Bad Mooo-d Rising

That picture is always sure to upset friends of the blithering idiot cortez broad from NY.

But I digress...only sorta.

Got notified that my character had won yet another online lottery.  *Yawn*  Except for one tiny little thang:  who the email was from.

Moo Susan.

Moo Susan?

Yup...Moo Susan.

Here 'tis:

From:  Moo Susan (moo0110moo@yahoo.com)

We thank you for your patronage all past years by using the Internet. GOOGLE and MICROSOFT two major providers of Internet products globally collect all email addresses of people active on-line, among millions that subscribed to few from other e-mail providers. Your email address has won the prize
We happily announce to you as winner of $1m US dollars from Google and Microsoft online award

500 people are selected every year to benefit from this promotion and you are one of the Selected Winners. Winners shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center. ASIA, EUROPE, AFRICA, AND USA

Google and Microsoft Prize Award must be claimed no later than 30 days, from date of Draw Notification. Any prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited. Stated below are your identification numbers: BATCH NUMBER: GVMC/09/CC444 , REF NUMBER: 2011831099,     WINNING NUMBER:   16 19  25 32  49 

You are advised to contact our fiduciary agent and send your winning identification numbers for your payment:  

Contact Your Appointed Agent 

Contact person: Owen Well Born

 1. Full Name:

2. Contact Address:

3.  Mobile / Telephone Number:

4   Age

5. Gender:

6. Country:
7. Occupation: 

8. Batch Number: 

9. Reference Number:

10. Winning Number:     

Yours Faithfully,   (Coordinator/ Promotion Manager)    
............................................................ .............................. ..............................

"Do not reply back to the sender's address or the source email address, it is sent via computer virtual assistance for response will not be read my Human but computer" Therefore you must contact the fiduciary agents by phone and email address provided above    "
Copyright (c) 1999-2019 National Lottery International Promotion Inc. All rights reserved.  

 

My character had no idea how easy it was going to prove to discombobulate the scammer by the askance of a simple question.  But that's how it went:

 

 

...Moo...Susan???  

 

 

THANKS FOR YOUR EMAIL BUT PLEASE SEND ME ALL THIS INFO

1. Full Name:

2. Contact Address:

3.  Mobile / Telephone Number:

4   Age

5. Gender:

6. Country:
7. Occupation: 

OWEN   

 

 

First my question...Moo Susan?  

 

 

She has nothing to do with this promotion.  Please forward the informations we need from you to proceed.  

 

 

But...Moo Susan?  And how can you say she has nothing to do with this promotion?  SHE SENT IT TO ME.  

 

 

FORGET ABOUT HER.  SHE IS NOT PART OF THIS NOW SEND THE INFORMATIONS REQUESTED.  TIME IS NOT ON OUR SIDE.  

 

 

Time's on your side if you have a pocket watch.  But you speak untruly because it was Moo Susan that sent me this.  I demand to know what you have done with Moo Susan. 

 

 

FOR LAST TIME YOU FORGET ABOUT HER???????  JUST SEND THE INFORMATIONS NEEDED TO FINISH OUR BUSINESS.  

 

 

It would not be right of me to forget about Moo Susan as callously as you have.  I will be happy to send my informations once you tell me what you've done with Moo Susan. 

 

 

She works in different place.  Now please you must send the informations so we can complete.  

 

 

What different place? 

 

 

STOP WITH HER!!!!!!!  JUST SEND THE INFORMATIONS!!!!! 

 

 

It's clear to me that you're extremely jealous of Moo Susan and you've done something with her.  This goes no further until you arrange for me to have speaks with Moo Susan!!!!

 

 

IDIOT  

 

 

Twat waffle.   I demand you produce Moo Susan.  The world wonders. 

 

 

The mystery of Moo Susan will forever after linger in the anals of online lottery scams.  What isn't in doubt -- at least here -- is that Owen is extremely jealous of her.

An Out Of This Woild Lottery Scam

It didn't start out that way...but that's how it wound up once my pet rock, Seymour, got done widdit.


Another UK based international internet email lottery.  Another one that I never entered, yet I won.


I'm a billionaire in unentered online lotteries.  I'm lucky to collect a powerball number on a real ticket.


Here's a piece of the email as received:




The National Lottery

Congratulations! Winning Notification!

UK online international Lottery Award Prize of £820,731.00 (Eight Hundred and Twenty
Thousand, Seven Hundred and Thirty One British Pounds).
Email Account Owner,
Congratulations!! We are happy to announce that you have won an online lottery prize in our
international lottery promotion.
Your active e-mail address attached to computer generated ticket number: BH 05607545
7152 withreference number UK/KA2C110EN5 has won UK Lottery 2nd category award prize.
Contact our Fiduciary agents immediately to commence release of your lottery prize by
providing details as listed below.

1. Full Name:

2. Email Address:
3. Age/Occupation:
4. Reference Number/Ticket Number
5 Phone Number:
6. Country:
7. Date of draw

UK Lottery Fiduciary Agents:

Mr. William Boyd
Foreign Service Manager
Watford Regional Centre
Tolpits Lane, Watford WD18 9RN .United Kingdom

E-mail: mrwilliamboyd2000@outlook.com

Thank you and Congratulation once again!








At any rate, the lottery claimed I'd won a few thousand pounds.  I'd be happy to lose 40.


"I'll say!!!"


Shut up, Seymour.


At any rate, I allowed Seymour the snarky pet rock, a go at editing the lottery email.  It came out about how you'd expect an email edited by a snarky pet rock to wind up:

The Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Lottery

Congratulations! Winning Notification!  You winded!!!

A CPAP can hep with that, but I digress.

I am William Boyd, a crustacean sodomizer and all around clusterf**k of a lowlife, but

today I writes you with the bestest of news you can ever hopes to hears.  You are winded!!!

And you winned, too!

The first annual Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Lottery was holded

this day, and it was your good fortune that on this day, it was helded!  In places with

varying atmospheres and gravitational pulls of the leg, you could weigh anywhere from

normalcy to Eight Hundred and Twenty Thousand, Seven Hundred and Thirty One Pounds.

In the right places, you'd be the super Tubster!  And with a move to the righter places, you'd

win The Biggest Loser handily and every other bodily partily!

Of course, it is my hopps that it is here I shall makes you a big loser, yes?

On to the stuff that dreams are made wet until awakening next to donkey butt ugly:  

We are happy to announce that you have won an online outer space 'n time lottery prize in our
intergalactic lottery promotion. 

Your active e-mail address attached to a satellite launched in 1979 -- we prophesized your email

address even then, pretty kewl, huh?  -- had this winded and winned computer generated ticket

number: barackinsaneobola056075457152,  with reference number UK/KA2C110EN5, and included

with a side of fries and coleslaw, has winded and winned the aforementioned lottery!

Contact our alien Fiduciary agents immediately to commence release of your lottery prize by
providing details as listed below.

1. Full Name:

2. Email Address:
3. Age/Occupation:
4. Reference Number/Ticket Number
5 Phone Number:
6. Planet:

7. Country:
8. Date of draw

Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Fiduciary Agents:

Mr. William Boyd
Very Foreign Service Manager
Andromeda Regional Centre
Tolpits Lane, Watford WD18 9RN .Regulus 9,

Andromeda system (it beats being from Uranus)

E-mail: mrwilliamboyd2000@outlook.com

Thank you and Congratulation once again!

Yours faithfully,

Angela M. Johnson. a multi-legged, three-headed antennae creature of dubious antecedence containing six vaginas that catch flies

(Online coordinator)
The Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Lottery

All windeds and winningses must be claimed not later than 15 LIGHT DAYS. After this date all unclaimed funds will be returned to Deep Space 9 by way of cosmic fart of immense proportions.

"Please do not reply back to the senders address or the from email address, this notification is sent automatically via computer thru the black hole in the middle of Eric Holder's mouth, and has been determined to be 100% fecal coated and rather unclean..  A response will not be attended by Human but computer that looks like HRC's immense ass, and will most likely scare children and small pets. 


 

I'm sure the DNC isn't appreciating receiving these email edits...but Seymour insists they get them.

"Do NOT!!!"