Airport 2015 -- Seymour Style

Another news story about North Korean whackadoodle Kim Jong Un.

Another edit by "pet rock gone edit wild", Seymour.

I swear that my pet rock is going to make a career out of Un.

Here's the latest:



Kim Jong Un worried that Pyongyang has an airport that's “terminal”

By Seymour PetRock – WTF News

June 25 (WTF) – Besides being astonished to find out that Pyongyang “had an airport”, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un expressed “ararm and sadness” to hear that the airport “was terminal”. 
 
No one in Un's entourage was willing to try to explain and clarify the situation to Dear Pudgemeister, not wanting it to lead to hungry dogs or the business end of an anti-aircraft gun, both of which tend to reflect current day North Korean ideology.

 Kim boarded his personal Fokker tri-wing prop job with his wife, Ma Thumb n Fingers, and younger sister Kim Ho Jong Un to take what they thought would be a three hour tour that ended up with them meeting Tina Louise and Dawn Wells, an anonymous source reported Thursday. This is the second time that Un thought he was going to meet the surviving cast members of Gilligan's Island.

Kim said he was greatly grieved to learn that the airport was “terminal” but expressed confidence that the new drug North Korea recently touted that cures AIDS, SARS, MERS, LMAO and painful rectal itch would help save the airport, something Un didn't know they had, but was pretty sure might come in handy in some manner.

North Korea's state newspaper said the airport is a magnificent memorial to all the people buried underneath it that prioritizes hiding the bodies of repressed citizens and relatives of Un that piss him off, from the prying eyes of outside journalism. Rodehard Dorkkuk – the paper made from wrappers from Quarter Pounders with cheese Dear Leader favors – also dedicated five and three quarters out of six pages to Un's three hour tour that ended with him thinking he'd be meeting Louise and Wells, they said.

Un was happy to learn that the airport has a novelty for North Korea: a flushing toilet. He spent an hour watching obedient airport officials give themselves 'swirley hairdos' between flushes, giggling in a manner that only those who could pull off saying it gave Un “a sophisticated look” without throwing up afterward.

Hwang Pyong So, Pyongyang's No. 2 man, Kim Yang Gon, Pyongyang's No.1 man and and Ri Byong Chol, North Korea's toilet paper roll mounting expert accompanied Un and what's left of his relatives on their sympathy and wonder tour of the “terminal” airport.

Kim, who previously complained about not having an airport with a flushing toilet in November and subsequently purged official Ma Won Chun to multiple rural locations via the business end of a ZSU 23 gun, had nothing but cheeseburgers for lunch on this most recent visit.

Un said getting to meet Louise and Wells “was the highright” of his day. No one bothered to tell Un that he shook hands with inflated replicas of both. Un considered them both were "absorute perfection”, even while Louise developed a slow leak and had to be covertly pumped up several times during the visit, which included Un serenading the pair with a soulful rendition of “I So Ronery".

Un thought it "charming" that Louise was "whistling along".

Rodehard Korkkuk reported the airport's new flushing toilet and modern in 1950s standards is expected to hold together until the next monsoon.

The inflatable Wells and Louise couldn't be reached for comment...

The Pet Rock Edits North Korea Saving The World

North Korea strikes again with sandpoundingly stupid propaganda.

My pet rock, Seymour, is thrilled.  Another chance to edit the Pudgemeister, Kim Jong Un.

In a proofless pronouncement from Pingpongballyang, the North claims to have created a cure for some of the most deadly diseases on the planet.

Funny how it didn't cure the deadly repression syndrome in North Korea.

At any rate, a number of news services picked up on the claim.  Many of them treated it with a skepticism born of so much of the typical nonsense uttered by North Korea.

My pet rock decided to take it a few steps further:

North Korea claims it has discovered cure for Deadly Stuff Like Burrito Farts, Obola, Mers and Mr Jones, S'mores, Beanie-Weenies, Painful Rectal Itch and Demeaning Plebney

Drug developed by North Korean scientists from ginseng, hawgwart, kimshi, tofu and Reece's Pieces along with other ingredients touted as “counter pandumbic” for some of world's worst TV shows

By Seymour PetRock – WTF News Soivice


North Korea said it has masturbated where the greatest minds in science have just breathed hard.

The authoritarian, impoverished nation – better known for pursuing a Team America World Police sequel for it's temperamental, pudgy leader – announced on Friday a drug that it said can prevent and cure transspecies identification in cases even as extreme as Lena Dunham.

The secretive state did not provide proof, though it did promise to come up with something in exchange for that demanded sequel from Parker and Stone.

The official North Korean State Headquarters of Intended Thought (NKSH*T) said scientists developed Kumawnnow-2 from leftover tacos mixed with fertiliser mixed with kimshi, tofu, hawgwart, ginseng urine and other stuff swept up off the floor.

According to the pro-North Korea website Dorkdung Toxinduk, the drug was originally designed to make cheeseburgers for Un in 2013.

"Malicious propaganda infections like Fox News are pissing us off, so they can be easily treated by Kumawnnow-2 telepathic drug, which is a strong msnbc contributor of abject stupid," NKSH*T said.

An announcement says that the miracle cure consists of leftover tacos mixed with fertiliser and a mix of other ingredients swept up off the floor - but did not reveal the special floors that were swept, though we can guess.

The dictatorship, which is known for making far-fetched claims about its ability to negate the world's cheeseburger supply in one attack, says that the medicine will apparently be telepathically anally injectable and will be known by the name of Kumawnnow-2.

In a statement published by NKSH*T of the Demoncrapic People’s Repugnant of Whackadoodle North Korea, Dr Jon Bed Pan said: “The researchers insert rare earth collected toilet acquisitioned leavings (RECTAL) into tacos (Bell) by applying the micro-subelementary telepathic projections of Dear Leader into the atmosphere to go wherever he demands.”

“The injection is made of extracts from those secret recipe compounds. As a strong abscess that make the fart go honda, the injection has been recognized to prevent rational thought processes from taking place in laboratory Rachel Dolezals and cows that think they deserve free contraception like Sandra Fluke.

 

 

North Korea trumpeted the same drug breakthrough during msnbc ratings failure outbreaks in 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, and currently.

The North's claim comes as Hitlary continues to avoid answering questions about what gender, species and pants suit size she is. At last check, there is no vaccine to cure the vast truth void of the Clinton crimepaign or for the abject absence of reality at msnbc. Even North Korea doesn't brag about having cures for either of those.  


With that one, Seymour pretty much guarantees that we won't be seeing visits from China anytime soon.  But Seymour still thinks he'll get a Pulitzer, if Obola could get a Noballs.  That one is hard to argue.

Editing Space Between the Ears

Even as he travels, my pet rock Seymour keeps an eye to the news.

And found something he can't HEP but edit.

Seems a Russian wants NASA investigated over the moon landings...as a result of the FIFA investigations.

Tit-ski for tat-ski.

My pet rock got hisself on a roll for this one:



Russian Nipplehead Says Apollo Program Should Be Investigated For...Oh Hell, Anything


According to a Tuesday article in the Moscow Crimes, a spokesman for Russia’s Investigating Hillary's Claim To Be A Transspecied Horses Ass Committee named Vladimir Stephanopoulouse Disputin suggested that an intercosmic investigation be mounted into some of the “various murky details surrounding those who question what exactly Hillary is, speciologically”.

 Reminded not to digress, Disputin threw in the need “to investigate the U.S. moon landings between 1969 and 1972 for having committed rights violations of moon natives.” Disputin would particularly like to know where some of the complaints filed by moon natives went to and why the original footage of the Apollo 11 moon landing has a watermark “Made in Japan”. Disputin hastened to add that he is, of course, not himself a black unicorn, though he does lean toward believing himself to be the reintarnation of Jedd Clampett, sorta.

A wholly discredited leftist flop of a publication – Outhouse Salon – used this opportunity to bring up the largely discredited conspiracy theory that NASA faked the moon landings in order to get mentioned in a James Bond movie – Moon Rocks Are Diamonds If They Think They Are – without going through the effort of actually capturing and bringing back to Earth a moon rock that thinks such.

Everything from an episode by the Capitol Steps to photo shops at Dream Quirks has made it even harder to tell Caitlyn Jenner from Rachel Dolezal if they say they think they are twin sisters from another mister.

Disputin denies that he is upset at American investigations of Vuvuzelas International, the governing body for World Cup Vuvuzela Orchestration At Sporting Events, which resulted in the resignation of millions of people to being subjected to mass vuvuzelas during some insignificant sporting events in Europe, Africa and South Detroit. Other non sequitur revelations have focused attention of how Russia and Qatar began looking into investing in Bill Clinton's genital cigar humidors – made from 100% female interns – if his horse's ass wife is elected in 2016. Again breaking with digressing, they also are looking for moon residents who felt abused by the NASA visits of James Bond to the moon during one of his many movies. Investigators believe that Rachel Dolezal is actually Joseph Stalin's late second wife, Olga Bigbuttinsky.

 

What the point would be of an international investigation of whether or not this photo is one of Caitlyn Jenner's cat -- aside from petty revenge for Russia – is settled science according to global gendering proponents.

The issue of race on the moon proved to be a triumph for James Bond and an utter humiliation for SPECTRE. Some historians believe that the moon landings contributed to the eventual fall of the ruble by proving that you can't buy duct tape with pieces of eight.

Relations between Russia and the United States have been strained ever since the making of that Rocky 'n Bullwinkle movie that reminded us of Boris and Natasha's really lousy accents. Russia has openly talked of ending The Kardashians on Kremlin Cable TV, and striking out on a high fast ball out of the zone by doing a remake of The Gongski Show on Rublelodian. A variety of technical glitches and total inability of making Hillary in a thong look like Kanye West have cast doubt on Russia’s ability to do so, and freaking out lamestream servile mediocres trying to prop up a Hillary crimepaign.

I think my pet rock manages to piss off pretty much everyone on the Left with this edit.

"Did NOT!!!"

Banking In Cambodia Is Hard To Understand

No idea if this scammer is actually from Cambodia or not; but he shore is stoooooopid.

He sent me a short email to which I was expected to signal my interest in his business proposition with a reply.

I replied all right, but not in the manure that I reckon he anticipated.  I edited his original email thus:

We of the Vattanac Bank of Cambloatia wish to has speaks with you over a matter that is for us mostly urchint.  Yes, it is. 

We hate it here in Phnom Penh...it sound so much like Sean Penn, and he is real asshat.

BUT...they transferring us to Burntimore branch.  The one Al Sharpton's thugs already llamaed...looted...whatever.  It a pile of bash and ricks.  Ash and bricks.  WTF, we not talk ebonics, homely. 

Could you writ a ladder on our bequarter, asking them NOT to send us to Burntimore?   To pave your boner findings to them, you'll has to attack a cowpie of your eyedee for veriflagration porpoises, so they knows you is level. 

We antpissitape your squirrelly respond soonest.

Mr. Sochai Dithsh*t

Vattanac Bank Cambloatia  

 

 

A week later, I receive a reply that suggests Mr. Dithsh*t didn't read what I dun to his email, Ma:

 

Sorry for our late reply to your email which a mandate was sent to us to make immediate transfer of $5 million to your bank account. We wish to state to you to furnish us with your banking information plus a copy of your ID to enhance our approval process which will enhance our bank to make the transfer after due process.

Regards

Mr. Sochai Dith.

Vattanac bank Cambodia  

 

 

Okay, so he can't read what I dun so he acts like I dun nothing but replied.

 

So I sent him the exact same reply.  This time, doofus appears to take notice:

 

 

 

Sir

I can’t get what you are writing at all.

 Do you need this funds or not?

Can you state what you want?

Regards

Mr.Dith  

 

 

Can I state what I want?  Why SOITENLY I can...nyuk nyuk:

 

 

You didn't understand?  Allow me to clarifry:

Youse of the Vattanac Bank of Cambloatia wish to has speaks with moi over a mad hatter that is for youse mostly uterus...for moi, not so munch.  Yes, it is.

Youse of the parody of the first phart hate it there in Phnom Penh...it sound so much like Sean Penn, and he is real asshat.  We of moi can sort of kind of standunder that, iffen you mooo what I milk.

BUT...they transferring youse to Burntimore branch.  The one Al Sharpton's thugs already llamaed...looted...whatever.  It a pile of bash and ricks.  Ash and bricks.  WTF, we not talk ebonics, homely. 

Could youse writ a ladder on our bequarter, asking them NOT to send us to Burntimore?   To pave your boner findings to them, you'll has to attack a cowpie of your eyedee for veriflagration porpoises, so they knows you is level. 

Youse antpissitape mine squirrelly respond soonest.

Youse has the horror to be,

Mr. Sochai Dithsh*t

Vattanac Bank Cambloatia  

 

 

What is wrong with you?  

 

Nothing that hot sex with Taylor Swift couldn't cure.  Why do you ask?   You can arrange for that?

 

 

Mr. Dithsh*t decided then and there that I wasn't worth the game.

 

So likely would Taylor Swift, but I already knowd she had better taste than that  ;-)

 

Another Wale FAIL

The South African scammer Wale "Cash" Point apparently still has his job at Western Union in Pretoria, South Africa.

Which is why I don't use Western Union, but I digress.

I suspect that ol' Wale has surfaced on that site with me again, under the names of Klara Monet and Stella Dixon.  Each time, the conversation goes on until both of those characters suddenly had reason to just happen to 'be in South Africa' and wanted me to Western Union them money in Pretoria.  Soon as I (or one of my aliases) brought up the fact that I knew a scammer in the Western Union office there by the name of Wale 'Cash' Point, all communications ceased. 

Well...he surfaced again...once more trying to play the 'Britney Clinton' character on a dating site that *winked* at me.

This Britney Clinton claimed to be 30 and lives in Oakland, Arkansas.

Uh huh.  Probably one of Bill's illicit genital humidors.

Since I already knowed the drill, this one didn't take so long as you'll see..my emails are in italics, the scammer in bold:


You winked at me?  Thank you.  The picture you're using is very attractive.   Who is it? 

What is your name and where are you from?  ('she' already knew that from the original site).

My name is Ben and I'm from Denver CO.  You're from Arkansas?  

 

Yes, how old are you, are you married with kids?  

 

I'm 45 and not married to kids as yet.  Is that some part of your plan?  

 

Am 28 single ('she' lost a couple years suddenly) and no kids but maybes someday with the right mans.  Is that why you here?

 

Oh yes...looking to be the right mans for the right womans.  What has been your experience on this site so far?   

 

Nothing before you.  how long have you been on the site and what has been your experience on the site?   

 

We're taking a somewhat familiar track in the conversation, so I decide to accelerate the process with a prod that will either prove I'm right or draw, at the least, a feigned "what do you mean?".

 

Well I have been on the site for about 3 months now.  My experience here is that I'm hearing from alleged women about your age that are actually an online scammer from South Africa that claims to be American women, when he is actually a full-of-sh** South African man that works at Western Union in South Africa and posts on Facebook as Wale Cash Point.  Perhaps you know him?  He scams, interestingly enough, using your name, among others.  Different pictures, but your name among others.  Fortunately, I learned all about him and his scam on a blog that got all the information on him.  So...what are you looking for here, 'Britney'?  

 

The response I got suggests that I win game, set and match:

 

F**K YOU

 

Another swing and a miss, strike three called, Wale.  You need a new scam you sandpoundingly stupid moron.  

 

That makes it me 5, Wale 0.  I wonder if he'll be up to making me a double ace?

 

The Pet Rock Picks On Kim Jong Un Again

From bragging about weapons of mass destruction and threatening war, now North Korea wants to be taken seriously again.

As a tourist mecca.

PUH-LEASE.

Actually, the idea DID please my pet rock, Seymour.  So much so, he edited this post accordingly:

Holiday in Hell? North Korea demands tourists

By Seymour PetRock – WTF News 

PYONGYANG, North Korea (AP) — Never mind if you're still looking for somewhere exotic to go this summer; whether or not you mind a vacation that comes with a heavy dose of socialist propaganda and leader worship, North Korea is demanding that you spend your tourist dollars there.

Right after drastic underwater nuclear missile tests and execution of their Defense Minister via anti-aircraft gun, North Korea's drowned, emptied, reinflated and whackadoodle leader is demanding that all tourism to the Far East come through their door so that the country can show off its "sociarist fairyrand" to tourists.

The demands made on tourism come from Kim Jong Un himself and, in typical fashion, officials are doing whatever they have to by setting lofty goals in their effort to please their leader and not wind up getting fed to dogs or executed by a tactical Salad Shooter.

About 100,000 Chinese tourists came to North Korea last year, most of whom suffered jaw injuries from excessive yawning.

Kim Suk Hork, a senior economist at the influential Academy of North Korean Fairyrand Sciences, told The South Park Sentinel that the North insists on cornering the Far East tourist market by around 2017.

Pyongyang's demands to insist on tourism may sound typical of Kim Jong Un's delusional world view of hisself as all powerful, but being as he is a pudgy doofus dictator with a bad hair cut in a country more backward than Burntimore, it comes as little surprise to Dennis Rodman.

Un demands all tourism to the Far East come through North Korea despite the fact that all tourists will see is a country brutally repressed, starving, backward and relentlessly bleak.  Rodman for one disagreed:  "visiting my pudgy honkey buddy will make folks better appreciate Deadtroit".

A carefully speaking North Korea Tourism spokesperson said that "Forced tourism will produce many, many hostages which will be sources of badly needed cash, so that's why our country is putting priority on it," adding that along with substandard mountains, barb wired and mined secluded beaches and a seemingly endless array of monuments of Kim Jong Un, the North has another ace up its sleeve — only the North can provide a tour of Dear Leader's Pyongyang Palace, to disprove the rumor started by Trey Parker and Matt Stone that the skeleton of Hans Brix is floating around in a shark tank therein.

"People in foreign countries think in a wrong way about our country after that stupid movie," Kim said, brushing aside facts. "We demand that they send us their tourists so that we can indoctrinate them correctly."

Opponents of forced tourism to North Korea insist it's like giving Iran a nuke: sandpoundingly stupid. Still, the badly-run State Department strongly advises U.S. citizens that if “properly hashtagged and nuanced, a trip to North Korea will provide jobs to isis and make them peace loving and good democraps” said Marie Barf.

None of that has convinced any but the most abjectly stupid of leftist tourists from the US and Europe to forego Disneyland to see a leftist udopia, which is why North Korea is demanding the tourists be compelled to visit.

"About 99.9% of the tourists who come are from correct thinking ideologies," said state tourism official Kim Dung Il. "We want ALL tourists forced to come here, so we can impress upon them proper thinking and viewing of North Korea. We also want to subliminally force them to start a hastag campaign to get Parker and Stone to make a Team America World Police sequel that stars our Dear Leader."

While the overall quality of life in North Korea frankly sucks, efforts to build permanent accommodations...er....attractions for visitors and the infrastructure required to host them are already underway.

Amid the predominantly bleak surroundings, those attractions, which are also used to punish dissident North Koreans, have lots of striking features.

In Pyongyang, some of the more claimed-to-be popular tourist sites include a new, high-tech shooting range, where visitors can carry out executions of disowned relatives of Kim Jong Un, who are right then and there prepared to eat for packs of hungry dogs. There is also a new indoctrination center, a huge waterboarding park and revamped "fun fairs" replete with age old and new forms of torture, fast-food stands where all workers are paid $15/hour and lead happily bleak and controlled lives, and a one of a kind 500-D theater where Dear Leader plans to show the Team America sequel featuring hisself, once Parker and Stone are interned...er...compelled to come visit North Korea. After a year of feverish construction, Pyongyang's new international airport outhouse could open as soon as next month with the only real flushing toilets outside of Dear Leader's palace.

Outside of the duct taped and baling wired capital, where funds, electricity and adequate lodging are a candle and a slit trench, well....it's best if you are allowed to stick to Pyongyang.

A luxury ski resort planned for Wonsan was cancelled when they were advised that their claim of “the finest, most challenging skiing in the world” – skiing on flat ground through a minefield – wasn't selling in Switzerland. A number of rebuilt restaurants have sprung up along the city's beachfront area, which while grudgingly popular with locals, are dubiously viewed by visitors due to outdoor barbeques of Kim Jong Un's executed relatives.

"I see Uncle Wu!"

As you can see, North Korea is approaching tourism the same way it does everything else: via demand.

Tourists of any nationality can expect constant monitoring, a lot of visits to model prisons, schools and farms, along with always-staged events intended to promote Pyongyang's unique brand of authoritarian repression. Like all other visitors to the North, they have few opportunities to interact with average people or observe their daily sublifestyle.

Tourists can expect enforced tourism extensions if they displease Dear Leader.

An American tourist who impulsively left a Bible in a provincial nightclub was detained for nearly six months. If it had been a Koran, Obola would have sent Air Farce One to pick him up.  


Seymour continues to expect a Pulitzer for writing like this.  I suspect he might get a free visa to Pyongyang.

"Will NOT!!!"

What FIFA, The DNC and DC Have In Common

Yes, there IS a commonality between those three, but that's for later.

Amongst the vuvuzelas of justice, there comes to the fore a scandal in the top of the world soccer community, FIFA.

Not the only alleged top of something that has that problem.

My pet rock, Seymour -- pictured here and a big reason Grog there is regretting his attempt on goal -- found the story about FIFA's embattled president winning re-election after being exposed as a high priced scumbag to be edit worthy.  I suspect that before the edit is done, the commonality referenced in the blog post title will become evident:

Sepp Blatter wins FIFA re-election and Hillary Takes Notes

By Seymour PetRock WTF News

Sepp Blatter wins re-election as president of FIFA, shortly after over a dozen current/former executives and associates are indicted for charges ranging from racketeering, bribery and kickbacks in the world of professional soccer.

Hillary hopes to emulate this in 2016, without the nuisance of a doj indictment.

Perhaps it's Blatter who has taken note of the career and history of Hillary and Bill that allowed him to triumph in the face of rampant FIFA corruption that has flourished under his watch.

It was also something straight out of America's leftist controlled and spinning out of control cities, such as Shotcago and Burntimore...leftist criminality is on the march.

As Hillary hopes for next year, Blatter looked the other way as nefarious business was conducted, or knew where bodies were buried. Right out of the Clinton Administration and later Foundation playbooks.

Probably whatever money he had FIFA give the Clinton Foundation, paid off.

Blatter wanted the same kind of transparency that HRC claims to be (which is absolutely none); and that is what FIFA winds up retaining, despite the sounding vuvuzelas of scandal.

Blatter and HRC should be married. They certainly appear to be philosophically. Besides, Bill's busy with interviewing interns for their genital humidor qualifications.

Blatter claims to be “the right man to clean up the mess that he either inspired or didn't bother to fix all these years”. Right out of the Hillary Scandals playbook that the lamestream servile mediocres won't challenge. 

What difference does it make?

"You know me already," Blatter said. "I don't have to introduce myself. You know what you are dealing with”.

Indeed. A corrupt scumbag that George Soros would be proud to affiliate with. And Al Sharpton. And Obola. Who will, you can bet, not let his dumbed down, corrupt doj be too big of nuisance to Blatter or Clinton in the months ahead.  Obola has a pen and phone, and room on his growing executive clemency list to fit Blatter and HRC in amongst all the islamofascist terrorists he'll be excusing. 

When it comes to the death of journalism in the lamestream servile mediocre community, scandals of and on the Left are essentially meaningless. In FIFA, or in the Democrap National Committee. Or in the Clinton Foundation.

Cancer is cancer. And the mediocres are okay with the kind of cancer the left brings.

"You can't ask people to behave ethically just like that," Blatter said Friday.

He must know the Clintons and the DNC very well, indeed.

Blatter sounds just like a product of the modern Democrap Party. He is overloaded by controversy, saddled by criminal investigations, facing upcoming controversies over Benghazi and foreign money/influence buying to the Clinton Foundation while Suckretary of State, and lacking even a modicum of credibility outside of the lamestream servile mediocres.

Yet with criminal activity and corruption scandals lying at his feet, Blatter wins a fifth term. And Hillary – remembering disgraced Washington, DC mayor Marion Barry, re-elected after being arrested and disgraced while in office – wants her chance to finish off whatever credibility and legitimacy is left after Obola has ruined the Oval Office.

It will be celebrated in the back outhouses of the Clinton crimepaign – and in the sewers of msnbc – as a road map for 2016.  


Actually, Seymour did wind up tying in the title's commonality after all.  Kinda hard to miss it, let alone deny it.  Except amongst the Left, where denial IS a river in Egypt.

Not What Benin Had In Mind

The scammer came up with what he thought was a cheap and simple scam that would net him lots of small amounts.

The edit went small, alright...

Here is the scam:

Address: No. 51  Avakpa, Western Union Cotonou, Benin

Office Telephone: +229-99935539.E-mail:    westernunionspoof@inbox.lv

 

THIS REQUIRED AN URGENT RESPOND.

                      

AS MATTER OF URGENT WE ARE CALLING ON YOUR URGENT ATTENTION CONCERN YOUR FUNDS, PLEASE DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO GET US THE REQUIRED FEE OF $39 THIS IS BECAUSE THE INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND (IMF) HAVE  INSTRUCTED TO RETURN THE PAYMENT FILE BACK IF ANY BENEFICIARY HAS FAILED TO CLAIM HIM OR HER FUNDS WITHIN 72 HOURS. WE HAVE DONE OUR BEST TO ASK THEM TO HAVE PATIENTS WITH YOU TILL THE GIVEN DATE BUT THEY DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND. WE ARE THE ONE HOLDING THEM FOR VERY LONG TIME .THIS IS THE INSTRUCTION ALERT WE RECEIVED TODAY.

 

NOTE; WE ARE INSTRUCTED BY THE IMF TO RETURN THE PAYMENT FILE WITHIN 72 HOURS IF THE BENEFICIARY DID NOT COMPLY TO CLAIM HIS/HER FUNDS. WE ARE NOW CALLING ON YOUR URGENT ATTENTION TO RESPONSE TO THIS EMAIL ONCE YOU RECEIVE IT AND DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO SEND REPLY TOGETHER WITH PAYMENT INFORMATION OF THE NEEDED $39 SO THAT YOU WILL START RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT TO AVOID THE IMF BEEN TAKEN THE FUNDS BACK IN NEXT 72 HOURS.

 

HOWEVER, YOU ARE ADVISED TO GO AHEAD AND SEND THE HOME LAND SECURITY CLEARANCE FEE OF $39 VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM SO THAT WE WILL ASSIST YOU AND OBTAIN THE CERTIFICATE FROM THE CONCERNED OFFICE, BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOUR FUNDS OKAY.  HERE IS THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE TO SEND THE MONEY.

 

RECEIVER NAME: Olusanya Omobolanle Olushola

CITY/COUNTRY: COTONOU - BENIN REPUBLIC.

QUESTION: NOW

ANSWER: YES

AMOUNT: $39 DOLLARS

MTCN: 

SENDER NAME: 

COUNTRY:

PHONE NUMBER:

 

DO SEND US THE MTCN NUMBERS AS SOON AS YOU MADE THE PAYMENT. IF YOU CAN SEND THE FEE TODAY, YOU WILL PICK UP THE FIRST PAYMENT AND WE WILL SEND YOU ANOTHER $4,000 TODAY AS THE CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE IS THE ONLY THING HOLDING THE TRANSFER.

 

YOU WILL START RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT IN NEXT 2 HOURS OF RECEIVING SAID FEE FROM YOU. WE ARE ADVISING YOU TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN AND GET US THE SAID MONEY TODAY AND YOU WILL START RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT IN 2 HOURS OF SENDING THE FEE TO US. MEANWHILE WE ADVISE YOU TO FORWARD TO US YOUR DIRECT PHONE NUMBER FOR FAST UPDATE ONCE WE MADE YOUR PAYMENT WHEN FORWARDING THE PAYMENT DETAILS.

 

SINCERELY,

REV. MARK JAMES

+229-99935539  

 

 

I love how so many of these scammers think that representing themselves as reverends will get them anywhere.  I mean, look how it works for the massive racebaiter and tax cheat, "Rev" Al Sharpton?

 

That's probably why they think that.

 

At any rate, I didn't shrink from the edit...but shrinkage did figure in:

 

 

Address: No. 51  Avakpa, Western Union Cotonou, Benin

Office Telephone: +229-99935539.
E-mail:    westernunionspoof@inbox.lv

 

THIS REQUIRED AN URCHIN RESPOND.  IF YOU NOT HAVE URCHIN TO RESPOND, WE WAIT WHILE YOU GET ONE.                      

AS MATTER OF URGENT WE ARE CALLING ON YOUR URGENT ATTENTION CONCERN YOUR GENITAL FUNGUS, PLEASE DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO GET US THE REQUIRED FUNGUS RELIEF THAT COST ONLY $39 THIS IS BECAUSE THE INTERNATIONAL GENITAL FUNGUS FUND (IGFF) HAVE  INSTRUCTED TO RETURN ALL GENITAL FUNGUS BACK IF ANY BENEFICIARY HAS FAILED TO ADMIT TO HAVING GENITAL FUNGUS AND NOT PAID TO MEDICATE IT WITHIN 72 HOURS. WE HAVE DONE OUR BEST TO EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT HERE IN BENIN, EVERYONE HAS GENITAL FUNGUS -- IT'S THAT FUNGUS AMONGUS THAT BINDS, ITCHES AND BLEEDS -- BUT THEY DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.  SO HERE WE ARE, HOLDING UP YOUR END OF THE GENITAL FUNGUS FOR VERY LONG TIME.  TODAY THEY SEND US THIS NEW INSTRUCT ALERT WE RECEIVED TODAY.

 

NOTE:  E FLAT.  WE ARE INSTRUCT BY THE IGFF TO RETURN THE GENITAL FUNGUS OINTMENT WITHIN 72 HOURS IF THE BENEFICIARY DID NOT COMPLY TO CLAIM HIS/HER GENITAL FUNGUS OINTMENT. WE ARE NOW CALLING ON YOUR URCHIN ATTENDANTS TO RESPONDS TO THIS EMAIL ONCE YOU RECEIVE IT AND DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO SEND REPLY TOGETHER WITH URCHIN INFORMATION OF THE NEEDED SO THAT DISPENSE OF OINTMENT AT $39 A SMEAR FROM TUBE CAN BE SENDED TO YOU SO THAT YOU MAY NOT WIND UP WITH GENITAL FUNGUS AS IT IS AMONGUS HERE IN BENIN, WHERE IT BINDS US, IRRITATES US AND MAKES OUR TALLYWHACKERS BLEED.  

 

AND FOR THE NEXT 5000 RESPONDENT URCHINS WE HAVE THIS SPECIAL:  ORDER NOW AND WE WILL PAY FOR YOU THE HOME LAND SECURITY CLEARANCE FEE OF $39, ABSOLUTELY FREE.  YES, THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FREE.  MOST GENEROUS OF US, HUH?  BE AMONGUS THE FIRST 5000 RESPONDENTS AND WE WILL ASSIST YOU AND OBTAIN THE OINTMENT FROM THE CONCERNED OFFICE, ABSOLUTELY FREE, BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOUR GENITAL FUNGUS IN CHECK, IF IT LIKE OURS.  HERE IS THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE TO GET YOUR FREE OINTMENT THAT WE WILL PAYS FOR.

 

RECEIVER NAME: Olusanya Omobolanle Olushola Onot That Of**kface Ogun

CITY/COUNTRY: COTONOU - BENIN REPUBLIC.

QUESTION: WTF

ANSWER: YOU EXPECT US TO KNOW?

AMOUNT: NOTHING...FEE WAIVED FOR THE FIRST 5000 RESPONDENT URCHINS

DO SEND US CONFIRMATION WHEN YOU RECEIVE OINTMENT AND PROGRESS REPORTS ON IF IT ACTUALLY WORKS OR NOT.  IT WAS MADE BY A WITCH DOCTOR HERE THAT USUALLY ONLY MANAGE TO SHRINK STUFF.  THAT WHY WE WANT YOU TO TEST IT FIRST.  

 

YOU WILL START RECEIVING YOUR OINTMENT IN NEXT 2 HOURS OF OUR RECEIVING YOUR ABSOLUTELY FREE RESPOND FROM YOU. WE ARE ADVISING YOU TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN AND GET US THE SAID RESPOND TODAY AND YOU WILL START RECEIVING YOUR GENITAL FUNGUS OINTMENT IN 2 HOURS OF SENDING THE ABSOLUTELY FREE EMAIL TO US. MEANWHILE WE ADVISE YOU TO FORWARD TO US YOUR DIRECT PHONE NUMBER FOR FAST UPDATE ONCE WE MADE YOUR OINTMENT AND SHIPPED IT.

 

SINCERELY,

REV. MARK JAMES

+229-99935539

Witch Doctors of Benin UnInc,

(Shrunken) Head Office Benin Republic.

Witch Doctors of Benin UnInc®

When it absolutely positively has to be shrunk overnight Worldwide

With Witch Doctors of Benin UnInc service, shrunken heads and other parts is performed in 15-20 minutes and bank account is not required. We only shrink what you asks us to, guaranteed or your moneys back when applicable.  Title and registration fees extra.  Other offers not applicable since we don't have other offers.  Your results won't vary; ours didn't.  

 

 

No reply was received from the originating scammer, but a previous scammer did object to receiving this with that short phrase the late George Carlin noted "signals the end of the argument".  My response back "that's very small minded of you...been using that ointment, eh?", seemed to put an end to any further dialogue  ;-)

An "International Conference" Ain't Ready for Hillary

No one with a working brain is, either.

An interesting scam email that means to get respondents in the wallet over their "hotel expenses".

Read it here:


Dear Sir/Madame,

You are invited to participate in the up-coming International
Conference on (Human Trafficking, Women & Children Abuse) from the
22nd - 25th of JUNE 2015 in BOSTON the United States at the Metro
Conference Center. The conference is been organize by the
International Society for Human Rights -ISHR.

Registration is free and delegates are entitle to a free United States
Visa arrangements by the Organizing committee, that including your
transportation,feeding and round trip Air tickets...Delegates will
only be responsible for their own hotel accommodation in Boston the
United States were the conference will take place.

Contact the International Society for Human Rights(ISHR) for more
details on registration Email:(ishr.org@zoho.com) or
(amandatara37@zoho.com).

Do inform them that Amanda TARA a staff member of the (ISHR)
recommended you and for further assistance do not hesitate to contact
me at (amandatara37@zoho.com).

Regards,

Amanda TARA
Conference Committee
International Society for Human Rights -ISHR  


Now, who with decency and ethics could POSSIBLY suspect something billed like this as being of dubious intent?

Anyone who knows the left and democrats, pretty much.  I suspect that any of these online scammers probably voted multiple times for Obola, legalities be damned.

So I let that factor into the edit:

Dear Gender Neutral Of Dubious Antecedence,

You are invited to participate in the up-coming International Conference on How The DNC and Obola Use Human Trafficking, Women & Children Abuse as a political voting scam in 2016, from the 22nd - 25th of JUNE 2015 in the basement of the Washington DC Democrap National Committee facility, hosted by DNC chairpoison Debbil Washingmachine Snitz.

 

 

 

The conference is been organize by the International Society for Subordinating Human Rights To Elect Hitlary in 2016 (ISSHRTEH).

Registration is free* and delegates are entitle to a free* United States tour of democrap-controlled cities that Al Sharpton's thugs plan to loot this summer so that they don't miss out on the experience**. 

 

 

Visa arrangements will be made by Obola simply issuing an executive order to let anyone who says they're attending the conference in, regardless of what they're dressed like and how many pounds of plastic explosives they have in their designer "Death To America" backpacks made in Iran.  

 

 

Delegates will only be responsible for expenses if they are freedom-loving conservatives that love America.

Contact the International Society for Subordinating Human Rights To Elect Hitlary in 2016 (ISSHRTEH) for more details on registration Email:(ishr.org@zoho.com) or
(amandatara37@zoho.com).

Do inform them that Jen Psuki and Marie Barf of the US State Department worked out the nuances here so that the lamestream servile mediocres at msnbc and cnn wouldn't suffer brain farts trying to figure out that last sentence.

 

 

 Hurry, spots are limited***.  Hurry soonest and do not hesitate to contact me at (amandatara37@zoho.com).

Regards,
An inflatable clone of Jen Psuki and Marie Barf
Conference Committee
International Society for Subordinating Human Rights To Elect Hitlary in 2016 -ISSHRTEH

*  we'll suck the money out of the US taxpayers

**  we think that foreigners who've been robbed of their just desserts by US policies for the past 230 years deserve something in return.

***  yeah, the DNC basement can only hold so many islamfascist suicide bombers  

 

 

This probably won't make Hitlary's stupor volunteers very happy.  The scammers may not be pleased either, when they find they've been linked to bigger scammers than they are.