Who CARES What Kim Jong Wants
Seems I've found someone with less a life than I have.
At any rate, my pet rock, Seymour, saw an article about one of his favorite people to parody, North Korean pudgepot Kim Jong Un, and he was off to the *Edit Desk* faster than Opus and Bill the Cat.
Thus, the world will now find out what it is that Kim Jong Un REALLY wants in life:
North Korean experts* speculate about what Kim Jong Un wants
Seymour PetRock, WTFNS Dec 6 12:06:49 AM MDST
IN A PUB IN WASHINGTON, DC — In the next four years, North Korea may manage to get a second 'dear leader' with a leading role in a Trey Parker/Matt Stone Team America World Police sequel, something neither China and Russia have managed to hack.
"Since 2004, North Korea has crossed all sorts of peculiar thresholds that were previously thought to be beyond the reach of anyone but weirdo leftist activists in Hollywad," Victor Victoria, said during a panel discussion about what color to panel the corporate uni-species bathroom in.
"The normally whackadoodle regime has taken an unusually whackadoodle path, even by their own sandpoundingly whackadoodle standards," Victoria added.
In the 14 years prior to Kim Jong Un's regime, Pyongyang was responsible for 16,000 flush toilet tests and one “how to hang the toilet paper” test. By comparison, in 2016 alone, the Hermit Kingdom – no relation to Herman's Hermits – conducted 250,000 flush toilet tests and two “how to hang the toilet paper” tests, figuring out how to get it wrong both times.
The acceleration and frequency in testing shows not only the North's flush toilet ambitions but also that the rogue nation has developed something of a considerable collection of toilet paper commercials that it thinks it can use to some peculiar ends.
Expecting lots of eye rolls if you saw what I just did there.
Which leaves the obvious question, what does North Korean leader Kim Jong Un ultimately want?
(North Korean leader Kim Jong Un inspects what he's been led to believe is a special operation cheese burger delivery restaurant in this undated photo released by KGAG and Wo Duk Poon, the photographer's “Special Witness Protection From Exotic Executions Program” alias)
"What does Kim Jong-un want?" Victoria said repeatedly while fondling his/herself to figure out which gender he/she was this day. "I think he wants a leading role in a Team America World Police sequel, one even bigger than his father had, complete with a couple of hit songs he's written to perform therein that garner him an Oscar, Grammy, Tony, Espy, Pull My Fanger...just any award that he can win on and off the silver screen. I think that's what he wants."
"I would add that the North Koreans clearly would like to add flush toilets to their modern (for North Korea) airport that's the talk of the Third World," said former Ambassador W. Stuart Symingtongue, serving the US as ambassador in a Third World country until he was eaten at a gala fete he thought was in his honor.
"And they will do a lot to achieve that, since no one working for Kim Jong Un wants to find out how exotic he'll go to execute them," Symingtongue noted through a séance medium at The Psychic Channel.
"Similar to what he said, [Kim Jong Un] also wants all those Hollywad movie clowns that threatened to leave the USA if Donald Trump won the election, to move to North Korea and treat Kim Jong Un as a special relationship," said Johnson & Johnson, two gender cornfused advisers to Anthony Weiner's efforts to get a 2AM time slot on CNN called “Sexting With Weiner”.
"And I would add to it also that he wants to be able to maintain total control, a type of government that Hellary was desperate crazy to achieve before getting Trumped," said a retired Clinton aide using an alias to avoid a Clinton Floundation accidental suicide after answering her truthfully on election night that, yes, that pantsuit didn't make her butt look fat...it simply was that way in ANY venue.
From Hollywad comes this poignant snippet from a real rocket scientist of her time, Chelsea 'Vagina Brain' Mishandler:
Meantime, a panel of scholar-practitioners agreed that this former aide was wise to use an alias and hide somewhere in Flyover Country, a place sure to not be on the Clinton travel itinerary after November 8.
"More often than not, we measure the mettle of presidencies by the unexpected crises that they must deal with. For President-elect Trump, this crisis could very well come from North Korea if Kim Jong Un does not get his Team America World Police sequel, his songs become platinum, or a calendar of him posing with the hash tag hag, Marie Barf, in PlayDoh," no one said ever.
* x being the unknown factor and spert being a drip of water under pressure
Seymour still imagines that one of these edits will get him a Pulitzer. I'm still certain he'll never get closer than a Pull My Fanger.
See what I mean?