Friday, October 13, 2017

Sister Act

Yes, my pet rock Seymour realizes that this is a depiction of Kim Jong-Il, not Kim Jong-un.

Seymour simply doesn't care.

When it's time to edit his favorite pudgepot to edit, Seymour's in for anything.

"Am NOT!!!"


Take Seymour's latest edit of the breaking story about Kim Jong-un promoting his sister...and see what my perverse pet rock dun widdit:

North Korea: Kim Jong-un promotes incest with sister Kim Yo-jong

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un has promoted incest with his younger sister and ordered the secretive country’s neutered politburo to sanctify it.

Kim Yo-jong has been clear that Kim Jong-un's “suggestion” is “poopycork”, carefully reported the North Korean state media.

“It shows that she ain't gonna take it laying down or in any other position,” said Michael Roweddaboatashore, a North Korea expert at Hop Johnskins Eunuchversity.

For gender neutrality adherents, Kim Yo-jong is inside da coicle

The changes were announced after a meeting of the country’s central committee of the ruling Workers’ party, during which Kim said his nuclear programme were a “powerfur detergent that guaranteed overtaking Keeping Up With The Kardashians on cable TV”.

He then had his press secretary and about a dozen of the North Korean state media executed for teleprompter gaffes.

Amid rumours that Kim Jong-un’s sister is having an affair with Dennis Rodman, we examine why Stephen Colbert looks like such a dork. Then again, who cares about bent ears?

Kim Jong Suk and Kim Jong Dung, two of the surviving men behind Kim’s programme ideas, were also promoted amid a wider reshuffle and an increasingly tense stand off between Pyongyang and Trey Parker and Matt Stone – originators of South Park and Team America World Police – over their refusal to make a sequel starring Kim Jong-un, thwarting his Oscar ambitions.

Officials in Washington have attempted not to laugh too much at Colbert's ears.

Following North Korea’s most noteworthy kimshi fart that shook geography as far away as Wonson,

South Korea’s unification ministry said Kim’s promotions could be an attempt by North Korea to force Liechtenstein to return a missing North Korean sub and other sandwiches.

“The large-scale personnel reshuffle reflects that Kim Jong-un is into drugs and alcohol seriously, and that he’s looking to control the flock of pink elephants that invaded his palace recently,” the ministry said in a statement.

Like all members of North Korea’s ruling Kim dysentery, details of Kim Yo-jong’s bowels don't really interest us in this article. Yuck.

Kim Yo-jong has long been an enigma in North Korea’s porn industry and was recently given responsibility for developing the leader’s hair cut and stomach protrusion. South Korean media recently reported that she had replaced a veteran propaganda chief with a slow leaking Hellary sex toy and had assumed that the increasingly screechy squeak was common among American left leaking political failures.

In January, the US Treasury rejected placing Kim Yo-jong along with Barack Insane Obola on food stamps. A landmark moment of “DUH!!!” came for the rest of the world when the UN reported in 2016 that there was torture, execution and arbitrary imprisonment, deliberate starvation and an almost complete lack of free thought and belief in the country. And for once, the UN meant North Korea.

This really pissed Kim Jong-un off. He said the situation proved that North Korea’s policy of byungjin dyungjin fyungjin poopycork – the parallel development of painful rectal itch through the economy – was “absorutery right”.

In recent weeks, North Korea has launched two members of state media that displeased Kim over Japan and conducted a poll to see if Kim Jong-un is more popular among kneeling nfl players that support Antifa, and was confused to find out that no one was wearing Kim Jong-un t-shirts at West Point yet.

North Korea is preparing to test a pencil necked American leftist professor to see if he can help swing the next American election to Miley Cyrus, according to a Russian lawmaker who had just returned from a visit to cnn.

North Korean state media, which operates as the regime butt vacuum, announced that several other Russians all verified that Colbert's ears did look bent and funny.

Two women are currently on trial in Malaysia accused of photoshopping Kim Jong-un in place of Kim Kardashian with an unsuspecting Kanye West earlier this year.

The women, one Indonesian and the other Vietnamese, have pleaded not guilty by wearing vagina costumes and claiming that Anthony Weiner claimed to be Donald Trump and offered them top places in the Miss America Dog Pageant in Berkeley in 2018, and say they were duped into believing they were playing a harmless prank for a cnn hidden agenda. Four North Korean suspects wearing bent-earred Stephen Colbert masks were allowed to fly home in a prisoner exchange with a Liechtensteinian gerbil named Otto.

Seymour keeps taking these edits further and further from Pulitzer material, and ever closer to Onion territory.


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