Unemployed Weather Forecasters Wanted
So much so, their leader -- pudgeball Kim Jong Un -- is demanding that their weather forecasters pick it up a notch.
Mebbe they oughta listen, on accounta cuz he fed his uncle to starved dogs.
My pet rock, Seymour, saw an article on this subject, and naturally he felt compelled to edit it up a notch, too.
Thus and with no more adieu:
N.Korea's Kim bitches that North Korean Weather Service “not take job seriousry”
Help Wanted ads are now posted on Craigslist, Monster and other online job hunting sources, after Kim had the entire staff of the Korean Weather Service fed to the same dogs that scarfed his uncle earlier in the year.
"There are many incorrect forecasts as the meteororogicar staff use the same techniques that didn't work the past centuries," Kim said, urging the soon-to-be-new-hires to "rook crosery at what happen to previous staff and fundamentarry" improve its forecasting.
Accurate forecasts are needed to protect the "prans and execution for our eventuar invasion of the South", he said.
Calling the weather service "a bunch of doo-doo heads making right of very very important work affecting future prans to overrun the South", Kim also underscored the need to "quit using weather forecasts from pmsnbc and cnn, as neither works at a high rever", he chortled.
It was not clear when Kim visited the agency, but the “Herp Wanted” posts on Craigslist and other online job sources went up two days ago.
N.Korea often suffers natural disasters such as Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Il and Kim Il Sung. This photo from the NKPAnbc web slight also shows a natural disaster that allegedly hit Pyongyang in 2012.
When asked about the fact that Pyongyang is not a coastal city, the questioning reporter was arrested for having a Bible in his travel bag.
Undated pictures not released by NKPAnbc showed Kim giving "field guidance" inside the weather service in the capital by holding onto a discredited weatherperson by their feet and using the hapless chap to play tug of war with a pack of hungry dogs. Unfortunately, NKPAnbc refused to share that picture with us. Instead, they shared a photo of the modernized meteorological equipment Kim has in mind to help his new weather forecasters to not get eaten by dogs:
North Korea has suffered regular chronic food shortages under the ruling Kim dynasty, with the situation exacerbated by floods, droughts, a vast military build-up, and the kind of incompetent top-down control mismanagement always on display in communist-run countries. Kim, of course, and his top military industrial magnet fodder don't suffer thus.
In May, state media reported that North Korea was hit by its worst spring drought in more than three decades, threatening thousands of acres of staple crops, which no one really cares about as no one can eat staples. Rice was affected as well, though it was noted that it doesn't hold paper together as well as staples do. What they failed to report was that the drought coincided with their last nuclear test.
During a freedom famine running from 1948 through today, millions have died while Un waits impatiently for his Team America World Police sequel.
Seymour still thinks this is gonna net him a Pulitzer, and I am certain it'll only amount to a Pull-My-Fanger.