Is You Daid?

Sometimes, they think you're DAID.

The scammers, that is.

Mighty inconvenient for them, iffen you is.

But another kind of inconvenience can creep into their scam ploy when you ain't...but play like you is.

Here's an example from Zenith Bank (snerx) in Benin:

My name is Larry JohnI am the manager of ATM department in Zenith Bank 
plc Benin republic, am here to inform you that a man came to our office this morning his name is Mr. Ben Clopper he told us that he is your brother from your  country U.S.A he said that you are dead. Mr. Ben Clopper said that you die two months ago in a car accident on your way  going to work and before your death you told him that you have an ATM CARD worth  of
$1.5 million dollars and he  came here with $145 dollars the activation fee  of the ATM card to activate the ATM card and collect it.

If real you are dead may your soul rest in perfect peace AMEN, but if you are  alive please due call me on this phone number ( +229 67206750) and get back to  me with the $145 dollars activation fee today okay. If I did not hear from you  today with the activation fee then I will collect the $145 dollars activation fee from Mr. Ben Clopper and hand the ATM card over to him okay. Below is the information to send the $145 dollars activation fee via western 
union money transfer.

Receiver Name ….. James  Johnson
Country ….. Benin Republic
City ….. Port-Novo
Text Question ….. Yes
Text Answer ….. Yes
Amount ….. $145 usd
MTCN …..
Sender Name …..
Sender Country …..
Do have a wonderful day if you are alive but if you are dead may your soul rest
in peace (AMEN)Yours Faithfully
Mr. Larry John.
Director Swift ATM Credit Card/ Telex Dept.
Zenith Bank Plc Benin Republic  

I love how they bade me a wonderful day if alive but if I am dead may my soul rest in peace (AMEN).

Mebbe they ready for this reply...mebbe they not:

No, Ben Clopper is absolutely correct.  I died some time ago.  It is fortunate...most fortunate..that I was able to establish this contact mode via the ITC astral bridge link so as to respond to this email in a timely manure; more often than not, the ITC astral bridge link fails when contaminants to the free flow of communication between the afterworld and the physical realm are present, such as persons with dubious and odious intent in their communications for example...But yes, you are authorized to allow Ben Clopper access to the account funds.

Myra Manes,

benefactor and late relative of Ben Clopper

It was awfully nice of Wiley Coyote to stand in for Myra Manes in an illustrative manure here.

 

Especially at THAT particular moment.

 

But back to Zenith Bank in Benin, and their response to finding out that my character, while able to communicate approval of the scammer's made-up character having the fauxaccount, is in fact daid:

 

what is going on?  Are you dead or not?   (is this idiot serious?)

Deader than a can of corned beef.  How about you?  

we are serious bank we have no time for jokes.  

You want to deal with me, you'll MAKE time for them.  Did you hear the one about the skeleton that clatters into a bar and orders a beer and a mop? 

Them fellers musta heard that one before...they didn't want to speak with the dead no mores.

And I had so many more jokes to tell...