Seymour and...Uranus Acres?

I have a very naughty pet rock.

"Am NOT!!!"

Really?  What about "Uranus Acres"?

"Oh phhffffffffffffffft".

Somehow, that's a fitting response.

In continuing to let Seymour run my blog for a spell, he took a most unusual turn on another -- and badly written -- online loan scammer, aka Mr. Jeanpierre Pascal.

Here's the scammer's short and poorly-crafted email:


Mr Jeanpierre Pascal own a legitimate loan company that offer out
reliable good loan offer at an affordable low interest rate of 3 for
the period of 1 to 30yrs only i issue out different types of loan loan
such as personal loan student loan company business loan private and
public investor loan so for more details if interested reach us via
email:  jeanpierrepascalloanfirm@gmail.com


So what does Seymour do?  Here's what he dun:

Mr Jeanpierre Pascal owns an illegitmate genital douche company that has been using a saline/lemon juice mix that sends patients out of their shorts.

The African Council of Trying To Make Scams Look Legitimate has given Mr. Jeanpierre Pascal a Minus 1000 rating on a scale of 1 to 100.

"What a f**king ninny is this Jeanpierre Pascal" said one member of the Council, refusing to identify himself since he's sought in a dozen countries.  "The mugu is ruining our efforts to create totally authentic-looking scams with Third World crap like this.  A genital douche company?  WTF!  That's as believable as Joe Bidumb having a working brain!"

The African Council of Trying To Make Scams Look Legitimate are asking the UN to look into getting Jeanpierre Pascal a one-way ticket to Uranus, where he can douche his own genitals with his saline/lemon juice mix and watch his own spastic anal puckers in zero gravity.

Seymour PetRock, a spokesmineral for Uranus Acres*, refused the UN request, saying that such a plan would ruin his Uranus Acres real estate sales scam and make it wholly unworkable. 

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!", or something akin to that, PetRock was quoted as saying. 

However, even we recognize that on the Internet, if you want to be an abject dumbass and think you can get something useful from Jeanpierre Pascal, there's little we can do to stop you.  So if you're among the first 100 abject dumbasses to respond to his email, we'll get you, absolutely free*, a five acre plot on Uranus, certified by Uranus Acres and Seymour PetRock**.

So if that's your gig, email Jeanpierre Pascal at email:jeanpierrepascalloanfirm@gmail.com

* Uranus Acres is a real estate scam being perpetrated by Seymour PetRock, selling acreage to leftists who want to maintain the pristine toxicity of Uranus under the guise of an EPA mandate from the obozo regime.

** travel expenses to get there and property taxes will be responsibility of the stupid lefties..no udopia for free. 

 

 

Seymour didn't get a response from the scammer; he did however draw a plea from one of the recipients of the email, a scammer previously baited:

 

stop email me!!!  

 

 

Seymour was concise in response:

 

 

No...phffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!  

 

See?  I'm not the only one that gets pet rock raspberries...