Seymour and...Uranus Acres?

I have a very naughty pet rock.

"Am NOT!!!"

Really?  What about "Uranus Acres"?

"Oh phhffffffffffffffft".

Somehow, that's a fitting response.

In continuing to let Seymour run my blog for a spell, he took a most unusual turn on another -- and badly written -- online loan scammer, aka Mr. Jeanpierre Pascal.

Here's the scammer's short and poorly-crafted email:


Mr Jeanpierre Pascal own a legitimate loan company that offer out
reliable good loan offer at an affordable low interest rate of 3 for
the period of 1 to 30yrs only i issue out different types of loan loan
such as personal loan student loan company business loan private and
public investor loan so for more details if interested reach us via
email:  jeanpierrepascalloanfirm@gmail.com


So what does Seymour do?  Here's what he dun:

Mr Jeanpierre Pascal owns an illegitmate genital douche company that has been using a saline/lemon juice mix that sends patients out of their shorts.

The African Council of Trying To Make Scams Look Legitimate has given Mr. Jeanpierre Pascal a Minus 1000 rating on a scale of 1 to 100.

"What a f**king ninny is this Jeanpierre Pascal" said one member of the Council, refusing to identify himself since he's sought in a dozen countries.  "The mugu is ruining our efforts to create totally authentic-looking scams with Third World crap like this.  A genital douche company?  WTF!  That's as believable as Joe Bidumb having a working brain!"

The African Council of Trying To Make Scams Look Legitimate are asking the UN to look into getting Jeanpierre Pascal a one-way ticket to Uranus, where he can douche his own genitals with his saline/lemon juice mix and watch his own spastic anal puckers in zero gravity.

Seymour PetRock, a spokesmineral for Uranus Acres*, refused the UN request, saying that such a plan would ruin his Uranus Acres real estate sales scam and make it wholly unworkable. 

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!", or something akin to that, PetRock was quoted as saying. 

However, even we recognize that on the Internet, if you want to be an abject dumbass and think you can get something useful from Jeanpierre Pascal, there's little we can do to stop you.  So if you're among the first 100 abject dumbasses to respond to his email, we'll get you, absolutely free*, a five acre plot on Uranus, certified by Uranus Acres and Seymour PetRock**.

So if that's your gig, email Jeanpierre Pascal at email:jeanpierrepascalloanfirm@gmail.com

* Uranus Acres is a real estate scam being perpetrated by Seymour PetRock, selling acreage to leftists who want to maintain the pristine toxicity of Uranus under the guise of an EPA mandate from the obozo regime.

** travel expenses to get there and property taxes will be responsibility of the stupid lefties..no udopia for free. 

 

 

Seymour didn't get a response from the scammer; he did however draw a plea from one of the recipients of the email, a scammer previously baited:

 

stop email me!!!  

 

 

Seymour was concise in response:

 

 

No...phffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!  

 

See?  I'm not the only one that gets pet rock raspberries... 

A Pet Rock Gone Editing Wild

This is Seymour and 'Jane', watching soccer at the Moooo! Bar on Shiriashi Island, Japan, in '07.

Seymour doesn't really like soccer, but he lurves photo ops.

And now, he likes the idea that he might be able to wangle his way into a "Pet Rocks Gone Wild" edition of Geology Today.

Where he got the idea that there is such an edition, I'll never know.

Meantime, he's still wreaking havoc on scammers.  Like a recent one, Emma Whozeewhatzits, employing a long overused scam about her late husband and her being without kids, and she has cancer, and she has millions to give Seymour to invest for orphanages, etc.

Seymour's *TOING* was so loud, I thought he'd suffered a fault line.

"Did NOT!!!"

I guess that'd be the equivalent of a wrinkle for a pet rock.

"PHHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

At any rate, see what Seymour the "gone editing wild" pet rock did to Emma's email:


Dearest in Crisco,

Imma Sister Joy Emma.. from KUWAIT a minute!  Imma Chief of the tribal order of Kamson Emma Lollypop Guild, ensconced in the bucolic jungles of the Ivory Soap Coast, modeled after Detroit the past few years. As a Sister of the Hashish Odor Of The Perpetually High, I worked with KUWAIT embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before my virginity died in the year 2012 during a "Camels Gone Wild" video filming for A&E.  The filming lasted for only four days, but my fermented 80 proof camel pee moonshine left me with no memory of those days. The one that disturbs me most is what I might have done on that video that will embarrass my herd of camels.

The goats might be affected, too.

Nobody will ever come or breathe hard in my direction because whatever happened at that time cause my genital to become ingrown.  

However, I hear of this spellcaster fellow of dubious antecedence and no particular genitals of his own, Dr. Shakes Spear, and I am of one think that he has what I needs to get right all over agains.  Thus it is herein that I write to you and antisyrupate you will be of a mind to help me yes?  I will like you send to me:

A bucket full of bat guano
An ounce of antimony
Throw in an ounce of unclemony if you find him
A piece of lamp broken by Hillary Clinton

A scraping of hair grease from Debbie Wasserpuss-Schultz
Spit of Toure (don't get any on you)A brain cell of Harry Reid (I am gived to understood that there are only two that work)
A picture of Nancy Pelosi laughing like a hyena
A copy of your obozodoesn'tcare insurance ID card

Having all these things in my possessed, I can make a spell that will cure me of sour cream.  

The yea good book of Phlanthropus Butt Polyp teaches us that in all things, ear wax doesn't manifest.

I'm sure it means something profound.  I just haven't met a pro who's found it as yet.

This -- and a free travel voucher plus cost-free accommodations -- is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of an ingrown genital because I know where I am going and it's no place of genitalities. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of hairy, repugnant devil guppy named Chris Matthews. Opus to Armpits 14.1.1.0 tells us of leftist inclination that we are all butt polyps of one big asshole, which explains our being upset with the world all the time.  

I dont need any telephone communication in this regard because I have ear mites Whoever that Wants to serve themselves must serve the soup first. Hoping to receive your reply.

Yours in Crisco,
Sister Imma Joy Emma. 

 

"Sister" Joy Emma hasn't responded to Seymour's editing.  She may not be in the habit of having a pet rock gone wild, editing her scam email.  And I'll leave it to you readers to see what Seymour just did there...

Job Opening In Scamland

Wanted:  Someone who can proofread our email scams before we send them out.  Pay and benefits competitive at least in our neck of the woods.  We'd ask you to send a resume, but no one here can read it.

Which is what they might as well post for one internet café scam operation.

Here's the email I got that had me shaking my head:


On Wednesday, April 9, 2014 7:13 AM, Susanna lennar <silvio.giacchetta@alice.it> wrote:

THIS IS TO REMIND YOU THAT OUR ON GOING MASS DELIVERY WILL COME TO AN END ON 18TH APRIL 2014 AND WE WISH TO DELIVER ALL THE OLD DEPOSIT PACKAGES, TAKE NOTE THAT YOUR {consignment box} OF $7.5 USD WITH REG XQD7819-SC IS HERE FOR VERY LONG TIME NOW, THIS OFFICE HAS BEEN MANDATED FOR URGENT MASS DELIVERY AND YOU COULD BE AMONG THE LUCKY ONES WITH JUST $55.00 FEE, URGENTLY CONTACT THE MASS DELIVERY DIRECTOR WITH YOUR MASS DELIVERY PAYMENT INFORMATION.  

 

Do you see what they just did there?  They want me to send them $55 in return for a consignment box containing $7.5 USD.

 

Apparently Common Core math is flourishing in Scamland.

 

Instead of playing, I just decided to question their email math:

 

Why would I send you $55 USD for a box you said only contains $7.50 USD?  Here's another question for you while I'm at it:  are you morons by birth or choice? 

The incredible answer back is one for the books:

AMONT IS NOT  $7.5  WE CHOOSE HERE.  NOW IF YOU WANT YOUR CONSIGN BOX, HERE IS THE RECEIVER INFO

Receiver Name EMMA IWUNO
Country.:Benin Republic
City..:Cotonou
Question.: WHEN?
Answer.: TODAY
Amount......$55.00usd
MTCN: 

Ah, thanks for clearing that up so concisely.  The consignment isn't for $7.5 and you are morons by choice.  Fine.  So my first question still stands:  why would I send $55 for $7.5 USD, which is what you wrote and failed to correct with what it is?  

ARE YOU WANT CONSIGN BOX OR NOT PLEASE.

Not please.  But I will suggest that you run a want ad for a proofreader to both read what you receive, reply to and how you do so.  

YOU MUST SEND FEE FOR CONSIGN BOX SOONEST.  TIME UP IN APRIL 18. 

There you go again, more negative syntax.  Have a little proofreading, baby, have a little proofreading.  And you STILL haven't answered why I should send you $55 in return for $7.5? 

IT NOT $7.5!!!!!  (and the scammer went on to repeat the wiring information).

Okay fine...let's go another more usual route:

Fine.  The $55 is sent for whatever it is I'm getting in return. 

IF YOU SEND I NEED THE IMFORMATIONS I TELL YOU.


And what imformations were those?  


Receiver Name EMMA IWUNO
Country.:Benin Republic
City..:Cotonou
Question.: WHEN?
Answer.: TODAY
Amount......$55.00usd
MTCN:  


Yes, I used that imformations.  Just like you writ it. 


WHERE IS MTCN? 


The first two are abbreviation for Montana; the second two, maybe Connecticut, both in the USA.   What good will those do you?  


NO I NEED THE NUMBERS.  


Numbers run 0-9 and to infinity.  Take your choice since you choose.


WHAT ARE NUMBERS OF MTCN?  

Let's take him back to states again:


If it's area codes you want, you can choose to look those up yourself.  However, Connecticut uses 203, 475, 860 and 959.  Montana only uses 406.   Montana isn't greedy like Connecticut.


Stupid and frustrated makes an amusing combination:


WHAT IS THE NUMBERS OF MTCH?  IT IS 10 NUMBER PLEASE. 

You recall that I told him he needs a proofreader:

Who is Mitch and what numbers of his do you need?  

All I got back after that was a blank email response.  To which I replied See, if you had listened to me and hired yourself a proofreader, you wouldn't be asking for numbers for two states or a Mitch person you've probably never met.  

And nothing more after that.  Maybe they're working on hiring a proofreader.  Or figured out what it is they choosed to be...

 

Seymour On A Climate Roll

My pet rock loves science.

Though he still thinks that carbon dating is his ticket to getting laid.

"Do NOT!!!"

At any rate, he came across another of those articles from the UN that insists on making climate change wholly the fault of humans, and offering drastic measures to curtail it, at the cost of most industrial nations' economies.

Which the Left fully supports, until their low-information selves figure out just what it'll mean to their drum circles and ipads.

Leave it to Seymour to get his hands on a copy of the leaked UN report about climate that is coming shortly out of Berlin, Germany, and to put his own geologic interpretation to it:

The UN Continues To Make Up Global Warming Hysteria

BERLIN (SAP) — After concluding -- despite scientific facts to the contrary -- that global warming almost certainly is man-made and poses a grave threat to humanity, the U.N.-arranged-and-paid-to-say-so amateur panel on climate change is moving on to the next phase: how to sell the lie.

The I'm Paid To Say This Climate Sh**, or IPTSTCS, will meet next week in Berlin to chart ways in which the world will be told how to live.

It ignored what the fraud will cost thriving industrial nations, and how the negative impact on them will further impoverish undeveloped nations, since they weren't getting paid to tell the truth.

In the third attempt to sell the fraud of AGW to further enrich AlGore and his worthless pond scum, the IPTSTCS is expected to say a douche wagonload of crap that has already been disproved time after time, in the theory that if they keep saying it, the American leftist lamestream servile mediocres will seize upon it and try to sell it like the obozodoesn'tcare fiasco.

"Underlying this report is a lot of made-up lies and fraudulent analysis of the problem and how we intend to enrich the renewable energy sector – which, of course, all of us are invested in," said Jake Schmuck, international climate fraud director at the National Disingenuousness Council, a Washington-based collection of drum circle environmental wacktoids. "And there will also be some discussions of how to silence the skeptics that keep us from becoming filthy rich on this renewable scam we're running."

A leaked draft of the report sent to governments in December suggests that in order to keep the climate fraudsters in business, they need to cripple the economies of the West at least 40-70 percent by 2050.

Proven and affordable energy would have to be stamped out, and unaffordable, far costlier crap that breaks individuals and businesses to attempt to afford would have to be forced on people to the tune of, at the very least, $1.47 trillion annually according to the draft.

That message is likely to face opposition, facts, reason and logic from the fossil fuel industry and countries that depend on it.

Earlier this week, one oil company said the IPTSTCS's climate fraud is "full of crap" and won't stop it from selling fossil fuels far into the future.

That contrasted with a message from U.N. climate fraudette Christiana “It” Figueres, who after sleeping with all the top UN climate change staff, told oil and gas industry officials in London on Thursday that three-quarters of the fossil fuel reserves still in the ground needs to stay there for the UN members to realize a 10-25% profit on the fraud they're trying to sell.

"We will seek to arrest and imprison you if you try to stop us from making the kind of insane profits our harebrained scheme is projected to make us," Figueres said, thinking her microphone was off.

The alternative plan to mitigate climate change would involve coming up with new ways to scrub methane out of the DNC and leftists. And that would be counterproductive to what the left wants to accomplish at the expense of everyone else.

Stupid leftist environwhacktoid ideas being touted as geoengineering have floated ideas like dropping tons of iron into the ocean to make carbon-munching algae bloom while killing all the fish, or putting a giant umbrella – with a picture of AlGore on it -- in space to shield us from prying eyes in a nearby galaxy.

Many real scientists consider the whole UN scheme a jackwagonload of leftist hooey.

Of course, the Leftists in the UN want opponents stifled by any and all means. “Truth is anathema to the Earth” one environwhacktoid shouted, drawing “what a doo-doo head” looks from a visiting second grade class from rural Iowa.

The two previous reports in the IPTSTCS's first incomprehensible myth of climate since 2007 said it's 95-percent certain that reasoned, rational people won't buy this sh** unless the Left takes over running all the nations, and forces these changes down peoples' throats.

The latest report also focuses on how well the Obozo regime campaign against cow farts goes; where goes that, so might go their own report.

Another controversial part of the report is the one dealing with who should pay for efforts to curb climate change. The UN says the USA should pay for it all. There are still too many rational, legal voters in the USA to let Obozo simply sign off on that option, particularly since it'd cut into his taxpayer-funded vacations starting in 2015.

The IPTSTCS, which is a made-up body of drum circlers, tree huggers and other screwballs who think earning a living is passe, is attempting to be wholly political in this fraud scheme of theirs, and insist that for their scheme to work and enrich them at the cost of everyone else, it will be necessary to somehow engineer financial transfers "in the order of hundreds of billions of dollars per year before mid-century."

"The main bone of contention will be how we can sell this sh** before a significant part of the world wakes up to the fraud and throws us into a pit of crocodiles" said Schmuck, of the National Disingenuousness Council. "We need to move on this now while we have some measure of power to force others to bend to our will." 

Of course, Seymour realizes that lowlifes like AlGore will brand Seymour a 'climate change denier'.

"That and 50 cents means what?"

Exactly, my astute pet rock.

"I did NOT just fart!!!"

Seymour, that's not what 'astute' means.

"Oh..."

Seymour's peerless on geology.  Just don't test him on grammar.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT!" 

Seymour The Sexist Pet Rock

Yes, after this one, Seymour will be branded a sexist.

"Am NOT!!!"

But of course you are, Seymour; you're dissing the leading witch of the Left.

"What difference does it make now?"

None to the Left, Seymour.

"Phfffffffffffffffffffffffffft to the Left!"

You're learning, Seymour.

At any rate, Seymour saw a recent story touting HRC as a women's champion and leading candidate for president in 2016.

Assuming there's anything left to pillage after obozo's done gutting what's left of the office.

And Seymour -- the politically incorrect, fearless pet rock -- couldn't resist another of his unpatented edits, as readers will now see:

Hillary Clinton Talks Lies And Taking Over in 2016
By The Lamestream Servile Self-Wetting Leftist Mediocres


Leftist double standards in politics and media, advice for low information women like Sandra Fluke -- like whether battery-operated dildos are better than cucumbers -- and whether or not Hillary Clinton will try to complete the ruin to the USA begun by Barry Obozo by running for president in 2016 all sound like pretty typical topics for a leftist women's conference.

And it was no difference here, in New York, as a lamestream servile mediocre interviewed Clinton and a French lefty about how the Left hopes to fool the voters long enough to complete the ruin of the USA.

When asked whether female politicians experience public life differently than men, Clinton made up a story like her “under fire in Bosnia, Serbia, wherever-the-hellnia” one, and like the one she made up about trying to join the USMC – like a flaming feminazi leftist would ever have honestly tried that. Indeed, Clinton grew more audibly flatulent and full of crap as she went on, even uttering “what difference does it make now?” which she made infamous after Benghazi, before she went into her “I don't recall” mode that she's used to cover up her lies so often.

When asked about the leftist double standard on the “war on women”, Clinton smirked and responded “despite the setback that the silly trollop Sandra Fluke caused us, the fact remains that as long as we have our servile media covering us for this 'war on women' sham that the conservatives really aren't waging, we can pretty much lie about that and anything else we want. We know we have to lie to get and consolidate power in the USA, and once we have it, to parrot the words of Joseph Goebbels, “we'll never give it up”. We will use the Constitution to wipe our asses, and make a country based on the proletariat like that of the old Soviet Union, except in this case I get to be Joseph Stalin”. 

 


The French lefty added, “During board meetings with gray suits, when I speak about getting the same freebies for European women that the slut Fluke demanded – and may I say, what a dog she is – I see them wince. They know who controls 80% of the money and 100% of the pussy”

The women also had advice for budding feminazis battling conservatives like Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin. “It's all in how we have our servile mediocres portray them, over and over and over. Make them the dumbed down, ignorant idiots that we ourselves have been creating with the cancerous educational substandards we've created like Commie Core – I know you mediocres know to sanitize that so I can deny having called it that – and we'll eventually sweep them aside.  Women like Debbie Wasserputz Schlitz will be the new face of feminist America”. 

 

The French lefty was equally as blunt: “You know Pajama Boy in the Obamacare ad? That's my totally servile husband. The left raises their men to be servile, simpering “Yes Ma'am” types. Chivalry is to be crushed like a bug, and replaced with totally subjugated men, run by the women. This is something I taught my sons. Well one of them...the other I convinced to have a sex change so 'she' can be stronger.

And, of course, the question of the evening — will Clinton run for president in 2016? — could not go unasked. “Secretary, is there any job you would be interested in?” Friedperson asked.

As the crowd silenced to a single cricket chirp, Clinton answered, “You'd better do better than that! I'll have the NSA and IRS at my fingertips, and I won't be afraid to abuse either!”

That got a couple of feeble claps around the room.

Yeah, Seymour, the left will be warming up for you on this one.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!"

You heard from the pet rock here first   ;-)

Another Pet Rock Edit

My pet rock, Seymour, takes offense when he reads that the current ePa -- using flawed science and statistics for personal gain by such losers as AlGore -- claims to know what the world needs.

Seymour suggests the world needs an end to the ePa.

Well, at least an ePa run by such a corrupt regime as we currently have.

Seymour came across the story that the Oblahblah regime -- yes, that's what my pet rock calls them these days -- what with all the problems domestically and in the world today, was going to target cow farts for reduction.

That set off a *TOING* for Seymour that called for his editing skills in parodious response:

Oblahblah's ePa Takes On Cow Farts To Avoid Harder Targets

As part of its plan to distract and cover up their stumbling and fumbling in ruining the government since '09, the Oblahblah regime is targeting the dairy industry to further reduce their credibility in the world.

This comes despite falling methane emission levels across the economy since 1990 and continual evidence of gross incompetence throughout the Oblahblah regime.

Morons in the Oblahblah regime propose cutting methane emissions from the dairy industry by 25 percent by 2020, a discredited cbs TV show. Although U.S. agriculture only accounts for about 9 percent of the ePa's made up statistics on greenhouse gas emissions, the ePa needs to go after a soft target, because taking on the real emission problems – the BS out of the Oblahblah regime – would get them branded as 'racist'.

“Cows emit a massive amount of methane through belching, with a lesser amount through flatulence,” according to Jay Carney, an expert on the subject of flatulence. “Statistics vary regarding how much methane the average dairy cow expels. Some experts say 100 liters to 200 liters a day… while others say it’s up to 500 liters… a day. In any case, that’s a lot of methane, though not as much as the DNC generates on a daily basis.”

Carney demanded that lamestream servile mediocre outlets scrub that last sentence from their talking points, which pmsnbc and cnn practically wet themselves to do immediately.

“Of all domestic types including undocumented democrats, beef and dairy cattle were by far the largest and easiest targets to go after since they can't vote”, noted the DNC before sanitizing the statement for release to the lamestream servile mediocres..

Granted, the Oblahblah regime would like others to believe that they're going after cow flatulence with the same sense of urgency that they're claiming to have on the US economy, their staggeringly inept hellthscare, and world problems like how to prevent the Russians from threatening Uranus.

Environmentalists have been pushing the Oblahblah regime to crack down on methane emissions for some time, until they realized how much methane was generated by the DNC and Oblahblah regime alone. That's when they began urging Oblahblah's ePa to go after cow farts, instead.

“Oblahblah's plan to reduce his credibility is an important step in making George W. Bush blameable for everything wrong today” Deborah Nardone, drivel director for the Sierra Club’s Keeping Dirty Leftist Lies Alive campaign. “However, even with the most rigorously dishonest controls and stifling of critics in place, we will still fall short of what is needed to fight the truth if we do not reduce the number of conservatives in government.”

“The ePa has been on a witch hunt against the American economy and American people all this time” said an anonymous source within the RNC. “All too often we see the Agency using flawed science for political purposes, but this witch hunt has had some of the biggest witches in history – Hillary, Pelosi, Feinstein, Jackson-Lee, et al – right under their noses with not one spell reversed”.  

 

 

Reaction to that last part of the edit was sought from the office of the former flotus and suckretary of state, with only this in response:

Truth hurts, eh Hill?

 

Seymour Finds One To Screw With

Seymour hates scammer emails with documents you can't screw with.

So when I showed him one I'd received in my non-scamming email account -- and that he could screw with it to his heart's content -- I had me a gleeful pet rock indeed.

And Seymour wasted no time in beginning the screwing widdit.

The following is what was received before my pet rock was unleashed in edit mode:

Supplementary wage in a short time! In our company you can get without any problem minimum 1000.00 USD per week. This occupation takes only 8 days a month of your time. This is a part time employment and you can combine it with your current employment! After completing each task your reward will be from 400.00 USD to 1600.00 USD. This is how everything will be done: You receive a bank transfer from our company in the amount of at least 2000.00 USD. After the transfer is credited by your bank, it is necessary to withdraw cash. Your profit is 20% of the transferred amount - up to 1600.00 USD, it is for you! You transfer to our representative 80% of the money left. Our accounting service will confirm a time suitable for you to get and process next transfer. We offer this job just for US residents! The principle of this work is approved through the kind offices of US lawyers and corresponds exactly to the letter of the law. Our company can make many bank transfers of different amount, everything depends on your desire! Please reply to this e-mail. We will get back to you right away and answer to any of your questions. Be quick! Vacancies are limited!    Now here's what Seymour dun with their email...   Seymour figured out how to interject into this scammer's email, and now he's screwing with their intended screwing of us...hooha!!! A Scam Suppository masquerading as a job offer! In our company you can get without any problem buttboinked for whatever we can buttboink you out of!!!  This sodomous process  takes only 1 time to work in our favor. This is a one time shot on our part and you need to be the stupidest person on Earth to buy into it for us to get paid! After completing one task you'll have nothing and we'll have what you wired us!!! This is how everything will be done: You give us your bank informations so we can empty your account. After we've transferred out of your account all we can, YOU HAS NOTHING LEFT!!! Your profit is 00% of the transferred amount - ours is 100% of the transferred amount! You throw a major fit and make all kind of email threats to sue us. Our accounting service will laugh our ass off at you. We offer this sodomous buttboinking just for US residents! The principle of this work is approved and recommended by fly-infested Nigerian internet cafes all over Nigeria!  Our company can make many bank transfers of different amount, everything depends on your gullibility!  Please reply to this e-mail. We will get back to you right away and answer to any of your questions.  Email FuhjyoxworthysMayme@outlook.com soonest! Be quick! Vacancies are limitless 'cuz they change so much!     Seymour is pleased with himself, while I will have to put up with any responses from the scammers...

Seymour Weighs In On The Latest In News Edits

My pet rock Seymour considers himself widely creative.  Which is why he recently read of yet another tiff between North and South Korea that apparently required Seymour to weigh in on.

Seymour figures that he can't do any worse than Dennis Rodman.

Good point.

But...Seymour's idea of editing is dubious at best.

"Is NOT!!!"

We'll let the readers decide that, Seymour:


North And South Korea Shell Each Others' Fish

SEOUL, South Korea (SAP) — North and South Korea fired hundreds of artillery shells into each other's waters Monday in a flare-up of animosity that forced fish on both sides of the aquatic 38^th Parallel to evacuate to shelters for several hours, South Korean officials said.

Illustration 1: Kim Jong Un and a collection of his semiconductors

The exchange of fire into the Yellow Sea followed Pyongyang's sudden announcement that it would conduct fish killing drills in seven areas north of the Koreas' disputed maritime boundary. North Korea routinely test-fires artillery and missiles into the ocean but rarely hits what they aimed at. The announcement was seen as an expression of Pyongyang's frustration at making little progress in its recent push to win more free hand outs for it's overfed leader.

North Korea fired 500 rounds of artillery shells over more than three hours, about 100 of which fell south of the sea boundary, Greenpeace spokesman Ida Scusted said, getting her and their boat wet. South Korea responded by firing 300 shells into North Korean waters, he said, killing and traumatizing innocent 'sea kittens'.

No shells from either side were fired at any land or military installations, but in addition to Greenpeace a spokesman for Red Lobster called the act on both sides an “unconscionable act to shell fish”. Like the American fauxtus at a recent speech, he waited for applause and only heard crickets.

There was only this from North Korean leader Kim Jong Un: “When I get my own Team America Worrd Porice movie rike my father?”

Illustration 2: Rike father rike son, Kim Jong Un wants his own "Team America Worrd Porice" movie

In Washington, White House spokesman Jay ConCarnage called the North Korean leader's request "dangerous and provocative" and said it would further aggravate Parker and Stone into making fun of obozo and his pathetic regime.

Monday's exchange was relatively mild in the history of animosity, violence and fish soup between the Koreas, but there is worry in Seoul that an increasingly dissatisfied North Korea could launch an all out attack on the Yellow Sea fish south of the aquatic 38^th Parallel. Or worse, that Kim Jong Un will starve more dogs in preparation for further winnowing down of his famiry tree.  "Even the dogs don't deserve that" said a South Korean unofficial.

The poorly marked western sea boundary has been the scene of several bloody fish kills between the Koreas in recent years.

Recent weeks have seen an increase in threatening rhetoric and a series of North Korean rocket and ballistic missile launches considered tantrums by Pyongyang against a refusal by South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make another Team America Worrd Porice movie with Kim Jong Un featured as the virrian.

"The boneheads appear to have completely forgotten the fact that my father fed Hans Brix to a shark, and I have rots of starving dogs to feed”, Un whined to the North's official Korean Central News Agency.

Seymour's editing -- he believes -- will one day net him a Pulitzer.

I'm still betting on it being more of a "Pull My Fanger".

"Will NOT!!!!"