Hacked Off Again

Of course...there ARE hackers out there.  REAL ONES.

The one I heard from...not so much:


Security Alert. Your accounts were compromised. You need to change password!


I am a hacker who has access to your operating system.   I also have full access to your account.

I've been watching you for a few months now.
The fact is that you were infected with malware through an adult site that you visited.

If you are not familiar with this, I will explain.
Trojan Virus gives me full access and control over a computer or other device.
This means that I can see everything on your screen, turn on the camera and microphone, but you do not know about it.

I also have access to all your contacts and all your correspondence.

Why your antivirus did not detect malware?
Answer: My malware uses the driver, I update its signatures every 4 hours so that your antivirus is silent.

I made a video showing how you satisfy yourself in the left half of the screen, and in the right half you see the video that you watched.
With one click of the mouse, I can send this video to all your emails and contacts on social networks.
I can also post access to all your e-mail correspondence and messengers that you use.

If you want to prevent this,
transfer the amount of $500 to my bitcoin address (if you do not know how to do this, write to Google: "Buy Bitcoin").

My bitcoin address (BTC Wallet) is:  35QCHhpUJSXx6zvWo3RdyKkrvV54vgUf4Q

After receiving the payment, I will delete the video and you will never hear me again.
I give you 50 hours (more than 2 days) to pay.
I have a notice reading this letter, and the timer will work when you see this letter.

Filing a complaint somewhere does not make sense because this email cannot be tracked like my bitcoin address.
I do not make any mistakes.

If I find that you have shared this message with someone else, the video will be immediately distributed.

Best regards!  


Late last year or earlier this one, a self-proclaimed hacker Xavier sent me the exact same template.  

*Yawn*

So let's see if Glorrrrrr-ia handles editing as well as Xavier didn't:


From: Gloria <contato@omori.com.br>
Sent: Wednesday, July 17, 2019 1:28 PM
To: virtualgenitalinvader01@hotmail.com
Subject: Security Alert. Your fly is open and your Alexis has been telling on you. You need to change your underwear!

Hello!

I am a hacker who hasn't one f***ing idea how any of this works, but that's what this template told me to say.

I am supposed to claim that I has access to your operating system and I also have full access to your account.

I can rape your goldfish, hypnotize your childhood sock puppet to do unspeakable things to your Lincoln Logs.

I have this power.  I...HAVE...THE...POWERRRRRRRRRR!

I've been watching you for a few months now.  Why do you fart along in unheard-of keys to Abba?  Why did you adapt your Salad Shooter to harass birds on your patio with .357 radishes?  Why did you vote for Trump?  Why don't you like that un-American sleaze bar wench, Alexandria Occasional-Cortex and her low-life posse of scum?

The fact is...I don't know Jack Daniels about any of this.  But my fly-infested internet cafe hired a psychic extra-large named Ms Cleo that is proving to be an abject flop.  But she said that THIS SCHEME would work on YOU.  She practical guaran-dang-teed it.

She said your Alexis confirmed that you were an easy mark, always settling for one less egg roll than your local Chinese delivery service would promise you. 

With that assumed knowledge of you -- and knowing how well assuming things frequently goes -- I was told to

claim that you were infected with malware through an adult site that you visited.  I think we meant to say that

your operating system was that what was infected.  Anyway, the adult site you visited was RuthBaderGinsberg.

Gone.Wild.com

Dude...really.

If you are not familiar with how all this is supposed to work, well...neither am I .  So one or both of us will figure this out as I attempt a feeble explanation of something I'm dumb as a door knob about.

A very ancient Trojan condom Virus gives me full access and control over a computer or other device.  I had targeted your computer.  I think I wound up with your Alexis instead.

You got the version that has the every 30 day cramps and goes full beeyotch mode, didn't you?

What this allegedly means is that in some alternative universal theory involving parade ground suffragettes and inflatable sex toys, that I can see everything on your screen, turn on the camera and microphone, but you do not know about it.  Even if you haven't got a camera and microphone on your system, I can turn it on.  I just call it one sexy bot and it's aroused.

What does this mean?  I also have access to all your contacts, all your correspondence, and every last episode of  Law & Order:  Special Public Toilets Unit.

Why your antivirus did not detect this peculiar form of malware?
Antwort: My malware actually wound up in your Keurig.  So I can hack your morning coffee, and that's about it.  That's why your antivirus couldn't give a sh*t.

I made a video showing how you satisfy throw pillows in the left half of the screen, and in the right half you see a video of Hellary's Greatest Collisions On Her Broom With Trees and Lamp Posts.
With one click of the mouse, I can send this video to the DNC and really piss them off over the latter; they keep

hoping this witch will go away, like the rest of the world does.

I can also post access to all your microwave fiascos on the Food Network.

If you want to prevent this -- and I don't imagine that you give a sh*t, knowing how full of it I am -- transfer the amount of $500 to my bitchpurloin address (if you do not know how to do this, write to Google: "Sodomize bitchpurloin").

My bitchpurloin address (BTC Wallet) is:  53WTFomgDoucheCanoe69UoneUglyPhuck4Life

After receiving and reviewing what you send, I will either delete the video and you will never hear me again, OR I will launch all of Russia's missiles at Uranus, and when interplanetary war breaks out, everyone will blame YOU Whitaker Walt!

 I give you 50 unicorns (I have no idea how to chronologically measure that) to pay.
I have a notice reading this letter, and the egg timer will crow like a rooster getting laid when you see this letter.

Filing a complaint somewhere is a waste of time, because the authorities already know how f**king inept I am.

If I find that you have shared this message with someone else, you'll get 50% off the next scam email I try on

you or someone that looks like you.

Dubious at best regards!

 

G...L...O...R...I...A...GLORIA Glorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-ia has been silent since this edit.  My computer hasn't been taken over by 'roid raging hamsters seeking to bite coins.  Nothing.

I think she and Xavier need to go back to Kindergarten 101.