A Scam Gets Shatnered

Mr. David Wilson, online scammer, never reckoned on a run-in with William Shatner.

Not that he had one, but my pet rock, Seymour, thought it amusing to edit it as such.

Mr. Wilson was trying one of those tired "abandoned shipment at an airport" templates that ran like this:


I am Mr.David Wilson , Head Officer-in-Charge, Administrative Service
Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agency in Harts field-
jackson International Airport Atlanta, Georgia. During our
investigation, I discovered an abandoned shipment through a Diplomat
from United Kingdom which was transferred from JF Kennedy Airport to
our facility here in Atlanta, and when scanned it revealed an
undisclosed sum of money in 2 Metal Trunk Boxes weighing approximately
110kg each.

The consignment was abandoned because the Content was not properly
declared by the consignee as money rather it was declared as personal
effect/classified document to either avoid diversion by the Shipping
Agent or confiscation by the relevant authorities. The diplomat's
inability to pay for Non Inspection fees among other things are the
reason why the consignment is delayed and abandoned.

By my assessment, each of the boxes contains about $15M or more. They
are still left in the airport storage facility till today. The
Consignments like I said are two metal trunk boxes weighing about 65kg
each (Internal dimension: W61 x H156 x D73 (cm) effective capacity:680
L) Approximately. The details of the consignment including your name
and email on the official document from United Nations' office in
London where the shipment was tagged as personal effects/classified
document is still available with us. As it stands now, you have to
reconfirm your full details,

(1) Full Name:
(2) Phone Number:
(3) full address:
(4) Occupation:
(5) Sex:

so I can cross-check and see if it corresponds with the one on the
official documents.It is now left to you to decide if you still need
the consignment or allow us repatriate it back to UK (place of origin)
as we were instructed.(REPLY TO THIS
EMAIL:(mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com)

As I did say again, the shipper abandoned it and ran away most
importantly because he gave a false declaration, he could not pay for
the yellow tag, he could not secure a valid non inspection
document(s), etc. I am ready to assist you in any way I can for you to
get back this packages provided you will also give me something out of
it (financial gratification). You can either come in person, or you
engage the services of a secure shipping/delivery Company/agent that
will provide the necessary security that is required to deliver the
package to your doorstep or the destination of your choice. I need all
the guarantee that I can get from you before I can get involved in
this project.

Please Reply this email strictly at (mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com)

Best Regards,

Mr David Wilson
Head Officer-in-Charge
Administrative Service Inspection Unit
E-mail: mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com
CELL: (301)307-1242  


Believability...*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*.  Scores 10 out of 10 on an 'ain't got it' scale.


But Seymour, donning his "editing pet rock gone wild" hat, had just the answer:


From: Mr.David Wilson <waynedonald55556@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, July 5, 2019 7:08 PM
Subject: FROM UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY

 

I am Mr.David Wilson
FROM UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY
PHARTSRILED-JACKSON INTERNATIONAL AIRPHART.
ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
Tell: (301)307-1242

I am Mr.David Wilson, the schlep charged with running a SNAFU

called UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY out of the

PHARTSRILED-JACKSON INTERNATIONAL AIRPHART in

Atlanta, Georgia. During an investigation of Druid chantings

from the cargo hold of a 747, I discovered an abandoned William Shatner

script of a defrocked priest seeking absolution, but settling for glass after

glass of Absolut vodka.

It was all very 'B' movie.

It was abandoned because the Content was not properly vetted by

Faceplant's politically correct Gestapo, and it contained words that

were extremely distressing to that Cortez broad from NY, because

they didn't include pictures of empty fenced parking lots and glowing

testaments to her Green Crap Deal.  That among other things are the
reason why the consignment is delayed and abandoned.

As things stand now, we are at an impasse.  This differs from an

overpass in a few noteworthy ways, but without pictures the Cortez

broad wouldn't get it and the Druids just start chanting louder from

the baggage compartment, mucking up everything.  But this does

need to get cleared up or William Shatner won't get to start doing

travel agency ads and annual Star Trek convention crap, handing out

$5 Canadian Spocked bills. 

He's lucky the gremlin on the wing of his plane and the sock puppet

that attacked him on Venus aren't part of this deal.  We're lucky it

doesn't include him singing "Lucy's Getting High On Door Knobs".

Even William Hung winced at the latter.

So as it stands now, you have to reconfirm your full details,

(1) Full Name:
(2) Phone Number:
(3) full address:
(4) Occupation:
(5) Sex:

(5a) With What:

This I must cross-check on the ice and avoid a 4-on-5 penalty period

to see if it corresponds with the one on the Druid chanting script.
(REPLY TO THIS EMAIL: mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com

As I did say two times, the shipper abandoned it and ran away most
importantly because he met the bug-eyed Cortez broad and she

totally creeped him out, almost as much as the life-sized Hellary

inflatable sex toy he caught Shep Smith banging in a closet at

Faux (he thought he was at cnn using a gender neutral rest room).

I am so not ready to assist you in any way I can for you to
get this abandoned whatever-it-is in the cargo hold of the 747

out of here.  When Druids fart, it comes out as high velocity dry

ice, and when it thaws, WHEW DAWGIES, it's the stank of the

daid. 

You can either come in person, or you can breathe hard over the

phone.  Your choice.

I need all the guarantee that I can get from you before I can get

involved in this project, even though I'm the schlep that cooked

this up.

Please Reply this email strictly at (mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com)

Limited at Best Regards,

Mr David Wilson
UNITED NATION INFECTION AGENCY
E-mail: mrdavidwilson959@gmail.com
CELL: (301)307-1242  

 

 

Mr. Wilson must have read at least a part of this...for there was no reply.

That, or the Druids got him.