Another Pet Rock Edit

My pet rock, Seymour, takes offense when he reads that the current ePa -- using flawed science and statistics for personal gain by such losers as AlGore -- claims to know what the world needs.

Seymour suggests the world needs an end to the ePa.

Well, at least an ePa run by such a corrupt regime as we currently have.

Seymour came across the story that the Oblahblah regime -- yes, that's what my pet rock calls them these days -- what with all the problems domestically and in the world today, was going to target cow farts for reduction.

That set off a *TOING* for Seymour that called for his editing skills in parodious response:

Oblahblah's ePa Takes On Cow Farts To Avoid Harder Targets

As part of its plan to distract and cover up their stumbling and fumbling in ruining the government since '09, the Oblahblah regime is targeting the dairy industry to further reduce their credibility in the world.

This comes despite falling methane emission levels across the economy since 1990 and continual evidence of gross incompetence throughout the Oblahblah regime.

Morons in the Oblahblah regime propose cutting methane emissions from the dairy industry by 25 percent by 2020, a discredited cbs TV show. Although U.S. agriculture only accounts for about 9 percent of the ePa's made up statistics on greenhouse gas emissions, the ePa needs to go after a soft target, because taking on the real emission problems – the BS out of the Oblahblah regime – would get them branded as 'racist'.

“Cows emit a massive amount of methane through belching, with a lesser amount through flatulence,” according to Jay Carney, an expert on the subject of flatulence. “Statistics vary regarding how much methane the average dairy cow expels. Some experts say 100 liters to 200 liters a day… while others say it’s up to 500 liters… a day. In any case, that’s a lot of methane, though not as much as the DNC generates on a daily basis.”

Carney demanded that lamestream servile mediocre outlets scrub that last sentence from their talking points, which pmsnbc and cnn practically wet themselves to do immediately.

“Of all domestic types including undocumented democrats, beef and dairy cattle were by far the largest and easiest targets to go after since they can't vote”, noted the DNC before sanitizing the statement for release to the lamestream servile mediocres..

Granted, the Oblahblah regime would like others to believe that they're going after cow flatulence with the same sense of urgency that they're claiming to have on the US economy, their staggeringly inept hellthscare, and world problems like how to prevent the Russians from threatening Uranus.

Environmentalists have been pushing the Oblahblah regime to crack down on methane emissions for some time, until they realized how much methane was generated by the DNC and Oblahblah regime alone. That's when they began urging Oblahblah's ePa to go after cow farts, instead.

“Oblahblah's plan to reduce his credibility is an important step in making George W. Bush blameable for everything wrong today” Deborah Nardone, drivel director for the Sierra Club’s Keeping Dirty Leftist Lies Alive campaign. “However, even with the most rigorously dishonest controls and stifling of critics in place, we will still fall short of what is needed to fight the truth if we do not reduce the number of conservatives in government.”

“The ePa has been on a witch hunt against the American economy and American people all this time” said an anonymous source within the RNC. “All too often we see the Agency using flawed science for political purposes, but this witch hunt has had some of the biggest witches in history – Hillary, Pelosi, Feinstein, Jackson-Lee, et al – right under their noses with not one spell reversed”.  

 

 

Reaction to that last part of the edit was sought from the office of the former flotus and suckretary of state, with only this in response:

Truth hurts, eh Hill?