The Pet Rock Executes An Edit

My pet rock, Seymour, loves editing.

He especially loves editing North Korean despot Kim Jong Un.

So when Seymour saw that "Dear Leader" had executed another of his top aides, Seymour was all over it in true pet rock 'edit' style:



Kim Jong Un Executes Top Military Chief, This Time Using Hellary To Do It

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un continues executing members of his inner circle in ways so exotic one marvels at how he comes up with these methods.

The latest reported execution – see what I just did there? – of Ri Yong Gil, chief of the North Korean military’s general staff, is by the most heinous method yet. He was executed by “pernicious mind f**k”, according to South Korean anonymous sources: he was forced to endure looped audio of Hellary Clinton speech shrieking while viewing her in a 5x thong.

Details about North Korea’s government are notoriously hard to obtain, but South Korean sources say that Ri’s execution and the particularly gruesome manner of carrying it out was part of Kim’s effort to strengthen his probability of South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone making a Team America World Police sequel starring hisself.
 
It’s also believed that Ri was facing charges for abusing his power by farting during a Kim Jong Un speech to “Feel the Bern” college zombies at KnockWurst Liberal Arts College in Whackadoodle, CA, shortly before his execution.

Ri, who took up the top military job with considerable trepidation in 2013, was considered to be one of Kim’s next targets for exotic execution, as he frequently accompanied the leader on tours of army units and factories, knowing that one faux pas would “get 'er done”.

Unnecessary speculation arose around his coming fate after he missed two key national events in North Korea - a meeting of senior flush toilet technician officials, and a rally to urge Parker/Stone to make that damned sequel for Kim Jong Un so he might increase the starving population's rice ration to 1,000 calories a day.

During the senior flush toilet technician meeting, Kim called for a single minded effort on the part of all of North Korea to double the number of flush toilets in Pyongyang to 2.

Last July, South Korea’s intelligence service said that at least 70 North Korean officials have been executed by increasingly unusual and exotic means since Kim’s inauguration of Warner Brothers-style Loony Toons executions in 2011.

Before Ri’s death, 69 others were dispatched by a plethora of unusual and exceptionally cruel means, including being eaten by hungry dogs, an anti-aircraft gun, or having to meet with Jimmy Carter. Future methods may include being forced to stare at a Medusa-like photo of Debbie Wasserman Schultz, or having to watch the entire collection of Kardashian reality TV shows.

Outside experts say that the increasingly brutal methods of execution indicate that the young leader is a real prick.

I don't think that Seymour cares any more whether he eventually garners a Pulitzer for these edits or not.  I think he's hoping for a cameo when Parker/Stone finally cave and do that Team America sequel.

"Am NOT!!!"

A Pet Rock vs Kim Jong Un Again

Kim Jong Un strikes again.

Thus, Seymour PetRock edits again.

It appears that Un is forever seeking new means to execute those who incur his pudgy wrath.

Which lately apparently includes his Minister of Defense.

Which Seymour found amusing enough to edit:

North Korea executes defense chief with an anti-aircraft gun

By I Forget Duk and Seymour PetRock

     
Duksan (Ruh-Roh) - North Korea executed its defense chief by putting him in front of an anti-aircraft gun at a firing range, Seoul's National Intelligence Service told lawmakers, the latest in a series of high-level meltdowns since Kim Jong Un didn't get his Team America World Police sequel movie.
Hyon Yong Chol, 66, who headed the whackadoodle country's military, was charged with looking like an enemy airplane and disobeying Kim by falling asleep during an event at which North Korea's young leader was singing “I So Ronery”, according to South Korean lawmakers briefed in a closed-door meeting with the spy agency on Wednesday.

His execution was tracked by hundreds of people on NKYouBoob, they said.

It was not clear what kind of plane Chol looked like and it is not possible to independently verify such reports from within secretive North Korea.

Experts on North Korea said there was the same level of mental of instability in Pyongyang as usual, and it's not likely to change, Team America movie sequel or not.

Kim loves ordering the execution of folks when he's on the rag, as he pretty much has been since Kim took over after his father's death in 2011.

"North Korean internal politics have always been whackadoodle dandy," said Micky Mouse, an expert on the country's leadership and contributor to the 38 North Korean stink tanks that had to be scrapped when they failed to resemble the smell of kimshi.

He added: "There is no clear or present danger to Kim Jong Un's continued campaign to find a manner of execution that he'll find and stick to, so expect new and different methods to be utilized and announced into next year".

Kold Wun-Dyuk, a North Korea leadership execution expert at Dagnabbit University in Seoul, said the regime could "get itself in the Guiness Book of World Records" if Kim's purges continued.
The lawmakers said Hyon was executed at a firing range at the Kanggon Military Training Area, 22 km (14 miles) north of Pyongyang. The U.S.-based Committee for Anti-Aircraft Gun Executions Research in North Korea said last month that, according to satellite images, the range was likely used for an execution by ZPU-4 anti-aircraft guns, with the target just 30 meters (100 feet) away from the weapons, which have a range of 8,000 meters, it said. “There is little doubt that a second volley was needed” added the statement.

Duh.

Hyon, last known to have spoken publicly at a training seminar for the highly reclusive North Korean Muppet Ninja in Moscow in April, was said to have shown disrespect to Kim by dozing off during Un's soulful rendition of “I So Ronery” at a military event.

Hyon was also believed to have voiced complaints against Un putting up an 8' by 10' poster of Hillary Clinton in a thong in the military HQ in Pyongyang, according to the lawmakers. He was arrested late last month and executed three days later without a parachute.

North Korea is one of the most screwball countries in the world and its ruling power structure is highly like what Obola would love to emulate in the US if he can figure out how.

The current leader is the third generation of a famdamily that has ruled with near-absolute power since the country was Soviet-established in 1948, and gotten progressively crazier with each generation.

In 2013, Kim purged and executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, by feeding him and his closest associates to hungry dogs. Then he executes his defense minister with an anti-aircraft gun. “What comes next is likely to be forcing the intended executee(s) to have to listen to endless Obola speeches while being eaten alive by army ants, or forcing the executee(s) to have to look at Hillary Clinton in a thong while being genitally hickey-bitten by a Sally Kohn lookalike.

Andrei Anonymous, a North Korea spy at Kookmunch University in Pyongyang, said that the purges in Pyongyang do not necessarily point to an endorsement of Hillary Clinton in 2016. "The common assumption is that it's bad to show an oversized picture of Clinton in a thong just to piss off her super volunteers," he said, likening the situation to msnbc becoming a conservative news network and actually competing with Fox News for once in it's blighted life. "The irritable fat young cherub is not necessarily popular with the military, so he wants to show that he's “firring his body with rage”, just like in the song his father's marrionette got to sing in that Team America move".

Pyongyang's military leadership has been in a state of perpetual “WTF?” since Kim Jong Un took power.

Kim, who is in his early thirties, has changed his armed forces chief through various means of execution four times since coming to power. His father Kim Jong Il, who ruled the isolated nuclear-capable country for almost two decades, replaced his chief just three times but got the starring bad guy role in the popular Parker/Stone movie.

Hyon, a little-known general, is better known now, thanks to an anti-aircraft gun.

The South Korean spy agency told lawmakers that Ma Won Chun, known as North Korea's chief architect of a script that he had been trying to get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to use in a new Team America World Police sequel, was also purged and executed by being lethally sat on by msnbc's Ed Schultz, the lawmakers said.

Ma had also once served as vice director of the secretive Finance and Accounting Department in the ruling Workers' Party and, until recently flattened, was effectively the regime's money counterfeiter.

“Kim Jong Un will keep executing through innovative and unusual means, until he gets Parker and Stone to make that Team America movie sequel with Un in the starring role”, Anonymous reported.
(Editing by Seymour PetRock and Ragu Spagettisauce)  


I don't think Seymour is going to rate a Dennis Rodman welcome from North Korea any time soon...