Another Pet Rock Edit

My pet rock, Seymour, takes offense when he reads that the current ePa -- using flawed science and statistics for personal gain by such losers as AlGore -- claims to know what the world needs.

Seymour suggests the world needs an end to the ePa.

Well, at least an ePa run by such a corrupt regime as we currently have.

Seymour came across the story that the Oblahblah regime -- yes, that's what my pet rock calls them these days -- what with all the problems domestically and in the world today, was going to target cow farts for reduction.

That set off a *TOING* for Seymour that called for his editing skills in parodious response:

Oblahblah's ePa Takes On Cow Farts To Avoid Harder Targets

As part of its plan to distract and cover up their stumbling and fumbling in ruining the government since '09, the Oblahblah regime is targeting the dairy industry to further reduce their credibility in the world.

This comes despite falling methane emission levels across the economy since 1990 and continual evidence of gross incompetence throughout the Oblahblah regime.

Morons in the Oblahblah regime propose cutting methane emissions from the dairy industry by 25 percent by 2020, a discredited cbs TV show. Although U.S. agriculture only accounts for about 9 percent of the ePa's made up statistics on greenhouse gas emissions, the ePa needs to go after a soft target, because taking on the real emission problems – the BS out of the Oblahblah regime – would get them branded as 'racist'.

“Cows emit a massive amount of methane through belching, with a lesser amount through flatulence,” according to Jay Carney, an expert on the subject of flatulence. “Statistics vary regarding how much methane the average dairy cow expels. Some experts say 100 liters to 200 liters a day… while others say it’s up to 500 liters… a day. In any case, that’s a lot of methane, though not as much as the DNC generates on a daily basis.”

Carney demanded that lamestream servile mediocre outlets scrub that last sentence from their talking points, which pmsnbc and cnn practically wet themselves to do immediately.

“Of all domestic types including undocumented democrats, beef and dairy cattle were by far the largest and easiest targets to go after since they can't vote”, noted the DNC before sanitizing the statement for release to the lamestream servile mediocres..

Granted, the Oblahblah regime would like others to believe that they're going after cow flatulence with the same sense of urgency that they're claiming to have on the US economy, their staggeringly inept hellthscare, and world problems like how to prevent the Russians from threatening Uranus.

Environmentalists have been pushing the Oblahblah regime to crack down on methane emissions for some time, until they realized how much methane was generated by the DNC and Oblahblah regime alone. That's when they began urging Oblahblah's ePa to go after cow farts, instead.

“Oblahblah's plan to reduce his credibility is an important step in making George W. Bush blameable for everything wrong today” Deborah Nardone, drivel director for the Sierra Club’s Keeping Dirty Leftist Lies Alive campaign. “However, even with the most rigorously dishonest controls and stifling of critics in place, we will still fall short of what is needed to fight the truth if we do not reduce the number of conservatives in government.”

“The ePa has been on a witch hunt against the American economy and American people all this time” said an anonymous source within the RNC. “All too often we see the Agency using flawed science for political purposes, but this witch hunt has had some of the biggest witches in history – Hillary, Pelosi, Feinstein, Jackson-Lee, et al – right under their noses with not one spell reversed”.  

 

 

Reaction to that last part of the edit was sought from the office of the former flotus and suckretary of state, with only this in response:

Truth hurts, eh Hill?

 

Even Scammers Laugh

Apparently scammers have little more regard for the worst potus in history than so many of us do.

So little so, they (again) used him in one of their scams.

Yet another dubious 'honor' to a potus with none.

But I digress.

Here's what the scammer thought would sell the most recent scam I received via a friend and fellow blogger:

Attention Beneficiary,


SCAMMED VICTIMS / 10,000 BENEFICIARIES REF/PAYMENTS CODE: ECB/07654 $20,000 USD.

We are delegates from the PRESIDENT OBAMA FOUNDATION and UNITED NATIONS in Central Bank to pay 100,000 scam victims $20,000 USD (Twenty  Thousand U.S Dollars) each,On behalf of the Obama's Foundation and UNITED NATIONS, we wish to notify you as a beneficiary of  $20,000 USD in compensation of scam victims. Your Email was listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims to be paid this amount. According to the number of applicants at hand, 114 Beneficiaries has been paid, over a half of the victims are from the United States, we still have a  pending of 87,136 compensations left to be paid. Your particulars was mentioned by one of the Syndicates who was arrested as one of  their victims of the operations, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to him for any reason what so ever as  the U.S. secret service and FBI is already on trace of the other criminals. So keep it secret till they are all apprehended Other victims who have not been contacted can submit their application as well for scrutiny and possible consideration.

Please you are to fill the particulars below, So that we can proceed with the processing of your compensation fee.

Name:
Country:
Age:
Occupation:
Sex:

Mr. George Thomas
Email: compensationdispatch@outlook.com
Phone contact: (+1)0535912539

"Obama's Foundation"?  *Snort*...the narcissist was expecting supporters to send him their wedding, anniversary and birthday gifts in the '12 election.  Foundation my ass.

Still...where there's a scam, there's a little editorial fun to be had:

Attention Benadryl Addict,


I'll bet you didn't know that when something is secret, it's goose poop silly to post it in the friggin' EMAIL HEADER!!!

 

 

Which is why we need a new censor for our secret emails.  We just fed ours to a gang of testosteronal platypus who were just told that they are actually grizzly gerbils.

 

 

But that's not why we're writing.

 

 

 We're writing about PAYMENTS CODE: see text below*

We are delegates from an ad hoc foundation for the worst potus in history, plus we sponge off the UNITED NATIONS because it beats working for a living.  But that's not why we're writing.

 

 

In a sort-of abandoned bank in Central Park, NYC, there is a vault.  It hasn't been opened since Bugsey Malone had a sex change operation and changed his name to Millar Time McGee...only to fly into a Fed-run bug zapper of sizeable caliber, but we kind of digress.  Anyway, there's this vault, see, and inside of it is...well, we can't tell you what's in there.  BUT...if you write back to us and give us the PAYMENT CODE:  see text below* -- and it must be the exactly RIGHT code -- you get some of the stuff therein.

 

 

No shi..er...kidding.  We of the UN and a foundation for the worst potus in history wouldn't jack you off..er...around on that.  Really.  Really Really.

 

 

Shrek stole that line from us.  Pea-green asswagon.

 

 

Anyway...which should not be confused with a henweigh...we wish to notify you that as a recipient of the PAYMENT CODE:  see text below*, you are not only entitled to a portion of the aforementioned vault contents...but if you mishandle this email, you'll get genital warts on your ear lobes, because we are covered in them.  How that came to be is a family secret that's been kept until it was published in Reader's Digest under Word Power for $200, Alex.  So never mind.  And that's not why we're writing, anyway.  Or henweigh.

 

 

What's a henweigh?  Eh..a few pounds.  *ducking boos and throwd hen's teeth*

 

 

Your Email was listed and approved for this peculiar email because since our censor was thrown into a pit full of seals of approval -- and we dressed him up like a fish just for the halibut -- we need you to sort through our emails and make them sound plausibly deniable in a court of tennis, because -- and I know you'd never guess this -- our English blows goats.

 

 

The goats don't mind, but that's not why we're writing.  Crapapoloosa, I am not sure WHY we're writing now.

 

 

So I guess I'll get to the sock spanking:  the U.S. secret service and FBI are chasing a flying monkey named Booga Unga Bunga in the greater Detroit area, and during the peculiar pursuit, they were danged if they didn't find a library.  Since no one can read there, it's door is ajar, and no one knows how to twist it open OR closed.  And any hoot owl, no one wants any part of a door and a security system cyberarguing.

 

 

But that's not why we're writing.  See the last time I said that for enemacation.  If that's a word, I'm improving.

 

Please you are to fill the peculiars below, So that we can proceed with whatever it was that this email was supposed to have been about, before our censor went the way of unapproving seals, and got his minkey spanked.  

Name (if not yours, someone you can't stand will do):
Country:
Age:
Occupation:
Last Time You Had Sex With A Pelican Balloon:

Mr. George Thomas

A By Now Very Confused Emailer
Email: compensationdispatch@outlook.com
Phone contact: (+1)0535912539

 

*  now that you've seen the text, see what we just did there?  Neither do we.

 

 

A short reply from the scammer of note suggests that yes, even the scammers are laughing at him:

 

 

ha 

 

 

Yes...that's what we say, too.

 

 

Probably the first/last time a scammer and I will agree on anything...  ;-)

Scams and Political Fundraising

With a recent email scam that was sent me by persons of dubious antecedence, claiming to represent scam victims (that they hoped to create LOL), it reminded me of a recent and rather shameless episode in presidential campaigns that I'd never heard of in my lifetime, prior to the current worst potus in history.

And that is, asking people to donate their wedding, anniversary, and birthday gifts to the re-election campaign of the current worst potus in history.

I'm sure that, before they're through -- which we hope they are when legal and fed-up voters and taxpayers toss them out on November 6 -- they'll get lower.

Fundraising campaigns overseas -- for money from marxists and socialists around the world -- seems another step in that direction.

So it didn't seem to me much of a stretch that the campaign of the worst potus in history, would even seek out internet scammers for help.

Thus, the most recent email scam sent me from Nigeria, was crafted as if it was edited for the potus' re-election campaign, BY his re-election campaign.

While this might offend my more liberal readers, it contains a little bit of humor, and a lot of bit of truth, from a regime that sees insisting on legal ID to register and vote as racism....while requiring attendees of their campaign events to provide legal ID for access to same.  If that don't make you go "hmmmm", there is something wrong within your common sense workings.

I'll return to my more usual brand of humor in my next post.  Meantime, read a scam letter edit as if it came from the re-election campaign of the worst potus in history:

From Desk Of Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde

Office of Economic & Financial Crimes Commission

Head Office,5 Fomella Street. Wuse II.

Federal Capital Territory, Abuja-Nigeria

Attention: Scam Victim-to-be,

I am Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde. The chairman of the Office of ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIMES COMMISSION (EFCC) in alliance with Internet Cafe Organization of Scammers In West African States (ICOoSIWAS) with head Office here in Nigeria. We have been working for years towards the expansion of fraudsters and scam artists in Western part of Africa, because it's easy money, it doesn't require any manual labor -- apart from minor typing skills -- and it's FUN.  We have a great time in our internet cafe, even though it's full of flies and animals wander through it. 

We have been able to track down many of the best and brightest scam artists in various parts of west African countries which includes NIGERIA, REPUBLIC OF BENIN, TOGO, GHANA CAMEROUN AND SENEGAL, and they are all in our employ here in Lagos, Nigeria. Business has been so good, we are preparing to offer benefits, a retirement and 401k plan, and even paid vacations and holidays to our more successful scammers.

The United Nations Anti-crime commission and the Nigerian Government have been totally unsuccessful in stopping us; in fact, the UN has leased us office space and scheduled training classes for us to teach their other Third World nations about our successful scam program.  We're having a seminar at the UN in New York in August, and it's being funded by US taxpayers, thanks to their dubious potus, in return for voter registration cards from all of our scammers, to help get him re-elected.

This email is being directed to you because your email address was found in one of the scam Artists file and computer hard disk in our custody here in Nigeria, under the category of "yet to be scammed". 

We have filed a lawsuit with the World Court and in NY state district court to require you to submit to one or more of our scams, because we are every bit as entitled to your money, as your welfare cheats, unemployment cheats, illegal immigrants and other lowlifes who, if not milking your system there, would be potential candidates to join our scam operations, here.  Even your potus agrees that we are entitled to your money.  He recently said that if you started a business, you didn't build it. 

He affirms and agrees with us.  That's why we contribute to his campaign for re-election, via his fundraiser in Switzerland.  Haha.

You are therefore being notified, by us, not to wait until the World Court, the UN, or your own state's district court ORDERS YOU TO SEND US MONEY.  Don't make us have to send Department of Justice activists from your own communities to shake you down in public.  Just contact us with your personal informations, and follow our instructions to send us money.  It's really that simple.

Otherwise, we will have your own system prosecute you for it.  Which, of course, we will enjoy, because as criminals ourselves, we love having top politicians in your own country, and in the UN, do some of our work for us, in return for our illegal votes in your presidential election.  Your democrats are our kind of criminals.

So you are advised to contact the processing officer.  Feel free to contact  the Processing office The Central Bank Of Nigeria .So you are advised to contact the Central Bank of Nigeria Governor with your provided informations required.

Contact Person: Mallam Sanusi Lamido

Email Address: Mallamsanusi.cbn@sify.com

Provide the information bellow to enable him to debit your bank account:

1) Your full name:

2) Residential address:

3) Phone/fax numbers:

4) Profession:

5) Scan copy of id/age:

Understand that, even if you delete this email, we have send copy of this to your potus, and he will tax you for what you owe us.

We love criminal marxism,

Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde.

CHAIRMAN (EFCC).

Who knows...the potus re-election campaign may copy and paste this scammer email for use in future fund raising.  That wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Register THIS

In a campaign season of continuing "WTF!?"s, the campaign for the worst potus in American history has just upped the ante for the most abjectly STUPID idea, ever.

Getting married soon?  Having an anniversary?  A birthday?  Some celebration of some milestone?  Is it for you?  Your spouse?  Your family?  Your kin?  Your dead dawg Rolf who had ACORN help voting in '06, even though Rolf passed in '03?

Well, the nobama campaign has come up with a way that you can have that 'gift' go to something more important than you, your spouse, kids, kin, et al:

Obama asks supporters who are getting married to ask for a donation to his campaign instead of a wedding gift. You can even register your wedding on his campaign website.

"Got a birthday, anniversary, or wedding coming up?

"Let your friends know how important this election is to you — register with Obama 2012, and ask for a donation in lieu of a gift. It’s a great way to support the President on your big day. Plus, it’s a gift that we can all appreciate — and goes a lot further than a gravy bowl."Read more: http://times247.com/articles/obama-asks-people-getting-married-to-forgo-gifts-donate-to-him-instead?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter#ixzz1ydVMpu9D

Yes, the nobama crapaign has really done this.  Really really.

It's astonishing how low *O.B.A.M.A.* (aka, One Big Abject Mistake America) is willing to stoop.

So my pet rock, Seymour, suggested to me that instead of spending the money to send him -- Seymour -- to visit another out of state admirer, I should send that money to the nobama crapaign.

"Did NOT!!!!!"

Instead, I and my pet rock had a little *fun* with the campaign ploy: 

potus "It all 'bout me, foos!" Registree

We gots ta ax ya somethin'.  Yeah, you.

Got a birthday, anniversary, or wedding coming up? 

So the f*** what?  Who are YOU?  Oh sure...to some small-minded people out there, you might have some kind of symbolism.  You may have been misled by Dubya, Fox News or that hateful talk radio crowd that you're a taxpaying, registered-to-vote, working, law-abiding, God fearing, productive member of society, and a parent, son/daughter, et al....phffffffffft!  GET THIS, FOO:  you ain't the potus!!  You don't rate bein' a prostitute for his Secret Service!

So this year, tell all your family, friends, business and pleasure associates to screw giving gifts of any kind to you on your special day.  After all, you don't want to be known as a greedy, mean-spirited Islamophobe, illegals-hating RACIST, do you?

Tell 'em all that instead of gifts to your pathetic, useless, insignificant self, that all you have -- right down to your last pair of argyle socks -- goes to the potus!!!  For it is HE, and only HE, that matters!!!

You may as well tell your kids, no gifts this year.  The spouse?  Phffft.  Parents, friends, family, even the stupid little kid that delivers your paper and should have been aborted...IT ALL GOES TO potus. 

And forget the Tooth Fairy:  we've already had the IRS attach every last quarter that rat bastard ever had.

Let your friends know how abjectly pathetic and moronic you've become — register with the narcissistic marxist potus' beneath outhouse contempt campaign registry, and tell your spouse, your kids, family, friends, pets how unimportant and undeserving they are!

C'mawn....give it up to the marxist moron in the White House, so he can keep wiping his feet on the Constitution!  It’s a great way to show how little you realize you are, when compared to the ABJECTLY WORST potus in American history!

Oops...that wasn't supposed to post like that ...*edit*...*edit*.... dammit ...*edit* .. DAMMIT ...*EDIT EDIT EDIT* .... DAMN THE VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY!!!

So send us all of your toasters, bath towels and gravy bowls.  NO, DAMMIT, THAT'S NOT WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO POST HERE!!!  HELP ME, JAY CARNEY, HELP ME HELP ME....*oh wait...that douche nozzle can't even help himself*....DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!  GET THE CONSERVATIVES OUT OF MY "ALL ABOUT ME" REGISTRY!!!

Setting up and sharing your registry page is easy -- *nOBAMA SUX*-- DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pithy Little Marxist Dweebs of George Soros approved this nonsense for the past 3 plus years .... GAWDDAMMIT, WHY WON'T IT LET ME LIE!!!!!

Yawp...Seymour's ROFLwhat-passes-for-hisAO.