Benin & Scams & Asteroids Oh My

"Pennies from Heaven".  Not.

Scams from Benin.  Not pennies from Heaven.

A typical Western Union scam from Benin wherein I'm to believe I'm getting thousands of dollars for nothing...other than a measly $200 fee, which cannot be deducted from the balance.

Uh huh.

Here's the gist of the scam, and from none other than a Dr. Prince Raymond:


Attention:Dear Customer,

Welcome to Western Union Money Transfer Agent, We wish to inform you that the
IMF have release your fund sum of $1,8 million US dollars issued on your name
the money was deposited with us in this Office as MTCN credit card, we shall be
sending the money to you everyday $6000.00usd until we complete the
total payment.

We are very glad to inform you that we have processed  your first payment of
$6000.00usd, but bare it in mind that the $6000.00usd will not be given to you
except you pay for service charges which is $200, you have to pay the money
through our service western union to the information we give you here, then
after confirm the payment of $200. from you, we shall release your  first $6000.00
usd to enable you pick it up and get back to us for the second payment,As you
can see here is the MTCN Number of your first payment which we credited for you
today, track it with our website: [http://www.westernunion.com,to]www.westernunion.com,to confirm that your  payment is available.

1)Senders Name:  Peter Iwunor
2)MTCN...3457224536
3)Amount: $6000.00 USD.
Track it with our website: https://wumt.westernunion.com/
asp/orderStatus.asp?country=CN

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Prince Raymond
Finance Minister,
Federal Republic Of Benin.
Direct:Telephone Number:+229-68649485
E-mail: w.union590@gmail.com

Yes, they have millions of US dollars and crave to give it away to poor ol' Western fellers like me, and for a mere pittance of what they wish to give away.

And Hillary is an honest person, too.  BWHAHAHAHAHA.

I decided to see what attention Dr. Prince Raymond was paying in my character's reply:

I will send you $200 on the day a space meteor wipes out Benin. 


The good Dr. Prince Raymond is articulate, educated and literate as are all talking points following scammers, as his reply indicates:


Welcome to Western Union Money Transfer Agent, your reply is read and well noted,
We wish to inform you that the  IMF have release your fund sum of $1,8 million US dollars issued on your name  the money was deposited with us in this Office as MTCN credit card, we shall be  sending the money to you everyday $6000.00usd until we complete the total payment.

 We are very glad to inform you that we have processed  your first payment of  $6000.00usd, but bare it in mind that the $6000.00usd will not be given to you  except you pay for service charges which is $200, you have to pay the money  through our service western union to the information we give you here, then  after confirm the payment of $200. from you, we shall release your first $6000.00  usd to enable you pick it up and get back to us for the second payment,As you  can see here is the MTCN Number of your first payment which we credited for you  today, track it with our website: [http://www.westernunion.com,to]www.westernunion.com,to confirm that your  payment is available.  


"your reply is read and well noted".   And then plainly ignored.

Okay, let's try again:

I will send $200 to Benin a day after a city-sized asteroid obliterates Benin. 

This is followed by yet another response from the very oriented-to-template Dr. Prince Raymond:


Dear Friend
I understod you point all I try is to make sure you receive your fund to aviod delay okay
Your full information is needed to avoid mistake
Your Name====
Your Country===
Your phone number===
Your ID CARD

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Prince Raymond
Finance Minister,
Federal Republic Of Benin.
Direct:Telephone Number:                          +229-68649485
E-mail:w.union590@gmail.com 

It is clear that you have not understood my point twice.  How "well read and understood" can you be when you completely miss the point because you're wedded to a talking points template that allows you no room for independent thought and action?  I will try this once more:  I will send you $200 on the day I hear that Benin has been obliterated by an asteroid.  

Perhaps a small winkling of light is shed on the template brain of Dr. Prince Raymond:

i am not  believe you mean what you say?  


Oh yes you am believe I mean what I say.  Get back to me when you've been wiped out by an asteroid, and I'll send you $200.  I won't until that day.  


this you say is rediculos!  


Be that as it may...you won't get your $200 until an asteroid wipes out your pathetic internet café and all surroundings ones similarly employed as yours is.  Let me know when that happens, and I'll send you $200.  


Dr. Prince Raymond either decided that my character wasn't fit to do business with...or he's sky watching, waiting for an opportunity for his $200...

Even Their Offices Are Stupid

Pretty much any unsolicited email from ANYWHERE is potentially (and quite likely) a scam.  But a huge number of them emanate out of West African nations.

The one my character received here is allegedly out of the Repugnant of Benin and is another piss poorly crafted Western Union scam.

Take a look at the key points:


FROM THE OFFICE BLU WESTERN UNION COMPENSATIONS BONUS
ORGANIZERS.Mrs.Susan Dawson, 101 Street De l'Independence, 213 BP,
COTONOU. BENIN REP. PAYMENT NOTIFICATION: SPECIAL BONUS COMPENSATIONS
FOR FINAL WARNING OF YOUR PAYMENT OR IT WILL BE CANCELLED.  

And it goes on to say:

After the payment of ($45) you will start receiving your money every
day ($4,500) either through Western Union or Money Gram preferably by
you ($9,000) until the full payment of ($5.5 million) is completed.
The total sum you will be receiving per day is ($9,000) in two payment
($4,500 X2) DO NOT ASK FOR DEDUCTION because this payment has been
gazette by the Presidency and as such, no deduction or addition can be
imposed on it.  


Not bad....if one word of it were true.   *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

You're more likely to have a magical unicorn drop in and grant you three wishes that actually come true.

This became prime 'editing scam emails for fun and annoyance of the scammers' ground:


FROM THE OFFICE THAT'S FULL OF PEOPLE TOO STUPID TO WRITE THEIR OWN EMAILS

BLU WESTERN DUNCES COMPENSATIONS BOGUS ORGANIZERS

Mrs.Susan Dawson, 101 Street De l'Independence, 213 BP, COTONOU. BENIN REP.

PAYMENT NOTIFICATION: SPECIAL BOGUS COMPENSATIONS

 

FINAL WARNING (OF MANY MORE TO COME BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT FINAL MEANS) THAT YOU RESPOND TO AN OFFICE FULL OF MORONS OR YOUR BOGUS PAYMENT WILL BE CANCELLED.
(how convincing is that? ready to wet yourselves in fear yet?)

Attention moron:
Thanks for the email you never sent us.

We are an office. An office full of Third World nincompoops. We just sit around, swatting flies, fingering our butt holes, and sending out fourth rate scams that couldn't fool a card board box.

We're so bad, our OFFICE has to write and send you this email. For all we know, we're DNC directed democraps of the lowest order that still think it was impossible for thunder thighed Hellary to lose in 2016. Not that it mattered that she was the worst of lots of suckass choices we could have made, but our office digresses.

At any rate, since our office is fed up with how inept we are, it's going to cut right to the rat killing of this particular scam: you send us $45 USD, and you think that's going to get you sent $4500 a day from a Western Union in Benin.

Wowser...even our office can't believe how sandpoundingly stupid you have to be to believe that.

It's so sandpoundingly stupid, let us repeat it:  After the payment of ($45) you will start receiving your money every day ($4,500) either through Western Union or Money Gram preferably by
you ($9,000) until the full payment of ($5.5 million) is completed.  The total sum you will be receiving per day is ($9,000) in two payment ($4,500 X2).

This next part is very important because it doesn't make one bit of common sense grammatically or otherwise: "DO NOT ASK FOR DEDUCTION because this payment has been gazette by the Presidency and as such, no deduction or addition can be impoled on it".

Not only do we need smarter people in this office; we need a working word use checker, too.

Here's how we know you're stupider than we are, if you believe any of this sh*t: Below is the first payment of your new reference number sent today.

Sender Name: Mrs. Susan Kent
Receiver Name: MR JAN DUNANT (if you isn't or ain't this person, please be the ball as directed by the zen philosopher Basho)
Receiver's Country: U.S.A
MTCN:87984231
MTCN:31234567
Amount Sent: $$9,000 USD

And you can prove you're stupider than us by not reading closely the math error we have here too:

"Click this website to show up where you can track the information, Then you can track your money to see that your payment is available for pick up, But you cannot pick the payment until you pay for the charges for the activation process which is the sum of $45 USD.Send this $65 USD with the below information’s immediately so that we will activate your first payment, as the receiver of this funds to enable you pick it up in any Money Gram office Western Union in your country
today".

Receivers Name: SUNDAY MABIA
Country: Benin Republic
City: Cotonou
Question: WTF?
Answer: YouTF!
Amount $65 USD
Senders Name:..........
Reference:.............

If you don't pay the fee, you don' get no Coke, y'know whadda mean?

And now here is more proof our office don't write email better than any of us: "Okay.I repeat do not border to reply if you were unable to pay the fee.."

W...T...F???

Contact Office of: Mrs.Susan Dawson (because she's too stupid to talk to)
Tel:+229 98262967
Emails:( mrsdawsonsusan101@gmail.com )
Cardboard Box full of Directors with the collective brains of a goat turd
Benin Association of Nincompoops, Unlimited

affiliated with the American Democrapic Nincompoops Committee

Dumbass Brazile, Chairpoison  

 

I have yet to hear back from the originating scammer here.  I did get this from one copied scammer that got the edit:

 

racist much?  

 

Not at all.  I hate morons like you equally and regardless of your skin color and sh*t content.  Happy now?  

 

The respondent had nothing else to say after that.  Duh...

Western Union..Dense Di Dense Di Dense

This train was off the rails when it left the station.

Some scammers that use the old and molding Western Union ploy will play along with ANYTHING, long as they *think* they're gonna get something out of you.

Like this one.

Here's the whole series of emails, with the scammer's in bold and my character's replies in italics:

Attention. my dear,

Simply get back to me Diplomat Fred Miller with your full delivery address And your nearest airport to land, so that I can deliver the Package worth $23.7 Million;

Name:James Williams

Phone number: +1-8583338309

Note that you have to pay $125 only being  for customs clearance certification, the diplomatic clearance and the international legal transfer certification before your package will be delivered to you.

Mr. james Williams  

 

 

What if I don't pay $125?  

My dear that fee is to enable you obtain your certificate so that i can deliver your package to you but if not the air port authority will not allow me to do that ok.  


Okay.  Thanks for explaining it.  


S o when can you be able to come up with the fee to enable me complete my delivery?  


A day or two.  You caught me at the time of month my rent eats up the first of month check.  


Dear here is the payment information which you will use to send the fee tomorrow through western union money transfer i will be expecting your payment information tomorrow ok.

1. Receiver name: ====Chris Nwa

2. Country: =====Benin republic.

3. City: ===========cotonou.

4. Test question: ======= when

5. Test answer: ========== now

6. Amount: ==============$125, usd

7. mtcn.......................... ........

8. Sender Name.........................  


It won't be today.  I might manage it on Friday, possibly Saturday.  


All right try your possible best to do that on that day to enable me complete my delivery and get back to the country.  


My dear you promise to make the payment today or tomorrow now are you making the payment today?  


send it through the information i gave to you  and get back to me with the payment information. 


I won't be able to pay you until next Wednesday.  Will that work?  


My dear if you can not be able to come up with the money simply made it clear so that i take my leave ok.  


If you're not willing to wait until next Wednesday then by all means, leave.  Your loss.  


My dear i don't mean being angry with you so if you say next week Wednesday i will be patient with ok.  


I don't appreciate you getting uppity with me.  Use your patience or shove it.  I'll act on Wednesday.  


My dear like i said before i don't mean upsetting you i will be here till Wednesday which everything will be done ok.  


Fine.  Contact you Wednesday.  


OK hope you are with my payment information?  


My dear Jack Ewehoff good day to you am here to remind you that the only thing holding me here right now is the payment information so that i will be on my way coming   


what is going on dear.  


My dear i waited for your payment information but got nothing what is going on?  


Dear what is going on i have not heard from you since hope everything is alright?  


Okay...the money is sent. I will be looking forward to delivery.  


OK can i have the payment information immediately to enable me complete my delivery  


Sorry...I forgot to send you that. Let me find the receipt and send it  


Just send the senders name and the MTCN  


The sender's name is me...Jack N. Ewehoff. The MTCN is the MTCN. That didn't change.   


I mean the MTCN number    


Oh. Sorry, misunderstood you. You're referring to the numbers that are listed as MTCN?   


Yes!!   


Okay, I understand. You want the numbers. There are 10 of them. Do you need them all?   


Yes you have to send them all ok.   


okay.  


Where are the numbers???  


On the MTCN.  


Send them now!!!  


Right this second?  I'm about to take a crap.  


What is going on?  


I was taking a crap.  Now where were we?  


Will you please send me the MTCN so I can finish?  


Are you Finnish?  Really?  What are you doing in Benin?  


Am not Finnish!  Stop this and send me the MTCN!  


A Finnish in Benin and you type English too.  I'm impressed.  Now where were we?  


This is not funny.  


Maybe it ain't from where you're reading it.  My pet rock is rolling on the floor laughing at what passes for his ass off right now.  


BASTARD.  


I'm sorry, you're not the 100th person to call me that, so you don't win anything.  But please feel free to play again.  You might be the 500th...even 1000th.  Rules and restrictions apply.  Family members ineligible.   Bill Gates reminds you to text and Western Union responsibly.  Dah dit dah dit dit, dah dit dah.  


At least I made it to "bastard" before he email hung up on me...