A Scammer, A Movie, And Morons

I should start here by explaining that when a scammer claims they're dying from a brain tumor, a picture of ol' Bug Eye here is amusing in that therein, there's no brain to be found.

But I digress.

Witness the following email scam from another dying inheritress:

With warm hearts I offer my friendship, and my greetings to you in the name of our lord God, and I hope this letter meets you in good time, I propose with my free mind and as a person of integrity from God, I know that this message will appear as a surprise to you that we barely know but the grace of God directed me to you and I wish you read this message and be blessed in name of the Lord.

 

I have a brain tumor, I suffer terribly at the moment. My doctor just informed me that my days are numbered because of my health therefore condemned to certain death. Currently, I have exhausted all my savings for my medical care. But I do have some funds for my charity project, these funds are deposited in a fixed deposit in a local bank here in Benin. purposed for charitable foundation My marital status is such that I'm single because I lost my Husband for over 9 years now and unfortunately we have not had a child together, which I am no one to leave my legacy . Therefore, to release my funds I would like to make a donation so that there is no stiff tax on my money.

 

To this I would so graceful and in order to help the poor to give what amounts to said legacy worth Four million euros (Ђ4,000,000.00) (Four Million Euro) to enable you to establish a charitable foundation in my memory so that the grace of God be with me until my last home so I can receive an honorable place with the Lord our father. I have no fear because before contacted you, i have for several nights prayed for the Lord God to give me the contact of a trusted person to whom I can entrust this matter and it is the result of why I am doing research that allowed me to contact you through this site.

 

Know that you can keep half of the money for yourself and the rest will be used to create a charitable foundation in my memory and a federation in the fight against cancer and also build orphanages. I would have the following information: Your name and first name, your exact address and your permanent telephone contact so I can forward them to my lawyer to appear that you perform the procedure under deal. I count on your goodwill and especially on the proper use of these funds have something I do not doubt because I have great confidence in you that God may guide me toward you. My private E-mail: dessybk@hotmail.com

 

Awaiting your prompt reply, receive my cordial and fraternal greetings.

 

Yours Sincerely

Mrs Dessy Baharudin   

 

 

My pet rock, Seymour, thought that this email needed an exceptionally peculiar edit.  He made that happen:

 

 

From: Ms Dessy Baharudin <oa@hsjt1983.com>
Sent: Monday, July 29, 2019 12:16 PM
Subject: If I Only Had A Brain

 

With raging heartburn I offer my painful oral belch and my greetings to you in the name of a goat head baphomet named Kamala.  I propose with my mind free of integrity to surprise you that we barely know of each other, but the grace of a shark-bodied horse directed me to you and I wish you read this message and be amazed at the drugs on this trip.

 

 

I have a tumor.  It's currently in my vaginal area.  My doctor just informed me that it would have been a brain tumor, but I didn't have a brain, so it looked for a good place to marinate and it decided my crotchular area was as good as any.  I suppose I should be happy it didn't choose my assular area.  My calendar sez that my days are numbered because that's how calendars work.  So I am condemned to numbered days with a large lump in my crotchular area.  Currently, I have exhausted all my savings meant for my gender reassignment to turn me from a woman into a gender neutral sh*thouse wombat.  But I do have knowledge of funds in an abandoned train in northern Mexico that has been overlooked ever since the movies quit getting scripts for sh*t like that.

 

 

In 2018 a group of stunted munchkin witch doctors combined with a couple gregorian monks left Benin to locate the funds, but somewhere between Benin and Uranus they got hijacked by democrap vote harvesters who are holding them until the 2020 election because the dems need all the illegal votes they can get.  Apparently it's the only way they think they can win.

To this I would add that cnn misunderstood the story and instead published one that led denizens of Burntimore to loot every 7-11 of any toilet paper and beer they could find, as reparations.  cnn isn't too bright but I digress.

I am looking for half-crazed militant emus to take up where the witch doctor munchkins failed, and find those funds that John Wayne and Ann Margret started out to get. 

 

 

If by some miracle the funds are located, I want at least part of it to go to fixing Wheaties so that more eaters of that cereal don't go the way of Bruce Jenner.  I have no fear because before contacted you, I was in contact with a long-dead train robber via Instrumental Transcommunications, who tipped me off that Tom Brady will not win another Super Bowl in 2020, and that the ASPCA will successfully petition the Kentucky Derby to allow the running of t-rexes and Galapagos Tortoises at the next Kentucky Derby, so as not to allow the continuation of species racism.  Bet $100 on the tortoise Vapor Lock to win next year.

 

 

Know that if you involve yourself in this project, you are not guaranteed of anything.  Just the satisfaction of having served in a dubious cause for the greater good of public trash cans not yet pillaged by Antifa.  I would have the following information: Your name and first name, your exact address and your permanent telephone contact so I can forward them to my lawyer to appear that you perform the procedure under deal. I count on your gullible nature and especially on that to allow me to achieve ends that are not enumerated herein, but will become self-evident once the democrap debates remove any doubt that they're all morons in that party.  My private E-mail: dessybk@hotmail.com

 

Awaiting your prompt reply, receive my genital warts as tokens of my depreciation.

 

Mrs Dessy Baharudin   

 

 

The scammer had no taste for this edit.  Neither apparently did the DNC, though it was shared with them.  Seymour thought they needed the help.