Best Lil' Whore House Online

*Blogger's note: this is from February of 2007, but worthy of a repost now, with a tad of updating*

Sitting at the computer the other night, I was knawing on a bagel and looking into email. Good thing I wasn't drinking coffee at the time, too.

The particular email account of note here is not usually filled with meaningful, useful email. It's usually replete with Nigerian email scams; faux financing offers (probably phishing scams); offers for cut-rate Viagra and once-used toilet paper, cheap. That kinda stuff.

But occasionally, I get emails herein that are intended for a real person. Too bad I'm not one in this account, but I digress. For example, I recently got a donation request from the RNC regarding a "new agenda" via this account; I can only imagine what Michael Duncan (RNC chairman at that time) will think when he gets a reply from Ukulele Ungabunga, but that's for another time.

On this particular occasion, I got two emails that were, how we say, different. The first was from -- surprise, surprise -- AARP. It wasn't enough that they'd sent me snail mail urgings to partake of their organization a couple weeks ago; they're even seeking me -- or someone -- out via email.

They so do want to suck up every dues-paying possibility as soon as possible, don't they?

Then came the other email, from a Noelle Skaggs (jhallhlew@participate.com); with such an email address, I figured it to be a follow-on to the AARP solicitation. In fact, I was sure it was, until I read the email title: I want to be your whore, Cowfethers.

Took me a minute to remove the bits of bagel that suddenly found their way forcefully into my sinus passages. After which it occurred to me that someone shoulda told me that this was an AARP perk; I'd of played at being 50 twenty years ago.

Alas, this email wasn't related to the AARP one.

The email went on with a paragraph of the following gibberish: There was a dark spot at the deserts edge in the indicated direction, and when they approached this Jason saw that it was an outcropping of rock that had been built up with a wall of bricks and boulders to a uniform height. A good number of men could be concealed behind that wall, and he was not going to risk his precious slaves or even more precious skin anywhere near it. At his shout the line halted and sank down on the sand while he stalked a few meters in front, settling his club in his hand and suspiciously examining the structure.

Then, it got back to the header theme (pun still intended): BEST WHORES IN YOUR LOCAL AREA! MEET OUR GIRLS IN YOUR HOTEL, HOME OR OFFICE. PURE PLEASURE OR RELAXATION, OUR CHARMING LADIES ARE ONLY TOO WILLING TO PLEASE! Find one of these amazing escorts *TOING* in your area now, for a truly unforgetable evening.

http://www.datindrama.com/

LMAO...

Maybe AARP should consider making this a perk?

Eh...maybe not. I mean, Betty White didn't mind getting tackled and muddied for a Snickers, but this might be beyond the pail for her and Abe Vigoda (unless with each other).

I did send back what I considered to be something of an inspired response, but the email 'bounced', as frequently happens with such an escort...er...email address, not that I would know about that. The gist of my wasted reply was:

why shore, sweetums, yall git yore painted and prissied self over hyar, an' wunst ah gits mah teeth ta adhyar to mah gums, change mah Deee-pends and git all lathered up, whoooooo weee, ah kin git widda program. Don't fergit the Geritol an' Viagra now, yhear?

I gave my street address as that of the Colorado Democratic Party HQ in Denver ;-) I know they're big supporters of women's issues and AARP, after all...