Seymour vs Kim Jong Un...Again

My pet rock, Seymour, just can't get enough of making fun of Kim Jong Un.

Granted, it's pretty easily done.

Like with a recent article about how impressed Un was with an underwater ballistic missile test...Seymour saw an edit screaming to be done, and done it:



North Korean Underwater Missile Test Drowns Kim Jong Un And Kills Lots of Fish

Pyongyang, North Korea (SPRN)  North Korea has carried out another unsuccessful underwater test of a ballistic missile, the North Korean state news agency reported.

Leader Kim Jong Un undersaw the test himself, KCNA reported on Saturday, and drowned (Friday evening, ET).

A submarine launched the missile at a location far from the North Korean mainland, according to the news agency.

The missile exploded underwater, killing the launching submarine and “a sh**road of fish” the KCNA report said.

Such rhetoric, while alarming on its face, is not unlike Kim's pronouncements after missile tests in the past, and since he drowned watching the test, we won't have to listen to any more of his drivel.

While declining to talk about any specific "intelligence matters," something that U.S. State Department spokesdoof Marie Barf isn't up to if it involves any kind of intelligence, she did mutter something about wanting to blame one of the Republican presidential candidate contenders for Un having drown during the missile test.

"We call on North Korea to refrain from attempting to nuance themselves because they are not good at it like I am," Barf said.

Analyst: Hard to explain how drowning Un will prevent a large fish kill off the Korean Peninsula

North Korea has already allocated a significant portion of its budget to forcing Trey Parker and Matt Stone to making a sequel to Team America World Police, and now that Un has drowned, North Korea went fiscally phffffffffffffft for pretty much nothing.

Daniel Pinkeye, deputy project director for Oh Whoops, Un Dun It Agin think tank, told CNN that, if authentic, the latest missile fiasco "would be a viral hit on YouTube" since North Korea gets pissy whenever someone makes jest of them.

"If they could have deployed an operational submarine with missiles that actually worked, Un would probably have sabotaged the project anyway by feeding our leading scientists to hungry dogs when Un was throwing one of his many hissy fits. But now that he drowned, perhaps his successor will get a better hair cut" he said.

"Everyone knew that when Un demanded to watch the test underwater, it was going to have a bad and ludicrous end to it. I think the actual clusterf**k that this turned into was more of a joke than people had expected."

Anti-anti missiles blowd up Wonsan

Also Saturday, a South Korean defense ministry official said North Korea had fired three what were supposed to have been ship-to-ship missiles from the sea near North Korea's eastern city of Wonsan. The missiles apparently ran like a boomerang and obliterated what passed for Wonsan.

No other details were available as of yet, the official said. The missiles were fired in an hour-long window Saturday afternoon local time, blowing up the window and the rest of Wonsan when they sought to attack their launch origin.

The designer of the anti-ship missiles was worried that he'd be fed to dogs by Un, but since Un drowned watching his underwater test ballistic missile blow up fish, the sub and hisself, how he just has to await his fate in the hands of the new North Korean leader. Rumors have it that the new leader designate is none other than Dennis Rodman. Jimmy Carter placed a very distant second in the balloting.

News of this has China setting a new worlds record for the number of simultaneous face palms in Beijing. 

 

South Korea responded by threatening to out face palm Beijing.  


Seymour still expects a Pulitzer for this.  After all, he argues, Obola for doing nothing whatsoever won a Noballs.

Hard to argue logic like that...

A Pet Rock vs Kim Jong Un Again

Kim Jong Un strikes again.

Thus, Seymour PetRock edits again.

It appears that Un is forever seeking new means to execute those who incur his pudgy wrath.

Which lately apparently includes his Minister of Defense.

Which Seymour found amusing enough to edit:

North Korea executes defense chief with an anti-aircraft gun

By I Forget Duk and Seymour PetRock

     
Duksan (Ruh-Roh) - North Korea executed its defense chief by putting him in front of an anti-aircraft gun at a firing range, Seoul's National Intelligence Service told lawmakers, the latest in a series of high-level meltdowns since Kim Jong Un didn't get his Team America World Police sequel movie.
Hyon Yong Chol, 66, who headed the whackadoodle country's military, was charged with looking like an enemy airplane and disobeying Kim by falling asleep during an event at which North Korea's young leader was singing “I So Ronery”, according to South Korean lawmakers briefed in a closed-door meeting with the spy agency on Wednesday.

His execution was tracked by hundreds of people on NKYouBoob, they said.

It was not clear what kind of plane Chol looked like and it is not possible to independently verify such reports from within secretive North Korea.

Experts on North Korea said there was the same level of mental of instability in Pyongyang as usual, and it's not likely to change, Team America movie sequel or not.

Kim loves ordering the execution of folks when he's on the rag, as he pretty much has been since Kim took over after his father's death in 2011.

"North Korean internal politics have always been whackadoodle dandy," said Micky Mouse, an expert on the country's leadership and contributor to the 38 North Korean stink tanks that had to be scrapped when they failed to resemble the smell of kimshi.

He added: "There is no clear or present danger to Kim Jong Un's continued campaign to find a manner of execution that he'll find and stick to, so expect new and different methods to be utilized and announced into next year".

Kold Wun-Dyuk, a North Korea leadership execution expert at Dagnabbit University in Seoul, said the regime could "get itself in the Guiness Book of World Records" if Kim's purges continued.
The lawmakers said Hyon was executed at a firing range at the Kanggon Military Training Area, 22 km (14 miles) north of Pyongyang. The U.S.-based Committee for Anti-Aircraft Gun Executions Research in North Korea said last month that, according to satellite images, the range was likely used for an execution by ZPU-4 anti-aircraft guns, with the target just 30 meters (100 feet) away from the weapons, which have a range of 8,000 meters, it said. “There is little doubt that a second volley was needed” added the statement.

Duh.

Hyon, last known to have spoken publicly at a training seminar for the highly reclusive North Korean Muppet Ninja in Moscow in April, was said to have shown disrespect to Kim by dozing off during Un's soulful rendition of “I So Ronery” at a military event.

Hyon was also believed to have voiced complaints against Un putting up an 8' by 10' poster of Hillary Clinton in a thong in the military HQ in Pyongyang, according to the lawmakers. He was arrested late last month and executed three days later without a parachute.

North Korea is one of the most screwball countries in the world and its ruling power structure is highly like what Obola would love to emulate in the US if he can figure out how.

The current leader is the third generation of a famdamily that has ruled with near-absolute power since the country was Soviet-established in 1948, and gotten progressively crazier with each generation.

In 2013, Kim purged and executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, by feeding him and his closest associates to hungry dogs. Then he executes his defense minister with an anti-aircraft gun. “What comes next is likely to be forcing the intended executee(s) to have to listen to endless Obola speeches while being eaten alive by army ants, or forcing the executee(s) to have to look at Hillary Clinton in a thong while being genitally hickey-bitten by a Sally Kohn lookalike.

Andrei Anonymous, a North Korea spy at Kookmunch University in Pyongyang, said that the purges in Pyongyang do not necessarily point to an endorsement of Hillary Clinton in 2016. "The common assumption is that it's bad to show an oversized picture of Clinton in a thong just to piss off her super volunteers," he said, likening the situation to msnbc becoming a conservative news network and actually competing with Fox News for once in it's blighted life. "The irritable fat young cherub is not necessarily popular with the military, so he wants to show that he's “firring his body with rage”, just like in the song his father's marrionette got to sing in that Team America move".

Pyongyang's military leadership has been in a state of perpetual “WTF?” since Kim Jong Un took power.

Kim, who is in his early thirties, has changed his armed forces chief through various means of execution four times since coming to power. His father Kim Jong Il, who ruled the isolated nuclear-capable country for almost two decades, replaced his chief just three times but got the starring bad guy role in the popular Parker/Stone movie.

Hyon, a little-known general, is better known now, thanks to an anti-aircraft gun.

The South Korean spy agency told lawmakers that Ma Won Chun, known as North Korea's chief architect of a script that he had been trying to get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to use in a new Team America World Police sequel, was also purged and executed by being lethally sat on by msnbc's Ed Schultz, the lawmakers said.

Ma had also once served as vice director of the secretive Finance and Accounting Department in the ruling Workers' Party and, until recently flattened, was effectively the regime's money counterfeiter.

“Kim Jong Un will keep executing through innovative and unusual means, until he gets Parker and Stone to make that Team America movie sequel with Un in the starring role”, Anonymous reported.
(Editing by Seymour PetRock and Ragu Spagettisauce)  


I don't think Seymour is going to rate a Dennis Rodman welcome from North Korea any time soon...

Seymour Irritates The Pudginator Again

My pet rock, Seymour, loves his edits.  Especially when it involves the latest "dear leader" of the peculiar blackhole of humanity, North Korea.


Seeing an article that Kim Jong Un was demanding that no one else have his name, Seymour was moved to weigh in:






North Korea Reader Gets Screwed Up Order At Pyongyang Eatery And Goes On (yet another) Epic Rant

PAHRUMP (Roto-Rooters) – After an epic screw up at a McScrewDaPeoples “look fast, the food is gone” restaurant, North Korea's dubious antecedent leader throwd hisself a monumental hissy, and has ordered people who share his name to change their names, sources trying not to be too close to the pudgy snitster reported on Wednesday.


“Onry I be Kim Jong Un, not one nobody more!” shrieked His Pudgeness during a post “WTF is this” snit he threw at the aforementioned restaurant, finding that his order of McDog Nuggets was actually substitute tofu nuggets at the behest of the North Korean chapter of PETA.


Which was officially banned that day, and all of its members fed to sharks off Wonsan.


His Pudgeness imposed similar bans on movies, cartoons, newspapers and magazines – print and online – according to the same “giving him a wide berth just now” sources. Unfortunately for the Un-ster, his wide ranging bans don't mean much outside of North Korea. 
 
Herr Dr. Kim Jong Unmeister, editor in chief of the Liechtenstein Das Ist Crap Undt Schtuff daily responded by emailing the ranting Pudgester a hearty “Phffffffffffffffffffensee” and declared the month of December “Everyvun In Liechtenstein Ist Kim Jong Un Fer Das Month Undt Schtuff, Ja!” While the DNC in Washington DC is weighing filing lawsuits against anyone making fun of the Pudgester over this – “We be politically correct, first, last, irrelevantly” driveled a spokepoison during an unattended press conference – entrepreneurs across the rest of the world, along with five of seven surveyed planets with life forms of varied degrees, were setting up a landmark t-shirt business, selling shirts proclaiming “I'm a Kim Jong Un, He's a Kim Jong Un, She's a Kim Jong Un, Wouldn't You Like To Be a Kim Jong Un too?”. 
 
“We expect sales to go astronomically blackhole” marveled Kim Jong Un, spokesKim Jong Un for the business. “I mean, just look at the name...it's sounds so Dung Chow Plick, y'know?”. 
 
Official North Korean sources are reporting that His Pudgeness is none too preased, and is prepared to declare war on Liechtenstein, Jupiter, Mars, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus.


Kim Jong Il, the father of the current leader, is dead. Kim Il Sung, the grandfather of the current leader, likewise. Just in case you didn't know.


South Korea's Unification Ministry, which handles ties with the North, could not immediately confirm the report that it's handing out “good for a day Kim Jong Un name changes” to the staff, but said it was plausible.


"The rant is highly possible since Un still hasn't gotten the role in another Team America World Police movie that he's been demanding," a ministry official chuckled.


It is not known how many people there are in North Korea called Kim Jong Un, but sources are sure a rash of Billy Bob and Bobbie Jo Jong Uns is going to be making the rounds.    


Seymour PetRock NewsEdits, UnLtd 




It is rumored that His Pudgeness has also declared war on my pet rock.  At least Seymour needn't worry about being eaten by hungry dogs.


"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

North Korea's Military Is Pissed

Think this cat looks pissed?  And not just 'cuz he's swimming.

According to my editing pet rock, Seymour, wait until you hear the rest of the story.  

North Korea just can't catch a break.  And here, the Left touts how great Marxism is.  You wouldn't know it based on North Korea, the pmsnbc of the Orient.

The pet rock -- a lover of online news -- saw that North Korea is suffering from a drought.  So much so, that the Pirrbury Doughboy Kim Jong Un has mobirized the miritary there.

To do what?

Seymour thought rong and hard on that...and came up with this:

North Korea army mobilized as dry conditions require “unusuar measures”   

By Dick N Widyall June 23, 2014 6:03 AM

  

SEOUL (SENS) - North Korea's rivers, streams and reservoirs are running dry in a prolonged drought, state media said on Monday, while dogs aren't starving as Kim Jong Un sees to thinning out his family tree, along with meteorologists.

So what's Un come up with this time? Well, besides signing on with agw fraud AlGore, Un has a uniquely North Korean solution to the problem of saving their crops from drought: mobilize its million-strong army to refill the rivers of the country.

By peeing in them.

Say WHAT says you? “You better berieve it” responded Un in a scripted interview with state-controlled media in Washington, DC. “It's my pran. I work very rong and hard on this pran, and I know that this pran work because it's my pran” Un said. 
 
And not only Un's military will be engaging in syncronized urination irrigation; office workers, farmers and women have been mobilized to direct urination irrigation into the dry floors of fields.

In the 1990s, Kim Jong Il was too busy trying to get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to do a puppet movie with him as the central figure, to worry much about food shortages that led to a devastating famine which killed an estimated million people, since none of those people were members of his well-fed military.

Rachal Madcow, of the pmsnbc chapter of Marxism R Good, confirmed the media reports and said that bottled beverages of any kind is in huge demand in Pyongyang right now.

"They're even negotiating with Iran to buy camel pee" Madcow told SENS via carrier pterydactyl.
In some areas, she said, urination irrigation is 70% of even the drinking water.

Higher-than average acidity in the urine has exacerbated damage, affecting wheat, barley and maize, which state media started to report on until Un showed up at the studio with a pack of hungry dogs. Then the reports blamed the West for stealing North Korea's idyllic weather, replacing it with the meteorological equivalent of pillary Clinton.

North Korea has previously blamed racism and sexism for chronic everything sucking in one of the worst leftist udopian places on Earth, after talking to the DNC and The Daily Kos. More rational observers point to the result of Un pursuing the same ideology that ran Deadtroit and other leftist run locations up on the rocks. “The left is renowned for low information, dumbed down bad planning and a highly centralized, inept government”, said an anonymous source as he tried to outrun hungry dogs.  

I'm not thinking that Seymour will be on Kim Jong Un's horiday card rist for this one.

 

Unemployed Weather Forecasters Wanted

Apparently the weather really sucks in North Korea.

So much so, their leader -- pudgeball Kim Jong Un -- is demanding that their weather forecasters pick it up a notch.

Mebbe they oughta listen, on accounta cuz he fed his uncle to starved dogs.

My pet rock, Seymour, saw an article on this subject, and naturally he felt compelled to edit it up a notch, too.

Thus and with no more adieu:

N.Korea's Kim bitches that North Korean Weather Service “not take job seriousry”

Vaduz, Liechtenstein (WTF News Service) - North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un has announced “corrective steps” regarding his country's weather service for "incorrect" forecasts in a dressing down of a government body in the reclusive nation.

Help Wanted ads are now posted on Craigslist, Monster and other online job hunting sources, after Kim had the entire staff of the Korean Weather Service fed to the same dogs that scarfed his uncle earlier in the year.

"There are many incorrect forecasts as the meteororogicar staff use the same techniques that didn't work the past centuries," Kim said, urging the soon-to-be-new-hires to "rook crosery at what happen to previous staff and fundamentarry" improve its forecasting.

Accurate forecasts are needed to protect the "prans and execution for our eventuar invasion of the South", he said.

Calling the weather service "a bunch of doo-doo heads making right of very very important work affecting future prans to overrun the South", Kim also underscored the need to "quit using weather forecasts from pmsnbc and cnn, as neither works at a high rever", he chortled.

It was not clear when Kim visited the agency, but the “Herp Wanted” posts on Craigslist and other online job sources went up two days ago.

N.Korea often suffers natural disasters such as Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Il and Kim Il Sung. This photo from the NKPAnbc web slight also shows a natural disaster that allegedly hit Pyongyang in 2012. 

When asked about the fact that Pyongyang is not a coastal city, the questioning reporter was arrested for having a Bible in his travel bag.

Undated pictures not released by NKPAnbc showed Kim giving "field guidance" inside the weather service in the capital by holding onto a discredited weatherperson by their feet and using the hapless chap to play tug of war with a pack of hungry dogs.  Unfortunately, NKPAnbc refused to share that picture with us.  Instead, they shared a photo of the modernized meteorological equipment Kim has in mind to help his new weather forecasters to not get eaten by dogs:

North Korea has suffered regular chronic food shortages under the ruling Kim dynasty, with the situation exacerbated by floods, droughts, a vast military build-up, and the kind of incompetent top-down control mismanagement always on display in communist-run countries.  Kim, of course, and his top military industrial magnet fodder don't suffer thus.

In May, state media reported that North Korea was hit by its worst spring drought in more than three decades, threatening thousands of acres of staple crops, which no one really cares about as no one can eat staples. Rice was affected as well, though it was noted that it doesn't hold paper together as well as staples do.  What they failed to report was that the drought coincided with their last nuclear test.

During a freedom famine running from 1948 through today, millions have died while Un waits impatiently for his Team America World Police sequel.  


Seymour still thinks this is gonna net him a Pulitzer, and I am certain it'll only amount to a Pull-My-Fanger.

"Will NOT!!!"

Seymour Weighs In On The Latest In News Edits

My pet rock Seymour considers himself widely creative.  Which is why he recently read of yet another tiff between North and South Korea that apparently required Seymour to weigh in on.

Seymour figures that he can't do any worse than Dennis Rodman.

Good point.

But...Seymour's idea of editing is dubious at best.

"Is NOT!!!"

We'll let the readers decide that, Seymour:


North And South Korea Shell Each Others' Fish

SEOUL, South Korea (SAP) — North and South Korea fired hundreds of artillery shells into each other's waters Monday in a flare-up of animosity that forced fish on both sides of the aquatic 38^th Parallel to evacuate to shelters for several hours, South Korean officials said.

Illustration 1: Kim Jong Un and a collection of his semiconductors

The exchange of fire into the Yellow Sea followed Pyongyang's sudden announcement that it would conduct fish killing drills in seven areas north of the Koreas' disputed maritime boundary. North Korea routinely test-fires artillery and missiles into the ocean but rarely hits what they aimed at. The announcement was seen as an expression of Pyongyang's frustration at making little progress in its recent push to win more free hand outs for it's overfed leader.

North Korea fired 500 rounds of artillery shells over more than three hours, about 100 of which fell south of the sea boundary, Greenpeace spokesman Ida Scusted said, getting her and their boat wet. South Korea responded by firing 300 shells into North Korean waters, he said, killing and traumatizing innocent 'sea kittens'.

No shells from either side were fired at any land or military installations, but in addition to Greenpeace a spokesman for Red Lobster called the act on both sides an “unconscionable act to shell fish”. Like the American fauxtus at a recent speech, he waited for applause and only heard crickets.

There was only this from North Korean leader Kim Jong Un: “When I get my own Team America Worrd Porice movie rike my father?”

Illustration 2: Rike father rike son, Kim Jong Un wants his own "Team America Worrd Porice" movie

In Washington, White House spokesman Jay ConCarnage called the North Korean leader's request "dangerous and provocative" and said it would further aggravate Parker and Stone into making fun of obozo and his pathetic regime.

Monday's exchange was relatively mild in the history of animosity, violence and fish soup between the Koreas, but there is worry in Seoul that an increasingly dissatisfied North Korea could launch an all out attack on the Yellow Sea fish south of the aquatic 38^th Parallel. Or worse, that Kim Jong Un will starve more dogs in preparation for further winnowing down of his famiry tree.  "Even the dogs don't deserve that" said a South Korean unofficial.

The poorly marked western sea boundary has been the scene of several bloody fish kills between the Koreas in recent years.

Recent weeks have seen an increase in threatening rhetoric and a series of North Korean rocket and ballistic missile launches considered tantrums by Pyongyang against a refusal by South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make another Team America Worrd Porice movie with Kim Jong Un featured as the virrian.

"The boneheads appear to have completely forgotten the fact that my father fed Hans Brix to a shark, and I have rots of starving dogs to feed”, Un whined to the North's official Korean Central News Agency.

Seymour's editing -- he believes -- will one day net him a Pulitzer.

I'm still betting on it being more of a "Pull My Fanger".

"Will NOT!!!!"

He So Ronery

Even if we are cursed with the worst, most inept potus in history, the United States still retains a helluva military potential.

Even moreso than was suggested in Team America:  World Police.

Something that North Korea's latest little tin-potbellied dictator, Kim Jong Un, seems at least publically oblivious to.  Him and his "vulnerable to industrial magnets" generals.

But all Un's bellicose babblings have just drawn a big bullseye on him from the cyberhacker world.  A recent online story tells us that internet hackers have 'hijacked' the official Twitter feeds of North Korea, posting photoshopped pictures of Kim Jong Un with a pig nose and a Mickey Mouse tattoo on his ample tummy.

Tough imaging for North Korea's latest in the line of "strongmen".  Word has it that when he was informed, he blurted out "Who put on me pig nose on my tweeter?  What mean this?  You no raugh at me!!!"

And he promptly wanted a nuclear attack on South Park, Colorado.  Which his generals quickly learned he couldn't find on a map, since he was gesturing angrily at Liechtenstein.

North Korea.  When Iran isn't providing comic relief about sending their "Navy" to blockade our East Coast, leave it to North Korea to be the Joe Bidumb of the Far East.

Oh, not to say that North Korea isn't dangerous; it most certainly is to South Korea.  And perhaps Japan as well.  It maintains at least a million men under arms, which it can do by starving the rest of its thoroughly cowed and indoctrinated population.  It has an Air Farce and a Navy.  It purportedly has chemical and biological weapons.  And...it purportedly has nukes.  And to deliver these various and sundry payloads, North Korea has  missiles.  Scuds -- those dubiously accurate short range missiles of equally dubious antecedence from the Middle East -- and it's own longer range missile, the Taepodong (English translation:  "It hit and brow up something somewhere") in large and larger format.  It also has other missiles in development, including the Nodong, DangItMissed, and the WTF-II.

The US is no stranger to North Korea.  We fought a war (aka a 'police action' in Trumanese) with them in 1950-53, thanks to a whole slew of political and military miscalculations by the Soviets, us, and China.  A very uneasy armistice has barely held along the "Demilitarized Zone", ever since.

While many in history refer to the Korean War as a war we didn't win or that we even lost, I challenge that assessment with not only economic realities north and south of the Demilitarized Zone, but also with this satellite night time image of the Korean Peninsula:

Totalitarian darkness vs the light of freedom.  'Nuff said.

Anyway...North Korea is all belligerent again.  They do this every so often:  they get vocal, threatening...and chill out when they get some economic concessions from someone.  And after the concessions have been sucked dry, they do it again. 

And why not, as long as it works?  In the past, Jimmah Carter "saved us" from North Korea's "wrath".  More recently, it's Dennis Rodman trying to play da great diplomat. 

With emphasis on 'dip'.

Of course, the North sees weakness in the present American administration.  No surprise:  with the worst potus in history, and his recent appointment of a very inept, concessionary-oriented Secretary of State, North Korea sees an opportunity for gain.

And a chance to make Kim Jong Un the next leading character in a Trey Parker/Matt Stone marrionette parody. 

See, Kim Jong Un's been jealous ever since daddy-san -- Kim Jong Il -- got a song in Hollyweird music lore from the movie Team America:  World Police.  That moving solo, "I So Ronery". 

Kim Jong Un wants a sequel.

So he threatens to destroy the South and nuke the USA, in order for his chance at a Grammy.

All the while, his "vulnerable to one industrial magnet" generals make with a front of aggressive confidence...

Meantime, all Kim Jong Un is really and secretly angling for, is not a military victory, but a part in the next Trey Parker/Matt Stone film:

And a hit single that sweeps the recording world, eclipsing "I So Ronery" at the top of the charts.

I'm sure Dennis Rodman will be happy to be Kim Jong Un's publicist.

Until then...he so ronery...with a hacker-hijacked tweeter.