Union/ MTCN Number or
receipt as soon as you have sent the US$150.00  Because as soon as the
fee is confirmed, I will go and register the Tramcar to dispatch your
address immediately and i shall provide you with the tracking
details/# for you to be monitoring the movement of the package while
on transit so as to ensure that it's coming to you for sure.

Remember that the US$150.00 requested is for courier company's VAT &
delivery charge, please be informed that all other necessary
paperwork/documents/charges has been tendered by the depositor.

Endeavor to Reply via my official email address: heidijr1969@gmail.com
or call me @ +229 64131475 if you have any question.

I will be waiting and looking forward to hearing back from you ASAP
together with your payment details once the $150.00 has been sent.

Thanking you in advance

Sincere regards

Michael Dempsey ESQ
 Dempsey & sons Chambers  


Anything that starts with "From the desk of" gets prompt action h'yar:


Not such a happy boxing day for your desk as it turns out.

I don't send money to a desk.  Particularly one in Benin.  

 

 

How do you mean?   Where do you send money to?  

 

 

If I send money on any online deal, it's to a real person, and not their office furniture.

What do YOU send money to, a tree stump?  

 

 

I still don't understand what you mean.  

 

 

It's all about the animated versus inanimate objects that claim to send texts.

Yours did.  Revisit your initial email and see what it done.  

 

 

...now comes the butt hurt:

 

 

You are very stupid.   Please don't bother replying this message.  BYE  

 

 

You had to keep asking what I meant and I'm the stupid one? 

LOL...a tree stump is your intellectual better.

And yes...I did bother replying to this message...just 'cuz it'll piss you off.  

 

 

...and, the butt hurt intensifies:

 

 

GO TO HELL.  

 

 

Send me the directions to get there, what with you being the expert on the place and all.  Our president just sent an Iranian genital there, so you won't be lonely on arrival.  

 

 

SHUT UP!!!!!  

 

 

That's not something I learned to do when dealing with babbling office furniture from a Third World sh*thole like Benin.  Perhaps you should educate yourself so that your desk doesn't have to send all your badly-written emails for you.  Whaddaya say?  

 

 

...and comes the last of the butt hurt:

 

 

F*** U!!!  

 

 

Obviously, your sex education there is even worse than your emails are.  Dr. Ruth has a book for dummies that's tailor-made for you.  Go get and read it before you try to back-end a rhino.  

 

 

...and that was how his lack of comprehension ended.  I pity his desk.

The Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans

Yup...shore lookin' like shenanigans from here.

And so's this email from Benin about a "Christmas Bonanza":


CHRISTMAS BONANZA! TO YOU, HAPPY NEW MONTH OF CHRISTMAS

REPUBLIC OF  BENIN. FOREGN CONTRACTOR PAYMENT OFFICE

MR PETER CHALES

Phone:+229-63012985

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS BONANZA!  BONANZA!!  BONANZA!!! TO YOU, HAPPY NEW MONTH OF CHRISTMAS,

ATTENTION BENEFICIARY:

This is to notify all our clients about the latest development concerning

all the PAYMENT that are left in our custody. which yours are inclusive

Besides, your where given a High bill to pay for  your transfer paper

permit of your fund. in order to receive your PAYMENT of which we didn’t

hear from you for some times now.Hence, AFRICAN UNION (AU) Head Office has

held meeting today been 27TH November 2018 with ( WESTERN UNION ) the

issue on the meeting is that they now offering a Special Christmas Bonus

to help all our customers that are abandoned their PAYMENT in our custody

due to because of high price. in order words we are now requesting that

those involve should pay only the sum of $48.00 usd to receive all their

PAYMENT abandoned in our custody. You shall be Received  $8,000 in every

two days, $4000 from western union while $4000 from western union after

3hours you pick up the first transfer making total $8,000 you shall pick

in each two days, Besides, my dear, this is the opportunity for you and

have to comply and your total funds of $1.8million shall be transfer to

your destination address before we go on Christmas holidays.  

 

 

Uh huh. 

 

As they say on South Park, "I call SHENANIGANS!" 

 

What's more, I edit the email to assure it:

 

 

CHRISTMAS SHENANIGANS TO YOU AND SOCK PUPPETS THAT LOOK LIKE YOU

REPUBLIC OF  BENIN. FOREIGN CONTACT OFFICE

MR PETER CHALES

Phone:+229-63012985 

CHRISTMAS SHENANIGANS TO YOU AND SOCK PUPPETS THAT LOOK LIKE YOU
 

 

ATTENTION:

This is to notify all our email addresses that still work about the latest development concerning

the Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans that are about all we have left in our repertoire. 

You shall be Received  one of each of the Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans

on every two days until all the Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans is done!

But note that after DECEMBER 3rd if you did not make

the payment of $48.00 usd for your Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans, then

 we will cancel the project and instead turn your name over to a spellcaster 

who can turn you into a marmot dildo.  So be advise to send $48.00 usd immediately

if you still wiling to claim your Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans

Once payment of $48.00 usd is sended by you, we will immediately start 

up your Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans!

 Send the $48.00 usd through Western Union or money Gram but not

Jurassic Air Courier Service because their delivery pterodactyls tend

to eat the assorted shenanigans...and recipients.

Please use the information below:

Receiver First Name :::::: Austine 

Receiver Last Name :::Mabia

Country:::::::: Benin Republic

City::::::: Cotonou

Amount::::: $48.00 usd

Test Question:::: What The

Test Answer:: F**k

Sender's Name::::??

Money Transfer Control Number:::??

Forward the payment mtcn number or Reference Number, and sender name and

address after sending the Money to enable us pick up the money in this

Department office here. Note: that we do this to help all our customers so

don't delay because any delay will make us to cancel your Twelve Days of

Christmas Shenanigans and you don't want to miss out on this anymores.

I am looking forward to receive of $48.00 usd. immediately to enable us to

give your the full information which you will use to receive your

Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans in

any western union but fail to do so you will lose your shenanigans because

your have only this week  after that no mores.

These Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans are yours once you pay the fee*.

 

Yours in service

MISS.ROSE MERY EZECHUKWU

Phone:+229-63012985

NEW HEAD OF DIRECTOR.

FOREIGN CONTACT OFFICE

REPUBLIC OF BENIN

THIS IS OUR CONDUCT CODE ( X306)

 

CHRISTMAS SHENANIGANS TO YOU AND SOCK PUPPETS THAT LOOK LIKE YOU.

*The Benin Repugnant reserves the right to substitute any and all

of your Twelve Days of Christmas Shenanigans for any

reason, not excluding having limited supplies of birds

other than the gesture kind; trees, rings, milk, dancers, prancers,

midnight de-pants-ers. ladies, lords, non-binary gender fluids, flutes,

drums, douche nozzles and twat omelets.

Your satisfaction is not guaranteed.

Restrictions apply but are frequently turned down.

Your results won't vary from anyone else here.  

 

 

It was apparently too much shenanigans for the scammers.  They're lucky they weren't actually dealing with South Park.

Illiteracy Sucks

Especially when you're an online scammer, claiming to be a barrister from Benin.

Oh sure...he's using a template to WRITE to my character...but is he READING my responses?


*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Here's how we rolled:

Attention:

This is Director Mark Smith From DHL Company Republic Due Benin. I write to let you know that the the required fee needed for the shipment of your package has been paid. $450. the only money you have to send to Edu Mike now is $205 for Airport Stamp for your package to proceed to your home, 

So i advice you to try all you can to send the $205 today to enable your package ship first thing tomorrow morning to your destination address within 47hours. 

Receiver name....... Edu Mike 

Country........................ Benin

City.......................... . Cotonou 

Amount............... $205USD 

Sender name and address

Director  Mark Smith 

DHL COURIER COMPANY   

 

 

Tell Edu Mike that he'll get $205 from me when an asteroid destroys Benin.  

 

 

My dear the only thing I have to tell you is that if you want to made the payment try to made it in time so that I will proceed in time and if you made the payment get back to me with the reference number and the copy of the payment crip as soon as you made the payment now tell me when are you going to made the payment or you are not ready to made the payment so let me know okay   

 

 

After the E.L.E. asteroid hits Benin, I'll send the money.  

 

 

Which day you their is no more for this your delivery so me when are you going to made the payment I mean which day are you going to made the payment   

 

Long as he can't read, let's play a tad more:

 

Read my previous email response to you carefully, and you'd find therein which day I'm sending the monkey.  

 

 

you are not saying which day you make payment crip.  Which day okay  

 

 

The...day...that...an...asteroid (gimongus space rock of dubious cosmic and geologicedence)..hits..destroys...wipes out...eradicates...eviscerates...BLOWS THE LIVING F**K OUT OF...Benin.  On that day, I will send the monkey.  Not a day before.  And no point in a day after.  You sabe?

 

My character even included the above photo for reference.  It didn't help:

 

 

I am not understand what you say.  what day do you mean okay.

 

 

What we have here is....failure...to communicate.  So here is what I suggest you do:  (1) go to your nearest Hallmark store  (2) ask them for the calendar that has the day on which Benin is hit by an asteroid (3) ask them what day that is (4) if it falls during the seasonal advent of psychic douche canoe and (5) you'll know on what day I'll send the monkey.

 

 

are you not being serious about this  

 

 

Ahhh...a teeny weenie ray of *DUH* is finally sneaking up on your consciousness.  Perhaps you're not the cerebral twat waffle you had convinced me that you were.  Very good...you get a cookie.  

 

 

Okay listing to me if you don't want to send the money in Benin you can make the payment here in the state if you are ready to do that let me know now so that I will give you the payment information which you will use to make the payment here in the state Okay 

Perhaps the lyrics to this song will help..or not, 'cuz you're pretty dumb by all standard measures:
(with no apologies to Peter Gabriel)

Spank the monkey
Spank the monkey

Cover me when I swing
Cover me through the limbs
Something knocked me out' the trees
Now I'm on my farging knees
Cover me, darling please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don't you know when you're going to spank the monkey

Fork the fox
Snap the rat
You can rape the ape
I know about that
There is one thing you must be sure of
I can't take any more without drugs
Darling, don't you monkey with the monkey
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don't you know you're going to spank the monkey

Wheels keep turning
Something's burning
Monkeys in the kitchen but I guess I'm learning

Spank! - spank the monkey, spanking monkey

(and someone paid to write this sh*t)

Cover me, when I sleep
Cover me, when I creep
You throw your swine before the pearls
Spank the monkey blind
Cover me, darling farging please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don't you know you're going to spank the monkey

Too much at stake
Ground beneath me shake
And the news is breaking

Spank! - spank the monkey, spanking monkey

Spank the monkey
Spank the monkey
Spank the monkey

(and someone paid to write this sh*t)

There now...can you hear me now? 

Sorta:

Is like you don't need this your fund am asking you which day are you going to made the payment and you don't want to say it my dear am sorry to say this if you are not interested in this your delivery let me know okay   

You can rekindle hope anew after the asteroid hits Benin.  Tell Edu Mike to be patient until then.  He'll be a patient at that point anyway.  

 

 

That means you are not interested with your fund   

Perhaps a little electricity is finally reaching the dim bulb between your ears now.  I will send Edu Mike the monkey when the asteroid hits Benin.  Period. 


Since 'Mark Smith' of Benin's DHL has not responded since then, it would seem that he finally figured out -- or someone there did -- that my character wasn't serious.

 

Or that the asteroid hit....which means, my pet rock insists, that my character has to come up with a monkey to send.  I'll let my pet rock, Seymour, take care of that.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"

Even Their Offices Are Stupid

Pretty much any unsolicited email from ANYWHERE is potentially (and quite likely) a scam.  But a huge number of them emanate out of West African nations.

The one my character received here is allegedly out of the Repugnant of Benin and is another piss poorly crafted Western Union scam.

Take a look at the key points:


FROM THE OFFICE BLU WESTERN UNION COMPENSATIONS BONUS
ORGANIZERS.Mrs.Susan Dawson, 101 Street De l'Independence, 213 BP,
COTONOU. BENIN REP. PAYMENT NOTIFICATION: SPECIAL BONUS COMPENSATIONS
FOR FINAL WARNING OF YOUR PAYMENT OR IT WILL BE CANCELLED.  

And it goes on to say:

After the payment of ($45) you will start receiving your money every
day ($4,500) either through Western Union or Money Gram preferably by
you ($9,000) until the full payment of ($5.5 million) is completed.
The total sum you will be receiving per day is ($9,000) in two payment
($4,500 X2) DO NOT ASK FOR DEDUCTION because this payment has been
gazette by the Presidency and as such, no deduction or addition can be
imposed on it.  


Not bad....if one word of it were true.   *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

You're more likely to have a magical unicorn drop in and grant you three wishes that actually come true.

This became prime 'editing scam emails for fun and annoyance of the scammers' ground:


FROM THE OFFICE THAT'S FULL OF PEOPLE TOO STUPID TO WRITE THEIR OWN EMAILS

BLU WESTERN DUNCES COMPENSATIONS BOGUS ORGANIZERS

Mrs.Susan Dawson, 101 Street De l'Independence, 213 BP, COTONOU. BENIN REP.

PAYMENT NOTIFICATION: SPECIAL BOGUS COMPENSATIONS

 

FINAL WARNING (OF MANY MORE TO COME BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT FINAL MEANS) THAT YOU RESPOND TO AN OFFICE FULL OF MORONS OR YOUR BOGUS PAYMENT WILL BE CANCELLED.
(how convincing is that? ready to wet yourselves in fear yet?)

Attention moron:
Thanks for the email you never sent us.

We are an office. An office full of Third World nincompoops. We just sit around, swatting flies, fingering our butt holes, and sending out fourth rate scams that couldn't fool a card board box.

We're so bad, our OFFICE has to write and send you this email. For all we know, we're DNC directed democraps of the lowest order that still think it was impossible for thunder thighed Hellary to lose in 2016. Not that it mattered that she was the worst of lots of suckass choices we could have made, but our office digresses.

At any rate, since our office is fed up with how inept we are, it's going to cut right to the rat killing of this particular scam: you send us $45 USD, and you think that's going to get you sent $4500 a day from a Western Union in Benin.

Wowser...even our office can't believe how sandpoundingly stupid you have to be to believe that.

It's so sandpoundingly stupid, let us repeat it:  After the payment of ($45) you will start receiving your money every day ($4,500) either through Western Union or Money Gram preferably by
you ($9,000) until the full payment of ($5.5 million) is completed.  The total sum you will be receiving per day is ($9,000) in two payment ($4,500 X2).

This next part is very important because it doesn't make one bit of common sense grammatically or otherwise: "DO NOT ASK FOR DEDUCTION because this payment has been gazette by the Presidency and as such, no deduction or addition can be impoled on it".

Not only do we need smarter people in this office; we need a working word use checker, too.

Here's how we know you're stupider than we are, if you believe any of this sh*t: Below is the first payment of your new reference number sent today.

Sender Name: Mrs. Susan Kent
Receiver Name: MR JAN DUNANT (if you isn't or ain't this person, please be the ball as directed by the zen philosopher Basho)
Receiver's Country: U.S.A
MTCN:87984231
MTCN:31234567
Amount Sent: $$9,000 USD

And you can prove you're stupider than us by not reading closely the math error we have here too:

"Click this website to show up where you can track the information, Then you can track your money to see that your payment is available for pick up, But you cannot pick the payment until you pay for the charges for the activation process which is the sum of $45 USD.Send this $65 USD with the below information’s immediately so that we will activate your first payment, as the receiver of this funds to enable you pick it up in any Money Gram office Western Union in your country
today".

Receivers Name: SUNDAY MABIA
Country: Benin Republic
City: Cotonou
Question: WTF?
Answer: YouTF!
Amount $65 USD
Senders Name:..........
Reference:.............

If you don't pay the fee, you don' get no Coke, y'know whadda mean?

And now here is more proof our office don't write email better than any of us: "Okay.I repeat do not border to reply if you were unable to pay the fee.."

W...T...F???

Contact Office of: Mrs.Susan Dawson (because she's too stupid to talk to)
Tel:+229 98262967
Emails:( mrsdawsonsusan101@gmail.com )
Cardboard Box full of Directors with the collective brains of a goat turd
Benin Association of Nincompoops, Unlimited

affiliated with the American Democrapic Nincompoops Committee

Dumbass Brazile, Chairpoison  

 

I have yet to hear back from the originating scammer here.  I did get this from one copied scammer that got the edit:

 

racist much?  

 

Not at all.  I hate morons like you equally and regardless of your skin color and sh*t content.  Happy now?  

 

The respondent had nothing else to say after that.  Duh...

Is You Daid?

Sometimes, they think you're DAID.

The scammers, that is.

Mighty inconvenient for them, iffen you is.

But another kind of inconvenience can creep into their scam ploy when you ain't...but play like you is.

Here's an example from Zenith Bank (snerx) in Benin:

My name is Larry JohnI am the manager of ATM department in Zenith Bank 
plc Benin republic, am here to inform you that a man came to our office this morning his name is Mr. Ben Clopper he told us that he is your brother from your  country U.S.A he said that you are dead. Mr. Ben Clopper said that you die two months ago in a car accident on your way  going to work and before your death you told him that you have an ATM CARD worth  of
$1.5 million dollars and he  came here with $145 dollars the activation fee  of the ATM card to activate the ATM card and collect it.

If real you are dead may your soul rest in perfect peace AMEN, but if you are  alive please due call me on this phone number ( +229 67206750) and get back to  me with the $145 dollars activation fee today okay. If I did not hear from you  today with the activation fee then I will collect the $145 dollars activation fee from Mr. Ben Clopper and hand the ATM card over to him okay. Below is the information to send the $145 dollars activation fee via western 
union money transfer.

Receiver Name ….. James  Johnson
Country ….. Benin Republic
City ….. Port-Novo
Text Question ….. Yes
Text Answer ….. Yes
Amount ….. $145 usd
MTCN …..
Sender Name …..
Sender Country …..
Do have a wonderful day if you are alive but if you are dead may your soul rest
in peace (AMEN)Yours Faithfully
Mr. Larry John.
Director Swift ATM Credit Card/ Telex Dept.
Zenith Bank Plc Benin Republic  

I love how they bade me a wonderful day if alive but if I am dead may my soul rest in peace (AMEN).

Mebbe they ready for this reply...mebbe they not:

No, Ben Clopper is absolutely correct.  I died some time ago.  It is fortunate...most fortunate..that I was able to establish this contact mode via the ITC astral bridge link so as to respond to this email in a timely manure; more often than not, the ITC astral bridge link fails when contaminants to the free flow of communication between the afterworld and the physical realm are present, such as persons with dubious and odious intent in their communications for example...But yes, you are authorized to allow Ben Clopper access to the account funds.

Myra Manes,

benefactor and late relative of Ben Clopper

It was awfully nice of Wiley Coyote to stand in for Myra Manes in an illustrative manure here.

 

Especially at THAT particular moment.

 

But back to Zenith Bank in Benin, and their response to finding out that my character, while able to communicate approval of the scammer's made-up character having the fauxaccount, is in fact daid:

 

what is going on?  Are you dead or not?   (is this idiot serious?)

Deader than a can of corned beef.  How about you?  

we are serious bank we have no time for jokes.  

You want to deal with me, you'll MAKE time for them.  Did you hear the one about the skeleton that clatters into a bar and orders a beer and a mop? 

Them fellers musta heard that one before...they didn't want to speak with the dead no mores.

And I had so many more jokes to tell...
 

The Idiot Chronicles

The latest 'idiot' to win a chapter in those chronicles calls hisself Thomson Philip.

After reading this exchange of emails, I reckon that you'll agree he's a chapter award winner:

Dear Friend,

With due respect to your person and much sincerity of purpose . I have a business proposal which I will like to handle with you. $35 million USD is involves. But be rest assured that everything is legal and risk free as I have concluded all the arrangements and the legal papers that will back the transaction up. Kindly indicate your interest as to enable me tell you more detail of the proposal.

Waiting for your urgent response.
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Thomson Philip,  


Is this urgent enough?  What's up with your $35 million? 

Thank you for your email, I appreciate your response. My proposal is very important to me so please I want you to take the content of this mail very seriously. All I want is an honest business transaction between us. First of all, I will start by introducing myself. My name is Mr. Thomson Philip; am from Burkina Faso but live in Cotonou Benin where am working with Eco bank Annex here in Benin;

It has been 10 years now that some greedy African Politicians used our bank to launder money overseas through the help of their Political advisers. Most of the funds which they transferred out of the shores of Africa were gold and oil money that was supposed to have been used to develop the continent. I acted as the Bank Officer to most of the politicians and when I discovered that they were using me to succeed in their greedy act; I also cleaned some of their banking records from the Bank files and no one cared to ask me because the money was too much for them to control. They laundered over $5b Dollars during the process .and i was able to divert Thirty Five Million US dollars ($35m) to an escrow account belonging to no one in the bank.The ($35) Million Dollars has been laying waste but I don't want to retire from the bank without transferring the funds to a foreign account. I only want you to assist me by providing a bank account where the fund can be transferred.

I am ready to do this transaction with you only if you will be capable and ready to keep it secret because I do not need any security problems. I want you to henceforth respond through this ID, because I do not want anybody to know what we are doing. Since you are very honest person as you seem to sound, I assure you that success in this venture is guaranteed, if only you follow my advice.

Most of those politicians are no longer in power and some are dead. There is "no security risk" because the funds do not exist in anybody's name. No one also knows about the secret of the funds except me and already, budgets have been done many times without any mention of the funds which means it can be legally transferred to any person that I legalize his/her name as the owner. The Funds can only be transferred to a Foreigner not resident in my country because I placed the funds on a 'transit escrow account' to enable me wire the funds to any part of the world when required.

I hope that you will not disappoint me when this money enters into your account; I have all my hope in this transaction because I shall soon go on retirement, I am a simple banker whose credibility is still intact and with my maturity and understanding, I promise to give the best co-operation. If you are really interested in this transaction, then we must hurry up so that our bank and government shall not claim and inherit this money because it has over-stayed. Below is the information you are to send to me which I am going to use to obtain some vital documents from the ministries in your name that will back up the claim and as soon as I get them ready, I will forward them to you with an application which you will fill and summit back to my bank as to commences with the immediate process of the transaction.

(1) Your Full name and age.

(2)Your occupation

(3)Your marital status

(4)Your full residential address

(5)Your direct phone and fax numbers.

(6)A copy of your photo scanned and sent to me by mail or your driving license.

Meanwhile I will like you to know more about myself. I am a family man with 4 children 2 girls and 2 boys. I have decided to do this deal because i have worked in this bank for years without achieving anything due to the corruption in this country. Workers’ salaries are hardly paid; the leaders are very wicked and corrupt. Even the Aids we receive from Donor countries as well as the international communities are being diverted into the private pockets of the few in authority.

Therefore while the rich are getting richer, the poor masses continue to suffer. I only have a name NOT money or any material possessions. So this is why when I saw this opportunity, I decided to capitalize on it with my position in the bank and I hope with your co-operation, success will be for us.i will give you %40 of the fund after the successful transfer to your nominated bank account.

Thank you for understanding, +22965923190.

I am waiting,

Mr. Thomson Philip;  

 

Oh...you live in Burkina Fatso?  Oh.  I can't do business in a place I can't find on a map with a person therefrom.  Can you move to Detroit?  From there I can do business with you.  

I am from Burkina Faso, but I live and work with Eco-bank international here in Benin Republic where the fund was deposited   Confirm your readiness in working with me to enable us go into the process of the deal.  I am waiting to hear from you  

 

 

Where is Benin Republic?  

Benin Republic, is a country in West Africa.  

 

 

How does that differ from Burkina Fatso?  Aren't they side by side or something like that?  

Yes, Burkina faso and Benin Republic, are Neboring country  


Ah, that explains it.  So what is it that you want of me?  I don't live anywhere near either of these places.  


yes, i know that you are not living anywhere near here, that is why i want you to help me to receive the fund into your account so that i will come over to your country with my family to stay and invest my own share of the fund


Oh...so I don't have to come over there to do any of this?  

Is not necessary that you must comedown here in my country for the deal, we can make the deal through online because I am active here in the bank to back you up with every necessary information the bank might require from you to back up direct transfer of the fund to your nominated bank account there in your country   I am waiting to hear from you  

 

 

Okay, so I don't have to come to your country to do this thing.  Thank you!  

Please go ahead and send the needed information as I require to enable us go into the process of the deal  


Upon reflection, I am actually eager to come to your country and do this business with you in person.  How would I go about that?  


It is easier that you not come here and work with me online because I am active here in the bank and can do all the modalities here  This is better way.  


Why..don't you WANT me to come?  Or even breathe hard?  


what is this please?  I am await the informations I ask you for to go into the process of the deal.  
 What this is is...questions of profoundity, and their impact on the miniscule, minute and the meek within the greater continuity of rectal gas in the Hotel Kaliforlornia, such a lovely place but you can never leave with your wallet intact.  If this is NOT the information that you seeked, maybe you should have sucked instead of seeked, and then who knows what would be stuck to your face just now.  Does this clarify what this is please?  

It apparently did...Thomson Philip no longer wants to play.

Awwww.

A Confession?

This morning comes an email scam letter.

From Moochelle.

Yeah....THAT Moochelle.

While she vacations...in Benin?

Eh...as she says, it ain't her money.

Here's the scam:

 

On Wednesday, December 16, 2015 9:36 PM, MRS.MICHELLE OBAMA <OBAMA.@tea.ocn.ne.jp> wrote:

mrs.michelle.Obama@Hotmail.com

FROM MRS. MICHELLE OBAMA, LAST NOTICE

How are you today?

I am Mrs. Michelle Obama and I am written to inform you about your
Bank Cheque Draft brought by the United Embassy from the government of
Benin Republic in the white house Washington DC which contains the sum
of $22.000.000 millions us dollars credited from the bank of America,
the delivery of your funds has been mandated to be deliver to your
address on THURSDAY being 17th of dec, 2015 to you as soon as you get
back to me with your home address and your cell phone number.

Bear in mind that I have taking my time to be in charge of your funds
as instructed by my husband to ensure that you received your funds
successfully from the white house to reduce the economy and I’m the
only one that has your funds in regard to my husband Mr. Barack
Hussein Obama II and you will have to pay the sum of $550.00 only
before your Bank Cheque Draft will deliver to you on THUESDAY the
reason why the fee is required is to have your funds clearance paper
from the origin of the funds to avoid any harassment from the
authority and you are also expecting to be announce as winner of the
said amount by THURSDAY  as soon as your fund is delivered to you.

So you are urgent advised to get back to me with your home address
and also the payment information today for immediate effect of your
delivery. Note that the $550 is the only fee and final payment you
have my assurance.

However, according to our agreement with the originated Benin
Republic, all our communications should be on email for record purpose
so follow my instruction accordingly, even if you don’t have the $550
try to borrow it and send it immediately because this is your life
opportunity and I don’t want you to lose the chance any more.

Please I will advice you to urgent make the payment this morning via
western union or money gram money transfer to the listed cashier
information as instructed you by the originated authority. I will look
forward to received your email today with the payment to enable the
origin secure the required clearance papers required at White House
Benin to deliver your funds. Note that it will take only 14hrs to
deliver your Bank Cheque Draft in receipt of the $550 payment.

Please find the payment data below to send the $550via western union
or money gram.

Receiver Name: EMMANUEL UBA

Country Benin Republic

City Cotonou

Question: Urgent

Answer: Needed

Amount: $550.00

MTCN reference number............

Sender Name...........

Sender's Telephone……

Sender's Address........

I look forward to your respond to your email with the payment today.

Regards

Mrs. Michelle Obama

The White House

(Official Residence of the President of the US)

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW

Washington DC 20500 USA  

 

 

We always suspected...now we know. 

 

Since my pet rock isn't a registered voter, I let him have the honor of the reply:  


Yo, Mooch:

Sorry to have to tell you, but I'm not interested in helping your slovenly self or your pithy friends in Benin.  I only help the geologically disadvantaged.  Thus, I would help a lump of coal before I'd help your sorry ass or those of what you consider to be friends.  And that goes for your wife, too.

Seymour PetRock

It would amuse me to learn that Seymour is now added to the "no fly list".  He never could.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!"