Seymour Tweaks The DNC..and PLO

Annnd...it doesn't get any better for the lamestream servile mediocres.

Not when my pet rock, Seymour, is scanning the news and sees something that causes a loud *TOING* in his thought processes.

I know that he's about to don his "editing pet rock gone wild" hat and have at another news story.

In this case, it's the one about the Trump Administration having notified the PLO that their DNC-supported branch office in Washington DC is to be shuttered soon.

While the Left wails and fouls itself, Seymour edits:

Palestinians shocked that President Trump is still President

Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

PILE - This Nov. 18, 2017 file photo shows the Washington DNC suboffice of the Palestine Liberation Organization. 
 
RAMALLAMADINGDONG, West Bank (AP) — The U.S. has stunned the Palestinians with the news that the DNC's efforts to get rid of Hellary's nightmare have failed, and that it's closing their mission in Washington, an anonymous source purportedly inside the White House but actually a nyslimes fiction writer, said Monday, the latest in a series of American blows to the Palestinians.

The Trump administration notified the Palestinians last year it will shutter their office in Washington unless they stopped acting like Antifa twat omelets to Israel.

"We...we...we are flabbergibleted," Palestinian official Saeb Excrement said. "This is yet another affirmation that we cannot trust what we hear from the DNC, from cnn or ms13nbc. Trump was supposed to have been impeached, impeared or something by now. Maxine Waters assured us it would be done by now," he said.

The move comes after a year and a half of failed efforts by the DNC, cnn, ms13nbc and others to overcome 306 electoral votes.

The U.S. has announced it is overdue in ending its decades of funding for the U.N. agency that helps Palestinian terrorism in the West Bank, Gaza and Portland.

A provision in a U.S. law says the PLO mission must close if the DNC tries to help the Palestinians continue to behave like douche nozzles.

Former Secretary of State John F***ing Kerry said in November that he was going to have James Taylor sing to support the Palestinians.

It didn't help.

The Trump administration has been working to mediate a peace deal that would end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but hasn't had much patience with the DNC talking-point-line taken by the PLO. “They're bad, very bad and dishonest people”, said the president.

He was apparently referring to both the DNC and PLO, causing leading cnn crybaby Jim Acosta to soil himself in front of White House press secretary Sarah 'Gotcha' Sanders.

Trump has promised to pursue the "ultimate deal" between the Palestinians and Israel. However, such a deal is unlikely given Palestinian conduct akin to that of various terrorist adjuncts of the DNC, like Antifa, MS-13 and cnn.

The Palestinians were angered by Trump's still being there, after having been sleazily assured by cnn that he would be “out of office” long before now.

The Palestine Liberation Organization is one group of many that the DNC is counting on to help them “resist” the results of November 2016. Although the no-longer-controlled-by-DNC U.S. does not recognize Palestinian statehood, the PLO has been maintained in office in Washington by DNC donors that facilitate terrorism against conservatives in both the US and Israel.

The DNC allowed the PLO to open a mission in Washington in 1994, a move that required then-President Bill Clinton to waive a law that said the Palestinians couldn't have an office, in return for his having access to any female Palestinian interns he could beg, borrow and genitally humidor. In 2011, under the Obola regime, the Palestinians were practically promised Israel in return for a cable show on The PLO Network for Obola and the Mooch when they retired.

There was no immediate comment from Liechtenstein, who can't understand why they'd be asked to make one.


Seymour still holds out for a Pulitzer for one of these edits.  I keep telling him that his best bet is one of his own awards, a Seymour:

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Ghana, The UN, An Edit and More

I don't know why Marie Barf -- Ms State Department Hash Tagger -- is pouting.  After all, she didn't get left out here.

Or mebbe that's why she's pouting...'cuz she didn't.

Once again, the UN is trying to compensate one of my characters for a scam my character wasn't scammed on...and in so doing, trying to scam my character.

Kinda like the DNC.

Here's the gist of the scam:

World Bank Assisted Program
Directorate Of International
Payment And Transfer.
Debt Reconciliation/Audit Unit
United Nations Headquarters,
New York, NY 10017, U.S.A.

Our Ref: WB/NF/UN/XX028 United Nations.

Dear Beneficiary,

We are authorize by United Nations Secretary General after the last UN Security Council meeting with the G8, and the Governing body of the United Nations Debt Reconciliation Unit, to investigate the unnecessary delay on your payment, recommended and approved in your favor. During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that your Lottery Winning and inheritance/Compensation payment has been unnecessarily delayed by corrupt officials of the Bank and Government regulatory organs in Nigeria, Asia, Australia, Europe, Africa, America, Canada, North America, and South America who are trying to divert your funds into their private accounts.

This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the UNITED NATIONS and WORLD BANK To pay 500 people from your country as a result of they Lottery Winning, contract payment and Compensation as victim of Internet scam. The United Nations has decided to pay you Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) each. You are listed and approved for this payment as one of the lucky person to be paid this amount, so get back to this office as soon as possible for the immediate payment process of your Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) only.

This email is to 500 selected lucky people of the countries that have been scammed or extorted money from because of their contract payment execution in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate all the Lottery Winners and scam victim with the sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) each. This includes every foreign contractors that may have not yet received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems or irregularities etc. We found your email in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this has been agreed upon and has been signed by the United Nations Board of Directors and Trustees from the WORLD BANK ASSISTED PROGRAMMED.

Be clarify that this fund has been approved in your favor and duly signed by the United Nations Financial Department, United Nations Board of Directors and Trustees from the WORLD BANK ASSISTED PROGRAMMED, and also note that your Fund will be release can either be release to you through the following method (Via Bank to Bank Wire Transfer, Via Automatic Teller Machine ATM MASTERCARD, Via Electronic On-Line Banking System, Via Bank Draft and Via Diplomatic Delivery Means) and the Chief Protocol Officer, in charge of the Fund Release Unit Mr Kwasi Evans at Bank of GHANA have been authorize to handle the release process of your fund per your chosen method you want to use to receive your Fund from the above listed means. You are hereby advised without delay to stop all contact going on between you and anybody on Internet over the claim of your Fund because you will end up at nothing with them as they have no Fund for you and you must understand that we are here to ensure that you receive your fund without any further problem, so follow our instruction and contact Mr Kwasi Evans for the claim of your Fund.  


It goes on to blather about who and how my character must contact in Ghana to get what's coming to my character....*wink snort chortle snerx*

So while Hellary's email scam continues to fester like the pus infected giant zit it is, my character's edit of the scam will combine the two...and thensome:

Word Bank Assisted Pogrom
Directorate Of International
Word Bank Loans And Transfer.
Twatwaffle Reconciliation/Awdamn Unit
United Nations Hindquarters,
New York, NY 10017, U.S.A.

Our douche is our nozzle.

Achtung:

We are authorize by United Nations Suckretary Genital after the last UN Suckurity Council meeting with the GesusHChrist, and the Governing body of the United Nations Leftover By Cannibals Reconstruction Eunuch, to investigate the unnecessary left declination on your bat pate recommended and approved in assorted flavors. During the intercourse with our inflatable hellary sex toy, we discovered with dismay that Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Nancy Bela Pelosi, Dianne Frankenfeinstein and Barack Obola are all of the same gender neutrality as that of a petrifried tree stump in Burundi.  Bill Clinton's eunuchversity of female genital intern humidors is nonplused both here and in Nigeria, Asia, Australia, Europe, Africa, America, Canada, North America, and South America; but strangely enough, not on Uranus.  They've taken no notice.

This is to bring to your notice that we are disinclined from the UNITED NATIONS and WORD BANK To spay 500 people from your country as a result of their having had sex with inflatable sex toys that look like Hellary, which as we all know is an Internet scam. The United Nations has decided to spay you as part of the 500. You are listed and approved for this spayment because your antecedence is dubious at best, and your ass looks like Elijah Cummings when he sneezes, so get back to this office as soon as possible for the immediate spayment process that we have made as bureaucratically obtuse as anything the DNC mishandles...which is about everything.

This email is sent randomly to 500 selected twatwaffles of the countries that have been scammed by inflatable hellary sex toys..except in the basement of the DNC, where hellary nutcrackers are all the rage.   The UNITED NATIONS have agreed to constipate all the residents of Dearborn so that the brown note may be employed in a most unimaginable way possible.  This includes every foreign contributor to the Clinton Crimedation, and people that have had an unfinished genital rebush that failed due to Government problems or irregularities etc. 

Be clarify that this email has been fermenting in hellary's primate server hidden in Jen Psucki's ass at the State Dept and already has a hashtag campaign being set up by Marie Barf for release in time for a weekend at Bernie's.  

Be informed that you are further persondated to quickly stop using gender assigned rest rooms until all the gorillas in Cinncinati has had gender reassignments.  For that one you must contact the Bank of Ghana because that is the only place hellary is still receiving illegal crimepaign contributions from in exchange for her inflatable sex toys being helium fueled there.  This is because one of Barf's hashtags claims that Ghana is safe, peaceful and conducktive to transact such huge inflatable hellary sex toys with helium without being indicted  by government agencies. You are advised to stop any further communalcation with Fox News or any conservative talk radio source because you are going to screw up hellary's coronation as the most corrupt wench that ever had to pardon herself at her assumed inauguration. Adhere to this very instruction and you will likely regret it. Find below the contact details of KWASI EVANS. CONTACT HIS OFFICE ASAP,

Contact information:

Bank Name: BANK OF GHANA

Contact Person: MR. KWASI EVANS

Position: Chief Protocol Officer, Hellary Sex Toy Inflation Release Department

Bank Address: One Thorpe Road, Accra, Ghana

Email: bankofgh.kwasie@gmail.com

Telphone#: +233262456791

We expect your urgent attention to this email to enable us monitor this clusterf**k effectively. Most importantly we advise you to follow the instruction of Mr. Kwasi Evans as we have assigned him to mishandle the process of the release of your very own hellary inflatable sex toy complete with authentic and autographed life sized 6 XXXL butt thong.  Respond soonest without any further delay.


MR. STAN PEGE
Douche Nozzle Ad Hork Unit
UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK

A Monica Lewinsky stained dress production

 

The Bank of Ghana, the UN, the World Bank...none of them has responded to my edit.  My pet rock, Seymour, thinks that the DNC and Marie Barf have me on a *list*.  They won't be the first or last  ;-)

 

Seymour's Devilish Edit

My pet rock, Seymour, loves South Park.

So when he read an article that seemed a parody of a South Park parody -- one about demon animals hailing Satan at Christmas -- he went into "editing pet rock gone wild" mode, and had a field day with the unveiling of a satanic statue in Deadtroit:

Satanic Temple finds perfect place for satanic sculpture unveiling: Deadtroit

By Seymour PetRock -- WTF News Soivice

 

DEADTROIT (WTFNS) - A Satanic collection of devil-may-cares unveiled a controversial bronze Baphoman sculpture in Deadtroit, a “perfect location” after 50 plus years of leftist control has sent the place to the devil.

Due to God being booed at the last demoncrap convention, the group figured that Deadtroit was the place to start. They figure that unveiling of its 9-foot-tall monument will go over acceptably too in Seattle, San Freakcisco, nyc, DC (in front of the Demoncrap National Committee Hall of Devil Worship) and Shotcago.

The upcoming sorta paraphrasing reprise of a South Park parody unveiled the one-ton likeness of a mix of demoncrap politicians just before 11:30 p.m. local time as supporters cheered, "hellary, hellary." Some of the heathens in attendance rushed to loot stuff, only to find Deadtroit is pretty much void of lootable places now.

The statue of a winged Baphoman – combining features from leading demoncraps – with body parts bought from Panned Parenthood, the head of the DNC chairpoison, and race/gender neutral with the Marie Barf hashtag “#DemoncrapLiesDon'tMatter”, resembled a design the group previously tried to get as the new demoncrap party icon. A nearby statue of a boy was removed because of the politically correct demand by feminincompoops to not have a 'negative male influence' diminish the display.  The feminincompoops are also demanding that it becalled a "baphowomyn".

Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner's cat, Booger, barked its approval.  Or was just trying to moo up a hairball forcefully. 

Jacked Upp, director of the Deadtroit chapter of the Demoncrap National Committee, said temple members planned to transport the sculpture to the Fauxtus home town, soon as they figure out where in Hell it is.

The Temple had unsuccessfully applied to have the statue appointed as hellary's running mate, but realized that because her crimepaign is starting to go to the devil, perhaps that declaration may have to be changed to 'Burnie' Sanders or Fauxcahontas.

On Saturday, the presentation of Baphowomyn in Deadtroit drew applause and adulation from msnbc, wherein the entire staph repeatedly wet themselves in satanic orgasms of joy that they got the statue name politically corrected. It was noted that the Satanic Temple previously tried to display the statue only to fear a backlash from their allies in ISIS scuttled the plan.

"We're sure our friends in ISIS are okay with this now, because Marie Barf is getting them jobs," said Al Barfton over a bullhorn that could be heard at cnn. A souse with msnbc reports that Brian Williams will relate his mission flown over Teheran with the Baphowomyn during the Iran-Iraq War in 1986 where he landed with hellary under sniper fire from the vast Fox News conspiracy. The fact that Fox News didn't begin until 1996 was dismissed by msnbc as being misconstrued dependency on what one's definition of “is” is.  


Seymour isn't thinking about a Pulitzer with this one; he thinks he'll need protection from the DNC.

Don't we all.

HSBC Gots Free Gifts...

Sure they do.


I got this eloquently crafted email notification from HSBC Bank in the UK:




HSBC Holdings plc is a global banking and financial services company  Headquartered in Canary Wharf,London, United Kingdom.[3] As of 2014[update]  It is the world's second-largest banking and financial services group  It has around 7,500 offices in 87 countries and territories Across Africa,
Asia, Europe North America and South America and around 100 million customers.
Congratulation to you today the HSBC bank are celebrating a very big party of  our new organization in {UK} London.
We have sent up 85 different Email ID for this draw and your private email ID was  choose in our micro software engine to receive total sum of 300.000.00 pound.   Please note that this is not a lottery,this is not lottery,this is gift offer amount.
Note that from today you have been selected by the {HSBC BANK} to receive the  amount of (300.000.00 Pound, Three Hundred Thousand Great British Pound Sterling)  You are to take note of your HSBC Reference Ticket Number (90HS62BC) please you are  advised to keep your HSBC reference Ticket number very confidential to your self because is  the key of your amount of 300.000.00 Pound.
Note this gift offer amount is 100% genuine and it has non harm, it has been approved here in london to be legal.
It is 100% guarantee. please do not delete this message, it's sure and confirmed with 100% guarantee. This message  is direct from the HSBC gift offer department, we are sending you this email because you are the truly beneficiary  to receive this gift offer amount of 300,000.00 Pound. Please as soon you receive this message we strongly advised  you from the bottom of our heart on the behalf of the HSBC world bank International to accept this gift offer amount.
Do not delete, we expected you to receive your gift offer amount as fast as possible without any delay.
Please make sure you keep your HSBC Ticket No very very confidentially for your security and safety,do not give to any  third party, keep it because it is useful.HSBC Ticket Number (90HS62BC) You are advise to  send  your full details to the Chief Executive CEO Brian Robertson HSBC Bank Lonon Plc This is to enable the HSBC bank reach you  all © copyright reserve 2014.

 FULL NAME:                
COUNTRY AND ADDRESS:
CONTACT NO:
YOUR RELIGION:
OCCUPATION:
YOUR AGE:
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU CONTACT THIS EMAIL: hsbuk@outlook.com
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU COPY THIS EMAIL AND SEND MESSAGE DIRECT TO THIS :  hsbuk@outlook.com  




Very convincing.


I suspect my edit won't be quite so much so:

Attention
HSBC I'll Tell You What To Hold plc is a global banking and financial services scam of dubious antecedence and genital tongue warts.   They is hindquartered in the ass of a wharfing Canary, London, United Kingdom. [3] As of 2014 [when we up the date, you should up yours too]  It is the world's second-largest banking and financial services scam of dubious antecedence and genital tongue warts known.   It has around 7,500 fly infested internet cafes in 87 jungle clearings around Lagos, Nigeria and around 100 million customers that it's trying really REALLY hard to fleece.

 Congratulation to you today the HSBC bank collection of dubious antecedents with genital tongue warts are or is celebrating a very big party of  our new organizational scam purportedly being carried out from the ass of a wharfing canary in the {UK} London.  We suppose that there are other Londons here and there, so we had to make sure that we specified the {UK} one so as to not get cornfused with a London in Benin or such.  Being from Nigeria, we know how much it sucks in Benin.

 We have sent up 85 different Email ID for this draw and your primate's email ID was  choose in our micro software engine to receive total sum of 300.000.00 pound of banana.  We congratulate you on having a primate what have a email ID that the primate ain't trashed yet.  We seed the Samsonite commercial and what that primate did to the suitcase.  The unspeakable parts wasn't included we noticed.

Please note that this is not a lottery, this is not lottery, this is not a lottery.  We work in triplicate farms too.  No, this is gift offer amount of 300.000.00 pound of banana.  Daylight come and we want go home.  Come Mr. Tallywhack, whack on our ba-na-na...daylight come and we want go home.

 Note that from today you have been selected by the {HSBC BANK SCAM} to receive the  amount of (300.000.00 Pound Banana Great British Pound Banana).

 You are to take note of your HSBC Reference Ticket Number (90HS62BC) what means jack shit but jack had to do that at least once a day or he blow up and he not even terrorist.  please you are  advised to keep your HSBC reference Ticket number very confidential to your self because if the wharfing canary find out about it, it will take your ticket and shove it up its ass, 'cuz it knows that you won't reach up in there to retrieve it.

Wharfing canary not see what happen in lots of American homes on Thanksgiving morning, me thinks.

Note this gift offer amount is 100% lacking in authenticity and genuineness.  it has non harm, unless 300.000.00 pound banana fall on you.  That make it harm some.  it has been approved here in london to be legal by our board of directums of dubious antecedence and genital tongue warts.  What better assurance you needs than that?

 It is 100% guarantee of dubious outcome.  please do not delete this message, it take us long time to train our primate with our email ID to type this shit. it's sure and confirmed with 100% guarantee of dubious outcome. This message  is direct from the HSBC gift offer department, located in the basement underneath the ass of our wharfing canary. 

We are sending you this email because you are the truly expected to be stupid enough to have a primate with a email ID.  Or we're stupid enough to think you do.

to receive this gift offer amount of 300,000.00 Pound of banana before daylight come and you want go home, Please as soon you receive this message we strongly advised  you from the bottom of our anus on the behalf of the HSBC world bank Scam International to accept this gift offer in the spirit it was sended to you by our dubious antecedent genital tongue warted staff.

 Do not delete, it would hurt our feeling and Debbie Wasserman Schultz -- one of our dubious antecedent genital tongue warted staff -- will call you a racist.  she doesn't know what it means, but we are amused when she opens her mouth.

we expected you to receive your gift offer of banana as fast as possible without any delay.

 Please make sure you keep your HSBC Ticket No very very confidentially away from the ass of our wharfing canary for your security and safety.  We not tell you that our wharfing canary is the size of a pterydactyl. 

You are advise to  send  your full details to the Chief Executive CEO Brian Genital Tongue Wart Robertson HSBC Bank Lonon Plc This is to enable the HSBC bank scam reach you
all © copiedwrawng reserve 2014.

 FULL NAME (We prefer you use yours):                
COUNTRY AND ADDRESS:
CONTACT NO:
YOUR LAST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH AN ORTHRAPOD:

RELIGION OF THE ORTHRAPOD:
OCCUPATION OF THE ORTHRAPOD:
YOUR AGE:
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU CONTACT THIS EMAIL: hsbuk@outlook.com
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU COPY THIS EMAIL AND SEND MESSAGE DIRECT TO THIS :  hsbuk@outlook.com  

I don't know about the 45+ scammers I sent this to, but I do know that the scam originator is not talking to me right now.  He's probably miffed that I outed his having genital tongue warts.

Is Charlotte Ready for Chicago Values?

Okay, so the RNC had their day in the sun.  Which the dems were gleefully hoping to be washed out to sea by Hurricane Issac.

But Issac didn't prove to be a good liberal hurricane.

Oh well...now it's the dem's turn to see how their 'Chicago Values' go over in Charlotte, NC.

My pet rock, Seymour, found me a circular from the DNC that promised other activities for convention goers to take a break with.

I doubt that they intended it to be representative of 'Chicago Values', as espoused by Rahm Emanuel.

So I helped them a bit, to make the circular more liberally-oriented and truthful in a way that libs tend to grind their teeth at, as it were:

From bloviating speeches about the glory of marxism and Islamofascism, to parties being hosted while Louisiana learns the backstroke, to fact-void lectures and indoctrinaire discussions, there will be a lot going on during the week of the convention, and most of it will be misreported and misrepresented by ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, the NYT and the WashPo.

We of the DNC have no time for truth.

No, what you're going to see in Charlotte is some of our udopian dream on parade.  You’re going to see dancing uteruses and vaginas, fresh from their dousing in Tampon, Florida, performing live abortions on stage, choreographed to Rachel Maddow’s menstrual cycle.

For those visitors and locals who want to get out of Uptown for a little exercise before the official daily proceedings begin, you are not welcome here; only our dependency class welfare couch potatoes are welcome here in Charlotte in 2012. 

Granted, we defend their right not to have to prove they're legal to vote, but they better bring their IDs to get in at our convention.  We luvs us hypocrisy, because our media allies won't call us on it.

Our Host Committee has partnered with the Catawba Gangland Flash Mobs, to allow flashmob looting of the fine shopping and dining opportunities that Charlotte has to offer, so our inner city, union thug and criminal delegates don’t feel out of place or lose their touch. Same goes for our allies and HAZMAT-quality friends in the Occupy movement; we won’t have trash pick up or any other hygienic activity that makes you feel unwelcome.

We democrats are all about infecting Charlotte with Chicago Values. We’re already ready with "Blame Bush" signs to be posted on every crime scene this week.

Each Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning during Convention Week, flash mobs will be unleashed on Walmarts, Chick-Fil-As, anything remotely related to Bain Capital, or anything else that we have identified as being owned and/or run by greedy, mean-spirited Republicans. If we don’t leave Charlotte looking like Detroit when we’re done, we have failed our base.

Looking to work up a bit of liberal hatemongering and vandalism? Anarchists can take part in a especially violent flashmob scene, to be announced shortly before it’s unleashed, hosted by "Republicans and Decent People Run for Your Life". Additionally, Forcible Income Redistribution, Chicago-Style, will be hosted by the Nation of Islam and New Black Panthers, in conjunction with MS 13 and the Muslim Brotherhood. Chris Matthews will be the keynote inciter.

The events are open to the public whether the public wants them or not; police protection is not available if you’re conservative. Choose wisely from our list of uncivil disobedience events, and choose the event you would like to be victimized at, so we can misuse your story later to show how all of this is Bush’s fault.

The deterioration of life and property are all a part of Charlotte Mayor Anthony Foxx’s "We Want Chicago Values Across America NOW" program.  Brought to you by the purveyors of the "You Didn't Build Nuthin" Small Business Denigrators, David Axelrod, Chairscum of More Marxist Hoax And Change in '12 and Beyond...

Charlotte will need their own hurricane to clean up their streets after this is over...

Best Lil' Whore House Online

*Blogger's note: this is from February of 2007, but worthy of a repost now, with a tad of updating*

Sitting at the computer the other night, I was knawing on a bagel and looking into email. Good thing I wasn't drinking coffee at the time, too.

The particular email account of note here is not usually filled with meaningful, useful email. It's usually replete with Nigerian email scams; faux financing offers (probably phishing scams); offers for cut-rate Viagra and once-used toilet paper, cheap. That kinda stuff.

But occasionally, I get emails herein that are intended for a real person. Too bad I'm not one in this account, but I digress. For example, I recently got a donation request from the RNC regarding a "new agenda" via this account; I can only imagine what Michael Duncan (RNC chairman at that time) will think when he gets a reply from Ukulele Ungabunga, but that's for another time.

On this particular occasion, I got two emails that were, how we say, different. The first was from -- surprise, surprise -- AARP. It wasn't enough that they'd sent me snail mail urgings to partake of their organization a couple weeks ago; they're even seeking me -- or someone -- out via email.

They so do want to suck up every dues-paying possibility as soon as possible, don't they?

Then came the other email, from a Noelle Skaggs (jhallhlew@participate.com); with such an email address, I figured it to be a follow-on to the AARP solicitation. In fact, I was sure it was, until I read the email title: I want to be your whore, Cowfethers.

Took me a minute to remove the bits of bagel that suddenly found their way forcefully into my sinus passages. After which it occurred to me that someone shoulda told me that this was an AARP perk; I'd of played at being 50 twenty years ago.

Alas, this email wasn't related to the AARP one.

The email went on with a paragraph of the following gibberish: There was a dark spot at the deserts edge in the indicated direction, and when they approached this Jason saw that it was an outcropping of rock that had been built up with a wall of bricks and boulders to a uniform height. A good number of men could be concealed behind that wall, and he was not going to risk his precious slaves or even more precious skin anywhere near it. At his shout the line halted and sank down on the sand while he stalked a few meters in front, settling his club in his hand and suspiciously examining the structure.

Then, it got back to the header theme (pun still intended): BEST WHORES IN YOUR LOCAL AREA! MEET OUR GIRLS IN YOUR HOTEL, HOME OR OFFICE. PURE PLEASURE OR RELAXATION, OUR CHARMING LADIES ARE ONLY TOO WILLING TO PLEASE! Find one of these amazing escorts *TOING* in your area now, for a truly unforgetable evening.

http://www.datindrama.com/

LMAO...

Maybe AARP should consider making this a perk?

Eh...maybe not. I mean, Betty White didn't mind getting tackled and muddied for a Snickers, but this might be beyond the pail for her and Abe Vigoda (unless with each other).

I did send back what I considered to be something of an inspired response, but the email 'bounced', as frequently happens with such an escort...er...email address, not that I would know about that. The gist of my wasted reply was:

why shore, sweetums, yall git yore painted and prissied self over hyar, an' wunst ah gits mah teeth ta adhyar to mah gums, change mah Deee-pends and git all lathered up, whoooooo weee, ah kin git widda program. Don't fergit the Geritol an' Viagra now, yhear?

I gave my street address as that of the Colorado Democratic Party HQ in Denver ;-) I know they're big supporters of women's issues and AARP, after all...