Seymour Edits Kim Jong Un Yet Again

North Korea and its maniacal pudgy dictator with the bad 'doo, Kim Jong Un, just can't catch a break with my pet rock, Seymour.

Like this recent report that North Korea "live fired" 400 artillery pieces to intimidate the world and get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make that Team America World Police sequel.

That was meat for Seymour:



North Korea getting “super serial” about shelling USA if originators of South Park don't make that Team America sequel soon


By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

North Korea on Tuesday reportedly conducted a huge live-fire drill that involved up to 400 homes flame broiled to a crisp crunch, which may have been supervised by the country’s leader, Kim Jong Un.

North Korea’s KGAG news agency, citing an unnamed white horse souse, reported that Pyongyang appeared to have deployed a number of long-range artillery units in the region of what's left of Wonsan, which is a coastal North Korean area 5000 or so miles west of the USA, according to the Gooble Eoith app, give or take a little or a lot.

South Korea’s military confirmed the report, which quoted the Pudginator as saying “If USA want to piss me off, they onry have to not make Parker/Stone make that movie sequer and my artirrery going to fire on San Francisco...Pocaterro...Portaberro...and Toredo”.

There were wide spread speculations in Newark whether or not they should petition to be added to Kim Jong Un's list and whether that would help improve the place.

News that Un personally supervising a live fire exercise that fried homes in Wonson comes after video of North Korea using one of their screen door'd submarines as a ferry, since it can't dive (see above photo).

When asked about the North Koreans using their screen door equipped subs as vehicle ferries, Lieutenant commander Kit Kat Knight with U.S. Pacific Fleet told WTFNS in a statement that “since they sink when they dive, they finally figured out to quit diving them and found something sorta kinda useful that they can do."

Meanwhile, the entire U.S. Senate has been invited to the White House for a debriefing on Wednesday about the underwear situation facing North Korea. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer confirmed the situation and suggested that all 100 senators would be asked to pony up a spare pair or two.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joseph Dunford and Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats plan to provide spare pairs as well.

It is rare for the entire Senate to be invited to such a debriefing when some of them require Depends.

South Korea’s Defense Ministry has said the North appears ready to conduct “artillery fish kills” in the waters off Wonsan if their artillery is fired toward the USA. South Korean Acting Prime Minister Hwang Kyo-ahn has instructed his military to deploy fishing nets south of there in case North Korea does something stupid, which North Korea often does.

On Monday, Trump also had lunch with ambassadors of countries on the U.N. Security Council. Ahead of the meeting, Trump called for a picture of Hellary in a thong and criticizing the UN for its “fake diplomacy” – but said it has “potential to be marginally better than fake news source cnn.”

 

"The United Nations is, like, bad, very very bad at solving conflicts. I think they need to stop being bad, very very bad at that," he said. He also said that he laughed when watching Team America World Police during the Kim Jong Il-Hans Brix shark tank scene.  

I'm not sure that this post will help ease tensions over yonder, but it might heighten them at cnn if they really think Trump is going to ask some of the senators for their Depends.  cnn is dumb enough to believe and post that.

More Illuminippleheads

The Nigerian Illuminati don't give up easily.

Inept as they are, they should have resorted to going hutch to hutch, selling self masturbating kits in Benin.

Long as they didn't include inflatable Hellary sex toys, they'd probably have been fine.

But they keep trying to leave comments on this blog on assorted posts, to advertise themselves.

Here's their latest:


agentwilliams illuminati has left a new comment on your post "Scam Like An Egyptian":

JOIN THE ILLUMINATI

Home

How To Join

Contact>>>email agentwilliams3666@gmail.com

More
CALL: +2349034058608

© 2016 by Lord Jake
JOIN US IF YOU WANT TO BE OUR BROTHERHOOD
Join Us If You Want to be Our Brotherhood

The Illuminati is a defunct secret society formed by a fervent Acadermic, Adam Weishaupt in Balvaria, 1776. The cult as its name suggests, was a group of intellectuals who came together to install discipline in themselves, infiltrate government agencies, and create a new world order. However, the original illuminati was disbanded by the government of Balgaria, when all secret societies were banned, though even before then, strong internal problems were already leading the illuminati cult to termination. That was the 18th century Illuminati. The 21st and 20th centuries also have an illuminati sect which in words you are more likely to understand, is supposed to sign you up, pull you into their chain of command, and give you enlightenment, and then, power, as you’ll be playing sinewy roles in the government. This article tries to bring to light, facts about the modern Illuminati, and also helps the reader to join, and utilize the opportunities availed by the sect, which are enlightenment, enrichment, and empowerment.

The Illuminati make people rich, famous and astoundingly powerful. The Illuminati, which means enlightenment, purge your mind of all vestiges of ignorance, backwardness and naivety. It brings you out of the delusions and illusions which you’ve been subjected to by numerous religious escapades, and when you are relieved of these non-propitious encumbrances, success becomes inevitable.

Knowing that many of us do not understand the Illuminati as it is, I’ll go ahead to expound on this wonderful phenomenon and am hoping that by the time you get to the last paragraph of this article, you would be on your way to becoming “illuminated”. It would do the reader good to note that the Illuminati of the 18th century are not the same with the modern illuminati. The former was a cult, while the latter is a consciousness.

Join the great Illuminate to be rich; famous and. wealthy .for
help
on how to become a member kindly fill the following
information below.
Full name.....
Age.......
Address.....
Occupation......
Location.....
Country........
Mobile.....
Email......
You are to take the oath and made an agreement that you will
never betray the Brotherhood, because no going back after
filling the form!!Our Oath is this: if i ever try to disclosed this
secret out to anybody or betrayed the society, you are to reply
this message along with the details you fill...let me die with the
sword of the Lucifer .you are expected to say this after filling
the form   


My pet rock, Seymour, doesn't like the Nigerian Illuminati any more than he likes Kim Jong Un.  So it was easy for me to step aside and let him take this edit, which he did with relish...and mustard:

JOIN THE ILLUMINIPPLEHEADS

How To Join the ILLUMINIPPLEHEADS

Contact>>>email agentwilliams3666@gmail.com

More
CALL: +2349034058608

© 2016 by Lord Jakeofftheminkey

JOIN US IF YOU WANT TO BE OUR BEEYOTCH
Join Us If You Want to be Our Beeyotch

The Illuminippleheads is a detestable secret society formed by a fervent Acadermic twat waffle, Adam Weishaupt in Balvaria, 1776. The cult as its name suggests, was a group of intellectual goat sodomists who came together to invent sex toys for themselves, infiltrate government agencies, and create a new world odor. However, the original illuminippleheads was disbanded by the government of Dagnabia when all secret societies were banned. That was the 18th century Illuminippleheads. The 21st century version are even more pestilent which in words you are more likely to understand, such as douche nozzle and hamster nut sack, is supposed to sign you up, pull you into their crotch and give you painful rectal itch, as you’ll be playing sinewy roles in assorted houses of ill repute. This article tries to bring to light, facts about the modern Illuminippleheads, and fails.  Meh.

The Illuminippleheads make people stupid, ignorant and astoundingly democrap. The Illuminippleheads, which means unenlightened piranha genitals, purge your mind of all vestiges of intellect, reason, common sense and decency. It brings you into the delusions and illusions which the butt polyps of the DNC and lamestream servile mediocres like cnn and msnbc have been trying to subject you to via hillaryloads of illicit escapades.  If you fall into their talking points, success becomes manifestly impossible.

Knowing that many of us do not understand the Illuminippleheads as it is, I’ll go ahead to expound on this cancerous butt polyp and am hoping that by the time you get to the last paragiraffe of this article, you would be on your way to becoming dumber than a diseased tree stump and join our debilitating illuminippleheads. It would do the reader good to note that while the constipated mathematician worked it out with a pencil in the 18th century, pencils aren't the same today.

Join the debasing Illuminippleheads to be stupid, misled and a blithering democrap low information sheeple.

 help on how to become a member of her kind of abject stupidity, just fill the following information below.

Full name.....

What your name's full of.....

Show original message

Age.......
Address.....
Occupation......
Location.....
Country........
Mobile.....
Email......

You are to take the oath and made an agreement that you will never betray the Illuminippleheads, because no going back after filling the form!!  You are NOT ALLOWED to grow a working

BRAIN once you are a democrap Illuminipplehead!

 

Our Oath is this: if you ever try to disclose this secret out to anybody or betray the democrap illuminipplehead society, you will be afflicted with gential warts that resemble the last democrap candidate for president...

You will be monitored by hypersensitive college cupcakes from Berkeley who will let us know in no uncertain terms if you violate our rules.

 

So be a good low information democrap sheeple, do as you're told and join the Illuminippleheads.

What you haven't already screwed up in your life, we'll finish.  

Most times the comment originator doesn't bother with a reply, but this one got his panties in a wad and did so:


this are blasphmy. the god of our oracle will bring you what you deserve!  

Seymour was up to that:


Oh goodie!  I deserve a date with Taylor Swift!!!  

I don't think that's what they had in mind, Seymour.  In any event, they on their best day can't arrange you a date with Taylor.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Now you see why Seymour hates the Nigerian Illuminippleheads...

Even Their Offices Are Stupid

Pretty much any unsolicited email from ANYWHERE is potentially (and quite likely) a scam.  But a huge number of them emanate out of West African nations.

The one my character received here is allegedly out of the Repugnant of Benin and is another piss poorly crafted Western Union scam.

Take a look at the key points:


FROM THE OFFICE BLU WESTERN UNION COMPENSATIONS BONUS
ORGANIZERS.Mrs.Susan Dawson, 101 Street De l'Independence, 213 BP,
COTONOU. BENIN REP. PAYMENT NOTIFICATION: SPECIAL BONUS COMPENSATIONS
FOR FINAL WARNING OF YOUR PAYMENT OR IT WILL BE CANCELLED.  

And it goes on to say:

After the payment of ($45) you will start receiving your money every
day ($4,500) either through Western Union or Money Gram preferably by
you ($9,000) until the full payment of ($5.5 million) is completed.
The total sum you will be receiving per day is ($9,000) in two payment
($4,500 X2) DO NOT ASK FOR DEDUCTION because this payment has been
gazette by the Presidency and as such, no deduction or addition can be
imposed on it.  


Not bad....if one word of it were true.   *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

You're more likely to have a magical unicorn drop in and grant you three wishes that actually come true.

This became prime 'editing scam emails for fun and annoyance of the scammers' ground:


FROM THE OFFICE THAT'S FULL OF PEOPLE TOO STUPID TO WRITE THEIR OWN EMAILS

BLU WESTERN DUNCES COMPENSATIONS BOGUS ORGANIZERS

Mrs.Susan Dawson, 101 Street De l'Independence, 213 BP, COTONOU. BENIN REP.

PAYMENT NOTIFICATION: SPECIAL BOGUS COMPENSATIONS

 

FINAL WARNING (OF MANY MORE TO COME BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT FINAL MEANS) THAT YOU RESPOND TO AN OFFICE FULL OF MORONS OR YOUR BOGUS PAYMENT WILL BE CANCELLED.
(how convincing is that? ready to wet yourselves in fear yet?)

Attention moron:
Thanks for the email you never sent us.

We are an office. An office full of Third World nincompoops. We just sit around, swatting flies, fingering our butt holes, and sending out fourth rate scams that couldn't fool a card board box.

We're so bad, our OFFICE has to write and send you this email. For all we know, we're DNC directed democraps of the lowest order that still think it was impossible for thunder thighed Hellary to lose in 2016. Not that it mattered that she was the worst of lots of suckass choices we could have made, but our office digresses.

At any rate, since our office is fed up with how inept we are, it's going to cut right to the rat killing of this particular scam: you send us $45 USD, and you think that's going to get you sent $4500 a day from a Western Union in Benin.

Wowser...even our office can't believe how sandpoundingly stupid you have to be to believe that.

It's so sandpoundingly stupid, let us repeat it:  After the payment of ($45) you will start receiving your money every day ($4,500) either through Western Union or Money Gram preferably by
you ($9,000) until the full payment of ($5.5 million) is completed.  The total sum you will be receiving per day is ($9,000) in two payment ($4,500 X2).

This next part is very important because it doesn't make one bit of common sense grammatically or otherwise: "DO NOT ASK FOR DEDUCTION because this payment has been gazette by the Presidency and as such, no deduction or addition can be impoled on it".

Not only do we need smarter people in this office; we need a working word use checker, too.

Here's how we know you're stupider than we are, if you believe any of this sh*t: Below is the first payment of your new reference number sent today.

Sender Name: Mrs. Susan Kent
Receiver Name: MR JAN DUNANT (if you isn't or ain't this person, please be the ball as directed by the zen philosopher Basho)
Receiver's Country: U.S.A
MTCN:87984231
MTCN:31234567
Amount Sent: $$9,000 USD

And you can prove you're stupider than us by not reading closely the math error we have here too:

"Click this website to show up where you can track the information, Then you can track your money to see that your payment is available for pick up, But you cannot pick the payment until you pay for the charges for the activation process which is the sum of $45 USD.Send this $65 USD with the below information’s immediately so that we will activate your first payment, as the receiver of this funds to enable you pick it up in any Money Gram office Western Union in your country
today".

Receivers Name: SUNDAY MABIA
Country: Benin Republic
City: Cotonou
Question: WTF?
Answer: YouTF!
Amount $65 USD
Senders Name:..........
Reference:.............

If you don't pay the fee, you don' get no Coke, y'know whadda mean?

And now here is more proof our office don't write email better than any of us: "Okay.I repeat do not border to reply if you were unable to pay the fee.."

W...T...F???

Contact Office of: Mrs.Susan Dawson (because she's too stupid to talk to)
Tel:+229 98262967
Emails:( mrsdawsonsusan101@gmail.com )
Cardboard Box full of Directors with the collective brains of a goat turd
Benin Association of Nincompoops, Unlimited

affiliated with the American Democrapic Nincompoops Committee

Dumbass Brazile, Chairpoison  

 

I have yet to hear back from the originating scammer here.  I did get this from one copied scammer that got the edit:

 

racist much?  

 

Not at all.  I hate morons like you equally and regardless of your skin color and sh*t content.  Happy now?  

 

The respondent had nothing else to say after that.  Duh...

Kim's Air Farce Throws Down The Gauntlet

"You better get me unstuck or you next anti-aircraft gun execution!"

My pet rock, Seymour, loves it whenever North Korean pudgemeister Kim Jong Un has a "mouth overloading his oversized butt" moment.

Seymour knows it's time to don his editing hat.

The US Air Force recently exercised it's muscle over the skies of Japan to send North Korea a message.

The rest of North Korea got the message; Kim Jong Un is still stuck in that cockpit and keeps bloviating nonsense.

In that column, Seymour found just what he was looking for:


Weakly World News

US puts on show of air power; North Korea responds with their version of Comedy Central

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS


US Air Force/Senior Airman John Linzmeier

North Korea's pudgy dictator Kim Jong Un watched his air farce exhibit their air-strike fallacy mere hours before a snap US military exercise flew dozens of fighter jets in dueling displays of airpower on Thursday.

South Korea's Yonhap News reported North Korea's "prane taking off contest," reportedly pleased the dictator -- despite his still being wedged in a trainer cockpit -- while other news services revealed how the US Air Force staged a reality-based display of F-15s, helicopters, and tankers.

But while North Korea's air display may have been a comedy skit on SNL:

its reported plans to test a yet another nuclear warhead on Saturday, the anniversary of its founding, isn't being taken so well by China.

The US has sent a naval task force to the Korean peninsula as tensions flare — a move the North Koreans have condemned as "reckress."

As the two sides flex their muscles in a lopsided contest, it's China — North Korea's biggest economic and political backer — that may hold the egg roll special  that can deescalate the conflict.

"North Korean military farce cannot resolve the issue," Chinese Foreign Minister Wang Yi told sources in Beijing.

At a press conference on Wednesday, US President Donald Trump suggested that he'd pressured China into cutting off support for North Korea and to force the DNCesque regime to stop acting so badly.

China is responsible for a whopping 85% of fancy plates mimicked by the Franklin Mint, which digresses.

North Korea's "turn of the 19th Century" air farce equipment and expertise are largely supplied by China (their cast offs and factory seconds had to go either there or Nigeria), but Beijing has never fully used this to get the Kim regime to stop acting like cnn.

Now, as the US increasingly talks of using a minute fraction of its military force against North Korea, China has finally signaled that it might pressure Trey Parker and Matt Stone into making that sequel to Team America  World Police, so that Kim Jong Un gets his starring role and will stop acting like a  total douche canoe.  

This drew an incredulous response from Hollyweird leftard spokestwat waffle Matt Damon:
"Matt Damon!!!"  Other Hollyweirders just shook their heads and walked away, afraid Bela Pelosi would say something even dumber.

That might just get Seymour a protest from the nation's potato growers...

The Liechtenstein Suite

Meet Angela Lowry Daniele.  As decked out h'yar, she claims to be a "sergeant army officer" with the US Army in Afghanistan.

And she's ronery. 

I'll bet Kim Jong Il would love to meet up with her, if he wasn't so inconveniently dead.

My character gets these unsolicited "can we talk?" scam emails all the time.  About a week after he responded to this one with a "undt vhut shall ve sprechen abooten?", he gets the following email along with some rather impressive photos:


Hello,

 How are you and your family doing today? i hope all is well with you?

 First i will have to say that I am sorry for my late reply to your  message, i have been busy with work, as we went on outside work, I am  very happy for meeting you here and i will be willing to open my heart  to know more about you. I am 31 years old in US Army a sergeant presently in Afghanistan  working as an American military officer.

knowing one another doesn't take years, it just take seconds to meet  someone and be good friends, that i why i sent you message in the  first place, because you profile picture caught my attention and I  will like to know more about you and be friends with you, if you do  not mind okay and i will tell you more about myself when i get your  reply..

Are you married or single? do you have any children? how  old are you?  and what do you work? i want to know more about you and i do not mind  coming to your country once am done with my service here,I hope to  hear from you again, please do take care of yourself and have a nice
day okay. 

It is signed as Angela Lowry Daniele.

I find a number of things amusing as hell here, not the least of which is (a) that's supposed to be her uniform (b) she references my character's profile and photo (he has neither) and her other two pictures are supposed to be as convincing as the one above:

Oh hell yeah:  my character is convinced.  So much so, here's his response:


My name is Ukulele.  You may call me "Uk" (pronounced "Yuke").  I am 40 and work in the defense industry in Liechtenstein.  You are very charming.  What can I do for you?  

That draws this:

Thank you so much for your good respond for my message  .It is my pleasure having you as my friend. Knowing one another is a  gradual process and here are few things I think you should know about  me, I am American Citizen and also a soldier and before I was serving  in the American Army base but right now I am leading a troop in  Afghanistan, I Love meeting people, reading, traveling too!!and also  sharing ideas and also I care about nature, human being, love arts,  environment, social culture,....etc. I am 31 years old .   My full name is Angela Daniela American National and I  am still in Afghanistan but will be going back to my country VERY
SOON. .  

Okay:


That's nice.  Say...perhaps when you get some leave from Afghanistan, you could come meet with me in Liechtenstein?  It is a lovely place.  Google it.

So naturally, my character needs pictures of the Liechtenstein military industrial complex, in case Sgt Officer Angela makes inquiries about it.

 

Enter teh Gooble and therein got me some:

 

 

Liechtenstein's Air Force (someone might suggest an upgrade sometime).

 

 

 

Liechtenstein's Navy (like they're anywhere near water...). 

 

 

Liechtenstein Army (and this is probably more than they really have).

  Of course, what's an army widdout a band?

In actuality, Liechtenstein has no standing army (they primarily sit) and haven't had since about 1868.  A story goes the rounds that the last time Liechtenstein's military was committed to anything, 80 men went forth...81 returned (an Italian deserter liked life on the other side).  Liechtenstein was last formally invaded in the early 1800s; it was inadvertently invaded in 2007 by a 170 person Swiss Army unit (knives optional)...and they (the Swiss) were lost.

Guess they have 2nd lieutenants with compass problems, too.

At any rate, after having shared all this with my character's newly found and udderly fascinating friend, 'she' refers me to her commanding officer, and asks that I contact him to arrange for her to have leave to come and be with me in Liechtenstein. 

This should be good:

Ok dear if you can apply for my leave, write to my boss for me to come to Liechtenstein and we get married to you, he will grant it and i will come over to Liechtenstein to meet you...  


Who is your boss and how do I write to him/her?  


Hello sweetie,

This is the contacts of my boss..

Tele: +447978224964.

Email: davidmorganhsbc@gmail.com. his name is General David Morgan.

you can call him or send him email or you send me your own contact details let me forward it him in UK.  

 

 

Awesome.  Here is my contact information here in Liechtenstein:

Dr. Ukulele Ungabunga

Austrasse 15

9490 Vaduz

Phone  423 *** ** **

I will be happy to arrange with him your leave to come here!

 

 

So my character contacts the General and thus begins a new chapter:

 

 

I am General David Morgan from US MILITARY BASE, I received your details from your fiance  Angela Daniel our Military officer in Afghanistan.

I am trying to contact you but your line is not connecting, kindly send your main line to me now so that i can reach you immediately.

Thanks
Gen.David Morgan
US MILITARY CAMP-001.   

 

 

There seems to be a problem with the phones since yesterday.  Communicate me in email as that seems to be working.  

 

 

Greetings,

You are welcome dear, if you can take care of her travelling bills, i will approve her leave to see you.

Thanks

Regards,

General David Morgan.

 

 

A general calling my character "dear"?  Whoa..but ol' Ukster will let it go for now:

 

 

I do believe that I can.  How do we make this arrangement?  

 

Greetings,

The arrangement is for you to pay for her flight ticket through and fro which will cost €750. You are to make the payment via western union to United state so that we can book for her trip of seeing you immediately. Payment details: William Schifferli 27 Callede Las Sonata Rancho Santa Magarida 92688.

Thanks.  Regards,

General David Morgan  

Allow me to confirm the details:    cost of air travel for Angela is 750 Euros.   I am to wire this money via Western Union to the following person to make the purchase of travel for Angela:   William Schifferli 27 Callede Las Sonata Rancho Santa Magarida 92688.   Just for my edification, who is this person and how is he to arrange for Angela's travel?  

Yes this is our secretary's details, so that we can book her trip. please kindly send address details to your fiance Angela Daniele immediately you make the payment so that she can start coming immediately.  

Trust me, General, when she gets here, I'll have her coming very soonest, and in a manner she'll enjoy.  

No problem dear, please take care of her.  

There he goes again with the "dear" sh*t.  Still restraining my character:

Of course, General.  I intend to marry her and make her my own little princess.  And in Liechtenstein, she'll fit right in as a princess.

Now that everything seems to be agreed to, the "Genital" starts to betray some impatience:

When are you making the payment? so that we tell her to get ready to meet you dear  

 

There he is with that "dear" sh*t again...still my character kinda maintains restraint:

General Dear, I will be making that payment to your secretary tomorrow (Thursday, April 6).  What country is your secretary in?  It didn't appear to be a UK address.  I don't want to screw up the wire transfer.

The secretary is in Califoria okay 

 

 

Ohhhhhh...Califoria.  That's in the western United States, right?  Okay.  Our local Vaduz Western Union can handle that okay.

 Okay dear  

 

Okay...my character's just GOTTA say something this time:

 

 

General, you do know that I'm a male and not a female, right?  It's so weird that you keep calling me 'dear'.    

 

It appears that this clarification creates a little butt hurt over yonder:

 

 

Never mind okay

Just sayin', General.  It sounds weird.  You just get the leave papers issued to Angela when I wire your secretary the money and we'll be fine.

Just hurry up and send the money dear.  She can't be start leaving before you do.  

 

What did I tell you about that 'dear' sh*t? 

 

 Remember I am general of army and her boss.  do not unrespect me.  

 

Genital, if it wasn't for you having to sign her taking leave papers, we wouldn't be talking about jack sh*t.  Don't get uppity with me...I'm not in YOUR army, sleevy or anythingee.  Kapish?  

 

 

Okay.  Make sure to send my secretary her travel money soonest like you promise.  

 

Genital, I have never broked a promise that mattered.  Except a few times.  

 

I'm oft times glad these yutzes don't read so good.  Now that it's the next day, my character notifies the Genital:


The funds are wired to your secretary in Califoria, Genital.  You may sign off on Angela's travel papers.  


Ok, kindly send the western union details now.
 

Details:  I used the Western Union at Austrasse 105, 9490 Vaduz, Liechtenstein.

Western union details from the bank, your information and the pin they gave you from the bank

Sent to:  William Schifferli 27 Callede Las Sonata Rancho Santa Magarida, CA 92688

Sent from:  Dr. Ukulele Ungabunga  Austrasse 15 9490 Vaduz  Liechtenstein

They didn't give me a pen.  They didn't give me an apple.  I came away with neither an apple or a pen.  They weren't having a special on that today I guess.  Uh.  

 

 

a pin not a pen.  It is on the receipt.  Give it to me now.  

 

 

The receipt?  How do I do that now?   You're th'yah and I'm h'yah.  

 

 

what is go on there?  

 

The beat goes on.  The beat goes on.  Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain...la de da de de, la de da de dah...Liechtensteinian National Anthem, y'know.  

 

 

Have you done western union before?... go bank and tell the bank to give you the western union information Mr. William have not received anything from you. We are not joking here please...

What do you mean, "have you done Western Union before?"....how do you mean that, "have I done them?".  Done them how?  


Ok What we need is the information given to you from the bank with the pin. Thank you, Mr William have not receive any thing from you  

I sent it to him just where and how you instructed.  WTF?  And what pin are you talking about?  A clothes pin?  Safety pin?  What pin???   You're making this unnecessarily difficult, Genital.  I sent you the money you said was required for Angela's leave.  I sent it...so let her leave.  #LetAngelaLeave. (I mean, aren't hash tags all the online rage?  Don't they move mountains and change people's minds on sh*t?)


After inserting an interlude for waiting (aka *The Jeopardy Theme*), ol' "Yuke" got this from the Genital:


stop emailing me you fraud.  


Fine...I'll just encourage Angela to dessert, or entrée, or whatever term you Genitals in the Army call it.  We Liechtemfine in Liechtenstein, y'know.  

Of course, dear ol' Angela Lowry Daniele stopped communicating too.  Funny how that worked.  Even a hash tag couldn't save that one.

Too bad, too:  she'd of made a helluvan addition at Ocktoberfest...ach, vhat a pair of liebers!

 

What Became Of The Friendly Skies

I remember a jingle for an airline from many years ago that went "Fly The Friendly Skies...of United".

Time was when it was more important to beat the competition.

Apparently, times change.

I used to travel for business in the late '80s and early '90s.  I had remarkably few negative experiences with that travel by air.  I traveled with Continental.  American.  Delta.  Eastern a few times.  A couple-three commuter lines.

Only once did I fly with United.

It was far from the friendliest airline I ever set foot in, but it wasn't quite like the above, at least in my day.

In my few years as a business traveler, I recall twice being on flights that were overbooked, resulting in gate announcements seeking volunteers to take a later flight; they offered seemingly generous incentives, like cash and travel vouchers, to any volunteers.

They always seemed to get their volunteers and no more stringent methods were needed, such as "volunteered by force".

The times, they are a changin'.

I can almost imagine a United pre-flight announcement today:  Welcome to United, unless we volunteer your ass off the plane.  In such event, the fight attendants will direct you to the nearest aid station after removal...

I haven't set foot in a plane since '04.  I foresee no air travel in my immediate or upcoming future.  I've found that road trips via car are satisfactory.  No long lines.  No baggage fees.  No pre-flight groping by TSA.  No stale peanuts.  No idiots with excess carry on luggage.  No arm rest hawgs.

No overbooking.

And no beat downs when no one volunteers to be bumped, and the incompetently overbooked airline ground/flight crew makes the choice of who gets bumped -- figuratively and literally -- themselves.

That said, there is always that possibility that circumstances might require me to fly again.  If so, I don't like the idea of having to prepare, physically, to fly United:

Nawp...if the "no more friendly skies" carrier now requires this kind of pre-flight prep, I know where my aging ass is NOT going to book.

Nah...in case of overbookage, I'd rather fly where you get laughs, not lumps.