A Scammer, A Movie, And Morons

I should start here by explaining that when a scammer claims they're dying from a brain tumor, a picture of ol' Bug Eye here is amusing in that therein, there's no brain to be found.

But I digress.

Witness the following email scam from another dying inheritress:

With warm hearts I offer my friendship, and my greetings to you in the name of our lord God, and I hope this letter meets you in good time, I propose with my free mind and as a person of integrity from God, I know that this message will appear as a surprise to you that we barely know but the grace of God directed me to you and I wish you read this message and be blessed in name of the Lord.

 

I have a brain tumor, I suffer terribly at the moment. My doctor just informed me that my days are numbered because of my health therefore condemned to certain death. Currently, I have exhausted all my savings for my medical care. But I do have some funds for my charity project, these funds are deposited in a fixed deposit in a local bank here in Benin. purposed for charitable foundation My marital status is such that I'm single because I lost my Husband for over 9 years now and unfortunately we have not had a child together, which I am no one to leave my legacy . Therefore, to release my funds I would like to make a donation so that there is no stiff tax on my money.

 

To this I would so graceful and in order to help the poor to give what amounts to said legacy worth Four million euros (Ђ4,000,000.00) (Four Million Euro) to enable you to establish a charitable foundation in my memory so that the grace of God be with me until my last home so I can receive an honorable place with the Lord our father. I have no fear because before contacted you, i have for several nights prayed for the Lord God to give me the contact of a trusted person to whom I can entrust this matter and it is the result of why I am doing research that allowed me to contact you through this site.

 

Know that you can keep half of the money for yourself and the rest will be used to create a charitable foundation in my memory and a federation in the fight against cancer and also build orphanages. I would have the following information: Your name and first name, your exact address and your permanent telephone contact so I can forward them to my lawyer to appear that you perform the procedure under deal. I count on your goodwill and especially on the proper use of these funds have something I do not doubt because I have great confidence in you that God may guide me toward you. My private E-mail: dessybk@hotmail.com

 

Awaiting your prompt reply, receive my cordial and fraternal greetings.

 

Yours Sincerely

Mrs Dessy Baharudin   

 

 

My pet rock, Seymour, thought that this email needed an exceptionally peculiar edit.  He made that happen:

 

 

From: Ms Dessy Baharudin <oa@hsjt1983.com>
Sent: Monday, July 29, 2019 12:16 PM
Subject: If I Only Had A Brain

 

With raging heartburn I offer my painful oral belch and my greetings to you in the name of a goat head baphomet named Kamala.  I propose with my mind free of integrity to surprise you that we barely know of each other, but the grace of a shark-bodied horse directed me to you and I wish you read this message and be amazed at the drugs on this trip.

 

 

I have a tumor.  It's currently in my vaginal area.  My doctor just informed me that it would have been a brain tumor, but I didn't have a brain, so it looked for a good place to marinate and it decided my crotchular area was as good as any.  I suppose I should be happy it didn't choose my assular area.  My calendar sez that my days are numbered because that's how calendars work.  So I am condemned to numbered days with a large lump in my crotchular area.  Currently, I have exhausted all my savings meant for my gender reassignment to turn me from a woman into a gender neutral sh*thouse wombat.  But I do have knowledge of funds in an abandoned train in northern Mexico that has been overlooked ever since the movies quit getting scripts for sh*t like that.

 

 

In 2018 a group of stunted munchkin witch doctors combined with a couple gregorian monks left Benin to locate the funds, but somewhere between Benin and Uranus they got hijacked by democrap vote harvesters who are holding them until the 2020 election because the dems need all the illegal votes they can get.  Apparently it's the only way they think they can win.

To this I would add that cnn misunderstood the story and instead published one that led denizens of Burntimore to loot every 7-11 of any toilet paper and beer they could find, as reparations.  cnn isn't too bright but I digress.

I am looking for half-crazed militant emus to take up where the witch doctor munchkins failed, and find those funds that John Wayne and Ann Margret started out to get. 

 

 

If by some miracle the funds are located, I want at least part of it to go to fixing Wheaties so that more eaters of that cereal don't go the way of Bruce Jenner.  I have no fear because before contacted you, I was in contact with a long-dead train robber via Instrumental Transcommunications, who tipped me off that Tom Brady will not win another Super Bowl in 2020, and that the ASPCA will successfully petition the Kentucky Derby to allow the running of t-rexes and Galapagos Tortoises at the next Kentucky Derby, so as not to allow the continuation of species racism.  Bet $100 on the tortoise Vapor Lock to win next year.

 

 

Know that if you involve yourself in this project, you are not guaranteed of anything.  Just the satisfaction of having served in a dubious cause for the greater good of public trash cans not yet pillaged by Antifa.  I would have the following information: Your name and first name, your exact address and your permanent telephone contact so I can forward them to my lawyer to appear that you perform the procedure under deal. I count on your gullible nature and especially on that to allow me to achieve ends that are not enumerated herein, but will become self-evident once the democrap debates remove any doubt that they're all morons in that party.  My private E-mail: dessybk@hotmail.com

 

Awaiting your prompt reply, receive my genital warts as tokens of my depreciation.

 

Mrs Dessy Baharudin   

 

 

The scammer had no taste for this edit.  Neither apparently did the DNC, though it was shared with them.  Seymour thought they needed the help.

 

 

This Edit The Toast of the Clown

It started innocently enough:  just a poor scammer trying to scam my character for some cash by way of a bank scam out of Benin.

Here's his, her, or whichever of 57 gender choices this scammer is:


UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS
Washington D.C USA

AUTHORIZATION FOR RELEASE OF UNPAID FUNDS
Dear, Email ID Owner.

Through our Global Intelligence Monitoring Network System we discovered that your long overdue fund has not be paid to you as approved by the fund source and origin, After much consultations and meetings held in Washington D.C USA, the Human Rights Organization has been given express instruction to (UNCC) to direct the West Africa Monetary Agency (WAMA) to re-called unpaid funds that was originated from Africa, Europe, Asia Plus Middle east, Americans, has finally been approved as your email ID is among the list of Beneficiaries that will receive their fund via this message we are pleased to inform you that your fund has been liquidated and converted into international ATM card, Your outstanding payment valued $2,500,000.00 (Two Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) only has been perfected to be paid to you by the one of the most decorated, Trusted and recognized bank in the Benin Republic.

In consideration of the above, you have been issued with this Exclusive Reference Identification Number. This must be presented to attain your lump sum payment. Please take note and copy this code.The code must be indicated to the institution processing the payment.The Benin UBA Global Bank. No exceptions.(ATM/NR: UNCCORG/IMF/0866/B6) It is also important you note that from our record,you have been in contact with some unauthorized officials and some abnormalities have been observed in your file, which has to be corrected. Also, You are required to forward the following details; full names, address, occupation, age and phone numbers for verification and re-confirmation.

Please contact immediately:

UBA BENIN PAYMENT PROCESSING DEPARTMENTS MR. FELIX A. QUAYE
CONTACT #+229-6439-4826
E-mail::atminfo@messagesafe.co

This instructions is from the custody of the United Nation representative office UK this is for abbreviation of the rate of poverty as we saw your name on the list of unpaid individuals,The United Nation Compensation Commission (UNCC) was created in 1991 as a subsidiary organ of the UN Security Council and the payment has been approved by us to be release to you as we notice your payment has been delayed by uncertain reasons which has just been resolved by us through our power so you are free to receive your funds now.

On behalf of the UN we apologize for the failure to pay your funds on time and for any inconveniences such as approved registered payments being forwarded to our processing institution in Africa. We found your name in our list of people their payment has been delayed so we decide to intervene and help you get paid which we have done. If you receive this mail in your spam folder, it could be due to your Internet Service Provider, ISP. So move to your inbox before your reply.

Yours in service,
Mrs.Susan Hodge
Information Officer
United Nations Funds Investigation Unit.  


Ain't that nice.

My pet rock, Seymour, didn't think so.

Remembering what the exceptionally hilarious Scamalot baiter James Veitch did to one online banking scammer, Seymour decided to bring Veitch in the edit:



From: Information Office <yamatomo@sky.plala.or.jp>
Sent: Tuesday, July 23, 2019 3:48 AM
Subject: Contact UBA Bank for your FREE TOASTER WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNT!!

 

UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS TO FREE TOASTERS WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNTS!!
Washington D.C USA

AUTHORIZATION FOR DELIVERY OF NEW TOASTER
Dear, Email ID Owner.

Through our Global Intelligence Monitoring Network System we discovered that your long overdue FREE TOASTER FOR OPENING A NEW ACCOUNT has not be gived to you as approved by the bank that started the TOASTER BONANAZA with NO RESTRICTIONS and NO HIDDEN FEES.  After much consultations and meetings held in Washington D.C USA, the Human Rights TO FREE TOASTERS WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNTS Organization has been given express instruction to (UNCC) to direct the West Africa FREE TOASTER GIVEAWAY Agency (WAFTGA) to get off their fat, lazy asses and start delivering the free toasters to all new account holders in Africa, Europe, Asia Plus Middle east and all Americans except those in the DNC and Newark.

So, we expect that any time now, you will receive ABSOLUTELY FREE, your promised FREE TOASTER FOR OPENING A NEW ACCOUNT at the most decorated, Trusted and recognized bank in the Benin Republic.  Even if it is sometimes called the Royal Bank of Scotland.  Banks can have branches anywhere.  We're working on opening one on Uranus in 2020.

In consideration of the above, you have been issued with this Exclusive Reference Identification Number. This must be presented to attain your FREE TOASTER from our New Account TOASTER BONANZA with no hidden fees or restrictions.  Please take note and copy this code.  The code must be indicated to the institution processing the FREE TOASTER.  The Benin UBA Global Bank -- aka, The Royal Bank of Scotland, with a branch soon coming to Uranus -- sends you this Exclusive Reference Identification Number:  WTF/NR: UNCCORK/OMG/0866/B6.

It is also important you note that from our record that you have been in contact with some unauthorized officials and some abnormalities have been observed in your file, which has to be corrected.  Though, as stated, you get your FREE TOASTER regardless of irregularities, anomalies, antis and uncles, NO MATTER WHAT. 

That is what we do in the Benin Repugnant.  Along with anal sex with emus.

Please contact immediately:

UBA BENIN FREE TOASTER PROCESSING DEPARTMENTS MR. FELIX A. QUAYE
CONTACT #+229-6439-4826
E-mail:  atminfo@messagesafe.co

This instructions is from the custody of the United Nation representative office UK this is for abbreviation of the rate of poverty as we saw your name on the list of unpaid individuals,The United Nation Compensation Commission (UNCC) was created in 1991 as a subsidiary interchangeable sex organ of the UN Security Council and the dispensing of free toasters with no restrictions has been approved by James Veitch and inadvertently agreed to by us as we notice your name on the list of persons not yet receiving of their FREE TOASTER from our FREE TOASTER BONANZA for opening a NEW ACCOUNT with NO RESTRICTIONS APPLIED.  All of which was  delayed by uncertain reasons which has just been resolved by us through our power of Shakespearean flatulence so you are free to receive your FREE TOASTER now.

On behalf of the UN we apologize for the failure to deliver your FREE TOASTER on time and for any inconveniences such as painful rectal itch being forwarded by our emails from Africa.  We hate when this happens and we are making up for lost time by getting you your FREE TOASTER with expedience.  Acting on behalf of a friend. 

If you receive this mail in your spam folder, it could be due to your Internet Service Provider. So move to your inbox before your reply.

Yours in service,
Mrs.Susan Hodge
Information Officer
UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS TO FREE TOASTERS WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNTS!!

The originating scammer didn't apparently see any need to follow up with Seymour.  But one scammer that bemoaned the fact that neither I nor my pet rock were stopping emailing him all the edits, let his displeasure be knowd:

when you stop all this silly?  pleese leave me lone! 

I not stop all this silly until world-wide TOASTER inequities have been alleviated!  It is that what makes me fulfilled!  


The scammer had nothing more to say, but somehow I suspect that James Veitch would be in agreement with Seymour on that point...





 

Bad Mooo-d Rising

That picture is always sure to upset friends of the blithering idiot cortez broad from NY.

But I digress...only sorta.

Got notified that my character had won yet another online lottery.  *Yawn*  Except for one tiny little thang:  who the email was from.

Moo Susan.

Moo Susan?

Yup...Moo Susan.

Here 'tis:

From:  Moo Susan (moo0110moo@yahoo.com)

We thank you for your patronage all past years by using the Internet. GOOGLE and MICROSOFT two major providers of Internet products globally collect all email addresses of people active on-line, among millions that subscribed to few from other e-mail providers. Your email address has won the prize
We happily announce to you as winner of $1m US dollars from Google and Microsoft online award

500 people are selected every year to benefit from this promotion and you are one of the Selected Winners. Winners shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center. ASIA, EUROPE, AFRICA, AND USA

Google and Microsoft Prize Award must be claimed no later than 30 days, from date of Draw Notification. Any prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited. Stated below are your identification numbers: BATCH NUMBER: GVMC/09/CC444 , REF NUMBER: 2011831099,     WINNING NUMBER:   16 19  25 32  49 

You are advised to contact our fiduciary agent and send your winning identification numbers for your payment:  

Contact Your Appointed Agent 

Contact person: Owen Well Born

 1. Full Name:

2. Contact Address:

3.  Mobile / Telephone Number:

4   Age

5. Gender:

6. Country:
7. Occupation: 

8. Batch Number: 

9. Reference Number:

10. Winning Number:     

Yours Faithfully,   (Coordinator/ Promotion Manager)    
............................................................ .............................. ..............................

"Do not reply back to the sender's address or the source email address, it is sent via computer virtual assistance for response will not be read my Human but computer" Therefore you must contact the fiduciary agents by phone and email address provided above    "
Copyright (c) 1999-2019 National Lottery International Promotion Inc. All rights reserved.  

 

My character had no idea how easy it was going to prove to discombobulate the scammer by the askance of a simple question.  But that's how it went:

 

 

...Moo...Susan???  

 

 

THANKS FOR YOUR EMAIL BUT PLEASE SEND ME ALL THIS INFO

1. Full Name:

2. Contact Address:

3.  Mobile / Telephone Number:

4   Age

5. Gender:

6. Country:
7. Occupation: 

OWEN   

 

 

First my question...Moo Susan?  

 

 

She has nothing to do with this promotion.  Please forward the informations we need from you to proceed.  

 

 

But...Moo Susan?  And how can you say she has nothing to do with this promotion?  SHE SENT IT TO ME.  

 

 

FORGET ABOUT HER.  SHE IS NOT PART OF THIS NOW SEND THE INFORMATIONS REQUESTED.  TIME IS NOT ON OUR SIDE.  

 

 

Time's on your side if you have a pocket watch.  But you speak untruly because it was Moo Susan that sent me this.  I demand to know what you have done with Moo Susan. 

 

 

FOR LAST TIME YOU FORGET ABOUT HER???????  JUST SEND THE INFORMATIONS NEEDED TO FINISH OUR BUSINESS.  

 

 

It would not be right of me to forget about Moo Susan as callously as you have.  I will be happy to send my informations once you tell me what you've done with Moo Susan. 

 

 

She works in different place.  Now please you must send the informations so we can complete.  

 

 

What different place? 

 

 

STOP WITH HER!!!!!!!  JUST SEND THE INFORMATIONS!!!!! 

 

 

It's clear to me that you're extremely jealous of Moo Susan and you've done something with her.  This goes no further until you arrange for me to have speaks with Moo Susan!!!!

 

 

IDIOT  

 

 

Twat waffle.   I demand you produce Moo Susan.  The world wonders. 

 

 

The mystery of Moo Susan will forever after linger in the anals of online lottery scams.  What isn't in doubt -- at least here -- is that Owen is extremely jealous of her.

Hacked Off Again

Of course...there ARE hackers out there.  REAL ONES.

The one I heard from...not so much:


Security Alert. Your accounts were compromised. You need to change password!


I am a hacker who has access to your operating system.   I also have full access to your account.

I've been watching you for a few months now.
The fact is that you were infected with malware through an adult site that you visited.

If you are not familiar with this, I will explain.
Trojan Virus gives me full access and control over a computer or other device.
This means that I can see everything on your screen, turn on the camera and microphone, but you do not know about it.

I also have access to all your contacts and all your correspondence.

Why your antivirus did not detect malware?
Answer: My malware uses the driver, I update its signatures every 4 hours so that your antivirus is silent.

I made a video showing how you satisfy yourself in the left half of the screen, and in the right half you see the video that you watched.
With one click of the mouse, I can send this video to all your emails and contacts on social networks.
I can also post access to all your e-mail correspondence and messengers that you use.

If you want to prevent this,
transfer the amount of $500 to my bitcoin address (if you do not know how to do this, write to Google: "Buy Bitcoin").

My bitcoin address (BTC Wallet) is:  35QCHhpUJSXx6zvWo3RdyKkrvV54vgUf4Q

After receiving the payment, I will delete the video and you will never hear me again.
I give you 50 hours (more than 2 days) to pay.
I have a notice reading this letter, and the timer will work when you see this letter.

Filing a complaint somewhere does not make sense because this email cannot be tracked like my bitcoin address.
I do not make any mistakes.

If I find that you have shared this message with someone else, the video will be immediately distributed.

Best regards!  


Late last year or earlier this one, a self-proclaimed hacker Xavier sent me the exact same template.  

*Yawn*

So let's see if Glorrrrrr-ia handles editing as well as Xavier didn't:


From: Gloria <contato@omori.com.br>
Sent: Wednesday, July 17, 2019 1:28 PM
To: virtualgenitalinvader01@hotmail.com
Subject: Security Alert. Your fly is open and your Alexis has been telling on you. You need to change your underwear!

Hello!

I am a hacker who hasn't one f***ing idea how any of this works, but that's what this template told me to say.

I am supposed to claim that I has access to your operating system and I also have full access to your account.

I can rape your goldfish, hypnotize your childhood sock puppet to do unspeakable things to your Lincoln Logs.

I have this power.  I...HAVE...THE...POWERRRRRRRRRR!

I've been watching you for a few months now.  Why do you fart along in unheard-of keys to Abba?  Why did you adapt your Salad Shooter to harass birds on your patio with .357 radishes?  Why did you vote for Trump?  Why don't you like that un-American sleaze bar wench, Alexandria Occasional-Cortex and her low-life posse of scum?

The fact is...I don't know Jack Daniels about any of this.  But my fly-infested internet cafe hired a psychic extra-large named Ms Cleo that is proving to be an abject flop.  But she said that THIS SCHEME would work on YOU.  She practical guaran-dang-teed it.

She said your Alexis confirmed that you were an easy mark, always settling for one less egg roll than your local Chinese delivery service would promise you. 

With that assumed knowledge of you -- and knowing how well assuming things frequently goes -- I was told to

claim that you were infected with malware through an adult site that you visited.  I think we meant to say that

your operating system was that what was infected.  Anyway, the adult site you visited was RuthBaderGinsberg.

Gone.Wild.com

Dude...really.

If you are not familiar with how all this is supposed to work, well...neither am I .  So one or both of us will figure this out as I attempt a feeble explanation of something I'm dumb as a door knob about.

A very ancient Trojan condom Virus gives me full access and control over a computer or other device.  I had targeted your computer.  I think I wound up with your Alexis instead.

You got the version that has the every 30 day cramps and goes full beeyotch mode, didn't you?

What this allegedly means is that in some alternative universal theory involving parade ground suffragettes and inflatable sex toys, that I can see everything on your screen, turn on the camera and microphone, but you do not know about it.  Even if you haven't got a camera and microphone on your system, I can turn it on.  I just call it one sexy bot and it's aroused.

What does this mean?  I also have access to all your contacts, all your correspondence, and every last episode of  Law & Order:  Special Public Toilets Unit.

Why your antivirus did not detect this peculiar form of malware?
Antwort: My malware actually wound up in your Keurig.  So I can hack your morning coffee, and that's about it.  That's why your antivirus couldn't give a sh*t.

I made a video showing how you satisfy throw pillows in the left half of the screen, and in the right half you see a video of Hellary's Greatest Collisions On Her Broom With Trees and Lamp Posts.
With one click of the mouse, I can send this video to the DNC and really piss them off over the latter; they keep

hoping this witch will go away, like the rest of the world does.

I can also post access to all your microwave fiascos on the Food Network.

If you want to prevent this -- and I don't imagine that you give a sh*t, knowing how full of it I am -- transfer the amount of $500 to my bitchpurloin address (if you do not know how to do this, write to Google: "Sodomize bitchpurloin").

My bitchpurloin address (BTC Wallet) is:  53WTFomgDoucheCanoe69UoneUglyPhuck4Life

After receiving and reviewing what you send, I will either delete the video and you will never hear me again, OR I will launch all of Russia's missiles at Uranus, and when interplanetary war breaks out, everyone will blame YOU Whitaker Walt!

 I give you 50 unicorns (I have no idea how to chronologically measure that) to pay.
I have a notice reading this letter, and the egg timer will crow like a rooster getting laid when you see this letter.

Filing a complaint somewhere is a waste of time, because the authorities already know how f**king inept I am.

If I find that you have shared this message with someone else, you'll get 50% off the next scam email I try on

you or someone that looks like you.

Dubious at best regards!

 

G...L...O...R...I...A...GLORIA Glorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-ia has been silent since this edit.  My computer hasn't been taken over by 'roid raging hamsters seeking to bite coins.  Nothing.

I think she and Xavier need to go back to Kindergarten 101.

"Off The Rails"

My character just got called "off the rails".  By a scammer.

Love it.

Here's how it came to that...from the beginning:


I'm Mrs. Widad Babiker Omer the wife of the ousted Sudanese president
Omar Al-Bashir.
You can view this page for your perusal:https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-28196075

Sudan's great survivor: Bashir's 25 years in power - BBC News When Omar al-Bashir seized power in Sudan in a bloodless coup in June 1989, he was a relatively unknown army officer - now he is famous, or infamous, all around the world. He has ruled Sudan for ... www.bbc.com

     Please i would like
you to help save my family's future by receiving the sum of $17
Million dollars which i will want you to receive on behalf of my
family and you will be given some percentage of the money after
helping my family's future, please it's risk free and you will have
nothing to lose, just what i need from you is just your acceptance and
readiness to help.

Please contact me back if you're interested to help my family so i can
communicates with more needed update and how to go about it. I want a
reliable and honest individual that will help me handle this because
it my family future and only hope.

Please contact me via this e-mail : w.b.omer10@gamil.com

Thanks,
Widad Babiker Omer  

My character took this one right to edit, including as always a reply with the edit to Omer:


From: W.B.Omer <chirseziukwuokeanwu@gmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, July 14, 2019 1:46 PM
Subject: It's About My Family And Their Perverse Addiction To Emu Sex  Please Treat It As Top Secret

 

--
I'm Mrs. Widad Babiker Omer the wife of the ousted Sudanese president
Omar Al-Batsh*t.  Being batsh*t like he wuz, it's a wonder he got away

with the sh*t he did for 25 years.

Please i would like you to help save my family's perverse addiction

to Emu sex and the future of same by receiving the sum of $17
Million dollars which i will want you to receive on behalf of my
family and you will be given some percentage of the money after
helping save my family's future of emu sex.  If you agree to

precipitate you'll find all modalities are in place and that it is

risk free -- unless you too like having sex with emus and know

how touchy them critters are -- and you will have nothing to lose

apart from any fees you have to pay that I or my cross-eyed

atturkey will get around to explaining in due course.

It'll also help if you're gullible and about as smart as a tree stump.

Please contact me back regardless if you're interested to help my family

or not; I like receiving email no matter what language and what it says.

If you wish proceed i can communicates with more needed update and

how to go about it this perverse thing of ours. I don't really want a
reliable and honest individual that will help me handle this because
such a person will probably wise up too soonest for me to pull this off.

If you're democrat dumb -- and that's the IQ of a door knob -- then I

wants hear from you!  I already tried Obi Wan Kenobi as my only hope.

Found out he was a mythical movie character and daider than a can of

corned beef.  Same for his sock puppet mentor, Yoda.

Please contact me via this e-mail : w.b.omer10@gamil.com

Thanks,
Widad Babiker Omer

 

Omer is one of those that doesn't necessarily read the reply, only notes that a reply was sent:

 

 

Are you interested ?  

 

 

In what?  Emu sex?

 

 

ARE YOU INTERESTED?  

 

 

I don't see an answer to my question h'yar.  Did you lose my question?  

 

 

ANSWER NOW ARE YOU INTERESTED?  

 

 

Now...you DID lose my question, didn't you.  Don't be embarrassed...happens all the time.

I'll simply re-ask it:  in WHAT?  

 

 

you are off the rails.

 

 

"Off the rails"?  Hmmm...Yes, that is true.  I travel by car.  How do you travel?  By yak?

 

 

That got me the Scamland equivalent of *crickets*.

 

 

I take it that you're not going to tell me what you wanted me to be interested in?

 

 

*crickets*

 

 

A Scam Gets Shatnered

Mr. David Wilson, online scammer, never reckoned on a run-in with William Shatner.

Not that he had one, but my pet rock, Seymour, thought it amusing to edit it as such.

Mr. Wilson was trying one of those tired "abandoned shipment at an airport" templates that ran like this:


I am Mr.David Wilson , Head Officer-in-Charge, Administrative Service
Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agency in Harts field-
jackson International Airport Atlanta, Georgia. During our
investigation, I discovered an abandoned shipment through a Diplomat
from United Kingdom which was transferred from JF Kennedy Airport to
our facility here in Atlanta, and when scanned it revealed an
undisclosed sum of money in 2 Metal Trunk Boxes weighing approximately
110kg each.

The consignment was abandoned because the Content was not properly
declared by the consignee as money rather it was declared as personal
effect/classified document to either avoid diversion by the Shipping
Agent or confiscation by the relevant authorities. The diplomat's
inability to pay for Non Inspection fees among other things are the
reason why the consignment is delayed and abandoned.

By my assessment, each of the boxes contains about $15M or more. They
are still left in the airport storage facility till today. The
Consignments like I said are two metal trunk boxes weighing about 65kg
each (Internal dimension: W61 x H156 x D73 (cm) effective capacity:680
L) Approximately. The details of the consignment including your name
and email on the official document from United Nations' office in
London where the shipment was tagged as personal effects/classified
document is still available with us. As it stands now, you have to
reconfirm your full details,

(1) Full Name:
(2) Phone Number:
(3) full address:
(4) Occupation:
(5) Sex:

so I can cross-check and see if it corresponds with the one on the
official documents.It is now left to you to decide if you still need
the consignment or allow us repatriate it back to UK (place of origin)
as we were instructed.(REPLY TO THIS
EMAIL:(mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com)

As I did say again, the shipper abandoned it and ran away most
importantly because he gave a false declaration, he could not pay for
the yellow tag, he could not secure a valid non inspection
document(s), etc. I am ready to assist you in any way I can for you to
get back this packages provided you will also give me something out of
it (financial gratification). You can either come in person, or you
engage the services of a secure shipping/delivery Company/agent that
will provide the necessary security that is required to deliver the
package to your doorstep or the destination of your choice. I need all
the guarantee that I can get from you before I can get involved in
this project.

Please Reply this email strictly at (mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com)

Best Regards,

Mr David Wilson
Head Officer-in-Charge
Administrative Service Inspection Unit
E-mail: mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com
CELL: (301)307-1242  


Believability...*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*.  Scores 10 out of 10 on an 'ain't got it' scale.


But Seymour, donning his "editing pet rock gone wild" hat, had just the answer:


From: Mr.David Wilson <waynedonald55556@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, July 5, 2019 7:08 PM
Subject: FROM UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY

 

I am Mr.David Wilson
FROM UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY
PHARTSRILED-JACKSON INTERNATIONAL AIRPHART.
ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
Tell: (301)307-1242

I am Mr.David Wilson, the schlep charged with running a SNAFU

called UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY out of the

PHARTSRILED-JACKSON INTERNATIONAL AIRPHART in

Atlanta, Georgia. During an investigation of Druid chantings

from the cargo hold of a 747, I discovered an abandoned William Shatner

script of a defrocked priest seeking absolution, but settling for glass after

glass of Absolut vodka.

It was all very 'B' movie.

It was abandoned because the Content was not properly vetted by

Faceplant's politically correct Gestapo, and it contained words that

were extremely distressing to that Cortez broad from NY, because

they didn't include pictures of empty fenced parking lots and glowing

testaments to her Green Crap Deal.  That among other things are the
reason why the consignment is delayed and abandoned.

As things stand now, we are at an impasse.  This differs from an

overpass in a few noteworthy ways, but without pictures the Cortez

broad wouldn't get it and the Druids just start chanting louder from

the baggage compartment, mucking up everything.  But this does

need to get cleared up or William Shatner won't get to start doing

travel agency ads and annual Star Trek convention crap, handing out

$5 Canadian Spocked bills. 

He's lucky the gremlin on the wing of his plane and the sock puppet

that attacked him on Venus aren't part of this deal.  We're lucky it

doesn't include him singing "Lucy's Getting High On Door Knobs".

Even William Hung winced at the latter.

So as it stands now, you have to reconfirm your full details,

(1) Full Name:
(2) Phone Number:
(3) full address:
(4) Occupation:
(5) Sex:

(5a) With What:

This I must cross-check on the ice and avoid a 4-on-5 penalty period

to see if it corresponds with the one on the Druid chanting script.
(REPLY TO THIS EMAIL: mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com

As I did say two times, the shipper abandoned it and ran away most
importantly because he met the bug-eyed Cortez broad and she

totally creeped him out, almost as much as the life-sized Hellary

inflatable sex toy he caught Shep Smith banging in a closet at

Faux (he thought he was at cnn using a gender neutral rest room).

I am so not ready to assist you in any way I can for you to
get this abandoned whatever-it-is in the cargo hold of the 747

out of here.  When Druids fart, it comes out as high velocity dry

ice, and when it thaws, WHEW DAWGIES, it's the stank of the

daid. 

You can either come in person, or you can breathe hard over the

phone.  Your choice.

I need all the guarantee that I can get from you before I can get

involved in this project, even though I'm the schlep that cooked

this up.

Please Reply this email strictly at (mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com)

Limited at Best Regards,

Mr David Wilson
UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY
E-mail: mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com
CELL: (301)307-1242  

 

 

Mr. Wilson must have read at least a part of this...for there was no reply.

That, or the Druids got him.

 

 

A Senator Fit To Be A Democrap

It takes a special brand of stupid to be a democrap senator these days.

Joe Bidumb is the poster dork on that score.

Then again, meet "Senotor Joseph Sanusi", and his ploy to relieve my character of $190:


Dear Valued Customer,

    We unfortunately have to inform you that your shipment has been unexpectedly delayed due to congestion/Wrong delivery address we are real sorry For your past expreiencess . For better efficiency, and to avoid further delay, we are working with our affiliated freight forwarder to handle any left over shipments, therefore a new Tracking number of Dhl company had to be given to you immediately you forwarded you correct address to us  today  ok . it  receieved the tracking number  will be sent to you instant / immediately  and we issue you the code of conduct of your fund  in ATM Master card  to start withdraw all your fund of total of $10.7million usd until your total fund of $10.7million USD is completely recieved to you.

     You advice to send your information to our e-mail below for us to fowarded it to DHL COMPANY: Be advise that there is no time again To pay any money  for all the due fee was paid  and  backup documents had paid will attached to you with tracking number of Dhl company .

 we will release  your tracking number of dhl and pin code number  for you to start monitoring  your package  and  pick it  up, We look forward hearing from you soonest.We Provided  you correct tacking number.

1. Your Full Name
2. Your Full Mailing Address
3. Your Contact Telephon
4. Your Age And Occupation Stator
5. Your nearest Airport.
ll your Shipment Details:
Shipment Code: AXIB YURXTLV-AZ
Package Registration Certificate No; WL20100027
Package approval Certificate No: HNP44065-12442
Security Code No: WYH-U01002
Serial No: XGT01/JLMK20107
Package Size: 2m by 4m,
Weight of the items: 20.01kg.

Reply back to me This Is all documents needed to delivery it.
TRANSFER ACTIVATION CODE TAC564387
C.O.T CODE COT63521
NON RESIDENCE TAX CLEARANCE CODE TC35683
USA APPROVAL CODE WASHTON252597


I wish you good luck.
Yours in service
Director

DHL COMPANY AGENThttp://dhl.csccomps.net/
NY SMS +1(727) 491-7897
SENATOR WORLD CENTRAL BANK
CONTACT EMAIL:senotorjosephsanusi@gmail.com
Joseph Sanusi
+22965832361.  


It doesn't take long to see how this clown could be a "senator" for the democraps, as my character begins the vetting process:


I avoid problems like what you've described by not dealing with idiots from Africa.  


It goes predictably downhill from there:

Here is  Mr. senator Joseph Sanusi I hope this delivery is fast. Here are dhl details need:http://dhl.csccomps.net/

 

Get your tracking now

consignment number is tracking number :2319073167
                        http://dhl.csccomps.net/

to move shipment click update

fill the field (new location new comment new status)
1. Your Full Name,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
2. Your Full Mailing Address,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
3. Your Contact Telephone.....................

4. Your Age And Occupation Stator,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
5. Your nearest Airport.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ll your Shipment Details:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
DHL COMPANY AGENThttp://dhl.csccomps.net/
NY SMS +1(727) 491-7897
SENATOR WORLD CENTRAL BANK
CONTACT EMAIL:senotorjosephsanusi@gmail.com
Joseph Sanusi
+22965832361.  

 I'm sure you do hope for fast something  


we will release  your tracking number of dhl and pin code number
for you to start monitoring  your package  and  pick it  up, We look
forward hearing from you soonest.We Provided  you correct tacking
number. PAY  TO GET IT NOW  TRACK onsignment number is tracking number
No :         http://dhl.csccomps.net/

1. Your Full Name:Jongwan Ha
2. Your Full Mailing Address: 101-507 Nuri Bo Deum Apt,1709
Gyebaek-ro, Jung-gu Daejeon, 34909 KOREA SOUTH
3. Your Contact Telephon:+821021783447
4. Your Age And Occupation Stator:51 And None
5. Your nearest Airport:Incheon International Airport
ll your Shipment Details:
Shipment Code: AXIB YURXTLV-AZ
Package Registration Certificate No; WL20100027
Package approval Certificate No: HNP44065-12442
Security Code No: WYH-U01002
Serial No: XGT01/JLMK20107
Package Size: 1m by 1m,
Weight of the items: 2.,1kg.

Reply back to me This Is all documents needed to delivery it.
TRANSFER ACTIVATION CODE TAC564387
C.O.T CODE COT63521
NON RESIDENCE TAX CLEARANCE CODE TC35683
USA APPROVAL CODE WASHTON252597


I wish you good luck.
Yours in service
Director  


Just exactly what is it I'm supposed to pay?  


RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATE   


You just told me what it is I'm supposed to pay FOR.  You didn't tell me HOW MUCH I HAVE TO PAY.  That is the 64 gigabyte question here.    


  ONLY $200   


It's about time.  Now that I know what it costs me we can proceed.  


ONLY $200 USD BUY GOOGLE GIFT CARD WITH IT AND SEND IT TO ME NOW  


What?  What's a Google gift card got to do with this?  


JUST BUY IT WITH THE FEE OK NO MORE FEE NEEDED OK   OR IF YOU WANT SEND IT THROUGH MONEY GRAM LET US KNOW NOW URGENT   


Well make up your mind...money or Google gift card?  


Google PLAY gift card   SEND NOW

No need to shout.  I understand capital letters and expedience.  


OK SEND NOW  


You're still shouting  


yea send it  


Thanks for not shouting  


can you pay now  


Who is now?  Why should I pay him?  


NO NO  TO RELEASE YOUR PACAKAGE    OKAY 


You're shouting again  


sorry can you comply now  


My name is not now  


Pay the fee  


How much again is "the fee"?  


MONEY IS ONLY $190 USD   (he dropped $10 in the to-and-fro)


Fine.  Only $190.  


YES  


Fine.  Only $190.  


YES ONLY $190 NO MORE FEE   BUY CARD OR SEND MONEY
GRAM OR RIA RECIEVER NAME OKPE MARK
COUNTRY BENIN REPUBLIC
CTY  COTONOU  


What card?  


GOOGLE PLAY GIFT CARD  


Do you prefer the gift card or cash?  


CASH  


Why do you request a gift card if you prefer cash?  That only slows
the process.  


JUST SEND CASH NOW  


I know I already asked you this but who is Now?  


WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND CASH?  


You're shouting again.  


Just send cash soonest


That's more like it.  


When are you send cash?  


Soonest.  


When do you send cash?  


Soonest.  If you're sure you've made up your mind you want cash.  


I said if you cannot send the cash thru money gram you send
the card ok?  Do you understand me?  


That's not what you said.  You delay all this with your changing
your mind.  


WHY YOU DO THIS


Huh?  Why I do what?  


YOU DELAY THIS NOT ME.  SEND FEE NOW.


You're shouting again.  And I already told you that I'm not Now.


STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm not moving.  Wassamatta for you?  


Well looky h'yar...I finally wore down the 'Senotor' to quit mode.


Yup...it's very clear he's fit to be a democrap.