Collegiate Whackadoodleism

"Tolerate our intolerance or else!" is the latest craze to sweep leftard America on college campuses.  Ban everything that offends.  Tolerate the left's political correctness because they won't tolerate intolerance.

Or they'll throw a mondo fit to make a four year old envious.

After reading a snivelfest that was a Daily Beast post on protests and demands at Amherst, a leftist butt polyp of liberal nonsense in Massachusetts, my pet rock, Seymour, eagerly donned his *edit* hat and went to it:

AmNotherst Students Show Abject Stupidity With Protest of ‘Free Speech,’ Demand ‘Flogging’ for Offenders

Seymour PetRock – WTF News Soivice

Protests at AmNotherst – another leftist-infected former center of higher learning now in leftist accelerated decline – demanded that the school president apologize for signs that make any positive references to “First Amendment” “free speech” and “Hellary for Prison 2016”. Then they want her to find the offenders and teach them tolerance by flogging. This in response to the made up racial protests at Mizzou where leftist agitators made up racial tension to gut another alleged center of higher learning, bringing it down to a sub-10^th grade comprehension level.

Students protesting at AmNotherst College have issued a list of demands to administrators that includes making them apologize for the extinction of the dinosaurs, the invention of bacon and toilet paper, and signs that delineate men's and women's restrooms.

A group calling themselves the AmNotherst Upchucking listed 11 demands they want enacted by next Wednesday. Among them is a demand that saving the whales is extended to forests where logging operations might endanger them.

Going further, the students demand the people behind "free speech" fliers be required to go through a disciplinary process of having to listen to 100 hours of Hellary's evil “cackle laugh” as well as “extensive training for becoming as abjectly stupid as we are.”

The protests at AmNotherst come on the heels of the fraudulence-based protests at the University of Missouri, Yale, and Claremont McKenna College. At Mizzou, officials resigned after criticism of how they failed to tattoo Che Guevera on their genitals. Students at a whiny league school, Ale, protested an email sent by a college administrator that asked a very small and sniveling minority of students what was wrong with Halloween and for them to show how it made them feel unsafe by touching a Chucky doll on its whackadoodle. And at Claremont McKenna, a class president resigned rather than face a one year sentence of having to listen to msnbc after appearing in a photo with two students dressed in ponchos and sombreros, truly a far more odious act than those committed by ISIS.

AmNotherst students also asked administrators to excuse them from any of the real purposes their parents spent years working and slaving to allow the uber sensitive students to attend AmNotherst – coursework and classes – so they could participate in whining, sniveling, kicking their widdow feet and throwing temper tantrums worthy of four year olds—and they want the school to warn everyone and anyone that adult-like, critical responses to the tantrums and childish protests will not be tolerated. “We demand tolerance of our intolerance or else!”

AmNotherst, in western Massachusetts, is considered one of the country’s top creators of dumbed down leftist morons. Nevertheless, the students say it’s not dumbed down or moronic enough yet.

President Martin must also apologize for “whites, Israel, tuna, Taiwan, the sands of time, cancellation of The Gong Show, the bloating of Michael Moore, Deflate-Gate, msnbc's sucky ratings, the Michael Bay movie Pearl Harbor, escaped emus, looted cities running out of toilet paper, Hellary Clinton's untrustworthiness, Occutards smelling worse than goats, peanut butter sandwich racism, Starbuck coffee cups, baphomet dildos, Donald Trump's hair, Melissa Harris Perry's tampon earrings., anti-sex-with-manatee-ism, and twatwaffleism,” the Upchucking says.

They also insist the president condemn the school, the city, the state and give it to Syrian ISIS infiltrators posing as refugees, to “assauge our years of guilt at having had others die to provide us with the cushy existence that so guiltifies us today because some college leftist professors say we should be guiltified”.

The college's FAQ pages says basically “WTF?”

The Upchucking goes on: “We demand that AmNotherst become a leader in the fight to dumb down speech and fight against common sense and reasoned arguments so that our own abject stupidity doesn't stand out so starkly when compared to more reasoned, rational people,” their statement reads. “Furthermore, we demand the College acknowledge that if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, a ram in the ass needn't be a goose if the goose doesn't get it.”

In keeping with the rest of their dyslogic, three students also started a fart marathon to protest global warming.  


It's probably a good thing that Seymour is not a university president; then again, protesters wouldn't find Seymour terribly moved by four year old tantrums.  Unless it's the pet rock throwing it.

"Do NOT!!!"





 

Dang That Privilege...Or Whatever

A reverend with a Dr thrown in is white, privileged, and feels terribly guilty about it.

The “reverend” and “Dr.” in the same title had me believing that he was an email scammer.

The more I read his schtick, the more I became convinced that he must be.

My pet rock, Seymour – the expert “editor” around here – is on a bit of a geologic sabbatical, so this edit falls to me. Which I will indulge in, happily:

In a recent column in the empty-headed bird cage liner Salon, a Rev. Dr. John C. Dorkheimer sadly revealed that he received a pHd in White Privilege, and hence lives a life of perpetual guilt and shame that he had once laughed at an old TV commercial -- depicting two old white elites sitting next to each other in fancy cars, with one asking the other “Pardon moi, but would you have any gray poop on?”, and the other responding “why you bloody wanker”, getting out of his car and beating the snarf out of the other guy – and only now he realized that he dreamed that commercial in a fit of racially engendered night guilt that he wasn't born a cow instead.

Or something like that. 

At any rate, having achieved one of the most useless doctorates in the history of liberal white male feminincompoopism, the Rev Dr felt compelled by demons at a hellary satanic cult crimepaign dally to write a column, titled "I'm White And Here's Unrelated Reasons That I Suck", which sounds like something Saturday Night Live will get around to doing a bit on one day when they think they've run out of rehashed material.

Heed ye well, as yonder he bloviates:


Dear White Men, 

You are persons of Newark.  Well, at least some of you are.

What does it mean to be persons of Newark? Beats the hell out of me; I've just spent years and a ton of student loan money I expect to be relieved of having to repay.  Why?  Because I went out and got me a pHd in something that will never create, design, build, market, or improve the human race one nano amoeba fart. But it did allow me to feel guilty about caucasianism, maleism, privilegism and the fact that my dog is NOT getting enough cheese. Aside from the digression, not many people would have the talent to throw thousands of dollars and thousands of hours away on a degree that, with fifty cents, won't get you a decent bowl of soup from the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld.

But I can feel good about me now. Phffffft. You can't...you don't have this pHd. I do.

Like Hellary on her quest for self centered inevitability, you are a fluke of the universe and you have no right to be here. And it doesn't depend on what your diefinition of “it” is. This letter, written by one of my multiple tortured and twisted personalities – I'm also a transspecied female dolphin trapped in the body of a guilt-ridden human male pHd that's yearning for an ESPY – is offered to invite you on a journey of visuals usually accompanied by severe bowel cramps. 

Privilege can be hard to see, until your cat attacks your tallywacker after a shower. Then you wonder what good it was having not got a pet rock instead. 

One of the four reasons I wrote this paper is because there's a sale at Cabelas. Another reason that I wanted to make more germaine but it wound up Dutch, is that we aren't getting development arrested at four times our population rate, even though it seems like we're arresting development pretty well on college campuses.
 
 So why aren't we doing better at guilt-tripping?

We aren't being followed when walking through a goat herd wearing a “Butt Me” t-shirt. 

We don't try to loot anything in Toledo. 

The joys of feeling guilty about privilege pale in comparison to a bucket of buffalo chicken wings and the NFL Game of the Week. 

Our children aren't sitting in classrooms with ISIS. Unless they're in Syria. 

Our churches aren't being turned into bingo parlors. Dammit. 

We are not saying to ourselves as part of a non-colored man's code of conduct that if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, then why is a ram in the ass a goose?  

We are not saying to ourselves “why didn't I abort myself like the parents of Hellary should have?” 

We are not saying to ourselves "Wow, that 24 ounce genital piercing is gonna leave a mark when the morphine wears off, dude." 

The journey to seeing and understanding the pernicious consequences of confusing Preparation H with Polygrip includes the harder work of figuring out “WTF?”   I have started practicing this as a discipline. That's what my pHd is good for. Neener. 

When I walk into a convenience store to get a receipt for my gas and the young woman at the counter greets me with a smile and a kind word, I tell myself "What would Batman do with a Slurpee to make her not smile at him?" 

When I see a highway patrolman pass me by while I'm exceeding the speed limit or, as actually happened two weeks ago, I get pulled over for that and  get tased for refusing to let the officer see my Nancy Pelosi mole on my butt, I say to myself: "That happened because of the large genital wart on my nose that looks like Donald Trump's hair." 

When I drive through the many border checkpoints we have set up here in Washington DC – to keep out Donald Trump's ex-TV shows – I say to myself: "That is the result of my voting democrap and being dumber than a door knob." 

I don't know in the end if any of those were would have been written if I'd been clean of meth for the last 48 hours. That isn't the point of this exercise. The point is to get whatever rag publishes this crap to pay me so I can keep my meth buzz going. 

I want to be clear about something: pillow fights don't kill people. Anvil fights do.  

I want to be clear about something else: whatever solutions are going to come will require Congress to pass a law that our empty chair fauxtus will sign and the Supreme Court won't overturn, that outlaws anvil fights. We can't get there without this basic awareness. And nachos.  A crapload of nachos.

When I was learning that it sucks to be me at Enema Insertion University, the assignment I left unfinished every day was this: "Why does Noel have an “L” in it?” That's not the reason I passed that course; it was the goat turd I slipped in the professor's latte that got me where I'm not sure I am today.

Of course I blame Dubya.  Everyone else as stupid as me has been since 2009, so it seemed like the thing to do. 

The point I'm not getting anywhere near making here is this, and there is a reason for that:  privilege comes at a price – I paid $19.95 through Ronco for mine, and got a second one absolutely free. Supplies were limited. And that kind of privilege makes me uncomfortable when I can get the second one free and someone from Uranus can't because they don't know the value of getting a second one free because they can't read the Disclaimer in the first place. 

Therefore, I extend an invitation to a Taylor Swift concert and therein seeing that all that transcends the Ages of Miley Cyrus twerking, engenders the kind of discomfort that one experiences from wearing your pants down around your knees. Not that Taylor does that; she keeps her belly button covered.  A lot of us would probably love to see Taylor wear her short shorts like a five finger discounter in Ferguson.

Don't worry about carrying the burden of solving this or any other pervasive injustice: for good reason, you don't have the pHd that I do – neener – so I'll take care of it. When all varieties of hamburger buns are treated equally, that is what they have to teach us about what will be required for true equality to emerge.  Hotdogs will not be so treated, thereby exposing the blatant, non sequitur thread of illogic and hypocrisy of my entire paper, dagnabbit. 

The acceptance of this invitation, and the resulting years of work it will take us all to open our eyes to that we have been conditioned to ignore for the sake of deep fried mozzarella sticks, is the first step in the proverbial journey of a thousand snail miles. Liberal male feminincompoop obola voters in America, I invite you to join me and Obolascare Pajama Boy in ignoring that road and having meth 'n coffee in the basement of the DNC, while we try to figure out if Debbie Wasserman-Schultz really IS related to Medusa.  Your results may vary, but probably not much.  


I hope he doesn't mind if I don't care if he minds that I'll pass.  My mind is made up; DWS is a dubious antecedent of Medusa...

Editing Space Between the Ears

Even as he travels, my pet rock Seymour keeps an eye to the news.

And found something he can't HEP but edit.

Seems a Russian wants NASA investigated over the moon landings...as a result of the FIFA investigations.

Tit-ski for tat-ski.

My pet rock got hisself on a roll for this one:



Russian Nipplehead Says Apollo Program Should Be Investigated For...Oh Hell, Anything


According to a Tuesday article in the Moscow Crimes, a spokesman for Russia’s Investigating Hillary's Claim To Be A Transspecied Horses Ass Committee named Vladimir Stephanopoulouse Disputin suggested that an intercosmic investigation be mounted into some of the “various murky details surrounding those who question what exactly Hillary is, speciologically”.

 Reminded not to digress, Disputin threw in the need “to investigate the U.S. moon landings between 1969 and 1972 for having committed rights violations of moon natives.” Disputin would particularly like to know where some of the complaints filed by moon natives went to and why the original footage of the Apollo 11 moon landing has a watermark “Made in Japan”. Disputin hastened to add that he is, of course, not himself a black unicorn, though he does lean toward believing himself to be the reintarnation of Jedd Clampett, sorta.

A wholly discredited leftist flop of a publication – Outhouse Salon – used this opportunity to bring up the largely discredited conspiracy theory that NASA faked the moon landings in order to get mentioned in a James Bond movie – Moon Rocks Are Diamonds If They Think They Are – without going through the effort of actually capturing and bringing back to Earth a moon rock that thinks such.

Everything from an episode by the Capitol Steps to photo shops at Dream Quirks has made it even harder to tell Caitlyn Jenner from Rachel Dolezal if they say they think they are twin sisters from another mister.

Disputin denies that he is upset at American investigations of Vuvuzelas International, the governing body for World Cup Vuvuzela Orchestration At Sporting Events, which resulted in the resignation of millions of people to being subjected to mass vuvuzelas during some insignificant sporting events in Europe, Africa and South Detroit. Other non sequitur revelations have focused attention of how Russia and Qatar began looking into investing in Bill Clinton's genital cigar humidors – made from 100% female interns – if his horse's ass wife is elected in 2016. Again breaking with digressing, they also are looking for moon residents who felt abused by the NASA visits of James Bond to the moon during one of his many movies. Investigators believe that Rachel Dolezal is actually Joseph Stalin's late second wife, Olga Bigbuttinsky.

 

What the point would be of an international investigation of whether or not this photo is one of Caitlyn Jenner's cat -- aside from petty revenge for Russia – is settled science according to global gendering proponents.

The issue of race on the moon proved to be a triumph for James Bond and an utter humiliation for SPECTRE. Some historians believe that the moon landings contributed to the eventual fall of the ruble by proving that you can't buy duct tape with pieces of eight.

Relations between Russia and the United States have been strained ever since the making of that Rocky 'n Bullwinkle movie that reminded us of Boris and Natasha's really lousy accents. Russia has openly talked of ending The Kardashians on Kremlin Cable TV, and striking out on a high fast ball out of the zone by doing a remake of The Gongski Show on Rublelodian. A variety of technical glitches and total inability of making Hillary in a thong look like Kanye West have cast doubt on Russia’s ability to do so, and freaking out lamestream servile mediocres trying to prop up a Hillary crimepaign.

I think my pet rock manages to piss off pretty much everyone on the Left with this edit.

"Did NOT!!!"

What FIFA, The DNC and DC Have In Common

Yes, there IS a commonality between those three, but that's for later.

Amongst the vuvuzelas of justice, there comes to the fore a scandal in the top of the world soccer community, FIFA.

Not the only alleged top of something that has that problem.

My pet rock, Seymour -- pictured here and a big reason Grog there is regretting his attempt on goal -- found the story about FIFA's embattled president winning re-election after being exposed as a high priced scumbag to be edit worthy.  I suspect that before the edit is done, the commonality referenced in the blog post title will become evident:

Sepp Blatter wins FIFA re-election and Hillary Takes Notes

By Seymour PetRock WTF News

Sepp Blatter wins re-election as president of FIFA, shortly after over a dozen current/former executives and associates are indicted for charges ranging from racketeering, bribery and kickbacks in the world of professional soccer.

Hillary hopes to emulate this in 2016, without the nuisance of a doj indictment.

Perhaps it's Blatter who has taken note of the career and history of Hillary and Bill that allowed him to triumph in the face of rampant FIFA corruption that has flourished under his watch.

It was also something straight out of America's leftist controlled and spinning out of control cities, such as Shotcago and Burntimore...leftist criminality is on the march.

As Hillary hopes for next year, Blatter looked the other way as nefarious business was conducted, or knew where bodies were buried. Right out of the Clinton Administration and later Foundation playbooks.

Probably whatever money he had FIFA give the Clinton Foundation, paid off.

Blatter wanted the same kind of transparency that HRC claims to be (which is absolutely none); and that is what FIFA winds up retaining, despite the sounding vuvuzelas of scandal.

Blatter and HRC should be married. They certainly appear to be philosophically. Besides, Bill's busy with interviewing interns for their genital humidor qualifications.

Blatter claims to be “the right man to clean up the mess that he either inspired or didn't bother to fix all these years”. Right out of the Hillary Scandals playbook that the lamestream servile mediocres won't challenge. 

What difference does it make?

"You know me already," Blatter said. "I don't have to introduce myself. You know what you are dealing with”.

Indeed. A corrupt scumbag that George Soros would be proud to affiliate with. And Al Sharpton. And Obola. Who will, you can bet, not let his dumbed down, corrupt doj be too big of nuisance to Blatter or Clinton in the months ahead.  Obola has a pen and phone, and room on his growing executive clemency list to fit Blatter and HRC in amongst all the islamofascist terrorists he'll be excusing. 

When it comes to the death of journalism in the lamestream servile mediocre community, scandals of and on the Left are essentially meaningless. In FIFA, or in the Democrap National Committee. Or in the Clinton Foundation.

Cancer is cancer. And the mediocres are okay with the kind of cancer the left brings.

"You can't ask people to behave ethically just like that," Blatter said Friday.

He must know the Clintons and the DNC very well, indeed.

Blatter sounds just like a product of the modern Democrap Party. He is overloaded by controversy, saddled by criminal investigations, facing upcoming controversies over Benghazi and foreign money/influence buying to the Clinton Foundation while Suckretary of State, and lacking even a modicum of credibility outside of the lamestream servile mediocres.

Yet with criminal activity and corruption scandals lying at his feet, Blatter wins a fifth term. And Hillary – remembering disgraced Washington, DC mayor Marion Barry, re-elected after being arrested and disgraced while in office – wants her chance to finish off whatever credibility and legitimacy is left after Obola has ruined the Oval Office.

It will be celebrated in the back outhouses of the Clinton crimepaign – and in the sewers of msnbc – as a road map for 2016.  


Actually, Seymour did wind up tying in the title's commonality after all.  Kinda hard to miss it, let alone deny it.  Except amongst the Left, where denial IS a river in Egypt.

This One Is In Seymour's Realm Of Expertise

As soon as I saw the story, I knew that there was but one source to seek out on it.

Apparently NASA -- at the behest perhaps of the Soetero regime -- is planning to 'lasso' an asteroid, and tow it into a proximity orbit of the Moon, for purposes of study, etc.

Okaaayyyyyyyyyy.

Considering the failure rate of this regime, I reckon yet another mondo flop is called for.

When I showed this story to my pet rock, Seymour, he was nonplused.

But instead of one of his textbook "phffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!"s, Seymour instead insisted on editing the story.

Fine by me.

With no further adieu (gesundheit), Seymour Edits Again:

Is NASA's Plan to Lasso an Asteroid To Impregnate Lindsay Lohan Really Legal?

NASA's ambitious asteroid-capture mission to repopulate the species by impregnating Lindsay Lohan is seemingly being blueprinted with little dialogue about whether or not it is actually legal or makes any f***ing sense.

NASA intends to kidnap an asteroid and drag it, kicking and screaming, to a stable orbit near the moon, where it can be used to impregnate Lindsay Lohan, perhaps as early as 2021. But does this bold plan run afoul of 1967's Outer Space Treaty (OST), or the 1979 Further Outer Space Treaty (FOST), or the 1998 Clinton Really Out There Cosmic Happenings (CROTCH), not to mention the 2011 Barry Hussein Soetero “You Didn't Build That Asteroid” Initiative (WTF?) which provides the basic framework for pretty much f***ing up things in space along the lines of what Soetero did for Detroit?

There's also concern about the 1972 Convention on International Liability for Damage Caused by Space Objects thing, but Soetero's team of disbarred lawyers believe that, in keeping with Benghazi, “what difference does it make”?

There's even one concern that Lohan won't be stoned enough by then to make it worthy of a Hollywood movie, what with the dearth of credible scripts out there.

SPACEDBALLS.com asked several lawyers with space-betwixt-their-ears specialties to offer views about the legality of tagging 'n bagging, forcibly relocating an asteroid, eminent cosmic domain, dealer prep and options, Lohan's approval, and the ecological aspect of things that has ELF (Earth First Liberation Front) lowlifes now in an uproar over something they think they should be pissed about, but aren't sure why.


Certain to be obfuscatory in the ways of legalese as viewed from the Affraudable Hellthscare Act

"Retrieving an asteroid and placing it in a stable near the Earth for additional exploitation is nearly certain to be unlawful under the “Space Rocks Are People Too” Space Treaty, adopted in Seattle at a drum circle during an Occupy Anything riot in 2011" said law professor Sheila Jackson Lee, director of the Space, Cyber, Telecommunications and Other Things We Know Squat About Program at the University of Dumbed Down NEA Mental Munchkins in Tijuana.

As enshrined in the talking points for Occupy Anything, Lee said, countries have no right to explore and exploit space rocks because it's racist. Critics of such a conclusion, she said, are doo-doo heads.  Which, oddly enough, is what said critics universally said about Lee.


Oops factor


But what happens if an asteroid-retrieval effort goes wrong and ends up threatening to, or f***ing up the Earth?

Professor emeritless Nancy “Bela” Pelosi, director of piranha vaginal rights studies at the University of San Freakcisco said pointedly that "We have to capture it before we know what's in it”. Concerns and manufactured outrage over rights violations can be left to when there's a Republican in the White House, Pelosi snarked.


Playing catsup

"Space and impregnation law is a relatively new area of law that we haven't yet had a chance to totally bend over and sodomize beyond all recognition," said John F***ing Kerry, who's setting up a practice for cosmic law and policy failures, based in Martha's Vineyard, for once his disastrous tour as Clusterf*** of State is over.

Kerry told SPACEDBALLS.com that while there are no specific laws that address this issue, it is clear that if Syria uses chemical weapons on an asteroid, “something will have to be done about that red line that my 'lost without his teleprompter' boss did and didn't say anything about”.


National velvet?
"There might also be a question of whether snagging an asteroid and relocating it could be considered cosmic rocknapping punishable by up to ten years of being subjected to Debbie Wasserpuss-Schultz press conferences”, Kerry said before noting he was for and against it, but not sure in which order.

As far as the "oops" factor goes, Kerry said that any “oops” that occurs is clearly Bush's fault, which he showed me from an email of interview talking points written by Ed Schultz, purported to be the bastard child of Debbie Wasserpuss-Schultz and a llama after a DNC fundraiser party.

Kerry did say that expecting the unexpected should be heeded, since Joe Bidumb and AlGore were involved in the logistical planning. For instance, the sudden appearance of a man-bear-pig on such an asteroid could lead Gore to declare climactic shenanigans, and demand a green energy policy for the asteroid.

As for the reference to "National Velvet", neither Kerry nor any of his moron handlers had a clue why it was in there, other than as a snide reference to a horse joke about "why the long face"...of which Kerry was not amused about.


Rule of thumb


One point not to be overlooked in this equation, according to Sebastian Q. Lipshitz of the National Bureau of Statistical Hockum, is that “if it's conceived by the Left, it's sure to wind up a clusterf***”.

A spokesperson for Lohan responded to our inquiry with a heart-felt “pound sand”. Considering the subject, not outside of relevant.

For readers interested in more information regarding space law as crafted by the meth-deranged staffers of the DNC, go to the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs with offices on Uranus and make inquiries there during business hours only. Which we don't know at this point. 



Seymour thinks he's nailed down a Pulitzer with this one.  I think a "Pullmyfinger" is about the best he can hope for.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!"

Exactly, Seymour.

Yes, There Is One...Now

Yes, I suppose there IS such a thing as an alligator orgasm.

My pet rock, Seymour, asked my suitcase about it, but wasn't satisfied with the answer.

I didn't expect him to be; it's not an alligator bag.

But we're not here for that.  No...we're here for even weirder.

Sometimes, I have to seek inspiration for a response to a very VERY typical scam email.

Seymour suggested that I seek that inspiration in an episode of South Park. 

I did.  It probably won't work for the scammer, and perhaps not for some members of a peculiar cultish religion.

But it worked for me.

Bannister David Ian Sharp thought his initial email would sucker me into a share of an $8.2 million USD pay day, courtesy of a dead client of his.

But Bannister David Ian Sharp was about to walk that fine line between reality and abject absurdity...and then ever so abruptly cross it, as he was about to find himself edited into....The Skunkfeathers Zone:


Barr.David Sharp.
14 Gray's Inn Square
London, WC1R 5JP

Holy Hork Church of Scammintology
DX: LDE 399
t: 020 7242 0858

Attn: Sir/Madam,

I am Barrister David Ian Sharp, a solicitor and personal lawyer to late prophet

Mo.Ron Howard Zinnwinkee, who was the original author of Mo.Ronetics, THE

epistle and bowel movement to our Holy Hork Church Of Scammintology.

 

 

Our late prophet, Mo.Ron Howard Zinnwinkee had been closely involved
in traditional family business of pearl diving in the Detroit River and a well known
animation pedophile, before he discovered the deep seated secrets of the inner

human mind through various and sundry manipulations and other DNC talking

points sh*t like that, and he revealed all those secrets in his book and to his Holy Hork

Church of Scammintology, before he died of genital lymphnoid dorkadorkanosis. 

 

 

Before he was resurrected to live in eternal chili con carnage by an AlGore-looking

thing some have dubbed bearpigJoeBidumb -- and others just call it an uber dumbass -- 

Mo.Ron Howard Zinnwinkee made a Will with me ( My Chambers ) stating that all the

monies he'd scammed from celebrities and lesser peoples across the planet of

Earth were because they were depressed due to cretin levels of an ancient malady

called marxian gulliblesis, brought on by an evil galactic empire of dwarf cretins

led by George Soros Darth Zenu and his twin pet zorblats, Barack and Hillary.

 

 

That monies comes to well over $8.2Million USD (in disguised Iraqi dinar), and is

currently sealed in a vault deep beneath Al Capone's, which is zealously guarded by

the botox twins of Bela Pelosi and Sheila Jackson Lee.  I have therefore decided to

make an electronic random draw on emails and your e-mail address was picked second;

Shrek's was first, but he's animated and was disqualified by a committee of fart-sensitive

environmentalists. 

 

 

Can you assist me in getting past the sentinel Bela Pelosi/SJL botox things, so that our

Holy Hork Church of Scammintology can access these funds for the greater good

of building missionary fly-infested internet cafes all across Dubai?  You may ask why

Dubai, but we've looked the world over, and only Dubai will do be do.

 

 

It is my utmost desire to execute the Will of my late prophet -- thy pizza be done

and delivered hot 'n fresh in 30 minutes or your next one's free -- and it is thus that

you are required to contact me immediately to start the process of a great quest to

once more defeat the machinations of a long-ago dead liberal doofus and deliver

the aforementioned pizza before we have to give away a freebie.  I urge you to
contact me without the NSA detecting your communication either by way of my

above phone number Or email me immediately on davidsharp11@lawyer.com for

further secret and confidential communications, with CON being the operative

key to this deal.

Please act fast as supplies are limited and I hope we could work together as a

team of Occupy Goat Paddocks to execute this act on behalf of our late prophet,

Mo.Ron Howard Zinnwinkee and his Holy Hork Church of Scammintology.

 

 

I shall educate you further on this project, the philosophies and assorted ad

hominum hocus bukum therewithin, once you have secured with me secure

and NSA-free communications.

 

 

Looking forward to hear from you.

Regards,

Barr.David Ian Sharp. 

 

 

I've heard nothing back from the likely astonished bannister; but it's rumored I'll hear from Tom Cruise's attorney shortly...to whom Seymour says:  "PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT!"

 

You're getting really good at that, Seymour.

A Simple Edit Using Contemporary Events

A simple scam email from an alleged banker in Africa makes for a simple edit, applying contemporary events and tools.

And having the current substandard doj (as it has become under this divisive administration) provide a tool to further it, made it quite appropriate.

I must thank a poster on Failbook for providing the email addy set up by the aforementioned failure of a doj to solicit for anyone to email them with alleged civil rights violations committed by George Zimmerman, the just-found-innocent "white hispanic" in the doj and media hijacked case in Florida.

It's the doj's way of saying "we'll get that racist bastard any way we can, because we are gawd".

My response is unprintable.  But this will do.

So anyway...Saviour Abraham sends me a simple email scam from one of the African countries that seem to want to specialize in these things.  Okay, fine:  let's use the doj's nonsense on both them AND the scammer.

First, the scammer's crap, followed by how it was edited:

My Dear friend ,
Good day, I am Mr Saviour Abraham., a staff of Banque Internationale Pour L'Afrique Au Togo,(BIA-TG) I have a business proposal of ($14,200,000.00 USD),Fourteen Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only in my bank which I know will be of mutual benefit to both of us, and I believe we can handle it together, once we have a common understanding and mutual cooperation in the execution of the modalities. I need your assistance because there is need for a foreign partner in this business, that is why I am contacting you.let me know your opinion or willingness for further comprehensive details as regards to the source of the fund.None of the family member nor relations of the late person is aware of this account.For more information about this crash and people, visit this link about the plane crash. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-10784971).

Your earliest response to this mail will be highly appreciated. If you are interested reply to me directly to my private email (saviourabraham28@yahoo.com)
for more details. so that I will give you more details. I will like to have the below information for my file record.

Your full names...............
Country..............
Age................
Sex.....................
Occupation..........
Address....................
Phone Number..............
E-mail.................

My Regards
Mr Saviour Abraham

 

And now, the edit:


Subject: My Dear civilly violated friend,

Good day, I am Mr Saviour Abraham., a staff of Banque Internationale Pour L'Afrique Au Togo,(BIA-TG).  I wants cash in on current pogrom your doj is waging against a pudgy hispanic so I am here to say that he violate my civils too.  He make face at my mama.  Well he make face at picture of my mama.  How I know this?  Because pmsnbc tell me...it was Rachel Madcow that say this, yes?  Or Toure.  Or Melissa Perry.  One of them.  So since I heared it on pmsnbc, I knowd it to be probably not true but worth cashing in on anyways.

 

Your earliest response to this mail will be highly appreciated. If you are interested reply to me directly to my private email (saviourabraham28@yahoo.com) and tells me more on how I can get my civils righted
for more details. I will like to have the below information for my file record.

Your full names...............
Country..............
Age................
Sex.....................
Occupation..........
Address....................
Phone Number..............
E-mail.................

In One Hundred Words Or Less (I have attention deficit on order), Tell Me How I right my civils via you:

My Regards
Mr Saviour Abraham

Oh, I'm not worried about winding up on a 'watch list' of the doj; I'm a registered voting, taxpaying, patriotic American conservative, so I already am.

Even Scammers Laugh

Apparently scammers have little more regard for the worst potus in history than so many of us do.

So little so, they (again) used him in one of their scams.

Yet another dubious 'honor' to a potus with none.

But I digress.

Here's what the scammer thought would sell the most recent scam I received via a friend and fellow blogger:

Attention Beneficiary,


SCAMMED VICTIMS / 10,000 BENEFICIARIES REF/PAYMENTS CODE: ECB/07654 $20,000 USD.

We are delegates from the PRESIDENT OBAMA FOUNDATION and UNITED NATIONS in Central Bank to pay 100,000 scam victims $20,000 USD (Twenty  Thousand U.S Dollars) each,On behalf of the Obama's Foundation and UNITED NATIONS, we wish to notify you as a beneficiary of  $20,000 USD in compensation of scam victims. Your Email was listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims to be paid this amount. According to the number of applicants at hand, 114 Beneficiaries has been paid, over a half of the victims are from the United States, we still have a  pending of 87,136 compensations left to be paid. Your particulars was mentioned by one of the Syndicates who was arrested as one of  their victims of the operations, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to him for any reason what so ever as  the U.S. secret service and FBI is already on trace of the other criminals. So keep it secret till they are all apprehended Other victims who have not been contacted can submit their application as well for scrutiny and possible consideration.

Please you are to fill the particulars below, So that we can proceed with the processing of your compensation fee.

Name:
Country:
Age:
Occupation:
Sex:

Mr. George Thomas
Email: compensationdispatch@outlook.com
Phone contact: (+1)0535912539

"Obama's Foundation"?  *Snort*...the narcissist was expecting supporters to send him their wedding, anniversary and birthday gifts in the '12 election.  Foundation my ass.

Still...where there's a scam, there's a little editorial fun to be had:

Attention Benadryl Addict,


I'll bet you didn't know that when something is secret, it's goose poop silly to post it in the friggin' EMAIL HEADER!!!

 

 

Which is why we need a new censor for our secret emails.  We just fed ours to a gang of testosteronal platypus who were just told that they are actually grizzly gerbils.

 

 

But that's not why we're writing.

 

 

 We're writing about PAYMENTS CODE: see text below*

We are delegates from an ad hoc foundation for the worst potus in history, plus we sponge off the UNITED NATIONS because it beats working for a living.  But that's not why we're writing.

 

 

In a sort-of abandoned bank in Central Park, NYC, there is a vault.  It hasn't been opened since Bugsey Malone had a sex change operation and changed his name to Millar Time McGee...only to fly into a Fed-run bug zapper of sizeable caliber, but we kind of digress.  Anyway, there's this vault, see, and inside of it is...well, we can't tell you what's in there.  BUT...if you write back to us and give us the PAYMENT CODE:  see text below* -- and it must be the exactly RIGHT code -- you get some of the stuff therein.

 

 

No shi..er...kidding.  We of the UN and a foundation for the worst potus in history wouldn't jack you off..er...around on that.  Really.  Really Really.

 

 

Shrek stole that line from us.  Pea-green asswagon.

 

 

Anyway...which should not be confused with a henweigh...we wish to notify you that as a recipient of the PAYMENT CODE:  see text below*, you are not only entitled to a portion of the aforementioned vault contents...but if you mishandle this email, you'll get genital warts on your ear lobes, because we are covered in them.  How that came to be is a family secret that's been kept until it was published in Reader's Digest under Word Power for $200, Alex.  So never mind.  And that's not why we're writing, anyway.  Or henweigh.

 

 

What's a henweigh?  Eh..a few pounds.  *ducking boos and throwd hen's teeth*

 

 

Your Email was listed and approved for this peculiar email because since our censor was thrown into a pit full of seals of approval -- and we dressed him up like a fish just for the halibut -- we need you to sort through our emails and make them sound plausibly deniable in a court of tennis, because -- and I know you'd never guess this -- our English blows goats.

 

 

The goats don't mind, but that's not why we're writing.  Crapapoloosa, I am not sure WHY we're writing now.

 

 

So I guess I'll get to the sock spanking:  the U.S. secret service and FBI are chasing a flying monkey named Booga Unga Bunga in the greater Detroit area, and during the peculiar pursuit, they were danged if they didn't find a library.  Since no one can read there, it's door is ajar, and no one knows how to twist it open OR closed.  And any hoot owl, no one wants any part of a door and a security system cyberarguing.

 

 

But that's not why we're writing.  See the last time I said that for enemacation.  If that's a word, I'm improving.

 

Please you are to fill the peculiars below, So that we can proceed with whatever it was that this email was supposed to have been about, before our censor went the way of unapproving seals, and got his minkey spanked.  

Name (if not yours, someone you can't stand will do):
Country:
Age:
Occupation:
Last Time You Had Sex With A Pelican Balloon:

Mr. George Thomas

A By Now Very Confused Emailer
Email: compensationdispatch@outlook.com
Phone contact: (+1)0535912539

 

*  now that you've seen the text, see what we just did there?  Neither do we.

 

 

A short reply from the scammer of note suggests that yes, even the scammers are laughing at him:

 

 

ha 

 

 

Yes...that's what we say, too.

 

 

Probably the first/last time a scammer and I will agree on anything...  ;-)

Door Jams

"What'd I come out here for?"

A friend sent me an email with the tongue-in-cheek observation that "now I can sleep at night!".

That she has a single sarcastic bone in her body; there're dozens of 'em.

Anyway...the moro....er....profs of the Psych Dept at Notre Dame seem to think they've figured out why, when you walk from one room to another, you forget why you did.

And if you thought it's cuz you're getting older, ixnay on the agenay.


Here's the original email as I got it:


Subject: : It's the door

Phew ... I thought it was me.

It's the door!

Whew! What a relief to learn this...

Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?

Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an

event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.

Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for

the new locale.

So it's not aging, it's the damn door!

Thank goodness for scientific studies like this!

　
I guess upon reading this, I should have thanked goodness. It’s always been the door’s fault.
According to libtards, I thought it was Dubya’s.


Anyway, having had this ‘splained to me by the good time/money-wasting folks at Notre Dame’s Psy ward, I found this strange, irresistible itch to not let a sleeping door jam lie.


Thus, the study took on a more "me" appearance and thrice-concussed philosophy:

　
Subject: : Your Door Is a Jar

Phew ... I thought it was a door!

It's a jar!

Whew! What a relief to learn this...

Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to find yourself inside a jar of pickles?

　

Turns out, auto manufacturers from the 1970s are to blame for these strange door/a jar metaphysical clusterf**ks.

Psychologists at the University of Dotre Name have discovered that (1) the government will award grant money to study about ANYTHING (2) a flushed toilet tends to smell better than a filled one (3) telling a man who needs to pee to go into a round room and pee in the corner always results in frustration and wet pants (4) and when auto manufacturers installed the audio warning "*ding*..your door is ajar", drivers who argued vociferously with their cars -- only to find the audio warning was adamant, unrelenting and persistent -- found that they were subconsciously worn down and had this bookmarked in the same part of the brain that tells men that the answer to a woman's question "is my butt getting fat?" must always be "no, dear". Researchers say that this is the "oh, what the f**k ever" trigger -- also knowd as a mind f**k -- that the brain experiences after just such an argument occurs.

Whereas a jackwaogned event boundary in the brain is crossed when event questions and answers are cross-circuited resulting in situations like:

She: is my butt getting fat?

He: no dear, it's a jar...

..and he spends the next week in the dawg house, cursing the car.

Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous experience and prepares a blank slate for the next experience. Unless you're a man, then sometimes certain primal programming -- sex, food, football -- creates what is called a "mind f**k conjugation" or "mental misfiling", leading to a verbal faux pas.

That's "stepping on your crank" for you low information voters out there.

So while you might be tempted to blame a mind f**k on things like aging or excess gas from burritos, it's not aging...it's the damn "*ding*...your door is a jar.." effect from 1970s GM!

　

We return you now to your regular email.

　
If this post makes no sense to you, and you were born after the annoying "*Ding*...your door is ajar.." thingee had been dispensed with by auto manufacturers, you’ll probably have to wait for nobama’s Brain research nonsense to find out why you walk through a door and forget why or where you left the keys you just forgot you were looking for, which you’ll remember when you walk back through the door.


Unless you’re a guy and were thinking about food, sex or football.