Short...And Screwed

In Scam Land -- and Democrap Land -- very much so.

I get a kick out of the emails my character gets from "soldiers" serving in far flung regions, always offering me money they've found on missions.

And the gaffes and errors they commit up front (pun sorta intended) always tend to get by them.

Especially with photos.

Let's take our latest 'stupid getting stupider' contestant, Nazily/Nazly Confessor, a military officer.

Or so she says.

Here's her opening salvo:

Hello How are you doing today? I need assistance from you , it is very important please let me know if you get this,
Kindly reply back.
Warm regards
Nazly

 The name on her email said 'Nazily Confessor'.  I guess by shortening it one vowel would help out Pat/Vanna.  But it didn't get by me:

Figure out how to consistently spell your name first.

As with most scammers lately, Nazily/Nazly cares less what I said, than that I responded:

Hi Dear,
Thanks for your kind response and as a matter of fact, I am very happy to read your mail, however, I really want to establish a true relationship
that may lead to a business partner or something else.

It is my pleasure meeting you, I hope all is well with you and how are you enjoying your day? as i told you earlier in my previous letter, my name is Nazily Confessor I am US military officer currently in Afghanistan now, and i will like to get acquainted with you, I am loving, honest and caring person with a good sense of humor, I enjoy meeting new people and knowing their way of life, I enjoy watching the sea waves and the beauty of the mountains and everything that nature has to offer.

My dear, i want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgents
everyday and car bombs and during one of our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contain huge amount of money that belongs to the supporters of the overthrow government of Afghanistan, which I believe was money meant for buying weapons and ammunition, and it was agreed by all Army officers present on that rescue mission that the money will be shared among us and which we did.

Out of the total fund my share was $4,560,000 ( Four Million Five Hundred and Sixty Thousand united states Dollars) I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money out of this country (Afghanistan) to your own country for you to keep it safe on my behalf till i come over to your country,

Lots of little verbal cues here let one know that I have a 'live one' here...and she thinks that she does, too.

But then, she compounds her series of verbal gaffes with a huge photo gaffe, when she includes this photo claiming that it's her:

In case you don't see it, check out the name tag on her uniform...'Duran'.

*TOING*

I can't let this one go, so I take what, for me, is a subtle approach:

Nazily Confessor, you might want to take a closer look at your alleged photos.  One of them is a seriously flawed FAIL

Her comprehension doesn't improve just yet...let alone how she spells her own name:

My dearest,
I am pleased to be reading your mail again, how are you today? I hope that life is treating you well.

My dear, I understand you may be hesitant about my proposal, maybe for security reasons, i want you to be fully confident and assured that I have covered all grounds in making sure that we are both safe and free from danger. No one is in any danger from this and I really hope that you will be honest with me all through.

I know that several institutions in several countries are imposing strict monetary laws that will make it very difficult to make a bank transfer, to that effect I have devised a means of getting the money over to you without involving the bank. I have carefully concealed the money in a trunk box containing gift items and has handed it over to a shipping company called "INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING SERVICES GLOBEX COURIER' (a courier company that will deliver the trunk box straight to your doorsteps) They have registered the consignment as family treasures and will deliver it using a diplomatic to avoid scrutiny and detection. Note that even the security company does not know the real content of the box and you are not to let them know, it stays between the two of us for security reasons.

One might ask why i would entrust such a weighty responsibility on a stranger, the truth is that i would have loved to send the package to my country, but any package, whether diplomatic or not, entering my country in my name will be subject to severe scrutiny and seizure because i am a soldier on a mission, i am not supposed to be sending packages. That means that I cannot enlist the help of my friends or family who are US citizens, i have no option than to find a trustworthy stranger who I can trust, i know I am taking a risk but I trust that you will do the right thing by your conscience. I have this inner feeling that I can count on you.

I really hope that you are someone I can trust and someone that can help me reach my goal.

please i will like you to forward your contact information including your telephone number to enable the diplomat to reach you easily on his arrival in your country in the next 72 hours, though i will update you later after i might have received the information from you, please i want to remind you once again that every arrangement towards this project is intact between both of us and on no account should you let the International Shipping Services Globex Courier Company to know the content of the box, remember that the consignment was registered As family treasures to the security company. i need your informations


FULL NAME:.........................

CITY:.......................

COUNTRY:........................

OCCUPATION ....................

TELEPHONE NUMBER:........................

RESIDENTIAL OR OFFICE ADDRESS,TO RECEIVE THE SHIPMENT :..........................

Once I receive the above information I will arrange your meeting with the diplomat within 72 hours and I shall give you a password and code to present to the diplomat for proper identification.

That will be all for now as I await your immediate response.
Love and care from,
Nasly

Oblivion can't last forever, but let's test it:

My adorably oblivious one, I must tell you that it's clear that you haven't covered all grounds in making sure that we are both safe and free from danger.  You've already overlooked something, a simple but obvious something.  If you miss that, how can I depend on you to protect me from a hamster with an RPG?  I would suggest that you carefully re-examine the three photos of 'you' that you sent me and see if you can see what I'm talking about.

Nazily/Nazly/Nasly isn't quite there yet:

Good morning my dear i receive your mail and understand what you said yes the both of us are safe i just need your details only to know you and give you the shipping company contact that will deliver this package to your country hope you will understand me

Oh, I am understanding you just fine, my tri-named wonder...but I am questioning whether you are understanding me.  So this is a test of the Tri-Named Confessor Comprehension System:  This is only a test.  Question:  if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose, and what is wrong with this photo?

Something must have vaguely finally penetrated the wooden mind of ol' Tri-Named, cuz here's her butt hurt reply:

i can see that your just playing with me stop it   

Oh yeah?

You think I'm playing with you?

Baby, if you were here, I'd show you some fun times 'playing with you'.

Yowza.

And that concludes another 'soldier with money' scam from the bowels of Scam Land.

USMC It Ain't

When someone tries a scam using a branch of the US Military, you might think that with all the informational resources available on the web, that they could make their scam at least somewhat believable.

Meh...like today's democraps who think the majority will believe anything put out on cnn, scammers just throw together templates and expect a score.

Like this one apparently did:

Hi,

 

I am a USMC on a special redeployment.  I am looking for a good looking and intelligent person for a relationship. Or a person who can accept to take custody of an amount being proceed of a raid we carried out here. If you are interested mail me back with your picture. All communication must be through an end-to-end encrypted means. It is important that you must communicate with me for easy communication. And I assure you that your privacy will be protected too.

 

I got your email contact through an opt-in consumer directory.

I expect your response.

A Sgt. USA

Marine Corps.   

"A Sgt. USA Marine Corps."?

Okay.  I kept the response simple:

Fine.  Tell me more.   

It took a day, but it became clear that my "A Sgt." was a woman, or at least pretending to be one, like we see a lot of these days.  At any rate, 'she' repeated 'her' original message, and worked in some frills and dressing as 'she' went along:

Hi,

 

I am a USMC on a special redeployment.  I am looking for a good looking and intelligent person for a relationship. Or a person who can accept to take custody of an amount being proceed of a raid we carried out here. If you are interested mail me back with your picture. All communication must be through an end-to-end encrypted means. It is important that you must communicate with me for easy communication. And I assure you that your privacy will be protected too.

I got your email contact through an opt-in consumer directory.

I really want to establish a true relationship with you and even to have a business partnership as well with you, We have to build trust and believe in each other because without trust we cannot achieve our aims which I know you're not going to fail or betray me.

We are being attacked everyday by insurgents, but during our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contains a huge amount of money which we suspect it belongs to insurgents in Afghanistan which is meant for importation of ammunition, and it was agreed by members of my patrol to share the money among us and which we did. My share is $ 7,500,000 (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand USD). I am seeking your assurance and assistance to secure my share of the money.

It's clear to me that you might feel this proposal will come to you as a surprise but it is the will of our good lord that you are the one I selected to help me after I found your contact and through much prayer it came to me that you were the one I should reach to. I want to let you know that I have made solid arrangements with Security and Shipping and they have promised to deliver the funds through a diplomatic method to any of my chosen destination.

This delivery may not be handled legally by the Shipping and security company but there will not be any form of risk involved in the process.  Follow my instructs and the funds will be delivered to you.

We can negotiate your compensation for helping me but I assure you that I am generous.  If we find mutual attractive to each other that will be more. Now i want you to assure me that if this money is delivered to you that you are going to be trustworthy to keep the money till when i will come to you to meet you face to face to plan our future.

One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter to a third party or anybody, to avoid any leakage of this information until after you receive the funds.

I have chosen to contact you and I pray that you will not betray my trust and you turn to be the one I've dreamed of all my adult lives.  You may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me in receiving this Fund.

Note; I do not know how long we are going to remain here in the USMC and my fate since I have survived much attacks here, which prompted me to search out for a reliable and trustworthy person to help me, because I will be coming over to you to start a new life not as a soldier anymore but i have suffered so much here in Afghanistan.

Waiting for your respond soonest, 

love,

Sgt Rachel Levine

USMC Corps.

Are you f**king kidding me???  Sgt...Rachel...Levine???

While it's clear that the scammer appropriated the name, the photos 'she' sent of 'her' were definitely NOT the above referenced:

The recently appointed Subtractmiral of the Bidumb regime would probably not be amused by being easily and frightfully outwomaned in this way.  But I digress.

Rather than edit this poignant, minefield-of-a-template, I decided that I'd let my 'heart of granite' pet rock, Seymour, handle the reply to the good Sarge.  He didn't disappoint:

I must start by saying that you are full of positive-for-the-future piss and vinegar, Sarge.  And you have the most alluring pair of....er...eyes.

I find that the scheme you offer up here is meant to be seductive, though not as seductive as your alluring pair of...uh...eyes.

Certainly the funds have a degree of attractiveness, no question.

But then you threw in the hint at matrimonial stuff.

Having been in a combat zone as you hint to having been, you know that there are similarities in post-matrimony that give a bachelor pause.

And as such, it suggest caution in proceeding with such a proposal.

That said, I will sincerely entertain your proposal in the manure that it deserves to be considered.  In the meantime, you did ask for a picture of me.  Here's my most recent effort to present myself in a most favorable light:

Awaiting your eager respond.

Love, 

Me

Seymour has been anticipating a response since the reply and that picture went back to the Sarge.

My other pet rock, Element, and my deactivated Alexa are betting 8-5 on no response, especially after I attached THAT picture...

Cat Help Hisself

I reckon that even the lowest of the scammers I hear from aren't as mentally and physically self-f**ked up as this Bernie supporter is.

Though many of them are trying to sink to this low.

Like "Sgt Johnson Whozeewhatzits Clark Bar", writing to my character from Afghanistan...or so he says:

I am in desperate need for assistance, I have summoned the courage to  let you know about it. My name is Sgt.Johnson Clark. An American,  working with the  Air Force as a Medical officer. and currently
working with NATO forces in the war against militants and ISIS in  Afghanistan.I need your  assistance to help me receive  a package  containing the sum of US$2.500,000.00 million United States Dollars in
a custody. This is not stolen money, and there are no risks involved.   This money was discovered hidden in barrels with piles of weapons and  ammunition in a location near one of the main bases of the militants  during a rescue operation.

So, with the help of a  German contact who enjoys some immunity with
the United Nations, I managed to get the package of the money to a
safe place, totally out of trouble spot to Indonesia. Now I have found
a safe way to get the package of the money delivered to you.

one  passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this
matter with a third party, in case you have reason to reject this
offer, destroy this email because any leak of this information will be
very bad for us.

I have survived two suicide bomb attacks with God's special grace.
This and other reasons that I will let you know later lead me to seek
help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately.

I am waiting urgently so that we can discuss more
Sgt.Johnson Clark  


My 'editing gone wild' pet rock, Seymour -- out on another of his and Element's travels 'round the US of A -- seemed unsympathetic to the sarge as this edit suggests, especially with what illustrations Seymour chose to employ:


From: JOHNSON CLARK <pwilliamssv@gmail.com>
Sent: Monday, February 17, 2020 11:12 AM
Subject: I AM WAITING URGENTLY FOR A DREAM LOVER TO CALL MY OWN

 

 

This is a new camp.  It incorporates all of the latest technologies that

which we have learned in dealing with people like you.  We are, in effect,

putting all of our 'rotten eggs' in one basket.  And we intend to watch

that basket very carefully.  Even Hilts.

 

 I am in desperate need for assistance, I have summoned the courage to
let you know about it. My name is UberColonel Johnson undt Johnson.

an American Antifa working with the  living-at-home, undereducated

leftist nincompoops currently working with DNC farces in the war against

common sense and decency in Portland, OR.

 

I need your list of virgin whatever you got for my muzzie friends before

they get martyr'd prematuring one of their rigged and exploding prayer

rugs. There are no risks involved as long as you're not in Portland.

 So, with the help of a  German contact who enjoys some immunity from

sexually transmitted diseases by using a Hellary Clinton inflatable sex

toy that leaks, squeaks, cackles and occasionally has people that

displease it suicided, I managed to get out of San Crapcisco so I could

join the maggot-infesteds here in Portland.  Not so bright of me, eh? 

 One  passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this
matter with a third party, in case you have reason to reject this
offer, destroy this email because any leak of this information will be
very bad for us if the leaking, squeaking Hellary inflatable learns of

it. 

 I have pissed off the inflatable Hellary twice and so far have survived

two "suicide" attempts as a result.  Doing better than Epstein did so

far with God's special grace and secret formula of sauces.

 

 This and other reasons that I will let you know later lead me to seek
help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately. 

 I am waiting urgently so that we can discuss more

 UberColonel Johnson undt Johnson

I had to message Seymour that his edit went unresponded to by everyone except one empty-headed scammer who had a simple question in response to the edit:


when will you leave me off?  


Soon as I find your "off" switch.


I do believe Seymour would approve.