Sister Act

Yes, my pet rock Seymour realizes that this is a depiction of Kim Jong-Il, not Kim Jong-un.

Seymour simply doesn't care.

When it's time to edit his favorite pudgepot to edit, Seymour's in for anything.

"Am NOT!!!"

Okay...almost.

Take Seymour's latest edit of the breaking story about Kim Jong-un promoting his sister...and see what my perverse pet rock dun widdit:

North Korea: Kim Jong-un promotes incest with sister Kim Yo-jong

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un has promoted incest with his younger sister and ordered the secretive country’s neutered politburo to sanctify it.

Then again, Kim Yo-jong has been clear that Kim Jong-un's “suggestion” is “poopycork”, carefully reported the North Korean state media. 

“It shows that she ain't gonna take it laying down or in any other position,” said Michael Roweddaboatashore, a North Korea expert at Hop Johnskins Eunuchversity.

For gender neutrality adherents, Kim Yo-jong is inside da coicle

The changes were announced after a meeting of the country’s central committee of the ruling Workers’ party, during which Kim said his nuclear programme were a “powerfur detergent that guaranteed overtaking Keeping Up With The Kardashians on cable TV”.

He then had his press secretary and about a dozen of the North Korean state media executed for teleprompter gaffes.

Amid rumors that Kim Jong-un’s sister is having an affair with Dennis Rodman, we examine why Stephen Colbert looks like such a dork. Then again, who cares?

Kim Jong Suk and Kim Jong Dung, two of the surviving men behind Kim’s programme ideas, were also promoted amid a wider reshuffle and an increasingly tense stand off between Pyongyang and Trey Parker and Matt Stone – originators of South Park and Team America World Police – over their refusal to make a sequel starring Kim Jong-un, thwarting his Oscar and Grammy ambitions.

Officials in Washington have laughed so much at Colbert's ears, they threw in these as a bonus for the next fifty callers at QVC.

Following North Korea’s most noteworthy kimshi fart that shook geography as far away as Wonson,
South Korea’s unification ministry said Ms Kim’s promotions could be an attempt by North Korea to force Liechtenstein to return a missing North Korean sub and other sandwiches.

“The large-scale personnel reshuffle reflects that Kim Jong-un is into drugs and alcohol seriously, and that he’s looking to control the flock of pink elephants that invaded his palace recently,” the ministry said in a statement.  "He has decided that this can best be done by only by his sister act".

Like all members of North Korea’s ruling Kim dysentery, details of Kim Yo-jong’s bowels don't really interest us in this article. Yuck.

Kim Yo-jong has long been an enigma in North Korea’s porn industry and was recently given responsibility for developing the leader’s hair cut and stomach protrusion. South Korean media recently reported that she had replaced a veteran propaganda chief with a slow leaking Hellary sex toy and had assumed that the increasingly screechy squeak was common among American left leaking political failures.  She's more right than she knows.

In a curious aside, in January, the US Treasury rejected placing Kim Yo-jong along with Barack Insane Obola on food stamps. 

A landmark moment of “DUH!!!” came for the rest of the world when the UN reported in 2016 that there was torture, execution and arbitrary imprisonment, deliberate starvation and an almost complete lack of free thought and belief in the country. And for once, the UN meant North Korea.

This really pissed Kim Jong-un off. He said the situation proved that North Korea’s policy of byungjin dyungjin fyungjin poopycork – the parallel development of painful rectal itch through the economy – was “absorutery right”.

In recent weeks, North Korea has launched two members of state media that displeased Kim over Japan and conducted a poll to see if Kim Jong-un is more popular among kneeling NFL players that support Antifa, and was confused to find out that no one was wearing Kim Jong-un t-shirts at West Point or Cold Play concerts yet. 

North Korea is preparing to test a pencil-necked American leftist professor to see if he can help swing the next American election to Miley Cyrus, according to a Russian lawmaker who had just returned from a visit to cnn.

North Korean state media, which operates as the regime butt vacuum, announced that several other Russians all verified that Colbert's ears did look bent and funny.

Two women are currently on trial in Malaysia accused of photoshopping Kim Jong-un in place of Kim Kardashian with an unsuspecting Kanye West earlier this year.

The women, one Indonesian and the other Vietnamese, have pleaded not guilty by wearing vagina costumes and claiming that Anthony Weiner claimed to be agents of Donald Trump and offered them top places in the Miss America Dog Pageant in Berkeley in 2018, and say they were duped into believing they were playing a harmless prank for a cnn hidden agenda. 

And if that doesn't make any sense, four North Korean suspects wearing bent-eared Stephen Colbert masks were allowed to fly home in a prisoner exchange with a Liechtensteinian gerbil named Otto.

Seymour keeps taking these edits further and further from Pulitzer material, and ever closer to Onion territory.

"Do NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Missled Again

Leave it to my pet rock, Seymour, to lead with a photo that's got elucidation upcoming.

"It's got WHAT???  PHFFFFFFT!"

Seymour also has a twisted sense of humor.

"Do NOT!!!"

Seymour is always on the lookout for articles about North Korean dipstick Kim Jong Un.  And he never has far to look.

In a Reuters article, the reporter is vexed about the ever growing North Korean missile threat to Alaska.

No mention of what one US nuclear attack sub could do to Pyongyang, if the moronic Pudgmeister were truly that stupid.

However, the lamestream news mediocres need things besides Trump to get their panties in a wad over.

And therein, Seymour found editing Heaven:

Can U.S. defend against North Korea missiles? Not everyone gives a raunchy fart

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

WASHINGTON (WTFNS) - Not everybody is as complacent as the Pentathalon that the U.S. military can defend the United States from the growing threat that North Korea might get a missile to actually fly and hit a suburb of Bakersfield.

Pyongyang's first test on Tuesday of an ICBM with a potential to strike the state of Confusion has raised the question: does it come with a side of egg rolls?

Debriefing reporters on Wednesday – and hiding their briefs – Pentathalon spokesman Navy Captain Jeff Davis said: "We do have confidence in our ability to keep Kim Jong Un from convincing Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make another Team America World Police sequel that stars Un."

Davis – no relation to Marvin Zugspitz – cited a successful test in May in which a U.S.-based interceptor prevented a three peckered goat from knocking up a convent full of virgin ewes But he acknowledged the test program's track program was not perfect.

"It's something we have mixed results on. We missed the three peckered yak," Davis said.

An internal memo seen by WTFNS on Wikileaks – as obtained from Hellary's basement email server – also showed that the Pentathalon downgraded its assessment of cnn credibility after they ran with the three peckered goat story.

Despite hundreds of billions of dollars spent on figuring out what kind of bathroom a genital-less Ken doll would want to use, the United States may not be able to seal itself off entirely from future stupid TV shows about the Kardashians.

Experts caution that U.S. missile defenses are now geared to shooting down incoming missiles. What happens if North Korea's technology actually advances, and they attack with flying twat waffle irons?

"Over the next four years, the United States has to figure out who is making flying twat waffle irons and why they're selling them to North Korea," said Riki Tiki Twatwaffle, founder of the Flying Twat Waffle Iron Defense Advocacy Alliance. 

MIXED RESULTS

The test records of the Schmesla self driving golf ball, charged with the mission to develop, test and field a self driving golf ball, have no idea what they're doing in this article.

Since President Barack Obola's misadministration in the 2008s-20teens, the U.S. government has spent more than $200 billion to develop and field a range of gender neutral bathrooms, according to the Congressional Frivolous Research Service.

Funding for cable and satellite signal blockers to keep the Kardashians off the air was on average $8.12 billion during President Barack Obola's administration that upended long before Jan. 20.

'ANOTHER YEAR OR TWO'

Last month, Vice Admiral James T. Quirk, then director of the Star Trek In Perpetuity Movie Sequels Advocacy Group, told a congressional panel that North Korea in the past six months had caused him raunchy gas.

"However, it will probably require another year or two of gestation before Kim Jong Un gives birth to whatever he's carrying, particularly since he isn't physically wired that way," he said.

Michelle MaBell, a subject of a Beatles song, said that although North Korea was several hundred steps from creating a dependable news service, "They are absolutely well ahead of cnn in credibility", she chuckled.

The DNC petulantly refused to comment, not wanting President Trump to do a video that has him body-slamming their decaying icon next.  


I think that Seymour has given up on winning a Pulitzer; but he has some curious thought that cnn might actually hire him if they ever read any of these posts.

"Do NOT!!!!"