Now You Know What Becomes Of Failed Campaign Stuff

It sucks to be Jim Acosta.

Probably more so 'cuz I make fun of him here without this post being about him.  He loses twice.

Dying inheritance scams.  I get almost more of those than I get faux-FBI scams of late.  They never change, save for the names and some aspect of the woes befalling the scammer.

Almost as bad as Acosta losing his WH pass for behaving like a twat omelet.

Here's the latest in the series of 'dying inheritance' scams:


Peace be upon you,

Hello please forgive me for stressing you with my predicaments as I
know that this letter may come to you  as big surprise. Truly, i came
across your contact email address through my personal search, then
afterward I decided to email you directly believing that you will be
honest to help me before i die. And if in case you're doubting me
please kindly go into google and do some research with my name for your
clarification.

And i know that is hard to believe all because so many scammers all
over the world are using cancer  healness to scam people which have
been a victim once, but please i beg you in the name of God, don't
force yourself to do this for me cause am not putting you under any
obligation, kindly follow your  instinct because am also afraid for my
life savings not to go into the hands of scammers again. And my spirit
tells me you're the right person to help me that is why i send you this
message directly to you. 

Mean while, I am Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi, President of Emirates
Dental Society, (MOH) UAE.  Am 56  years of Age from (United Arab
Emirate), a registered doctor by profession but sadly I am suffering
from  long time cancer and from all indication my condition is really
deteriorating as my doctors have confirmed  and courageously advised me
that I may not live beyond two months from now for the reason that my
tumor  has reached a critical stage which has defiled all forms of
medical treatment. 

Actually, my husband was dealing on Gold Dust and Gold Dory Bars in
(Africa) Burkina Faso till his sudden  death in the year 2011 then I
took over his business till date but currently, I have a deposit sum of
four  million five hundred thousand US dollars [$4,500,000.00] with one
of the leading bank in Burkina Faso but  unfortunately I cannot visit
the bank since I’m critically sick and powerless to do anything
myself.

But my bank account officer advised me to assign any of my trustworthy
relative, friends or partner with  authorization letter to stand as the
recipient of my money but sorrowfully my only beloved daughter died  at
the age of 19 years and I don’t have any reliable relative and no other
child.  Therefore, I want you to receive the money and take 50%  as
your share while 50% should be use basically  on humanitarian purposes
mostly to orphanages home, Motherless babies home, less privileged 
around the  world. As soon as I receive your reply I will give you
every details you need.

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi
email: dalsuwaidi@aol.com  


The reply that Dr. Mrs. Alsuwaidi was counting on was sent, though not in the form that she had been counting on...my pet rock, Seymour, was ever eager to do an edit job that would make me proud:

From: Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi <kethy@ono.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 14, 2018 4:53 AM
Subject: May A Drunken Marmot Molest Your Blender

 

I read what my smell pecker wrote here, and I say unto mineself, "WTF?"

Hello please forgive me for stressing you with my predicaments that

involve sheep, inflatables, gender fluidity and feces, but really, I had

to share this with someone that doesn't know me, so that I'd have

plausible deniability if a democrap senator ever gets a letter exposing

all this.  We all know what dishonest opportunists that democraps are.

Truly, i came across your contact email address through my network of

primate perverts that surf the 'net, looking for far-left kinky to debase

themselves with.  Despite trepidation, I decided to email you directly

believing that if a sheep is a ram, and a donkey in an ass, a ram in the

ass will result in a goose.  And in this, I am adam ant.

I know that single-digit IQs are hard to believe; then you listen to

Maxine Waters and Jim Acosta, and you realize that this kind of

stupid is a choice and pretty rampant in the Democrap party.  That

isn't why I send you this message directly to you, but it is when

the choice was you or a leaking, squeaking inflatable Cory Booker

Phartacus campaign balloon for 2020. 

I am Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi, President of Emirates
Dental Society, (EDS), located in the UAE, which is located in

the Middle East, where even our camels get dentures when

they age and their humps sag.  I am 56  years of age; a registered

sex offender by profession but sadly I am suffering from a long

time bout of genital warts from doing camel gynecology. 

Yes, it's a thing here.  Getting a camel in those stirrups is, as one can

imagine, quite a chore.  I actually had my nose inverted by an unruly

patient in '16, and I've had two dozen surgeries attempting to fix the

problem.  

Meantime my husband was dealing in Hillary For President 2008 surplus

tampons in (Africa) Burkina Faso till his sudden death in the year 2017

when he accidentally found over 30,000 of Hillary's emails stuffed inside

each tampon.  The authorities ruled that he committed suicide, though

I rather doubt that; I've never seen anyone arrange to have a large

house dropped on them by squadrons of flying monkeys, with a

broom-riding sumo-sized witch, leading them, cackling and coughing

insanely as they salvoed the house on him.

He could have simply killed himself by watching cnn for an hour.

Actually, all my family are extinct (I'm related to a family tree that

was all aborted in 1950), and my only daughter became a non-binary

gender-neutral octosexual orthopod and is making Molotov cocktails for

Antifa in Portland, so I don’t have any reliable relative and no other
child.  Therefore, if you have read closely all that I have writ here, you

will avoid me like the plague, delete this email, purge your computer

of any emails like this, take a vow of abscess and avoid the one that

makes the fart go honda.  For this can only lead to a cross between

a Jehovah Witness and an atheist, which creates a person who'll knock

on your door for no reason. 

I do want you to remember this:  I am holding myself in reserve, in case

the krauts mount a counter offensive which threatens Paris, or maybe

even New York, then I can move in and stop them with flatulence most

foul.

I can do that.  I eat garlic flavored onions.

As soon as I receive your reply I will give you every details you need to

confirm that I'm as big a loon as Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. 

Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi
email: dalsuwaidi@aol.com

The "Dr. Mrs." quickly realized that the reply received from my pet rock was not going to bring her the spiritual succor that she allegedly sought.

 

Nor did cnn and Acosta find any succor here, either.

Seymour Tweaks The DNC..and PLO

Annnd...it doesn't get any better for the lamestream servile mediocres.

Not when my pet rock, Seymour, is scanning the news and sees something that causes a loud *TOING* in his thought processes.

I know that he's about to don his "editing pet rock gone wild" hat and have at another news story.

In this case, it's the one about the Trump Administration having notified the PLO that their DNC-supported branch office in Washington DC is to be shuttered soon.

While the Left wails and fouls itself, Seymour edits:

Palestinians shocked that President Trump is still President

Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

PILE - This Nov. 18, 2017 file photo shows the Washington DNC suboffice of the Palestine Liberation Organization. 
 
RAMALLAMADINGDONG, West Bank (AP) — The U.S. has stunned the Palestinians with the news that the DNC's efforts to get rid of Hellary's nightmare have failed, and that it's closing their mission in Washington, an anonymous source purportedly inside the White House but actually a nyslimes fiction writer, said Monday, the latest in a series of American blows to the Palestinians.

The Trump administration notified the Palestinians last year it will shutter their office in Washington unless they stopped acting like Antifa twat omelets to Israel.

"We...we...we are flabbergibleted," Palestinian official Saeb Excrement said. "This is yet another affirmation that we cannot trust what we hear from the DNC, from cnn or ms13nbc. Trump was supposed to have been impeached, impeared or something by now. Maxine Waters assured us it would be done by now," he said.

The move comes after a year and a half of failed efforts by the DNC, cnn, ms13nbc and others to overcome 306 electoral votes.

The U.S. has announced it is overdue in ending its decades of funding for the U.N. agency that helps Palestinian terrorism in the West Bank, Gaza and Portland.

A provision in a U.S. law says the PLO mission must close if the DNC tries to help the Palestinians continue to behave like douche nozzles.

Former Secretary of State John F***ing Kerry said in November that he was going to have James Taylor sing to support the Palestinians.

It didn't help.

The Trump administration has been working to mediate a peace deal that would end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but hasn't had much patience with the DNC talking-point-line taken by the PLO. “They're bad, very bad and dishonest people”, said the president.

He was apparently referring to both the DNC and PLO, causing leading cnn crybaby Jim Acosta to soil himself in front of White House press secretary Sarah 'Gotcha' Sanders.

Trump has promised to pursue the "ultimate deal" between the Palestinians and Israel. However, such a deal is unlikely given Palestinian conduct akin to that of various terrorist adjuncts of the DNC, like Antifa, MS-13 and cnn.

The Palestinians were angered by Trump's still being there, after having been sleazily assured by cnn that he would be “out of office” long before now.

The Palestine Liberation Organization is one group of many that the DNC is counting on to help them “resist” the results of November 2016. Although the no-longer-controlled-by-DNC U.S. does not recognize Palestinian statehood, the PLO has been maintained in office in Washington by DNC donors that facilitate terrorism against conservatives in both the US and Israel.

The DNC allowed the PLO to open a mission in Washington in 1994, a move that required then-President Bill Clinton to waive a law that said the Palestinians couldn't have an office, in return for his having access to any female Palestinian interns he could beg, borrow and genitally humidor. In 2011, under the Obola regime, the Palestinians were practically promised Israel in return for a cable show on The PLO Network for Obola and the Mooch when they retired.

There was no immediate comment from Liechtenstein, who can't understand why they'd be asked to make one.


Seymour still holds out for a Pulitzer for one of these edits.  I keep telling him that his best bet is one of his own awards, a Seymour:

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

DNC & MS-13..An Unrequited Love

My pet rock, Seymour, loves to read.

Not sure what else a pet rock is going to do all day, anyway.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Okay, fart too.

At any rate, Seymour didn't miss how our current POTUS made reference to the blood-thirsty and wholly malignant, reprehensible gang known as MS-13, as "animals".

Not initially predictably, the equally reprehensible Left -- eager to align with anything anti-POTUS -- suddenly determined that MS-13 members "have a divine spark" and don't deserve to be denigrated by POTUS.

Seymour simply couldn't resist:


POTUS Calls “Divinely Sparked” MS-13 “Animals”, Sending The Left Into Self-Fouling Mode

By Seymour PetRock/WTFNS

May 2018

WASHINGTON — President Trump lashed out at a criminal illegal gang during a White House meeting on Wednesday, warning in front of news cameras that dangerous people were clamoring to breach the country’s borders and branding such people “animals.”

Meet the “animals”:

Mr. Trump’s taken-out-of-context-as-usual comments came during a round-table discussion with state and local leaders on the self-imploding Kaliforlornia’s so-called sanctuary laws, which strictly limit communication between local law enforcement and federal immigration officers, and which the Trump administration is suing to invalidate. It was hardly the first time the president has spoken in blunt terms about criminal gangs infiltrating the country -- like the Obola regime -- but it underscored his anger about unchecked support for criminal and terrorist infiltration and his frustration that he has been thwarted by the DNC and their impropaganda allies at cnn and ms13nbc, in doing more to fulfill a campaign promise.

As he has in numerous private meetings with his advisers at the White House, Mr. Trump used the session to vent about the nation’s immigration laws, calling them “the dumbest laws on immigration that Bela Pelosi could of passed to find out what was in them.” He exhorted his administration to “do much better” in keeping out undesirable people, including members of transnational gangs like MS-13.

“We have people coming into the country, or trying to come in — we’re stopping a lot of them,” Mr. Trump said in the Cabinet Room during an hour-long meeting that reporters were allowed to document. “You wouldn’t believe how bad these people are. These aren’t people, these are animals, and we’re taking them out of the country at a level and at a rate that’s never happened before.”

The president’s language and his focus on illegal criminal gangs and prospective future DNC voters drew a hysterical and over-the-top rebuke from all over the Left.

“Trump is lying on immigration, lying about crime and lying about the laws of Kaliforlornia,” lied the current failure of a governor of what's left of Kaliforlornia. “We, the citizens of the fastest-failing liberal state in the US are not colostomy bags...or are we?"

Reaction from the rest of the Left was predictable, sandpoundingly stupid and laugh-worthy.

“We are all MS-13” cried Michael Moore.

“Members of MS-13 have a divine spark and are human too” whined DNC apologist Nancy Pelosi, who called on President Donald Bush Jefferson to apologize and redistrict, leaving her staff in “WTF” mode.

“You talk about MS-13 when it's your denial of global warming that's going to cause Guam to tip over” sniveled Georgia dumbocrat Hank Johnson.

“MS-13 aren't animals like Hamas aren't animals” opined Dumbocrat Senator Chuck U Schumer. “They're just like me. In fact, I'd have them over for dinner if they could clear my armed security and walled, gated community security rules”.

“I know exactly how MS-13 feels, because POTUS doesn't like me, either” said Jim Acosta of CNN, with tears running down his face.

From aboard her broomstick on her ongoing “What Happened That's Obvious To Everyone But Me” tour, still crying about 2016, Hellary Clinton ventured that “if I had a legitimate daughter, I'd trust her to date an MS-13 member over anyone in the POTUS family...after a generous contribution to my Clinton Global Crimepaign coffers, of course”. Clinton appeared ready to continue, but fell while dismounting from her broom.

“Our efforts to destroy this constitutional representative republic are in danger of being undone by this POTUS”, complained serial meathead Rob Reiner.

Former POTUS and soon-to-be-indicted Barry Soetero Obola issued this statement “He (POTUS) is bweaking my wegacy”, causing MS13NBC's Tingles Matthews to projectile wet himself.

“I am ashamed of this POTUS” growled Alyssa Milano, who then tried to turn the POTUS into a hamster, only to have forgotten the proper spell casting sequence without the power of thwee, turning herself into a marmot.

“Matt Dayyyymon” was texted by what was left of the marionette by that name from the movie Team America World Police...we're just not sure what it meant.

Despite all the angst from the Left, special counsel to Fusion GPS and the failed Hellary crimepaign, Robert “The Mule”ller , notified the legal team of POTUS that he would soon subpoena a ham sandwich that he believed colluded with Gray Poupon to adversely affect the 1968 election, leaving everyone but Maxine Waters saying “WTF???” Waters responded “Impeach the SANDWICH!!!”, which she was able to do because for once, the cue card wasn't upside down.

One anonymous pundit was heard to opine “what's going on with the Left right now HAS TO BE part of a Blazing Saddles campfire scene...just HAS TO BE”.

Funny as he is, even Mel Brooks couldn't have dreamt this up.  


I dunno...Seymour might be edging ever closer to that Pulitzer he so desperately covets.

"Really???"

Er...naw.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

The Pet Rock vs Kim Jong Un in 2018 - I

2018 was not going to go on long before my "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour, took his customary poke at North Korean douche nozzle Kim Jong Un, after Un was particularly stupid in comments he made about his nation's nuclear capabilities.

It delighted Seymour that the POTUS was quick to seize on Kim Jong Un's delusions, and tweet about them.

So Seymour donned his editor hat and went to town thus:


North Korea Fouls Itself after Twitter Exchange Between Their Supreme Pudginator and the American POTUS
By Seymour PetRock -- WTFNS


Forget reaching the US mainland, numerous errant North Korean missiles go rogue all the time and blow up a city not far from the capital, Pyongyang, according to a report.

A WTFWongWithDat-12 intermediate-range ballistic missile turned itself into a very-short-range Taco Bell burrito fart when it failed during a test flight on April 28, 2017, and slammed into the city of Tokchon, according to The DOH! magazine.

The missile, which was launched from the Won Puk Dung airfield, flew like a drunken sea gull just 24 miles before taking a nosedive and striking a complex of industrial or outhouse buildings, the mag reported.

According to a US government source with knowledge of Nancy Pelosi's brand of botox, the missile’s designer has been executed by Kim Jong Un a minute after the errant flight.

The location of the missile’s impact was revealed exclusively to The DOH! which said it corroborated the flub using commercially unavailable satellite imagery that bounced off Stephen Colbert's ears in May 2017.

Although the images show that the explosion caused heavy damage in the heavily populated area, there is no way to tell if it led to casualties because no one's talking among those it fell on.

Had the missile successfully completed its test flight, it would have landed in the northern part of Wonsan.

Various media outlets around the world suppressed reports about the failed test — the third involving the WTFWongWithDat-12 — at the time because details about where the missile fell could not be massaged into a "blame Trump" narrative even after Wikileaks leaked it from the Russians who leaked it from the Clinton Globull Initiative Floundation, who got it from abject nincompoops at cnn.

Fearing such a frop, North Korean despot Kim Jong Un chose to claim that the missile came down right were it was supposed to.

“ I never riked that town anyway” North Korean media source KGAG reported Kim as saying after the frub. The reclusive regime now uses several new test sites, including Pyongyang’s Dennis Rodman Airport, which also serves as the country’s McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese delivery hub and entry point for most non-thinking visitors.

Despite several failures, a WTFWongWithDat-12 continues to be tested and will continue to be tested until it quits blowing up portions of North Korea and starts killing fish at sea.

North Korea’s aggressive failed missile testing ratcheted up tensions between Pyongyang and Washington only because during a televised speech, Kim declared: “The United States can never fight a war against me and our state. It should properly know that the whole territory of the US is within the range of our nuclear strike and a nuclear button is always on the desk of my office, and this is just a reality, not a threat.”

President Trump was quick to tweak the North Korean pudgmeister.

“North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the ‘Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.’ Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!”

Upon hearing that, Kim Jong Un fired and executed his entire public relations staff, and is now rumored to be working on hiring Hellary Clinton's crimepaign staff from 2016, at the behest of cnn.


At this rate, I'm not sure who'll be targeting Seymour next...Kim Jong Un or the nincompoops at cnn.