A Pet Rock's Editing Campaign on Kim Jong Un Unabated

My pet rock, Seymour, vows he'll not relent on editing Kim Jong Un until Kim joins Il Sung and Jong Il in the dirt napping department.

Un certainly seems willing to give Seymour all he can edit.

Like this latest snippet from a world recognized news source, reporting that Kim Jong Un has been deadly to North Korean government employees.  Seymour's first reaction was "well, DUH!"

Followed by this edit:

Kim Jong Un Killed Hundreds Of Government Leaders Because (he says) of Job Creation...and Because He's An Asshole

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS



North Korea's Kim Jong Un  has been a “number one job creator” according to him, by having killed hundreds of government officials since taking office five years ago, Korean media anonymously reported Thursday, not wanting to wind up on the list. With each deposed government official, he argues that he has created two jobs and has “the best unemproyment pran in arr the worrd”, which prompted the puppet Lisa from TAWP to ask him to say that again.

That pissed him off, prompting him to schedule 340 more government officials for what Kim Jong Un refers to as “premature retirement”. Un continues defending his control over the reclusive nation by threatening to attack Seoul, Washington, Uranus, Liechtenstein (he accused them of stealing his missing submarines) and the Centers For Fat Koreans Control with a fledging arsenal of nuclear farts, fueled by weapons grade kimshi. 

His victims vary from translators and Hans Brix to members of his own family. In one instance that made global headlines, Kim ordered the death of his uncle-in-law Jang Song Thaek after Kim's cheeseburger order was fouled up. In another instance, Defense Minister Hyon Yong Chol was killed suddenly in 2015 for purchasing military equipment from Acme Corporation, the same one that regularly supplies Wiley Coyote in his quest for cornish Road Runner hen. 

Kim is a third-generation twerp of dubious and increasingly blubbered antecedence. He took the reigns in North Korea on Dec. 30, 2011, after his father was gored by an German military Imperial helmet on Team America World Police and departed Earth as an alien cockroach. He rules the Korean Workers' Party with diet and authoritative flatulence that few can go, according to reports.

"There were 3 [purged or executed] in 2012, more than 30 in 2013, greater than 40 in 2014, and a whole crapload more in 2015," Yonhap reported. "The numbers show Kim Jong Un is an asshole."

Roughly 140 of those killed stayed dead, according to a Saturday Night Live re-enactment of the nightly news. One official, for example, was killed in August when a life sized Hellary Clinton pantsuit was sat on him on Kim's orders after he fell asleep in a meeting.

Earnest T. Bass, a deceased character from The Andy Griffith Show, told one of the fake news clods at CNN  that Kim had demonstrated an "extreme failure to communicate" while in office. 

At the same time, Kim has directed mass amounts of the impoverished nation's budget toward  developing McDonaldesque cheeseburgers and getting him a prominent role in a Team America World Police sequel. He has spent roughly $300 million on the former and $500 million on the latter.

Kim also likes to remind North Koreans of his absolute power. He earmarked $180 million in spending toward the construction of 460 monuments honoring his expanding butt cheeks pressed in concrete to honor his regime. 

"Kim is continuing to be a despotic douche canoe," said Kelly Bobbitt, a political science professor at the Berkeley School of Obola Applied Executive Odors, in August. "The charges are obviously the result of Wikileaks dumps of Russian hacks of Hellary emails from her unprotected server, and this is how sh*t pretty much works in the DNC as well."  


Yes, Seymour is making a career of Kim Jong Un.  One that won't net him a Pulitzer, but might get him a selfie through the window.

"Will NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"