Stripes Scam-Style

Perhaps some scammers are familiar with the movie Stripes.  That level of familiarity apparently breeds contempt.  Including for doing just a wee bit of insufficient homework before writing the scam.

That would appear to be the case when one of my scam baiting characters received this email from an alleged active duty US Army "officer":

Hi!.

I'm Sgt. Sherri Gallagher. I'm a US Army officer currently in Iraq now, i am from the united state of America, i have an important issue to discus with you.  Kindly reply back to me very urgent to confirm that you got my email, this is to enable me share with you the purpose of this urgent contact with you .   


Fact is, there IS a US Army sergeant by the name of Sherri Gallagher.  An marksman award-winner of some renown in military circles.

And she ain't the one doing the writing noted above.

Even that, any person that has ever served in the US Military would recognize the obvious gaffe employed by the scammer in that opening salvo.  Even some of us that haven't served would recognize it.

My receiving character decided to respond in a manure befitting of the scamming entity, under the assumption that the scammer would be no smarter in reading the reply than they were in researching the original scam:


Hi Sarge.  Of COURSE you're a US Army officer.  All sarges are.  And serving in Iraq...how special you must feel.  Especially being the united state of America....it is compound obvious that you are educated in a liberal school of simplified expectations.  I am waiting with baited breath -- anchovy -- for the important issue you wish discus, an Olympic sport.  At any rate, I am kindly reply back to you urgent so you are enabled per your requestivus.  And Happy Festivus.  


Apparently "Officer Sarge" is more into wetting her/itself over get a reply, as opposed to reading it:

Hello My Dear,

Thanks for your kind response and as a matter of fact, i am very happy to read your mail. My name is Sgt Sherri Gallagher, a United State Army officer present in Iraq on an assignment. I really want to establish a true relationship that may lead into a business partner or something else.

Certainly, This is to bring to your notice, here in the military zone we are not allow to make use of mobile phone, we only make use of radio message and email communication, Now, i have fully made up my mind to go into business partnership with you, as i don't know how long we are to remain in the war zone.

My dear, i want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgents every day and car bombs. During one of our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contain huge amount of money that belongs to the revolutionaries, which I believe they use it in buying weapons and ammunition's, and it was agreed by all parties in present that the money will be shared among us. Out of the total fund my share was$1,500,000 (One Million Five Hundred Thousand united states Dollars). I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money, which is $1,500,000 out of here to you; in as much as you can assure me that my own share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is not stolen money, and there are no dangers involved.

My dear, I have made solid arrangements with a UNITED NATION DIPLOMAT who promised to deliver the fund to any of my choosing destination. I shall be compensating you with 20% of the total fund on final conclusion of this project, while the rest balance shall be my investment capital in your country or elsewhere. One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter to a third party, if you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this e-mail to avoid any leakage of this information and it will be dangerous to me based on my position here.

I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust nor thwart my dream. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me receive and invest the fund.

Note: I do not know how long we gonna remain here and my fate since I have survived two bomb attack here, which prompted me to search out for a reliable and trust worthy person to help me receive and invest the fund in his country, because I will be migrating to your home to invest and start a new life not as a soldier anymore.

Conclusively, I wish you could send me a reply immediately in regards to this proposal. Your urgent reply will be highly appreciated.

I hope my explanation is very clear but if you need further clarification, then send your questions. Here are my Attach pictures,

Best regard.
Sgt Sherri Gallagher   

The "attach" pictures were a cropped version of the one 'she' already sent.  At any rate, did my character ever have questions:


As a matter of factivus, I do have just a wee few questions for you, Officer Sarge:

1.  Are you a moron by birth or choice?
2. Was Bill Murray your DI?
3. Do you also happen to know General Marilyn Francis, who is sending almost the exact same email as you, only she's older and in Libya?
4. Do you know what happened to the Coca Cola bottle in "The Gods Must Be Crazy"?
5. Did it wind up shoved up your ass?
6. Would you like to find yourself in the gun sight of the REAL Sgt Sherri Gallagher, a noted sharpshooter?

Once you have answered those questions with a degree of accuracy and candidness one might expect from an Officer Sarge in the US Army -- comparable to a member of the Hellary crimepaign  -- we can further discuss your business.  

Regretfully, whoever is portraying this particular scammer had someone a brain cell or two smarter than them read carefully the questions asked.

No answers have been forth, fifth or sixthcoming.

As they say in the Scam Army, you just can't trust an officer sarge...