The Scammer Got This Memo...And Wished He Hadn't

This will be explained shortly.

When I get exceptionally badly-written email scams, my pet rock, Seymour, is all over wanting to edit them.

I was more than happy to comply after we both read this 'thing':


Attn: Benefficaly,

This is to official inform you that your 10,500.000.00 MILLION United state dollars has already deposited into our bank, and it is ready for transfer to you through our bank online transfer, duo the problems your having long time ago in receiving your Funds through ATM VISA CARD diplomat agent delivery, money gram and western union and others Load E.T.C.

This transfer well be completed within 24 hours after contact our transfer department with below email they will attach you form fill it and sign it resend it back to them, this is to enable the president of Benin Republic Hon: Patrice Talon endorse your transfer file, and that is only thing you need to do immediately you received the form from them print out the form fill it and resend it back to them without any delay.

THEY WILL SEND YOU, YOU OUR ONLINE BANK DETAILS LOGIN WEBSITE BANK E-MAIL SITE AND YOUR  ONLINE BANKING  DETAILS FOR THE QUICK MONITORING TRANSFER OF YOUR 10,500.000.00 MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS USD, AFTER THEY RECEIVED YOUR INFORMATION AND VERIFIES IT WELL AND CONFIRMED IT, ONCE YOU ARE THROUGH WITH THIS PROCESS?

As of now be informed that all arrangement has been done and concluded, you have to fill the form and forward it as requested as they will request in attach. Therefore you are advised to contact GTB Bank accountant Manager Rev. Erastus Raymond Akingbola with below Email address(om2687752@gmail.com) Thank you once again

We are now waiting to hear from you confirmation of the instruction on how you will like us to transfer your funds, if we should transfer once or half depends on your account type, well be given to you with our website banking information.  


A pretty painful read by any stretch.

Did Seymour help it any?  You decide:


From: Office Moomoo <mailoffice584@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, July 30, 2019 8:54 AM
Subject: Attn: Calling All Benefficalitnariany Sorts

 

Attn: Calling All Benefficalitnariany Sorts

This is to official inform you that you have been declared a Benefficalitnariany Sorts, and entitles you to a FREE WAFFLE IRON from Royal Scotland Bank's "WAFFLE IRON BONANZA" where NO RESTRICTIONS APPLY and is good wherever Royal Scotland Bank is.  Even Uranus*.  it is ready for you through our bank, although...we aren't giving away the same kind of waffle irons that the Royal Scotland Bank is.

Once you meet the requirements necessitated by our laborious disclaimer** and certain other random criteria are applied in a manure noted in the disclaimer**, this transfer well be completed within 24 hours after contact our transfer department with below email...which means it's under this paragiraffe.  You find it, you read it, you muse silently or aloud over it, you mix it, match it, collect the whole set, and THEN you form fill it and sign it resend it back to them.  This will enable the current president of Benin Republic aka the dishonorable Patrice Talon to say "what fork is dis h'yah?".  And then that is only thing you need to do immediately you received the form from them print out the form fill it and resend it back to them without any delay.

At some point, someone may just get around to send you something akin to OUR ONLINE BANK DETAILS LOGIN WEBSITE BANK E-MAIL SITE AND YOUR ONLINE EMAIL WEBSLIGHT DETAILS FOR THE QUICK MONITORING BY FBI OF THE TRANSPORTATION OF YOUR FREE WAFFLE IRON, AFTER THEY RECEIVED YOUR INFORMATION AND VERIFIES IT WELL AND CONFIRMED IT, ONCE YOU ARE THROUGH WITH THIS PROCESS?

Asking for a friend, seeing how that's phrased.

As of now be informed that all arrangement has been done and concluded, but without your online application thing completed as abovementioned, it won't mean twat waddle snot.  You have to fill the form and forward it as requested as they will request in attach. Therefore you are advised to contact WTF Bank accountant Manager Rev. Erastus Raymond Akingbola -- as everyone KNOWS WELL, only a reverend can be a manager in a Benin bank with the way that we run 'em -- with below Email address om2687752@gmail.com   We spank you very much for your prayed-for cooperation, which 'splain why all our Benin bank managers are reverends, like Al Sharpton.

We are now waiting to hear from you confirmation of the instruction on how you will like us to transfer your FREE WAFFLE IRON to you, if we should transfer once or half depends on your WAFFLE IRON TYPE, well be given to you with our website banking information.

*orders from Uranus take 8 years to process and 8 years to deliver.  Just sayin'...

**Disclaimer:  this bank, like all banks in Benin, is subject to change suddenly with some, little, none notice or template redesign.  The Democrap National Crimemittee endorses us, which figures.  Your results will vary, except in the end result.  

 

 

The scammer didn't bother following up with Seymour.  Neither did the four email addresses he used for the DNC.  I think they're figuring out my pet rock won't be voting for their blithering idiots.

This Edit The Toast of the Clown

It started innocently enough:  just a poor scammer trying to scam my character for some cash by way of a bank scam out of Benin.

Here's his, her, or whichever of 57 gender choices this scammer is:


UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS
Washington D.C USA

AUTHORIZATION FOR RELEASE OF UNPAID FUNDS
Dear, Email ID Owner.

Through our Global Intelligence Monitoring Network System we discovered that your long overdue fund has not be paid to you as approved by the fund source and origin, After much consultations and meetings held in Washington D.C USA, the Human Rights Organization has been given express instruction to (UNCC) to direct the West Africa Monetary Agency (WAMA) to re-called unpaid funds that was originated from Africa, Europe, Asia Plus Middle east, Americans, has finally been approved as your email ID is among the list of Beneficiaries that will receive their fund via this message we are pleased to inform you that your fund has been liquidated and converted into international ATM card, Your outstanding payment valued $2,500,000.00 (Two Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) only has been perfected to be paid to you by the one of the most decorated, Trusted and recognized bank in the Benin Republic.

In consideration of the above, you have been issued with this Exclusive Reference Identification Number. This must be presented to attain your lump sum payment. Please take note and copy this code.The code must be indicated to the institution processing the payment.The Benin UBA Global Bank. No exceptions.(ATM/NR: UNCCORG/IMF/0866/B6) It is also important you note that from our record,you have been in contact with some unauthorized officials and some abnormalities have been observed in your file, which has to be corrected. Also, You are required to forward the following details; full names, address, occupation, age and phone numbers for verification and re-confirmation.

Please contact immediately:

UBA BENIN PAYMENT PROCESSING DEPARTMENTS MR. FELIX A. QUAYE
CONTACT #+229-6439-4826
E-mail::atminfo@messagesafe.co

This instructions is from the custody of the United Nation representative office UK this is for abbreviation of the rate of poverty as we saw your name on the list of unpaid individuals,The United Nation Compensation Commission (UNCC) was created in 1991 as a subsidiary organ of the UN Security Council and the payment has been approved by us to be release to you as we notice your payment has been delayed by uncertain reasons which has just been resolved by us through our power so you are free to receive your funds now.

On behalf of the UN we apologize for the failure to pay your funds on time and for any inconveniences such as approved registered payments being forwarded to our processing institution in Africa. We found your name in our list of people their payment has been delayed so we decide to intervene and help you get paid which we have done. If you receive this mail in your spam folder, it could be due to your Internet Service Provider, ISP. So move to your inbox before your reply.

Yours in service,
Mrs.Susan Hodge
Information Officer
United Nations Funds Investigation Unit.  


Ain't that nice.

My pet rock, Seymour, didn't think so.

Remembering what the exceptionally hilarious Scamalot baiter James Veitch did to one online banking scammer, Seymour decided to bring Veitch in the edit:



From: Information Office <yamatomo@sky.plala.or.jp>
Sent: Tuesday, July 23, 2019 3:48 AM
Subject: Contact UBA Bank for your FREE TOASTER WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNT!!

 

UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS TO FREE TOASTERS WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNTS!!
Washington D.C USA

AUTHORIZATION FOR DELIVERY OF NEW TOASTER
Dear, Email ID Owner.

Through our Global Intelligence Monitoring Network System we discovered that your long overdue FREE TOASTER FOR OPENING A NEW ACCOUNT has not be gived to you as approved by the bank that started the TOASTER BONANAZA with NO RESTRICTIONS and NO HIDDEN FEES.  After much consultations and meetings held in Washington D.C USA, the Human Rights TO FREE TOASTERS WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNTS Organization has been given express instruction to (UNCC) to direct the West Africa FREE TOASTER GIVEAWAY Agency (WAFTGA) to get off their fat, lazy asses and start delivering the free toasters to all new account holders in Africa, Europe, Asia Plus Middle east and all Americans except those in the DNC and Newark.

So, we expect that any time now, you will receive ABSOLUTELY FREE, your promised FREE TOASTER FOR OPENING A NEW ACCOUNT at the most decorated, Trusted and recognized bank in the Benin Republic.  Even if it is sometimes called the Royal Bank of Scotland.  Banks can have branches anywhere.  We're working on opening one on Uranus in 2020.

In consideration of the above, you have been issued with this Exclusive Reference Identification Number. This must be presented to attain your FREE TOASTER from our New Account TOASTER BONANZA with no hidden fees or restrictions.  Please take note and copy this code.  The code must be indicated to the institution processing the FREE TOASTER.  The Benin UBA Global Bank -- aka, The Royal Bank of Scotland, with a branch soon coming to Uranus -- sends you this Exclusive Reference Identification Number:  WTF/NR: UNCCORK/OMG/0866/B6.

It is also important you note that from our record that you have been in contact with some unauthorized officials and some abnormalities have been observed in your file, which has to be corrected.  Though, as stated, you get your FREE TOASTER regardless of irregularities, anomalies, antis and uncles, NO MATTER WHAT. 

That is what we do in the Benin Repugnant.  Along with anal sex with emus.

Please contact immediately:

UBA BENIN FREE TOASTER PROCESSING DEPARTMENTS MR. FELIX A. QUAYE
CONTACT #+229-6439-4826
E-mail:  atminfo@messagesafe.co

This instructions is from the custody of the United Nation representative office UK this is for abbreviation of the rate of poverty as we saw your name on the list of unpaid individuals,The United Nation Compensation Commission (UNCC) was created in 1991 as a subsidiary interchangeable sex organ of the UN Security Council and the dispensing of free toasters with no restrictions has been approved by James Veitch and inadvertently agreed to by us as we notice your name on the list of persons not yet receiving of their FREE TOASTER from our FREE TOASTER BONANZA for opening a NEW ACCOUNT with NO RESTRICTIONS APPLIED.  All of which was  delayed by uncertain reasons which has just been resolved by us through our power of Shakespearean flatulence so you are free to receive your FREE TOASTER now.

On behalf of the UN we apologize for the failure to deliver your FREE TOASTER on time and for any inconveniences such as painful rectal itch being forwarded by our emails from Africa.  We hate when this happens and we are making up for lost time by getting you your FREE TOASTER with expedience.  Acting on behalf of a friend. 

If you receive this mail in your spam folder, it could be due to your Internet Service Provider. So move to your inbox before your reply.

Yours in service,
Mrs.Susan Hodge
Information Officer
UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS TO FREE TOASTERS WHEN OPENING NEW ACCOUNTS!!

The originating scammer didn't apparently see any need to follow up with Seymour.  But one scammer that bemoaned the fact that neither I nor my pet rock were stopping emailing him all the edits, let his displeasure be knowd:

when you stop all this silly?  pleese leave me lone! 

I not stop all this silly until world-wide TOASTER inequities have been alleviated!  It is that what makes me fulfilled!  


The scammer had nothing more to say, but somehow I suspect that James Veitch would be in agreement with Seymour on that point...