The Pet Rock Edits North Korea Saving The World
My pet rock, Seymour, is thrilled. Another chance to edit the Pudgemeister, Kim Jong Un.
In a proofless pronouncement from Pingpongballyang, the North claims to have created a cure for some of the most deadly diseases on the planet.
Funny how it didn't cure the deadly repression syndrome in North Korea.
At any rate, a number of news services picked up on the claim. Many of them treated it with a skepticism born of so much of the typical nonsense uttered by North Korea.
My pet rock decided to take it a few steps further:
North Korea claims it has discovered cure for Deadly Stuff Like Burrito Farts, Obola, Mers and Mr Jones, S'mores, Beanie-Weenies, Painful Rectal Itch and Demeaning Plebney
Drug developed by North Korean scientists from ginseng, hawgwart, kimshi, tofu and Reece's Pieces along with other ingredients touted as “counter pandumbic” for some of world's worst TV shows
By Seymour PetRock – WTF News Soivice
North Korea said it has masturbated where the greatest minds in science have just breathed hard.
The authoritarian, impoverished nation – better known for pursuing a Team America World Police sequel for it's temperamental, pudgy leader – announced on Friday a drug that it said can prevent and cure transspecies identification in cases even as extreme as Lena Dunham.
The secretive state did not provide proof, though it did promise to come up with something in exchange for that demanded sequel from Parker and Stone.
The official North Korean State Headquarters of Intended Thought (NKSH*T) said scientists developed Kumawnnow-2 from leftover tacos mixed with fertiliser mixed with kimshi, tofu, hawgwart, ginseng urine and other stuff swept up off the floor.
According to the pro-North Korea website Dorkdung Toxinduk, the drug was originally designed to make cheeseburgers for Un in 2013.
"Malicious propaganda infections like Fox News are pissing us off, so they can be easily treated by Kumawnnow-2 telepathic drug, which is a strong msnbc contributor of abject stupid," NKSH*T said.
The dictatorship, which is known for making far-fetched claims about its ability to negate the world's cheeseburger supply in one attack, says that the medicine will apparently be telepathically anally injectable and will be known by the name of Kumawnnow-2.
In a statement published by NKSH*T of the Demoncrapic People’s Repugnant of Whackadoodle North Korea, Dr Jon Bed Pan said: “The researchers insert rare earth collected toilet acquisitioned leavings (RECTAL) into tacos (Bell) by applying the micro-subelementary telepathic projections of Dear Leader into the atmosphere to go wherever he demands.”
“The injection is made of extracts from those secret recipe compounds. As a strong abscess that make the fart go honda, the injection has been recognized to prevent rational thought processes from taking place in laboratory Rachel Dolezals and cows that think they deserve free contraception like Sandra Fluke.
The North's claim comes as Hitlary continues to avoid answering questions about what gender, species and pants suit size she is. At last check, there is no vaccine to cure the vast truth void of the Clinton crimepaign or for the abject absence of reality at msnbc. Even North Korea doesn't brag about having cures for either of those.
With that one, Seymour pretty much guarantees that we won't be seeing visits from China anytime soon. But Seymour still thinks he'll get a Pulitzer, if Obola could get a Noballs. That one is hard to argue.