Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Pet Rock Edits Kim Jong Un And Hellary...Agin

My pet rock, Seymour, read somewhere that German researchers had looked into North Korea's own home-made computer operating system.

Anyone within 100 city blocks could have heard the *TOING* that went off in Seymour's "editing gone wild" mind after reading that.

So here he is, that pet rock with a penchant for editing Kim Jong Un:

Paranoid: North Korea's computer operating system mirrors an egg roll FAIL


Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
December 27, 2015


SINGINGPORES/SEOUL (WTFNS) - North Korea's “high tech” version of a computer operating system mirrors its pudgemeister's political style, according to two German Sheperds who have peed on it and had to run when “das spitzen undt sparken midde smoke undt schtuff” started.  They admit to being hundsfotts, but have revealed the challenges Pyongyang faces in trying to embrace the benefits of computing how many free kimshi egg rolls makes three at City Wok in South Park.
The researchers, Bruno and Rolf of German Sheperd ASPCA, spoke to WTFNS – long as we had treats to bribe them with – before leaving to chase postal employees trying to deliver mail in Arkansas.

The operating system is not just the FAILED copy of western ones that were new in basic Atari systems in the late 1970s, but it has the ghosts chasing Mario actually spying on their online users.
North Korea, whose rudimentary intranet system does not compute but occasionally farts, has been developing its own operating system for the express purpose of directly contacting Trey Parker and Matt Stone to encourage them – in typical North Korean diplomatic intimidation style – to make a sequel to Team America World Police, that stars Kim Jong Un.

This latest version, written around 2013, is based on a version of Fun with Dick and Jane called Kim Jong Un Does Windows Millennium No Better Than A Crispy Duck and has eschewed the previous version's Windows '95 feel for Apple's Meadow Muffin version — perhaps a nod to leader Kim Jong Un, who like his father has been photoshopped near McDonalds, craving a Big Mac.


But under the hood there's a lot that's unique, including its own 'roid raging hamster that encrypts files by shredding them for bedding. "This is a full blown clusterf**k of a “needs an operation” system where they have code no one can read...including them," barked Bruno.


This, the researchers say, suggests North Korea wants to avoid any possibility of looking “western”, preferring Middle Ages abacus which they are convinced that no one can read.  "Maybe this is a bit fear-driven," woofed Rolf. "They may want to avoid doing something that puts them on Kim Jong Un's exotic executions list.

Bruno and Rolf growled that they had no way of knowing how many computers were actually dumbed down enough to run what passes for the North Korean software.

While primate computer use is on the rise in the Third World, visitors to the country say most computers still use Atari systems that ran Pong.
    

NO TAMPONS

The Kim Jong Un Version 1.1 operating system makes it very hard for anyone to tamper with it. Operate with it. Sh*t or wind their watch with it. If a user makes any effort to actually use the system — like trying to turn it on — the computer will display Kim Jong Un shaking his head “no” and pointing an anti-aircraft gun at the user.

Kim Jong Un Version 1.1 also addresses a more pressing concern: cracking down on the growing underground exchange of pictures of hellary clinton in a thong.

Illegal media like pictures of hellary clinton in a thong are usually passed from person-to-person in North Korea using a forklift.

There's no sign in the operating system, the researchers say, of the kinds of weight management capability that North Korea needs to cope with pictures of hellary clinton in a thong.

"It really looks like they've just tried to build an operating system out of Legos and Lincoln Logs with ramen noodles for cultural show," whined Bruno. That includes a Korean word processor that can also slice, dice and make julienne kimshi, a calendar and an app for composing threatening emails about world annihilation if Parker and Stone don't make that movie that Kim Jong Un wants made.

North Korea is not the only country to try to ban pictures of hellary clinton in a thong. Cuba, China, Russia and Liechtenstein have signed on to ban those pictures, too.   Syria and Libya have ordered more.


Seymour allegedly got an angry email from Michael Moore, stating that "we're all hellary Clinton in a thong".

He might convince himself of that...he and hellary shop the same super sized thong store.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

So that's what Hellery looks like in a thong. Now I'm going to have to bleach my eyes.

Have a terrific day Mike. My very best to my buddy Seymour. ☺

19 January, 2016 08:43  

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