Thighborg

Meet Vera Mensah, scammer from Ghana.  Not that she introduced herself as such.

No, she's got some kind of a gold scam she's trying to work here.

She proved easy to side track though...it all starts here with her opening gambit:

I am Miss. Vera Mensah, i am 28 years of age and i am single residing in Tema Ghana with my mum and younger sister my father is late and my late father work as Personnel Maneger to Kenoli Gold Mining Company Limited Ghana. 

I have choose you to assist me not by own doing my dear but by the special grace of God most gracious the most merciful. When my father was still alive he deposited a box of Gold worth 150KG worth  millions of dollars with a security company on my behalf but he instructed them through his lawyer that the treasure box should be released to me only when am married or if i present my future husband or a Trustee this has made things difficult for me because for now am still single. I really need your assistance so that the security company can release this treasure box after which i shall come to your country and settle down with you and complete my education the death of my father cut short my education and i did not finish in the university.

Please i will like you to assure me that you will keep this very transaction and myself secret pending the release of the treasure box. I will be expecting your immediate reply and your assurance to keep this very transaction secret without involving or disclosing it to a third party and am sorry for my late response.Attached to this mail is my pictures and i will appreciate if you can send yours too so that i can know you better. Finally, I can send you sample of the Gold which you can take to any Gold dealer and confirm it but this can only be done when i must have presented you as my future husband or husband so that they can make it official.

Miss Vera.  

 

 

And of course, she included the picture you see as her bona fides.

 

My character took it a different direction immediately:

 

 

Sorry, cain't hep ya.....yo thighs is too fat.  

 

 

That hit a noive:

 

 

Well am surprised with your response are we talking about thighs or the business at hand? I need you to be my trustee please.    

 

 

 Ah'm talkin' bout yo thighs. They too fat.  

 

 

My thighs has nothing with you being my trustee OK? Leave the thighs and be my trustee   


Be up front: your thighs are fat. Admit the obvious and we can begin to discuss business.  


My thighs are not fat.  What is wrong with you?  


If your thighs aren't fat, then what's up with the photo you sent?  The woman in that photo is you?  that woman has fat thighs.  Admit it.  Fat   thighs.  


Are your thighs fat?  


Not like yours.  


Are you going to forget my thighs and be my trustee or not?  


Are you going to admit that you have fat thighs so we can proceed with business or not?  


What is it with you and my thighs?  


They're fat, that's what.  


Don't write to me any more.


Fine..but you'll still have fat thighs.  


...the 'thighs' have it.  The measure is passed...

Ghana, The UN, An Edit and More

I don't know why Marie Barf -- Ms State Department Hash Tagger -- is pouting.  After all, she didn't get left out here.

Or mebbe that's why she's pouting...'cuz she didn't.

Once again, the UN is trying to compensate one of my characters for a scam my character wasn't scammed on...and in so doing, trying to scam my character.

Kinda like the DNC.

Here's the gist of the scam:

World Bank Assisted Program
Directorate Of International
Payment And Transfer.
Debt Reconciliation/Audit Unit
United Nations Headquarters,
New York, NY 10017, U.S.A.

Our Ref: WB/NF/UN/XX028 United Nations.

Dear Beneficiary,

We are authorize by United Nations Secretary General after the last UN Security Council meeting with the G8, and the Governing body of the United Nations Debt Reconciliation Unit, to investigate the unnecessary delay on your payment, recommended and approved in your favor. During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that your Lottery Winning and inheritance/Compensation payment has been unnecessarily delayed by corrupt officials of the Bank and Government regulatory organs in Nigeria, Asia, Australia, Europe, Africa, America, Canada, North America, and South America who are trying to divert your funds into their private accounts.

This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the UNITED NATIONS and WORLD BANK To pay 500 people from your country as a result of they Lottery Winning, contract payment and Compensation as victim of Internet scam. The United Nations has decided to pay you Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) each. You are listed and approved for this payment as one of the lucky person to be paid this amount, so get back to this office as soon as possible for the immediate payment process of your Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) only.

This email is to 500 selected lucky people of the countries that have been scammed or extorted money from because of their contract payment execution in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate all the Lottery Winners and scam victim with the sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) each. This includes every foreign contractors that may have not yet received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems or irregularities etc. We found your email in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this has been agreed upon and has been signed by the United Nations Board of Directors and Trustees from the WORLD BANK ASSISTED PROGRAMMED.

Be clarify that this fund has been approved in your favor and duly signed by the United Nations Financial Department, United Nations Board of Directors and Trustees from the WORLD BANK ASSISTED PROGRAMMED, and also note that your Fund will be release can either be release to you through the following method (Via Bank to Bank Wire Transfer, Via Automatic Teller Machine ATM MASTERCARD, Via Electronic On-Line Banking System, Via Bank Draft and Via Diplomatic Delivery Means) and the Chief Protocol Officer, in charge of the Fund Release Unit Mr Kwasi Evans at Bank of GHANA have been authorize to handle the release process of your fund per your chosen method you want to use to receive your Fund from the above listed means. You are hereby advised without delay to stop all contact going on between you and anybody on Internet over the claim of your Fund because you will end up at nothing with them as they have no Fund for you and you must understand that we are here to ensure that you receive your fund without any further problem, so follow our instruction and contact Mr Kwasi Evans for the claim of your Fund.  


It goes on to blather about who and how my character must contact in Ghana to get what's coming to my character....*wink snort chortle snerx*

So while Hellary's email scam continues to fester like the pus infected giant zit it is, my character's edit of the scam will combine the two...and thensome:

Word Bank Assisted Pogrom
Directorate Of International
Word Bank Loans And Transfer.
Twatwaffle Reconciliation/Awdamn Unit
United Nations Hindquarters,
New York, NY 10017, U.S.A.

Our douche is our nozzle.

Achtung:

We are authorize by United Nations Suckretary Genital after the last UN Suckurity Council meeting with the GesusHChrist, and the Governing body of the United Nations Leftover By Cannibals Reconstruction Eunuch, to investigate the unnecessary left declination on your bat pate recommended and approved in assorted flavors. During the intercourse with our inflatable hellary sex toy, we discovered with dismay that Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Nancy Bela Pelosi, Dianne Frankenfeinstein and Barack Obola are all of the same gender neutrality as that of a petrifried tree stump in Burundi.  Bill Clinton's eunuchversity of female genital intern humidors is nonplused both here and in Nigeria, Asia, Australia, Europe, Africa, America, Canada, North America, and South America; but strangely enough, not on Uranus.  They've taken no notice.

This is to bring to your notice that we are disinclined from the UNITED NATIONS and WORD BANK To spay 500 people from your country as a result of their having had sex with inflatable sex toys that look like Hellary, which as we all know is an Internet scam. The United Nations has decided to spay you as part of the 500. You are listed and approved for this spayment because your antecedence is dubious at best, and your ass looks like Elijah Cummings when he sneezes, so get back to this office as soon as possible for the immediate spayment process that we have made as bureaucratically obtuse as anything the DNC mishandles...which is about everything.

This email is sent randomly to 500 selected twatwaffles of the countries that have been scammed by inflatable hellary sex toys..except in the basement of the DNC, where hellary nutcrackers are all the rage.   The UNITED NATIONS have agreed to constipate all the residents of Dearborn so that the brown note may be employed in a most unimaginable way possible.  This includes every foreign contributor to the Clinton Crimedation, and people that have had an unfinished genital rebush that failed due to Government problems or irregularities etc. 

Be clarify that this email has been fermenting in hellary's primate server hidden in Jen Psucki's ass at the State Dept and already has a hashtag campaign being set up by Marie Barf for release in time for a weekend at Bernie's.  

Be informed that you are further persondated to quickly stop using gender assigned rest rooms until all the gorillas in Cinncinati has had gender reassignments.  For that one you must contact the Bank of Ghana because that is the only place hellary is still receiving illegal crimepaign contributions from in exchange for her inflatable sex toys being helium fueled there.  This is because one of Barf's hashtags claims that Ghana is safe, peaceful and conducktive to transact such huge inflatable hellary sex toys with helium without being indicted  by government agencies. You are advised to stop any further communalcation with Fox News or any conservative talk radio source because you are going to screw up hellary's coronation as the most corrupt wench that ever had to pardon herself at her assumed inauguration. Adhere to this very instruction and you will likely regret it. Find below the contact details of KWASI EVANS. CONTACT HIS OFFICE ASAP,

Contact information:

Bank Name: BANK OF GHANA

Contact Person: MR. KWASI EVANS

Position: Chief Protocol Officer, Hellary Sex Toy Inflation Release Department

Bank Address: One Thorpe Road, Accra, Ghana

Email: bankofgh.kwasie@gmail.com

Telphone#: +233262456791

We expect your urgent attention to this email to enable us monitor this clusterf**k effectively. Most importantly we advise you to follow the instruction of Mr. Kwasi Evans as we have assigned him to mishandle the process of the release of your very own hellary inflatable sex toy complete with authentic and autographed life sized 6 XXXL butt thong.  Respond soonest without any further delay.


MR. STAN PEGE
Douche Nozzle Ad Hork Unit
UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK

A Monica Lewinsky stained dress production

 

The Bank of Ghana, the UN, the World Bank...none of them has responded to my edit.  My pet rock, Seymour, thinks that the DNC and Marie Barf have me on a *list*.  They won't be the first or last  ;-)

 

He Still Wonders

This h'yar is Bill Robertson.

Or not.  I've seed this photo used before under different names, so it could be Bill Robertson.

Or not.

Bill Robertson just sent my character an inquiry to an email Bill Robertson received from my character.  See, Bill Robertson first contacted my character in September 2013.

Bill Robertson doesn't remember that.

But my character did.  And has continued to.

Here's what Bill Robertson sent my character in September 2013:


On Friday, September 13, 2013 3:00 AM, Bill Robertson <billrobertson21@gmail.com> wrote:Good Day sir,
I am writing to seek your indulgence and alliance towards some consignments delivery that will be beneficial to both of us or any other person that is concerned. You may be aware of proliferation of consignments in our International Airport, and across the borders for the past few years. My men have since the past years intercepted some huge quantities, which are currently in the Government bond warehouse.   Some rightful owners have since applied for claim and their consignments were delivered to their choice of destinations by this office. Some of the consignments are yet to be claim; since we do not have the rightful owners contact address or phone numbers to reach them on. The Government has mandated my office to make sure all consignments are delivered to their owners within the shortest possible time or risk forfeiture. You should be aware that when such consignments are being seized by the Government, the gold which is the contents of the consignments are diverted to arms purchase which is normally the root causes of war in Africa.   I am therefore using this opportunity to solicit for your partnership to move the remaining consignments which are unclaimed to a destination where you have to receive them and later, I join you for final disbursement. Please I want you to keep this proposal very confidential to yourself because of my status in the Government if you are interested or not. However, if you are not interested, please also keep it very confidential and disregard it due to my status here with the Ghana Revenue Authority (GRA). Be informed that all arrangement regarding the delivery will be put in place as soon as I receive your nod. I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.  


Bill Robertson doesn't remember having sent that to my character.  Nor does Bill Robertson remember what my character dun widdit:

Good Day sir/ma'am/whatever applies,
I am writing to seek your indulgence and alliance towards some consignments delivery that will be beneficial to both of us or any other mammal, reptile, marsuipal, bipolarpod, or any other life form of dubious antecedence and capable of farting in zero gravity.

 

You may be aware of proliferation of consignments in our International Airport here in Ghana.  Or, you may not.  If you are, read next paragiraffes please.  If you aren't, we gotz more sh*t stuffed in our warehouses than George Clooney's collected for Darfur, wherever the hell THAT is.  My men have since the past years intercepted some huge quantities of things like surface-to-air anvils, waffle irons capable of waffling at depths up to 450 feet (which makes them ideal on the Andrea Doria), and all sorts of stuff that K-Tel, Ronco and other places have stockpiled and then sh*tcanned when they didn't sell well, like the Clapper Detonator and the Pocket WhackerOffer.

 

Some rightful owners have since applied for claim and their consignments were delivered to Chicago, where they're being looted as we speak. Some of the consignments are yet to be claim; we can't seem to find anyone who wants 1,000 kgs of kimshi-ed haggis.  The Government has mandated my office to make sure all consignments are delivered to somebody -- ANYBODY -- before their annual delivery of inflatable sex toys arrives.  This year, they're gonna be screwing inflatable ostriches.

 

Don't ask me...I'm just writing the email.

 

You should be aware that when you get emails like this, the Ghana Government is getting a rake off on anything made toward the end of arms purchase which is normally the root causes of prosthetics.  

 

I am therefore using this opportunity to solicit for your unused inflatable sex toys so as to keep the government here happy.  If you can spare me some inflatable emus, that'd  be good as well. 

 

Please I want you to keep this proposal very confidential to yourself because of if my mother found out what I was doing, she'd have my nuts nailed to an army ant trail.

 

However, if you are not interested, please also keep it very confidential and disregard it 'cuz my mother has connections in the soetero regime's Office Of Inflatable Sex Toys Civil Rights Division.  Yeah, they threw that together with some stimulus money and some of the crank that soetero did in Chicago as a community disorganizer.

 

Be informed that all arrangement regarding the delivery will be put in place as soon as I receive your nod. I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.
My humble regards.
Bill A. Robertson
<billrobertson21@gmail.com>  

 

 

When my character did this, Bill Robertson responded thus:

 

 

f**k off 

 

 

My character responded thus:

 

 

F**k has an on-off switch?  I didn't know that.  You should get you a Clapper and try making that work.  You'd be a hit over at the goat paddock. 

 

 

My character assumes Bill Robertson didn't like that, but Bill Robertson didn't respond to confirm or deny it.

 

So as is the customary SOP of my various characters, when editing email scams, they also take care to include a CC copy to a number of previous scammers who've warmed my character's hearts with such replies.  Including of course ol' Bill here.

 

 

Well recently, Bill was the recipient of an edit my character did of one of the Illumi-nutzoid emails I get.  And poor ol' Bill, he dunno or don' remember, who my character is.  So most recently my character gets this: 

 

 

Who the hell are you?  

 

 

Off the top of my character's thrice-concussed haid, I had him borrow something from a 60's Western movie:

 

 

Well I can tell you that I'm not Mississippi or Alan Badilian Treherne.  

 

 

So then I looked up our earlier correspondence and copied him with it.  And this is the thanks my character got for remembering Bill Robertson better than Bill Robertson remembered my character:

 

 

f**k off and never write me again if you value  

 

 

If I value what, Plunger Lips?  

 

 

That apparently goes unanswered, at least for now.  Meantime, Bill Robertson can count on getting to read a copy of every email my characters send from their respective accounts.  I don't want Bill Robertson to forget them so readily again.

 

My characters suggest he probably would have been wiser if he had.