Seymour Edits Startled Scientists

A fraction of scientists are startled about things.  And these days, rather easily.

Over the great climate scam thing, for one.

My pet rock, Seymour, has been around since -literally -- the beginning of time.  At least on this planet.

He's seen quite a bit of change, and I can tell you, he still laments the lack of delivery Chinese in the dinosaur era.

"With that, they might still be around".

I doubt it, but that's for another time.

At any rate, Seymour saw an article in the AP where a few scientists are getting their panties in a wad over perceived changes in the Bering Sea.  And in that, he saw the perfect opportunity to piss off the Cortez broad, if her or her staff ever read this and see what we dun to her name, Ma:

Pace of public opinion changing about climate change fraud startles scientists

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
Date line: “I lost my number, can I have yours?”

In a recent article in the failed compost-able rag Salon, scientists were expressing “startlement” at the pace of change in public opinion about the scam of agw climate change.

“I don't understand it”, lamented one scientist wearing Antifa face masking, “we were sure AlGore and that Cortez broad had it all sown up with that Green New Deal thing”.

He went on to show irrelevant slides of Mars, taken 10,000 years ago:

Versus today:

Noting the difference, he went on “Why can't the public see what WE say WE see here?”

He provided additional photo shops to further muddy his point about the effects our alleged agw climate change is having and how this is our future on YouTube if we don't wise up:

And:

And:

And:

Antifa students at Berkeley – apoplectic over the news – shrieked “we'll keep turning over trash cans, smashing windows, crapping in the streets and acting like total twat waffles until our demands to save hummus from exploitation are met”.

Righhhht.

None of the collection of announced clowns for the 2020 Democrap presidential contest had any comment to make, other than the current front groper of the pack, who sent this to show his commitment to past behaviors:

Seymour remains convinced that one of these posts will net him a Pulitzer, since awards on the left are given away like participation trophies.

For once, he might be right on that.

Seymour Edits Global Warming AlGore Style

Such a reaction from readers of left-tilting persuasions, as pictured h'yar, is reckoned on.

My pet rock, Seymour, loves perusing the 'Net.  And when he finds a post about his favorite world leader to tweak -- Kim Jong Un -- he's all over it.

But this time, he found one involving global warming.  On Mars.

And felt that this one had an edit with AlGore written all over it.

Thus, for your reading pleasure (unless you're a dyed-in-the-feces AlGore fan):

Signs of AlGore found on Mars

Seymour PetRock – WTFNS | Sometime 2017ish

Discovery sparks one-sided debate: why wasn't he sent there sooner?

Activist pseudoscientists at the Dr. Nye Saves Toledo From Detroit Research Prostitute in Boulder, Colorado have discovered signs of global warming on Mars. They can tell by viewing the pictures sent back by the Mars Rover that found AlGore – or his man-bear-pig – lurking around the ice in the polar caps.

The earth’s relief to find out that AlGore is on Mars has run the gamut from “Thank God!” to hysteric “but who'll save the polar bears from Donald Trump?”, and are being recorded in assorted polling variations known as Cosmic Flying Twat Waffle Iron Effect. It is not known if these are also present on Mars, but if CNN has a bureau there, one can be sure that fake news is well ensconced on the Red Planet.

WTFNS has NASA’s rather vacuous explanation of how this affects Mars:

“On Earth, ice ages take hold when Hellary walks past a sensing thermostat, causing the polar regions and high latitudes to become instantaneously cooler than average for thousands of years, causing Bill to go on another global search for female intern vaginal humidors,” said NASA. “In contrast, the Martian variety occurs when — as a result of the planet’s having somehow inherited AlGore or his man-bear-pig — its poles become warmer than lower latitudes due to the incredible reservoirs of hot air he exudes.”

Methane vapor – a key AlGore element – moves toward the planet’s equator and forms ice and glacier farts that melt whatever they contact at mid-latitudes, said a barely straight faced NASA spokesperson.

The discovery of the solar system's greatest scamster in the field of global warming on an otherwise sparsely populated planet has sparked debate in the scientific community as to whether or not the sun will decide to go supernova a few billion years sooner than otherwise expected, fearing that AlGore or his man-bear-pig will show up next on Mercury.

In 2007, Russian hacker Ivan Schmirnov Abdussamatov reported that he had successfully interfered with Martian elections, causing ice caps to decline for 3 years due to the DNC's collection of windbags to get all sorts of butt hemorrhaged. He attributed this to the decline of common sense at the DNC.

While many pseudoscientists consider it to be a simple coincidence that President Trump gets two scoops of ice cream when the rest of us only get one, Abdussamatov disagrees:

“Man-made greenhouse warming has made a small contribution to the warming seen on Earth in recent years, but it cannot compete with the increase in flatulent irradiance generated by the American democrap party,” he told CNN in 2017, causing Wolf Blintzed to cough up a hairball belonging to Rachal Madcow.

Seymour continues to insist that one of these edits will net him a Pulitzer.  With the way other once coveted awards have been denigrated through frivolous awarding to lacking accomplishment types, I can't imagine it'll have much value if bestowed on my very deluded pet rock.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

See what Seymour just did there?

Geology Laughs At "Settled" Talking Points

My pet rock, Seymour, gets a kick out of those who not only believe that human-caused global warming is real, but the really whackadoodle ones that think those rightly skeptical of their claims should be thrown in jail.

My pet rock will never make a gudt little submissive dumbed down leftist.

So naturally, when Seymour saw a story about how a panel of so-called climate scientists rated current candidates for president on their climate change stances, it came as a no-brainer "DUH" that the rating put hellary highest on their list.

Anything to prop up a fraud.

Thus, Seymour just hadda do a bit of editing:

WTFNS DEFLECT: On climate science, most DNC talking points are abject fail

By Seymour PetRock

WASHINGTON (WTFNS) — When it comes to climate science, the chosen panel of 'climate scientists' prove that they are solidly in the pocket of the agw fraud club when it comes to donning clown outfits and rating presidential candidates on the fraud of climate change.

At the request of a lamestream servile mediocre service -- one frequently knowd to be in the pockets of the Left -- a nebulous assortment of leftist committed leftist climate fraud proponents using crummy core sub standards graded for DNC talking points inaccuracy what a dozen top candidates said in debates, interviews and tweets, using a 0 to total idiot scale.

To try to eliminate possible truth interfering in the intended poll outcome, the candidates' comments were prominently displayed so the talking points raters would know not to upset the cackling hen or her inane crimepaign who stood ready to screech “sexist!” in an evil cackling hen cadence if the results didn't offset her high negatives in untrustworthiness. Also, the so called “scientists” who did the grading were chosen by a cage full of hamsters with no wheel and very pissed off about it.

A former suckretary of state for isis, as intended, had the highest “sticking to the talking points” average score at 194, being very careful to stick to crummy core math substandards in the rating. Three of the talking points panel did not assign the wallpaper candidate a score, saying his statements were in English, which they could not grade, instead of crummy core lingo, which they could because the simpering moron that ruins the DNC said it was okay.

Two used circumference reasoning to skip grading the largest of the Republicans and most – wanting to not be called “sexist” without realizing that it's okay to be sexist to a Republican – did the same for the "not woman enough" woman running that ain't the cackling untrustworthy hen. As the DNC and the cackling hen's crimepaign intended, the most intellectual opposition candidate had the lowest score. All purple hat wearing alien waffle irons put that one at the bottom of the class ahead of the inflatable inventer of global warming fraud -- which leaked and squeaked throughout the process.

Speaking about the candidate the DNC wanted most denigrated, "This individual understands less about how DNC talking points are preventing Guam from tipping over and the tortured science therein (and the cackling hen's emails) than we do," Munchell Obola, a Pinhead State University liberal farts professor, wrote of one opposition candidate's statements. "That sort of intelligence does not fit our talking points and can't be allowed to ruin the cackling hen's coronation."

The dinosaur from a small northeastern state, looking 87, had the lowest score among the Democraps, dinged for an unfortunate fact exposure when he admitted that human-caused global warming was a fraud.  Another opposition candidate was artificially scored the highest among Republicans, because one grader gave him a perfect 100 and thought he was the metrosexual version of the cackling hen.

For the other Republicans – accurately reporting that global climate change is cyclical and solar/geologically driven – bad grades were dictated by a talking points meme from the abject moronic regime mouthpiece, in between her hash tagging that ISIS needs $15 living wage jobs at McDonalds to stop acting like high school junior varsity types.

Two raters gave her an “eh” mention for a roll in the backseat of a Yugo on a moonless night.

Said the talking points that the raters were ordered to apply, “We are going to make America a harder place to create jobs in order to pursue policies that will do absolute damage to capitalism and entrepreneurism, because the Fauxtus wants America to be brought down to a level with Somalia...except for Hawaii, where Fauxtus plans to retire to." Hence, the cackling hen gets an artificially inflated rating to match those inflated pants suits, and all the Republicans – except for the metrosexual dude – get dinged because otherwise the DNC chairpoison will go Jar Jar Binks pms on the panel.

In an “oops” moment of straying from the talking points, one panelist said, "I would not say that the planet will become uninhabitable. That argument is as idiotic as we collectively here are. But I'm getting paid to prop up the oversized pants suit – and in that pants suit, you can see why she needs propping up – so that's what I'm going to say”.

The rather off-the-wall unreality TV star candidate brought out some of the more colorful and terse critiques. The Bloom County experiment on methane with Bill the Cat earlier this year brought out more.  A strong egg/sulfuric fart that cleared the panel's room for 30 minutes, brought out still more.

A former president of the American Association for the Advancement of Demoncrap Junk Science, called the leading Republican candidate's mocking-of-climate-fraud comments "factual, so I must decree it nonsense to avoid pissing off the cackling hen," while Aunti Enema, a climate person of dubious intellect at the University of Phulovit said, "the storm trooper helmeted, pompadour toupeed cat in the diaper does not appear to have any commitment to flatulence regulation."

In the interests of disclosure --  a word that brought objections from the cackling hen's crimepaign -- the panel bought by the DNC for this rigged rating were Dopey, Sneezy, Icky, Yukky, Putz, Howard, Fine, Howard, Doofus, Dork and Leghumper from assorted Whiny League centers of lower ed but with good standing in the fraud-laced agw community where talking points nincompoops are desperately sought after.  


Seymour still insists that these edits will get him a Pulitzer.  I'm working on getting him a Pull My Fanger.


"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!"

Anuddah Oh Whoops

My pet rock, Seymour, absolutely positively loves it when the lamestream servile mediocres lay a national egg on a story.

Like Snowmageddon '15.

Quick with an edit, Seymour was all over this story with an edited take of his own:



How'd The National Press Club Blow Snowmaggedon '15 And Other Non Sequiturs?

By Seymour PetRock, Disassociated Press News & Laundry

New Yorkers woke up expecting to be completely wiped off the face of the Earth by a blizzard that was mightier than ever before, because msnbc, cnn and the other junk networks said it would be. Epic snow amounts, massive human-caused global farting, tsunamis, earthquakes, an ELE asteroid...it was all supposed to hit the city on Monday night.  And not necessarily in that order.

Instead, what they got was AlSharpton, Bill de Blasio, and the other usual pack of substandard nincompoops. And New Yorkers felt screwed again.

Not that having Sharpton, de Blasio and other leftist nincompoops is a good thing. It's not, of course.  However, the 'storm of the century' that lamestream servile mediocres tried to panic the population with with wide eyes and shrieks of “It's George Bush's fault!”, and dire end-of-life-as-we'd-know-it-on-Uranus-if-we-wuz-there reporting, caused the city to practically shut down with subway service suspended and all road travel to get 20 oz drinks banned.

The massive agw-caused polar vortex tidal drift predicted for New Jersey and Philadelphia also failed to materialize. But meteorologists were right about New England: balls are still deflating there, and not one Patriot professes to has a clue. 
 
"Nature sets...the pitch...and the leftist mediocres swing and a miss…again" Darn Zero, the chief meteorologist for The Occupy Village Idiot, wrote in a bathroom stall in Poukeepsie.

Perhaps the most extensive not mea, he did it culpa came from president Obola's weather czar Harry Reidkowski, a drum circle researcher at the National Weather Service's Where Do We Put This office in Hollycow, N.J., who apologized to ISIS for not being able to report that Gitmo was closed due to the worst snow in Cuban memory.   
  
Pilate Kramps, a claimed weatherologist at the cBS Dan Rather Document Manufacturer Center, assured online critics that she and her colleagues are blaming the New England Patriots, NRA, Rush Limbaugh, The Gong Show and Punxatawney Phil for this one.  
  
So how did the lamestream servile mediocres get this one so wrong?

With this storm, they knew there would be a chance to claim “see, it's global warming!!!” creating a "western wall of snow," where everything would be blamed on conservatives, Congress, Israel and a flatulent goat herd in Mecca, Ohio according to Jay Con Carnage, Manager in charge of throwing out warnings about anything could happen until the general population bit like a catfish on stink bait.
“The gradient during this storm was very much eased, because tighter gradients make for low self esteem and we simply cannot have that”, said Con Carnage.  "The science of forecasting stories that we can panic the public with while continually degrading our credibility, still can be subject to error, especially if we're on the edge of a Super Bowl with deflated balls," the Washington DC Press Club said before deleting it two hours later. "Efforts to discredit genuine research and keep the public misinformed to the point of wiping out stocks of Cheetos, toilet paper and beer are already underway to more easily miscommunicate uncertainty."             

Weather predictions for the United States used to depend on data from two Geostationary Operational Environmental Satellite system (GOES) satellites. Now, it's what the resident psychic and meth-addicted medium-well at msnbc comes up with as the newest political correctness violation of the moment.

In 2016 the medium is slated to be replaced with a Ouija board, while the satellites are slated to be replaced with two new GOES-PHFFFT satellites, with a third less satel than the current ones, and that same metallic taste. They will take images of James Taylor hugging France with much better ball inflation and will be able to sense that Joe Bidumb is about to say something stupid again that current satellites can't detect.

"There should be an increase in the quality of made up panics due to the simple fact that we control the horizontal, we control the vertical, we control the lamestream servile mediocres" Con Carnage told msnbc gnus, which were groveling and bowing the whole time.

“Still, we need to develop better ways to keep the story on football inflation and off Benghazi”, he said.  "It's going to require greater special effects than those on South Park, it's going to require greater bullshevik than our current White House press secretary is capable of," Con Carnage said. "But we've still got the dislikes of Don Lemon, Rachal Madcow and Toure when all else fails DWS's hairdresser in these situations."   

msnbc gnus' chief propagandist Tingles Matthews pointed out that this was still George Bush's fault. His “and all of the global warming deniers who make fun of AlGore because he's a nincompoop”. “What we talking point is only as good as the talking points we get from that psaki dingbat at State", which is in turn dependent on talking points she gets from the DNC.  
  
"Until we spend more money and get more people on food stamps, free phones, death panel hellthscare and ways to protect footballs from being deflated, we're always going to need ways to get the lamestream servile mediocres to ignore Trey Gowdy," Matthews complained.

But advancing technology probably still doesn't mean our great-great-grandchildren will know exactly what the hell Jen Psaki at State is saying 99% of the time.

Think of the famous "tree falling on a spotted owl in the forest effect." Essentially, if you don't hear it, how will you know that there was a migrating whale underneath the spotted owl?

"There is a limit to just how stupid we can let Joe Bidumb and Jen Psaki be when it comes to public speaking, and it's always going to be there," he said. "Human behavior behaves like that, but we're still thinking that if we make nice with terrorists, we can get them to sing a verse with James Taylor instead of removing his head. Wouldn't that be luverly?"  


Seymour, as always, is convinced that he's moved ahead of the entire msnbc staff with an edit like this.

I keep telling him that a tree stump does that without trying.

"Does NOT!!!!"

North Korea's Military Is Pissed

Think this cat looks pissed?  And not just 'cuz he's swimming.

According to my editing pet rock, Seymour, wait until you hear the rest of the story.  

North Korea just can't catch a break.  And here, the Left touts how great Marxism is.  You wouldn't know it based on North Korea, the pmsnbc of the Orient.

The pet rock -- a lover of online news -- saw that North Korea is suffering from a drought.  So much so, that the Pirrbury Doughboy Kim Jong Un has mobirized the miritary there.

To do what?

Seymour thought rong and hard on that...and came up with this:

North Korea army mobilized as dry conditions require “unusuar measures”   

By Dick N Widyall June 23, 2014 6:03 AM

  

SEOUL (SENS) - North Korea's rivers, streams and reservoirs are running dry in a prolonged drought, state media said on Monday, while dogs aren't starving as Kim Jong Un sees to thinning out his family tree, along with meteorologists.

So what's Un come up with this time? Well, besides signing on with agw fraud AlGore, Un has a uniquely North Korean solution to the problem of saving their crops from drought: mobilize its million-strong army to refill the rivers of the country.

By peeing in them.

Say WHAT says you? “You better berieve it” responded Un in a scripted interview with state-controlled media in Washington, DC. “It's my pran. I work very rong and hard on this pran, and I know that this pran work because it's my pran” Un said. 
 
And not only Un's military will be engaging in syncronized urination irrigation; office workers, farmers and women have been mobilized to direct urination irrigation into the dry floors of fields.

In the 1990s, Kim Jong Il was too busy trying to get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to do a puppet movie with him as the central figure, to worry much about food shortages that led to a devastating famine which killed an estimated million people, since none of those people were members of his well-fed military.

Rachal Madcow, of the pmsnbc chapter of Marxism R Good, confirmed the media reports and said that bottled beverages of any kind is in huge demand in Pyongyang right now.

"They're even negotiating with Iran to buy camel pee" Madcow told SENS via carrier pterydactyl.
In some areas, she said, urination irrigation is 70% of even the drinking water.

Higher-than average acidity in the urine has exacerbated damage, affecting wheat, barley and maize, which state media started to report on until Un showed up at the studio with a pack of hungry dogs. Then the reports blamed the West for stealing North Korea's idyllic weather, replacing it with the meteorological equivalent of pillary Clinton.

North Korea has previously blamed racism and sexism for chronic everything sucking in one of the worst leftist udopian places on Earth, after talking to the DNC and The Daily Kos. More rational observers point to the result of Un pursuing the same ideology that ran Deadtroit and other leftist run locations up on the rocks. “The left is renowned for low information, dumbed down bad planning and a highly centralized, inept government”, said an anonymous source as he tried to outrun hungry dogs.  

I'm not thinking that Seymour will be on Kim Jong Un's horiday card rist for this one.