Seymour vs Kim Jong Un...Again

My pet rock, Seymour, just can't get enough of making fun of Kim Jong Un.

Granted, it's pretty easily done.

Like with a recent article about how impressed Un was with an underwater ballistic missile test...Seymour saw an edit screaming to be done, and done it:



North Korean Underwater Missile Test Drowns Kim Jong Un And Kills Lots of Fish

Pyongyang, North Korea (SPRN)  North Korea has carried out another unsuccessful underwater test of a ballistic missile, the North Korean state news agency reported.

Leader Kim Jong Un undersaw the test himself, KCNA reported on Saturday, and drowned (Friday evening, ET).

A submarine launched the missile at a location far from the North Korean mainland, according to the news agency.

The missile exploded underwater, killing the launching submarine and “a sh**road of fish” the KCNA report said.

Such rhetoric, while alarming on its face, is not unlike Kim's pronouncements after missile tests in the past, and since he drowned watching the test, we won't have to listen to any more of his drivel.

While declining to talk about any specific "intelligence matters," something that U.S. State Department spokesdoof Marie Barf isn't up to if it involves any kind of intelligence, she did mutter something about wanting to blame one of the Republican presidential candidate contenders for Un having drown during the missile test.

"We call on North Korea to refrain from attempting to nuance themselves because they are not good at it like I am," Barf said.

Analyst: Hard to explain how drowning Un will prevent a large fish kill off the Korean Peninsula

North Korea has already allocated a significant portion of its budget to forcing Trey Parker and Matt Stone to making a sequel to Team America World Police, and now that Un has drowned, North Korea went fiscally phffffffffffffft for pretty much nothing.

Daniel Pinkeye, deputy project director for Oh Whoops, Un Dun It Agin think tank, told CNN that, if authentic, the latest missile fiasco "would be a viral hit on YouTube" since North Korea gets pissy whenever someone makes jest of them.

"If they could have deployed an operational submarine with missiles that actually worked, Un would probably have sabotaged the project anyway by feeding our leading scientists to hungry dogs when Un was throwing one of his many hissy fits. But now that he drowned, perhaps his successor will get a better hair cut" he said.

"Everyone knew that when Un demanded to watch the test underwater, it was going to have a bad and ludicrous end to it. I think the actual clusterf**k that this turned into was more of a joke than people had expected."

Anti-anti missiles blowd up Wonsan

Also Saturday, a South Korean defense ministry official said North Korea had fired three what were supposed to have been ship-to-ship missiles from the sea near North Korea's eastern city of Wonsan. The missiles apparently ran like a boomerang and obliterated what passed for Wonsan.

No other details were available as of yet, the official said. The missiles were fired in an hour-long window Saturday afternoon local time, blowing up the window and the rest of Wonsan when they sought to attack their launch origin.

The designer of the anti-ship missiles was worried that he'd be fed to dogs by Un, but since Un drowned watching his underwater test ballistic missile blow up fish, the sub and hisself, how he just has to await his fate in the hands of the new North Korean leader. Rumors have it that the new leader designate is none other than Dennis Rodman. Jimmy Carter placed a very distant second in the balloting.

News of this has China setting a new worlds record for the number of simultaneous face palms in Beijing. 

 

South Korea responded by threatening to out face palm Beijing.  


Seymour still expects a Pulitzer for this.  After all, he argues, Obola for doing nothing whatsoever won a Noballs.

Hard to argue logic like that...